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July 2020 Moms
meanjellybean
member
The in-law thread
meanjellybean
member
Please tell us your in-law (or family in general, genetics don't discriminate on crazy!) horror stories from this pregnancy and beyond. Almost everyone has one - and if you don't, just count yourself lucky and enjoy reading!
Re: The in-law thread
(Pretty sure I already shared this story on here, but when MH told her DD was a girl, her response was "that's okay." ....to paint the full picture, she had just been born because we didn't find out sex last time. Your granddaughter just came into the world and all you can muster is "that's okay"?!)
I could have died. My parents met DH step mother, but not his mother at the time. My dad just went ‘ohhhhkay’ and walked away. She also tried to give a speech but one our friends pretty much tackled her.
This is why they're not allowed to watch DD often. MIL knows he does these things but won't speak up and he isn't safe... so they miss out on the chance to see her when we have plans because they can't be trusted.
When I started dating my DH his brother used to come to kayak with us all the time, fishing, boating, etc. For like 7-8 months we saw him.every week. Then he started dating my husband's ex. My husband said we wouldn't EVER be around her, and his brother blamed me for that. Not the fact that this lady cheated on my husband years ago and spread rumors about him at work after he ghosted her or anything. It was obviously my fault. Then his brother and the brothers girlfriend started saying bunch or lies about me to my husband family. And rather than argue about it, we just refuse to associate with them. At first it really hurt because I genuinely liked his brother and his family, but they adore this lady. His mkm.amd sister go black Friday shopping with her, tag her in photos all the time on FB, etc. But we haven't seen his mom or sister since our wedding in June. His sister has been a super twat about my kids/her kids since we started dating. She flips out on DH when he doesnt respond to her group texts immediately and says that all he cares about is his new family, and that's bullshit because we aren't even his blood. (Her words) His sister stopped speaking to us because we didn't personally tell her about *tw* our mc in September. *tw* Also, his brother is an alcoholic and drug addict. Which I didnt know until after we stopped spending time with him. He also cheated on this girlfriend with my sister right after they started dating and had lied to my sister about him seeing anyone at that time. We all had spent a weekend together (before he told ANY of us he was dating husband's ex) and he hooked up with my sister. They are just straight up trash.
A lot of other issues too... she also flat out rejected all safety guidelines / requests I made of her when watching DD1 (giving her a pillow and blanket to sleep with as an 8-week-old, trying to feed her oatmeal with honey in it at 7 months, generally trying to force-feed her sooo much age-inappropriate stuff all the time...). So she just never got to watch DD2 at all, until she was at least 1 year old.
My FIL is actually really chill and very safety-conscious, but kind of lets my MIL call all the shots. It's a lot to deal with.
@stlbuckeye132 do we have the same MIL? At 10w, she started calling our baby “little baby boy” and at our gender reveal starting screaming that it’s a boy before my mom could even see the cake. She also stood up blocking my entire family’s view and when I turned to hug and kiss DH, she rushed both of us interrupting our moment.
@blf722 I almost peed myself laughing!
@moodle3478 you win this thread. My SIL is absolutely insane too. From the first time I met her she’s been awful. She deliberately changes the conversation to ones I can’t follow and ignored me. The last straw was when we left my in laws one Christmas to go to my family’s. As we got ready to leave, she told us that we should start bringing two cars so just I can leave. The next day she also told me I’ll be a terribly mother. This was three years ago and this is our first! We tolerate her at family stuff but that’s it. So thankful DH has my back and sees her for what she is.
I'll start with more light hearted stories. We told them that we were expecting really early, like 7-8 weeks. Before we told them, DH wanted to join me in not drinking solidarity (his volition). We presented it as the next step along my health/fertility journey at the time and my FIL told me I was robbing his precious baby boy of his favorite thing in the whole world, beer. Zero empathy! Then, two weeks later when we told them, he claimed to have known the whole time and proceeded to insist the whole family listen to a song called "pregnant women are smug." Thanks for the support and celebration....
