Most of the way packed for our stand-in babymoon, aka a 17-hour family car trip to a work conference for DH. Looking forward to a change of pace + some pretty desert scenery. Probably won't be around much for the next 10 days or so, though, so have a safe + healthy + happy-as-possible week, everyone!
Is it bad that I get annoyed when I check the registries I was FORCED to make and not one item has been bought? I know there is still time but Ugh! @harveyisaboysname Wow! That's impressive! Kudos to you for collecting it!
I sent out reminders to my guests now and then.
I agree with @tumblefluff. Most of what was bought off mine wasn't until the week of the shower, and several people bought things off our registry from somewhere else so it never got marked Purchased, but it was.
I need advice. I feel like I got nicely asked to quit today.
I had the 2yr old and 6yr old today. The 6yr old started getting a serious attitude and I wasn’t having it ( I’m always being scolded that I’m not hard enough on the kids). Anyway for the millionth time today the 6yr old whines that she’s bored. I reply with “ hey, I’m not obligated to entertain you every second of today. Find something to do while I finish laundry” and she reply’s back “ how much is my mom paying you?”. I tell her “ nothing, I choose to be here” she throws huge attitude and closes herself in her closet with her iPad. The mom walks in and asks what’s going on and goes talks to her. Mom then walks out and says that I seem burnt out and wants me to tell her when my breaking point is and she will figure things out from there. To me that sounds like she wants me to go but doesn’t want to be the one to say it. I love having something to do during the day and I love the kids ( even when they’re telling me that they hate me and want me to go home). Should I just resign early since it seems like the kids are done with me? Or should I stick out this weird situation until I pop?
@harveyisaboysname I don’t really have any advice for you. But I will say, from a mom perspective, I would want to feel like my child and the caregiver were mostly happy with each other. And I definitely wouldn’t want my kid holed up in a closet with her iPad (in fact, that is totally against the rules at my house - we control screen time pretty tightly).
And speaking of controlling screen time - I feel like I’m majorly winning at momming tonight even though my husband is gone. Admittedly I did do a fastfood burger and fries for his dinner, plus got an extra burger patty for his lunch tomorrow. But he’s spent the entire evening just doing water play in his sensory table since we got home- no TV! Yay! Plus super easy for me. Big win
totally get it. Yea I brought my daughter today because her and my daughter are friends and they were having a great time until the little girl started getting “ bored” my daughter kept asking her to play but instead the little girl wanted to watch movies on her iPad and complain ( they don’t have screentime limits) and the 6yr old kind of runs things. I did a spa day with the girls with a face mask and they did each other’s nails and gave each other back rubs. we played American girl dolls where I was the dance instructor for their dolls. We went grocery shopping and each kid got to pick out a treat. We colored. I had both girls read me a book in their reading level to keep them engaged while on school break, but I also had to do laundry because their cleaners come tomorrow and everything needs to be put away before they are there. I feel like a 6yr old is fully capable of entertaining themselves for a half hour while I fold clothes. My daughter went outside and rode a bike around the backyard and played with their dog. The 6yr old could have joined in but instead wanted to have an attitude because I wasn’t giving her constant attention and because of that I got called burnt out. Idk thinking more about that conversation I think I’ll just go in tomorrow and let them know it’s beat that we part ways. I can focus more on my skincare business until the baby comes.
@harveyisaboysname I'm so sorry that happened. That kid sounds like a brat. I'm not sure how I would have taken that from the mom either. I tend to overthink everything and look too far into stuff so I won't be any help here haha. Go with your gut. Hopefully a good sleep tonight will give you some clarity and you can make your decision tomorrow.
Me: 31 H: 36 L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@harveyisaboysname hmm. I mean, I probably would have preferred you make some suggestions: color, read, dress up, fold laundry with me, clean up your room, plan an adventure, whatever. And then been perfectly fine with you keeping an eye on the closed closet door while my child throws a snit fit.
I, as the parent, would also be wary of how truthful my mid-snit fit kid is being and would not demand a resignation over it. Hence a soft opening of “if you’re having trouble handling this, let me know and I’ve got it.”
