DH is shore duty at a training command so he has a really great group of people he works with that go out of their way to help. I'm sure there would be someone he can ask. So that is a thought. I didn't even think about.
I'm mostly worried because with DS, my parents came into town 3 weeks early, they had planned to visit other areas of FL and be within a few hours drive. I ended up going into labor the day they came in, so 3 weeks early. Water broke so the hospital wanted me there ASAP and didn't want me to labor at home. Then labor only took 12 hours.
I’m kind of freaking out about this myself. I have an aunt in Los Angeles, but it’s still gonna be a couple hours if she can even come, and everyone else is thousands of miles away. I gotta go make some friends 😂. It’s been hard moving here and not knowing anyone, on top of being a serious introvert.
Oh plus also, even if I can get someone here, my son has never gone more than 5 hours without me. If he’s still nursing, I can’t go more than 5 hours without him. And he sleeps right next to me. I.... I do not know what Im going to do. I want him to just stay with me, but I don’t think they allow it, at least not overnight.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I second @wearyfuzzball...I've defiantly been looking in the mirror pushing this gut out a time or two. TBH i want a small belly to pop so I can be like look I'm pregnant I didn't randomly gain weight (this is vain brain)
@wearyfuzzball I would say I am slightly showing now. The only thing that made me realize this was because previously the only bump/blump I had was after eating but now I have it as soon as I wake up. Nothing major, but it is obvious that I have rounding in the belly that sticks around 24/7. And def not a dumb question.
Once I start to have a bump when I wake up in the morning and not just when I go to bed at night, that's when I call it bump over bloat. Right now when I wake up I have a bump that sticks out so I'm on the I have a bump train. Although I still have bloat because I'm significantly bigger by the time I go to sleep at night.
@wearyfuzzball I’m a STM and still don’t know if I’m showing or if it’s bloat 😂 I think I’ll believe it when I reallllyyy show and there’s no denying it’s not dinner or bloat
So a few pages back there was some talk about when you STM's milk ultimately come in. Honestly, its never occurred to me that it doesn't always come in immediately. Would you guys mind chiming in with what day your milk came in? Obviously I need to reset my expectations!
Second question: Do any STM have any input or stories on how their SOs coped with the actual delivery? MH is a tough-as-nails Marine, but I'm coming to the realization that this is going to be a major weak point for him. I'm thinking I'm going to give him the freedom to only do what he can handle, and get a doula for the heavy lifting. We otherwise have a strict no-parent rule for the delivery room because our mothers keep score and hate each other.
@harrierwife colostrum came in right away, milk less than 48 hours later. I get milk fever when mine comes in which is very disturbing because it’s mostly a cow phenomenon, not very cute. Even with early scheduled deliveries and c-sections I never had issues with colostrum or milk production right away. The body is a beautiful thing.
A doula or the nurses are fantastic. And your DH won’t be the first or last that can’t handle it. I was also one that didn’t want anyone in the delivery room, or OR (not that anyone else could be there). My DH was a complete wuss and useless other than grabbing a passing nurse or doctor if I needed it. Dude almost passed out when they tried lowering the curtain. Instead of asking they started lowering as the asked. He still has nightmares over “the bowl”. We know now all he can do is sit and pet my head until the baby is out and he cannot see anything.
DH held my leg during delivery. He held one and a nurse held the other. I didnt really need DH to do anything for me during labor but I did throw things at him when he would fall asleep and I couldn't. DH describes my actual delivery as a horror movie. He visually describes the Dr ripping me open to get the baby out. It's awful. There was no way he could hold my leg though and not see it all. I will say that he saw it all + some and it has never negativity impacted our sex life which was a concern for me. Plus once the baby came he was all mush .
@harrierwife my milk came in in the third day. There was still colostrum that came in before birth and that is all baby needs those first few days. Their tummies are tiny so don't worry if it is enough.