So the more serious side is my MIL and FIL are most likely going to get a divorce. There's a lot of baggage there I won't get into but we've been on this path for FIVE YEARS. We've been in this weird limbo waiting for MIL to make a move for the longest time (she's the one who wants the divorce). The big thing holding them back right now is the house, which they finally put on the market in the fall. (In a beach town. When nobody is looking to buy. But I digress.) If/when the house sells, they'll separate. But until then, they live their whole lives together. They commute together every day. They go to social events. They bring the family together. It's super unhealthy and the dynamics are weird. my younger BIL has said he doesn't want to be around it anymore, younger SIL moved away the moment she got a chance. FIL is really needy as a result and now that I'm pregnant I'm working on carving out boundaries.
On the topic of grandparents not following parents wishes, they're preemptively driving me crazy as I observe them engage with my nephew. He's a bad sleeper and has had some food issues, and they throw all sleep schedules and food guidelines out the window "so that he LOVES grandpa's house" - they know they're doing it!!! I already know I won't be able to stand for it.
My ILs are pretty great, the only thing that has happened that was at all boo-worthy was FIL noticed I was not drinking about 72 hours after I had found out I was pregnant and made inappropriate jokes about it (he apologized the next day without prompting and then when H and I told them was even more apologetic). They are definitely funny/kooky people though!
So I remember back when DS was around 2 months maybe.... DH and I were bathing our little one (yes, both of us, cause we were newbies and I was terrified of doing it myself because I was convinced that I would end up dropping or drowning our baby
When we were done he realized someone called, called her back and she was crying!!! and super mad because she told him that we (at this point I think she blamed only me) didn't wanted her to see the baby and that's why we didn't opened the door, DH explained what we were doing and that we didn't heard.... I could hear her yelling and saying that she have left a gift outside... Such a drama over one simple thing.... after all the drama she came back and I was really shocked... she acted like a teenager.... DH was like can you come down so that she can see the baby... I gave him the "are you serious" look.... I was like: "No, I'm nursing him, after he eats, she can see him, and no, she can't wake him up...."
After that nothing else surprises me... luckily this time BIL is also expecting so I am praying that they get all the attention...
Also, DH has to call or text her daily or she gets annoyed and plays the victim saying her boys don't care about her.....
Comeeeee on.... I am an only daughter and my parents never freak out or tell me that I don't love them if I don't call them in 2 days...
Your MIL sounds BSC.
Fast forward to DD's birth, and then the next day her needing emergency GI surgery. I am the first to admit I was wound up a little tight after going through all that and clearly wanted to do every possible thing that I could to protect her and keep her healthy. The next day, we asked her neonatologist about the flu shot, explained the ILs were planning to come visit in a couple weeks, one hadn't gotten it, it's the end of the season, if she were in our shoes, what would she do? She recommended he still get it since having undergone surgery her immune system is a bit more suppressed than normal.
So that night as we were leaving the hospital to go home, MH calls FIL and relays the information and asks him to please go get the flu shot the next day. "I've never gotten the damn flu shot in my life and I'm not going to start now." "Not even to protect your brand new granddaughter who just underwent surgery yesterday?" "No." At that point, MH just hung up on him because he was so pissed and didn't want to go off on him for being such a selfish a-hole. When we got home, MH got a text from FIL (who has literally not sent a single text in his life before this point) that said, "YOU DONT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT THE DAMN FLU SHOT BECAUSE IM NOT COMING TO VISIT ANYMORE."
Oh I'm so mad just reliving this! But that really showed his true colors that he couldn't put aside his own shit for the sake of DD's health. So the ILs didn't meet DD for a couple months.
Sorry that got so long! I'm clearly still bitter about this.
my husbands grandmother (mother of crazy MIL) used to visit us a lot because she’s 4 hours away. She would come and watch DS once in a while.
And that’s why her daughter is the way she is.
ETA: @mrs_sheddy I think she was about 2 months old when they met her.
@stlbuckeye132 holy shit, your FIL. Like this is the hill you want to die on, getting the flu shot?? Blows my mind.
@blaf322 people bringing their own food to restaurants mortifies me! I'd be so stressed every time we went out to eat if my FIL had a tendency to do that.
