Oh, also, this is very important. The guy my mom dated in high school, who shares a name with my unborn son, is now bald. Cannot believe I left out that little nugget of information. Thanks, mom.
@angemtn oh I'm so sorry! And yes, this is totally a ridiculous parents/all family thread. That's so frustrating! Are you going to tell her the sex and the name before he's born? We were team green with my first so obviously had a girl and boy name picked. A month or so before DD was born, we were with some family and my cousin made a comment about "as long as the name isn't X, you'll be fine!" and made a joke about how it rhymed with something and would make him get teased on the playground. It was a totally innocent comment, but it turned out that WAS our boy name and it totally made me reconsider it! Luckily she was a girl so it was a non-issue but still kind of ruined it for me. But that's not as bad as the bs your mom was texting you...
@angemtn Ugh, that is so ridiculous! I'm so sorry your mom was not supportive. When DS was born we told NO ONE his name until after he was out. I have so many family members that would be like "Well that's nice, but what about _____." I have to say, no one criticizes a name when it is already on the birth certificate and they're holding the baby. We are totally doing the same thing this time.
We did tell both sets of parents the gender and name. We got confirmation this morning that we are having a boy! My MIL called and was so sweet, crying happy tears and congratulated us and told us how much she loves the name and the baby. My mom, on the other hand, didn’t even call in response to the ultrasound pic that said it was a boy, and asked why I was mad at her for laughing at “Jack Hammer” since the baby’s full name is “Jaxson James Hammer.” No congratulations or excitement. She just picked a fight. I’m so frustrated, but trying not to let it ruin our happiness. Ugh. Next time we probably won’t tell anyone the name, and I might not tell the gender either. I might not even tell my mom I’m pregnant until I have the baby...
@angemtn ugh, that’s hard. I think some moms just have blinders on when it comes to being sensitive to their adult kid’s lives. It’s like “hey, I’m your mom, I can say what I want!”
Pretty sure I predicted this when I originally posted ranting about my mom, but we finally told her last night we are moving, and she instantly said "I have a storage unit full of furniture that you can have!" I said no thanks, we're good, and she just kept pressing and listing all the shit she has in this storage unit. "Don't you want your white whicker furniture for DD?" Um, no, I don't. She already has bedroom furniture. And she kept being like "it's all really expensive furniture" like that should make me want it more? So finally I'm like if it's so expensive why don't you just sell it and stop paying for storage??? Her response: "well I haven't gotten around to it yet." She hasn't lived in a house with this furniture for 10-15 years, and at this point any house she moves to won't be larger than her current one. She also makes like no money and spends the money she has on pointless shit. Hoarder status. SELL THE DAMN FURNITURE ALREADY.
She also tried to give me a huge plastic bag full of clothes that she said are too big on her now, and she thought I could use them "in my current condition." My mom is not stylish, although she thinks she is. So no mom, I don't want your weird reject clothes while we are in the process of downsizing our wardrobes for the move. Grrrrr. Sorry, rant over
FIL has been here for a week, and it’s been a good visit, but I am so ready for it to be over. He’s woken DD up every morning around 630 (she usually doesn’t get up until 715-730), has asked to go to the casino every day (and managed to go twice), has not put a single dish in the dishwasher, left his laundry for me to do, has said “you are such a good girl” to DD at least a million times but then pouts when she doesn’t want him to hold her or give him a kiss (I don’t force her to show affection to anyone she does not want to), and has just generally complained about pretty much everything. I’m done being a host and am ready to just go back to everyday life.
@meanjellybean he’s not doing it on purpose, but we have a small house and he isn’t quiet. The bathroom he uses is right across the hall from DD and he gets up and showers and generally clangs around in there, which wakes her up. Why he can’t wait to shower until she’s awake, I don’t know!
@kc0711 Omg I would die. I thought you meant he was waking her up to hang out with her! He's waking her by accident and you have to start your day that much earlier?! Gah. Get outta here FIL.