Why is this so hard? I’ve been with them for a little over 2 years and it’s always been great until recently. They’re like family so I don’t even know what to say to quit which is probably exactly how the mom feels which explains that super confusing comment from her.
@harveyisaboysname I’d be more upset that the mom was so quick to jump to conclusions. If my daughter came to me saying the same thing, I would first ask the adult what their version is. Not to say I wouldn’t believe my daughter (because I would) but a 6 year old has a much different perspective than an adult who has been a constant in her life for a couple years. Before you tell them you’re going to quit, I would also give the mom a chance to talk and for you to also explain what the rest of your day with the girls had been like. She may apologize for how she reacted.
@harveyisaboysname@rennie1108 Right I really wouldnt mind off registry gifts I'm super grateful for anything. I think my annoyance stems from the fact that I didn't even want to make a registry I was forced. Sorry for the overwhelming gray lol! Also @harveyisaboysname wow I'm so sensitive that I probably would have cried. I think the mom could have handled that way better! I'm sorry.
@harveyisaboysname I hope you didn't lose too much sleep over your situation at work! I can understand stress coming from that short conversation. It seemed to me like Mom went right to DD to ask what happened rather than hearing from both of you. Kids just don't have a full grasp on situations like that so I hope she didn't come to a conclusion based solely on what her DD may have said to her in the closet. I would feel ready to leave with that attitude from the child, honestly. I fully understand loving someone else's child like your own, but this far in your pregnancy do you really need her attitude when Mom is letting her call the shots at home anyway? The 6 y.o. could become increasingly spiteful and drive your stress up to encourage you to leave. She undermined you by asking what Mom pays you IMO. If that behavior doesn't bother her parents, you might not get anywhere with a conversation with her mother on encouraging her daughter to be more polite towards you. I might try to stick it out for another month or whatever you've got left just so the girl doesn't feel like she "won." But if your family can manage without the finances, I would also be open to resigning, or asking the mother for clarity on what she intendes to say when she said "_________."
My pregnancy has made it harder for me to be patient with kids at work. I can't move around as well, I'm exhausted, and I just can't take disobedience with the same degree of patience I used to.
Can anyone tell me why cervical checks are done at every appointment at 36 weeks+? I don't understand the need if it doesn't indicate the probability of labor in x amount of time, especially if the OBs think I will go past my due date anyways. Has anyone refused cervical checks the first couple weeks? Should I let my cervix be checked even though I'm a FTM with no complications and baby has measured small? I think 38 weeks is a better time to start being checked. Just wondering why it's done so early and what it's good for. Thanks in advance
@harveyisaboysname What was your reply to the mother when she said that you seemed burned out? Do you think that she is basing that conclusion on more than just that isolated episode or is she jumping to conclusions? I would be offended in your situation and would likely just part ways if I could afford it, because that does seem like a passive invitation to quit and also, you're the adult, you've been with them for two years and she makes that comment after speaking to her 6 year-old, but not you? If this is a household that is run by the child, it probably wouldn't matter what you had to say anyway, but geeze. I can't imagine making that comment as a parent without truly understanding the situation.
@mighty_montgomery - For me the cervical checks weren't painful ( i know they are for some) so I see no harm in doing it. Cervical checks can show them if you are dilated and how your cervix looks so they do get an idea of you body is gearing up for labor. There is no way your OB knows you will go past your due date, except that many FTMs do but some come early too.
Me: 32 DH: 31
TTC #2 since January 2018
Baby #1 DD Born 8/25/2016 BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@mighty_montgomery you can absolutely refuse. I didn't refuse last time, but had I had a normal pregnancy this time I would have probably refused until at least 38/39 weeks. As far as I can recall, there is not evidence-based reason for checking if you aren't post-dates yet. If you were planning for an induction they may want to check to see if you are progressing at all on your own, and obviously once you're post-dates it's good to know as well. There is a slight chance that it may introduce infection. Also, they just suck in general ha. I got one on Tuesday and then they offered to let the resident there observing try as well and she THANKFULLY declined because my cervix is still WAAAY up there.
@mighty_montgomery you don't have to do them, it's just a way to gage if you're in the beginning stages of labor. I believe last time, my OB checked me at 36 weeks and since I was high, closed and not a dang thing happening, I believe I refused them because they were uncomfortable/painful for me.