DH held my leg, but other than that he didn't do much. We went to a birth class and learned all these massage techniques but honestly I didn't want DH touching me. Lol he did did have to tell the nurse I wanted the epidural because I was too stubborn to ask for it.
I had colostrum at 14 weeks pregnant (started leaking). My milk came in within 36 hours, but that’s early.
My DH was amazing during birth, doing everything I asked of him. No way I could do it without him. We were super in tune with each other. And he saw everything. He says now it was a bit traumatizing but he handled it fine during and has never said he wanted it another way.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@harrierwife I was induced and my milk didn’t come in until day 5 or 6. But by then we were back in the hospital and DD was being treated for jaundice. They recommended supplementing with formula to help her poop and get all the bilirubin out, which we did. But then she never wanted the boob again. Looking back, I think she was trying to cluster feed and stimulate my milk production. But I didn’t know what cluster feeding was, and I just figured my milk supply was too low. She was always so hungry so we stuck with formula. I still tried to nurse/pump for about 3 or 4 months. But she really loved the flow of the bottle and by then it felt “too late”. This time I plan to welcome all the cluster feeding and hopefully have a better experience.
Based on what I'm reading on STM's experiences, it seems like baby will be sleeping in our room for at least 3-6 months (maybe more). So, my question is, what did you use your nursery for during those first few months (if you used it at all)?
I appreciate the question about DH handling the birth. @Dcwtada situation sounds like my future. My hubs isnt great with that kind of stuff. I got blood work during our first appointment and he was sheet white. I have a pretty high pain tolerance so I dont think I'll need him as much as I just want him there. I think the plan is he will hang out by my head and I'll coach him through deep breaths, ha.
Speaking of parents... did any STM have their mom present? I havent broached this with DH but I kind of feel like I want her there. My mom and I are pretty close and this is her first grandchild. Did anyone ever run into allowing only one grandparent in? My MIL would be a trainwreck and I don't want her anywhere near my vagina.
My mom was the one that took me to the hospital with both babies and stayed with me the entire time. We've always been close and I wouldn't have had it any other way. She was a huge support. The MIL wasn't really an issue as she lived out of state and rarely visited but even if she had I wouldn't have wanted her there. The level of comfort just wouldn't have been the same.
My dad tried to tell my mom it was common for grandparents to be in the delivery room, so he wanted HIS mom and dad (who weren't all that fond of my mom) in there to witness the birth (and I was their third grandkid). Mom put her foot down on that one, but ugh, I can only imagine having not just your MIL but also your FIL in there staring at your vagina being ripped open when you deliver for the first time. (Mom wound up cussing Dad out while delivering, after he told the OB she didn't really want the C-section she was begging for after 52 hours of labor with a nearly 10-pound, 2 weeks overdue baby. The fact that they're still married is a miracle into itself.)
No way am i having my mom in the delivery room. We dont have a close relationship.... and if its up to DH he doesnt want anyone at the hospital at all.
I'm super close with my mom (she actually lives with me), but I don't plan on her being in the delivery room when I am giving birth. I don't think she is going to be very happy about this, but it's not her decision. Personally, the only people I want present when the baby comes into this world are the two folks who MADE the baby (and of course the doctors and nurses who are medically trained for this sort of thing).
Nope. Not only do not want anyone else in the room when I am at my most vulnerable while I. Laboring. The hour after birth is so important with BFing and skin to skin and I don't want anyone else in the room. In fact after DS was born I don't think we told anyone for an hour. Savor that moment before you start getting the texts/calls/FB notifications. It is beautiful.
Honestly whatever will be the most comfortable for the mother, go for it. It is hard enough without feeling guilted into letting someone in the room that you don't want there. Aside from my sister I'd be comfortable with almost any of my female relatives being there for support but many women want it to be a private moment with their spouse. Nobody has the right to insist on being there.