@meanjellybean I can relate - we gave in and took all of my mom’s furniture, and plan to just sell it if/when we need the extra space in our spare bedroom. It’s kind of funny that parents save all kinds of junk “for you.” DH put his foot down and would not take my 1st grade macaroni art projects. 😂🤷♀️
@kc0711 this is a great time for FIL to find his way to the end of his visit. This sounds a lot like when my parents came to visit us this summer, and by the end I was so ready for them to go so I could stop following their trail of gum wrappers and coffee mugs around the house. How is it possible that these people who spent so many years cleaning and chasing after us (as CHILDREN), suddenly forget how hard it is to maintain a household? I would never dream of walking into my in-laws or parents house and NOT cleaning up after myself. Ugh!
@angemtn man, you're dealing with a lot with all the parents! My husband's parents live in Hawaii most of the year, and at almost 20 weeks pregnant, we haven't even told them we're expecting yet! We're actually planning on telling them tonight, because at this point we figured we'd wait until we found out what the sex was. But curious what reaction they'll have!
My MIL was weird about BFing - but mostly because she always wanted to feed the babies, and acted personally offended when I'd take the baby to nurse. I'd honestly be totally fine if she said she didn't want to be around when I was nursing - I always pretended I'm uncomfortable doing it in front of other people with them, so I could go into a room by myself and get a break from them. But totally not cool if you're forced to do that. When DD1 was 7-8 months old, my MIL kept trying to force feed her, until finally I asked if she thought I wasn't feeding her enough or something, and she acted all sad and shook her head no, I wasn't feeding her enough. Then she proceeded to breakdown about how she could only BF her son (my husband) for 3 months, but she was still a good mom, and it was too hard to keep going with work... I was like, "whoa, there's a lot happening here... excuse me while I take my giant, under-nourished baby away from you and go feed her elsewhere..."
And I am so afraid of other peoples' reactions to my babies names that we don't tell anyone the names before birth. But I'd be so mad if they made stupid comments about random names, that are totally reasonable, before they were born or knew what your plans were. Jack is such a nice, normal name, and jackhammer isn't anything weird or bad even if it is an interesting word play thing.
Here's a silly one. One if H's cousins is getting married this summer and her bridal shower is coming up in April. Neither of my SILs can go, but I let slip that I'm available and now I have to go with my MIL. I don't mind but like I won't know anyone else there (and I won't be able to just drink my way through it lol) anyway, the aunt apparently doesn't have my number so she keeps texting my MIL and H about whether I'm coming but she keeps doing it during the workday so I don't have the info on me to respond and I inevitably forget by the end of the day. She just did it again and I'm WFH today so I just grabbed the invite all guilt laced for being a late RSVP....but the RSVP date is March 15!
So naturally I came here to rant before texting her haha
@mehugg hahah something about that whole situation really made me laugh. WTF is with the badgering for the RSVP? And I've totally been there where I remember I need to do something but then when I get home where the information is, I've completely forgotten.
Here's my dumb one... my in-laws came over on Saturday to do cake for DD's bday which was last week. Since she was born, they've been saying how they need to get a car seat for their car. Over and over, we have told them that they don't. They never need to pick her up from daycare, and we don't leave her with them at their house except for when we go away overnight, in which case it's pretty easy to just install our car seat into their car (this has happened exactly once in her life). A couple of months ago, my MIL brought it up again about what kind to get etc, and I told her again they didn't need one. Well they came over on Saturday and she was like "oh don't worry, I got a carseat and had it installed in my backseat." Whyyyyyyyy. And now she will use this to passive aggressively make us feel guilty about never having occasion to use it, because that's what they've done with everything else. Whatever. They also got DD this super creepy baby doll that MIL insisted she needed since she's going to be a big sister and I know she was upset when DD opened it but was too scared to touch it. I'm a terrible person and it made me laugh a little inside lol.