@mighty_montgomery yes you can refuse. Unless you have other complications they’re not necessary until you’re in labor. And even then you can choose to have less cervical checks if you want. @MRDCle ugh I had a resident check me with my first and it was awful and painful! I vowed to never again
Another note on cervical checks - they could check you one week and you could be a 2 and 50% effaced and it could mean NOTHING. You can walk around after starting to dilate and efface for weeks without change/labor. So it's really up to you unless there are extenuating circumstances.
@mighty_montgomery I second what everyone else said, you can absolutely refuse them. I don't plan on getting them until the very end (if then). I was induced at 37 weeks last time, and my doctor didn't do a cervical check before then - I think she might have asked me if I wanted one at my 36 week apt, and I asked if they were necessary, and when she said they weren't then I declined it. Once I got to the hospital they insisted on doing them regularly, and I found them extremely painful until I was basically about to deliver. The only one i didn't find painful was the one where I was actually ready to push (but, I was only 1cm dilated until less than 3 hours before the baby came out of my body, so there were no checks between 1cm and 'oh holy crap you're having the baby now').
I don’t think I had one till 39 weeks last time and also had my membranes swept then. Last time I was all about keeping her in as long as possible and the topic of induction didn’t come up till 39+. This time I know the plan is to induce somewhere around 38-39 so any progress I can help along to possibly go on my own I’m taking.
But without those circumstances I wouldn’t bother till at least 38 weeks. It can be uncomfortable and it doesn’t actually mean your going into labor since you can walk around dilated for weeks before delivery. You have the option to refuse any test/procedure you don’t want. You could also ask them if they have a reason for starting them then aside from just general informational curiosity.
this is my backup acct. prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014 BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
FWIW, the GBS swab isn't that bad - its just awkward and a little embarrassing. Everyone said "they swab your butthole," which is totally true. But it's not like they're sticking the swab up in there and rubbing it around. It's like a quick swipe. I checked with my OB when she does it (36/37 weeks), that way I don't take my husband to that appointment. He does not need to see that.
@MRDCle I don't think you can get out of the butt swab unless maybe you go in to early emergency labor (but then I bet they do it at the hospital) or maybe have a c-section? Because GBS can be super dangerous to the baby, and it's basically something that everyone has all the time, it's more the extent to which you are "colonized" at any given point in time. Sometimes your GBS colony is really strong, other times you don't have much of it in your system. But it's basically floating around in the air all the time and everyone has a strong likelihood of having it at any given point in time. And giving antibiotics during birth is a super easy way to avoid very serious complications from it for your baby.
Now that I'm thinking about it, I think it was the nurse that said it's a vaginal swab. I don't think I talked to my midwife about it. So who knows, maybe I'll get the butt, too!
@professormama with PPROM at 26 weeks, GBS swab was part of their “oh shit, imminent labor, do this now” checklist. So yeah, it’s supposed to be universal. And I bet they even test you and baby if you give birth in the car on the way to the hospital.
@MRDCle Lol.. my OB’s office has a diagram printout of the GBS swab procedure in all of the bathrooms where we give our urine samples. They try to head off the docs forgetting to tell us!
@stefanielyn1991 It’s a really quick, fairly noninvasive swab. GBS can be pretty gnarly for the baby, so while you’re within your rights to refuse it, it might be worth the brief indignity to consider the test. A lot of people have a positive test. Maybe your office would just give antibiotics at delivery if they’re not able to test you, but it’s also better to avoid those if they’re unnecessary.
So after being super emotional about my work situation yesterday and not getting any sleep I’ve decided that I’m just going to power through the next month but have a serious conversation with the mom today about the attitude I’ve been getting. This morning I had the kids sit on the couch and we read stories because the cleaners were coming ( so we couldn’t make a mess) and we had a half hour until the play date I scheduled them. The 6yr old got an attitude again about that and said “ you shouldn’t have anymore kids because you can’t handle them.” Definitely bringing it to the moms attention and she can do with it as she pleases.