I was in the room with my sister when she had her baby last year (but we have more of a mother/daughter relationship because she’s much younger and I took care of her) along with my mom, my other sister, her husband, her older daughter, and husbands parents.
It was awesome having the whole family there, but not for me. I will only have people who will make me feel supported, not anyone I need to manage.
My sisters husband turned out to be mostly useless in the delivery room, so she said she was really happy to have me there to coach her through.
So DH was super helpful during labor and delivery. From a man who doesn't even like the word period (huge eye roll) I was slightly surprised he took over so much in the labor. From changing out the pads underneath me as the would get to soaked from my water constantly leaking out, to helping me go to the bathroom prior to my epi, and everything in between he was really awesome. He dealt well with all the blood and fluids that happen during labor. He held my leg so he saw it all but he's never talked about it.
I also had my mom in there with me. We are super close and she was so helpful too. She would go get anything I needed. For ex. my feet got very cold so she went to the gift shop to get me extra socks. And my labor was long so after my epi DH needed to talk a walk for a minute and get some food and it was nice to have her with me while he left. The main reason I was so relieved she was there was because after DS was born he had to be taken away to the special care unit immediately. DH of course went with him and my mom stayed with me. I would have been all alone in my room for the hour I had to wait to go to special care if my mom hadn't been there. She'll be there again this time. My MIL would probably enjoy being there, especially because she doesn't have any daughters, but I could never handle her in there. Sorry that's so long but I was so glad to have my mom in the room with me.
No one except DH is going to be in that room with me and I don’t know if I want him below the curtain. My mom passed when I was a kid and I’m close with my dad but I don’t need him there. We will see if I change my mind about DH being more active. He was a saint during my bowel restruction 2 years ago
I have had 2 MILs (I have only been married once but it was the biological father's mom - with my first) in the room and I regretted it both times. At the birth of my first, she took pictures as he was being born. Then, without cropping those pics, she showed them to everyone!
My mom was in the room both of those times too. I'm glad she was there the first time bc the idiot father nearly passed out and I needed her to pick up his slack. The second time, she was more in the way. Although, she is the one who told me I was given an episiotomy during that birth. The doctor never mentioned it.
The last 2 times has just been my husband and I and the experience was way better.
I had only my husband there. I had 19 hours of labor and before I asked for an epidural, the pain was so bad I was vomiting on myself. I delivered fully naked (my gown was bothering me) and tried a bunch of different positions, including on my hands and knees and squatting. I can't imagine having anyone else in the room. Before I went into labor, I was adamant that I didn't want my husband looking down there but all that was out the window and I didn't care once I was in the thick of things.
No one except DH is going to be in that room with me and I don’t know if I want him below the curtain. My mom passed when I was a kid and I’m close with my dad but I don’t need him there. We will see if I change my mind about DH being more active. He was a saint during my bowel restruction 2 years ago
I didn't allow DH at the foot of the bed for baby #2 (his first) but by baby #4, he was the one delivering her. He got the best view of the baby crowning in all its glory.
No one deserves or needs to be anywhere near you and baby anytime they want to be and you don’t want them. NOBODY. Labor and birth and the weeks following are extremely vulnerable and emotional times. Personally, I was NOT ok for at least two weeks following birth. No one came to the hospital, I allowed very very short visits for very close family, and then I did my best to tell everyone else to F off. I will be even stronger and more insistent that people stay away from me post birth this time. There will be lots of complaining and lots of talking behind your back and lots of guilt trips, but if you don’t want someone there, don’t let them be there. And don’t feel like you have to treat everyone equally either. My FIL and SMIL will point blank not be allowed anywhere near my house and my babies for at least two months post birth. I do not like them, they’re visits stress me out, they will judge my inevitably unclean house, they overstay their welcome, and they will expect to be entertained, which I will not have time or patience for. My MIL on the other hand is allowed the day after because she is a very kind and extremely helpful woman who will help me in anyway she needs to, and will not mind if I am shirtless the entire time she is here. (In the beginning of breastfeeding, at least with my son, I found shirts to be very annoying).