@mayisch oh the dreaded unannounced in-law pop-in... and then making you seem like the bad guy... that's def something my mom and MIL would do (and has done). They both have used the "well I just have a present for DD" excuse that makes me look like the asshole if I say no. Grrrrrr.
@bluguitarhannah if it were a contest for worst in-laws, pretty sure you win. That is some heinous bullshit and the fact that you see them once a year sounds like more than enough.
@mehugg that dynamic sounds super awkward for everybody involved! Definitely a good time for boundaries.
@modoodles wow. Just wow. That really is something you would watch on tv, except it's your reality. My condolences on your draw in the in-law lottery lol.
I know I missed people. Hope we can keep this thread going as people remember more bonkers shit their family does/did. My in-laws are generally very sweet and well-intentioned people, but they live close by and are can be a bit overbearing. It all comes from a good place but they are obsessed with DD (only grandchild) and my MIL makes comments all the time about not seeing her enough, how DD (almost 2) doesn't remember her, etc. They see her probably twice a month. And whenever we have to leave or they have to leave, MIL cries. It's a little ridiculous. They also used to be very pushy about watching her and really didn't understand the fact that I was breastfeeding. Like when I was still on maternity leave even, they would basically push me out the door if I was leaving DD there for an hour or so to run an errand. They'd be like "go out for the day, come back tonight, we don't mind!" And in my head I'm like soooo I'm going to be pumping every two hours at home without my baby when my maternity leave is drawing to a close? No thanks. They were always obsessed with wanting to give her a bottle and when she got a little bigger, feed her food. Just calm down! And they still just revert to baby talk whenever they see her, even though she's almost 2 and doesn't need to be "goo-goo gah-gah'd" anymore. I'm reallyyyyy hoping my SIL gets pregnant soon (they apparently were going to start trying) because SIL and MIL are extremely close, like co-dependent close, and that will surely shift some attention that way. Which I think everyone would appreciate! Win-win!
We haven't told them we are moving yet, and honestly we are putting it off because I know my MIL will cry. It will be like 15 minutes further from them, but still, they thought they were too far from us at our current place (like 5-10 minute drive), and were looking at condos to try and be even CLOSER. Now we are moving to the burbs and there isn't a condo in sight lol. Some time later I'll post about my mom, who is the actual crazy parent. But figured I'd start with the in-laws.
She's a straight up narcissist but a smart one who knows how to disguise herself pretty well, so she's only "slipped up" a few times. Once was when she had divorced her third husband and had started dating her second husband again. I must have been in high school, and was not cool with this. I forget what I said to her about it but her response was something like "well you're not going to be around much longer, so I need to think about myself." Cool, thanks mom.
Inside, I know she is super bitter about how her life turned out compared to my dad's since their divorce. My dad got remarried to my step-mom when I was like 7 and they've been together ever since and have a great partnership. My mom has had one failed career and failed relationship after another left in her wake, but she's extremely superficial and won't let on about her true financial or personal status. When I was growing up, she used to try and turn me against my dad so I would favor her (which worked, since I was a CHILD). Luckily I was eventually able to see that my dad was the one who was doing the true parenting and that she was just being an awful person, and my dad and I have a great relationship. Meanwhile, my mom tells everyone how she and I have this fantastic relationship but in reality I made the decision years ago to keep her at an arms distance, and to be honest I worry about my kids spending too much time with her as well. She has always been a "stuff = love" kind of person and no matter how many times I've told her to stop giving us random cheap shit, she will never stop. I currently have a trash bag of clothes she claims she bought for DD but none have tags on them and some seem kind of dirty and worn so I think she just picked them up somewhere or got them through some kind of free exchange thing. Which there is nothing wrong with, but she doesn't need clothes and don't lie about it! She has storage units full of shit that she's constantly trying to unload on us. Ugh, enough therapy session for now lol sorry.
@modoodles wow, I'm really sorry you went through that, and I'm honestly baffled at your counselor's response. I'm glad you've established boundaries with her to protect yourself and your family.