Re: Randoms w/o 2/18
BFP: 1/26/20 | EDD: 9/20/20
@blueberrymomma fx the whole house gets healthy quickly. That is too many people feeling crappy at once!
I agree with @tumblefluff. Most of what was bought off mine wasn't until the week of the shower, and several people bought things off our registry from somewhere else so it never got marked Purchased, but it was.
Should I just resign early since it seems like the kids are done with me? Or should I stick out this weird situation until I pop?
And speaking of controlling screen time - I feel like I’m majorly winning at momming tonight even though my husband is gone. Admittedly I did do a fastfood burger and fries for his dinner, plus got an extra burger patty for his lunch tomorrow. But he’s spent the entire evening just doing water play in his sensory table since we got home- no TV! Yay! Plus super easy for me. Big win
I did a spa day with the girls with a face mask and they did each other’s nails and gave each other back rubs.
we played American girl dolls where I was the dance instructor for their dolls. We went grocery shopping and each kid got to pick out a treat. We colored. I had both girls read me a book in their reading level to keep them engaged while on school break, but I also had to do laundry because their cleaners come tomorrow and everything needs to be put away before they are there. I feel like a 6yr old is fully capable of entertaining themselves for a half hour while I fold clothes. My daughter went outside and rode a bike around the backyard and played with their dog. The 6yr old could have joined in but instead wanted to have an attitude because I wasn’t giving her constant attention and because of that I got called burnt out.
Idk thinking more about that conversation I think I’ll just go in tomorrow and let them know it’s beat that we part ways. I can focus more on my skincare business until the baby comes.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
I, as the parent, would also be wary of how truthful my mid-snit fit kid is being and would not demand a resignation over it. Hence a soft opening of “if you’re having trouble handling this, let me know and I’ve got it.”
Also @harveyisaboysname wow I'm so sensitive that I probably would have cried. I think the mom could have handled that way better! I'm sorry.
It seemed to me like Mom went right to DD to ask what happened rather than hearing from both of you. Kids just don't have a full grasp on situations like that so I hope she didn't come to a conclusion based solely on what her DD may have said to her in the closet.
I would feel ready to leave with that attitude from the child, honestly. I fully understand loving someone else's child like your own, but this far in your pregnancy do you really need her attitude when Mom is letting her call the shots at home anyway? The 6 y.o. could become increasingly spiteful and drive your stress up to encourage you to leave. She undermined you by asking what Mom pays you IMO. If that behavior doesn't bother her parents, you might not get anywhere with a conversation with her mother on encouraging her daughter to be more polite towards you.
I might try to stick it out for another month or whatever you've got left just so the girl doesn't feel like she "won." But if your family can manage without the finances, I would also be open to resigning, or asking the mother for clarity on what she intendes to say when she said "_________."
My pregnancy has made it harder for me to be patient with kids at work. I can't move around as well, I'm exhausted, and I just can't take disobedience with the same degree of patience I used to.
Thanks in advance
BFP: 1/26/20 | EDD: 9/20/20
BFP: 8/11/18 Due: 4/26/18
@MRDCle ugh I had a resident check me with my first and it was awful and painful! I vowed to never again
But without those circumstances I wouldn’t bother till at least 38 weeks. It can be uncomfortable and it doesn’t actually mean your going into labor since you can walk around dilated for weeks before delivery. You have the option to refuse any test/procedure you don’t want. You could also ask them if they have a reason for starting them then aside from just general informational curiosity.
prevously helloblueeyes
Me:32 DH:33 Married:04/2012 DD:07/2014
BFP 8/14/2018 #2 due 4/18/2019
And FYI for FTMs. Coming up soon is also the GBS Swab. They will swab your butthole. Be ready.
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
H: 36
L & N twin girls: 3yo. Born at 30 weeks. 2 month NICU stay
BFP Aug 2018: EDD April 2019
@stefanielyn1991 It’s a really quick, fairly noninvasive swab. GBS can be pretty gnarly for the baby, so while you’re within your rights to refuse it, it might be worth the brief indignity to consider the test. A lot of people have a positive test. Maybe your office would just give antibiotics at delivery if they’re not able to test you, but it’s also better to avoid those if they’re unnecessary.