If you’re not comfortable being at your most vulnerable with whoever is in that labor room, then they have no right to be there. I was naked and yelling and not even capable of thinking about socializing during labor. Whoever is there should be, for you, people who bring you comfort and know you best and who you would not be embarrassed to poop in front of (happens a lot).
You decide for you what makes you feel most comfortable and supported. Some women love having the cheering squad there. Others (like me) don’t want anyone to even know what’s going on until it’s all over. I think the biggest thing I have learned to respect and reverie when it comes to parenting is that everyone is different, and the more you know yourself and the more you honor who you are the better and easier parenting is, and that starts with honoring who and what you need during pregnancy and birth.
I know I might sound a tad dramatic, but nothing bothers me more than family thinking they have any right to make a new mom uncomfortable. It seems as though once the baby is here, everyone forgets there is a woman recovering from carrying and growing a child for nine months and then giving birth to that child (with a dinner plate sized gash that’s still bleeding inside of their uterus). Plus, a woman who is now taking care of a brand new baby and is who is probably very sleep deprived. Birth is a major thing, and you’re hormones are all over the place, especially in those first two weeks. They don’t even consider it PPD until after those first two weeks because the hormone crash is so taxing and makes you feel so many varying emotions. We (in the US) do not give birth and it’s recovery after the reverence it deserves.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I don't know obviously about other peoples birth experiences but DH held my leg and I don't know if there was a seat in that room where you could not see everything that was going on. I remember a head of time telling DH that he was to stand by my head and not look but there was no where he could stand where he would not be able to see everything. I also don't remember him being given a choice about holding my leg. There was only one nurse so she couldn't hold both.
@runyogamom thank you for sharing this. I feel like I would miss her if she wasn't there..is that weird? Like, I'm a grown-ass woman and I still call my mom when I feel like crap. I do agree with @wearyfuzzball in the sense that I feel like it needs to be a joint decision between my husband and I. If my husband feels strongly it should just be the two of us then I would be OK with it. But I would put my foot down about having MIL there. It's either going to be my mom or just us.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences regarding this! and @tuxielove93GIRL PREACH.
With DD, I was in labor and on pitocin for 24 hours until my emergency c-section. We allowed family to visit during that time but I made it very clear everyone was going to get the hell out before I starting giving birth, I didn't care if it hurt anyone's feeling either. My Mom kept saying well you know, if your husband gets squeamish I will take his place. I told her thank you but no thank you. I appreciated how excited everyone was, but that experience was only for DH and I. He was allowed to suit up and rush in for the c-section and then we had 1 hour afterward for recovery and bonding where visitors were not allowed. The nurses also told us that anytime we wanted private time and no visitors, they would just tell anyone coming in that we weren't allowed visitors right now and they would give us their name to call back when we could have people come in. That took pressure off too when there were times I just wanted it to be the 3 of us and we didn't want to tell family to go away lol
I haven’t decided if I want my mom in the room or not. *TW* when I had a miscarriage my SO was taking care of his uncle an hour away so my mom was the one to take me to the ER. My mom was amazing during that. *end TW* So I think I want her there when I give birth. I have a feeling my SO will be useless lol.
My mother has asked to be in the room whenever I have a baby (she doesn't know yet). I have already told her point blank that it wont happen. My sister on the other hand wants everyone there with her, a mirror to watch it herself and a photographer at the foot of the bed to capture everything. We couldn't be more different.
@antera23 I plan having my dad who I’m close with in the hospital but not in the room. Unless it’s a drive by BC the delivery is taking long. He’s always helped me make health decisions since my mom passed when I was a kid. You could do the same with your mom and that way if you decide you want her in the room you can call her in easy. I always think it’s probably better to say no first and yes later than the other way around if that makes sense. But as I said above my dad won’t be in that room BC weirrrrrd
But anyone begging to be in the labor and delivery room with you (mother’s, family etc) and you aren’t comfortable with it. Tell them, ok, well when you can take a crap on the toilet completely naked in front of me and feel comfortable, then you’re in. If not, sorry, you’re out.