A mild one that's ironic because I was telling my MIL about this thread and and she was like "oh fun, I'll try to say something crazy!" Last night we did family video chat (H & I, his two siblings and their spouses, MIL/FIL) and as soon as I hop on the call MIL is like "show us the baby!" And I was like...you mean my stomach? I had sent SIL a photo earlier in the week and apparently she had shared the news
At this juncture I was in a sweatshirt and a nightgown/no pants so it was a pretty firm no, also MIL doesn't really know that I've been sensitive about weight gain/looking more porky the pregnant/etc. I ended up sending my good belly photo to the group chat which seemed to suffice lol.
@meanjellybean hahahahah that creepy baby doll story is awesome. also, wtf, dont waste money on a car seat MIL....completely unnecessary.
married to DH on March 15, 2018 TTC since May 2018 dx: PCOS, hypothroidism tx: timed intercourse with meds (dexa, clomid, letrozole, metformin, trigger shots)
First TTGP: 5/9/19 BFN, 6/21/19 BFN, 7/29/19 BFN, 8/1/19 started a break from tx, 11/16/19 surprised with a BFP! LO born 7/7/20 Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
@meanjellybean omg! The car seat! We told DH's parents they didn't need a car seat when DD was born but they got one anyway ::eye roll:: The MOST they'd need is a base. So, they wasted $200 on a Britax bucket seat they never even took out of the box b/c we hardly trust them to watch her at the house. Much less watch her enough to need to drive her around. They're not even on the daycare list as approved to pick her up b/c FIL would TOTALLY just show up, take her and then text us later to let us know.
I'd have totally laughed to myself over the creepy doll
@blaf322 omg they bought a whole entire bucket seat?? Insert facepalm emoji lol. Wowwww. And good call on being selective on the pickup list, I did the same thing leaving my mom off the list because I was worried she'd pull some psycho move someday and try and pick her up... no way. But seriously, the ONLY time I could see them needing a car seat in the foreseeable future would be when I go into labor with this baby, and even so, we'd probably just have them come watch DD at our house so she isn't as thrown off by our absence. I don't know. Or DH could quickly install his seat in their car. Oh well, doesn't matter now!
@angemtn I mean, at least they're offering to leave when you're nursing instead of expecting you to go hide somewhere, but I agree, the attitude behind the whole thing is ridiculous. Yes, please try to plan every time your newborn is going to want to nurse so you don't offend their delicate sensibilities - as their dog poops in your house. Sorry about the name drama with your mom, too.
And ah yes, car seats. We bought one for my MIL because she was watching DD1 once a week. She started taking it out of her car all the time and never reinstalled it correctly, so I made her let me check it every time I dropped off DD1. We eventually just took it back. (She doesn't watch DD2). When DD1 was much smaller, she also bought a random used car seat (!) that MH promptly asked her to get rid of. She means well, but she's not exactly safety conscious.
2/13 Blighted ovum, D&C -- 6/13 MC -- 8/14 DD born -- 3/17 MC -- 9/18 DD2 born Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20
the ILs buying stuff they don't need reminded me.... MIL also bought a used PNP so that DD could... I don't know.... spend the night at their house (not happening until she's much too old to use one)? Anyway, they still have it set up in their entryway and it's just a catch all for toys they have at their house (but never let DD take with her if she loves them b/c FIL wants her to like stuff at their house... even though we hardly go over there) again ::eye roll::
My in laws have bought everything for DD. They have a pack n play at their house here and in Florida, they have a car seat, she bought a crib (because she thought DD was too big for the PnP), and a used stroller lol. I was with her when she bought the stroller and was like "well when you're watching her we won't need the stroller so we can just leave it with you".. she bought it anyway. My MIL also has more toys for DD then I do. They have gotten use out of most of it (except the stroller), they keep DD overnight often (bless them). She's just a bit extra lol.
Re: The in-law thread
Ugh, that is so ridiculous! I'm so sorry your mom was not supportive. When DS was born we told NO ONE his name until after he was out. I have so many family members that would be like "Well that's nice, but what about _____." I have to say, no one criticizes a name when it is already on the birth certificate and they're holding the baby. We are totally doing the same thing this time.
My mom, on the other hand, didn’t even call in response to the ultrasound pic that said it was a boy, and asked why I was mad at her for laughing at “Jack Hammer” since the baby’s full name is “Jaxson James Hammer.” No congratulations or excitement. She just picked a fight. I’m so frustrated, but trying not to let it ruin our happiness. Ugh.
Next time we probably won’t tell anyone the name, and I might not tell the gender either. I might not even tell my mom I’m pregnant until I have the baby...
She also tried to give me a huge plastic bag full of clothes that she said are too big on her now, and she thought I could use them "in my current condition." My mom is not stylish, although she thinks she is. So no mom, I don't want your weird reject clothes while we are in the process of downsizing our wardrobes for the move. Grrrrr. Sorry, rant over
@meanjellybean in your current condition
@kc0711 this is a great time for FIL to find his way to the end of his visit. This sounds a lot like when my parents came to visit us this summer, and by the end I was so ready for them to go so I could stop following their trail of gum wrappers and coffee mugs around the house. How is it possible that these people who spent so many years cleaning and chasing after us (as CHILDREN), suddenly forget how hard it is to maintain a household? I would never dream of walking into my in-laws or parents house and NOT cleaning up after myself. Ugh!
My MIL was weird about BFing - but mostly because she always wanted to feed the babies, and acted personally offended when I'd take the baby to nurse. I'd honestly be totally fine if she said she didn't want to be around when I was nursing - I always pretended I'm uncomfortable doing it in front of other people with them, so I could go into a room by myself and get a break from them. But totally not cool if you're forced to do that. When DD1 was 7-8 months old, my MIL kept trying to force feed her, until finally I asked if she thought I wasn't feeding her enough or something, and she acted all sad and shook her head no, I wasn't feeding her enough. Then she proceeded to breakdown about how she could only BF her son (my husband) for 3 months, but she was still a good mom, and it was too hard to keep going with work... I was like, "whoa, there's a lot happening here... excuse me while I take my giant, under-nourished baby away from you and go feed her elsewhere..."
And I am so afraid of other peoples' reactions to my babies names that we don't tell anyone the names before birth. But I'd be so mad if they made stupid comments about random names, that are totally reasonable, before they were born or knew what your plans were. Jack is such a nice, normal name, and jackhammer isn't anything weird or bad even if it is an interesting word play thing.
So naturally I came here to rant before texting her haha
Here's my dumb one... my in-laws came over on Saturday to do cake for DD's bday which was last week. Since she was born, they've been saying how they need to get a car seat for their car. Over and over, we have told them that they don't. They never need to pick her up from daycare, and we don't leave her with them at their house except for when we go away overnight, in which case it's pretty easy to just install our car seat into their car (this has happened exactly once in her life). A couple of months ago, my MIL brought it up again about what kind to get etc, and I told her again they didn't need one. Well they came over on Saturday and she was like "oh don't worry, I got a carseat and had it installed in my backseat." Whyyyyyyyy. And now she will use this to passive aggressively make us feel guilty about never having occasion to use it, because that's what they've done with everything else. Whatever. They also got DD this super creepy baby doll that MIL insisted she needed since she's going to be a big sister and I know she was upset when DD opened it but was too scared to touch it. I'm a terrible person and it made me laugh a little inside lol.
At this juncture I was in a sweatshirt and a nightgown/no pants so it was a pretty firm no, also MIL doesn't really know that I've been sensitive about weight gain/looking more porky the pregnant/etc. I ended up sending my good belly photo to the group chat which seemed to suffice lol.
dx: PCOS, hypothroidism
Second TTGP: started meds for first cycle of tx on 10/13/21
They're not even on the daycare list as approved to pick her up b/c FIL would TOTALLY just show up, take her and then text us later to let us know.
I'd have totally laughed to myself over the creepy doll
And ah yes, car seats. We bought one for my MIL because she was watching DD1 once a week. She started taking it out of her car all the time and never reinstalled it correctly, so I made her let me check it every time I dropped off DD1. We eventually just took it back. (She doesn't watch DD2). When DD1 was much smaller, she also bought a random used car seat (!) that MH promptly asked her to get rid of. She means well, but she's not exactly safety conscious.
Expecting again -- EDD 7/27/20