As far as milk. With my first it didn’t come in for 5 days! Ugh. It was miserable. But I think DD didn’t have a great latch and tongue tie. With my second, I pumped because DS was in the NICU. I was a pumping every hour to two to get it to come in. And it came in on day two. I also leaked during my second pregnancy though. So not sure if my body remembered what to do faster? I found that drinking Gatorade increased my supply big time the second to around. A lot of moms swear by it.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
I've had my mom in my previous 2 deliveries and I would like her to be there this time but she is 5 hours away. I'm really not sure how DH will be like on his own, my mom there was like his buffer last time. I do agree with everyone else though if you or they aren't comfortable with seeing you at your most vulnerable then tell them no. you're going to be going through so much already you should have those who you know will give you support and not who make things uncomfortable.
Re: Ask a STM November
I'm mostly worried because with DS, my parents came into town 3 weeks early, they had planned to visit other areas of FL and be within a few hours drive. I ended up going into labor the day they came in, so 3 weeks early. Water broke so the hospital wanted me there ASAP and didn't want me to labor at home. Then labor only took 12 hours.
Oh plus also, even if I can get someone here, my son has never gone more than 5 hours without me. If he’s still nursing, I can’t go more than 5 hours without him. And he sleeps right next to me.
I.... I do not know what Im going to do. I want him to just stay with me, but I don’t think they allow it, at least not overnight.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
Everything else is just stuff moving out if the way.
But I second the bump is there in the morning..
Second question: Do any STM have any input or stories on how their SOs coped with the actual delivery? MH is a tough-as-nails Marine, but I'm coming to the realization that this is going to be a major weak point for him. I'm thinking I'm going to give him the freedom to only do what he can handle, and get a doula for the heavy lifting.
We otherwise have a strict no-parent rule for the delivery room because our mothers keep score and hate each other.
A doula or the nurses are fantastic. And your DH won’t be the first or last that can’t handle it. I was also one that didn’t want anyone in the delivery room, or OR (not that anyone else could be there). My DH was a complete wuss and useless other than grabbing a passing nurse or doctor if I needed it. Dude almost passed out when they tried lowering the curtain. Instead of asking they started lowering as the asked. He still has nightmares over “the bowl”. We know now all he can do is sit and pet my head until the baby is out and he cannot see anything.
DH held my leg, but other than that he didn't do much. We went to a birth class and learned all these massage techniques but honestly I didn't want DH touching me. Lol he did did have to tell the nurse I wanted the epidural because I was too stubborn to ask for it.
My DH was amazing during birth, doing everything I asked of him. No way I could do it without him. We were super in tune with each other. And he saw everything. He says now it was a bit traumatizing but he handled it fine during and has never said he wanted it another way.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
It was well over 9 months before DS slept in his room. Thinking back on it, I'd probably prep it more for mobile baby/toddler from the start.
Speaking of parents... did any STM have their mom present? I havent broached this with DH but I kind of feel like I want her there. My mom and I are pretty close and this is her first grandchild. Did anyone ever run into allowing only one grandparent in? My MIL would be a trainwreck and I don't want her anywhere near my vagina.
It was awesome having the whole family there, but not for me. I will only have people who will make me feel supported, not anyone I need to manage.
My sisters husband turned out to be mostly useless in the delivery room, so she said she was really happy to have me there to coach her through.
I also had my mom in there with me. We are super close and she was so helpful too. She would go get anything I needed. For ex. my feet got very cold so she went to the gift shop to get me extra socks. And my labor was long so after my epi DH needed to talk a walk for a minute and get some food and it was nice to have her with me while he left. The main reason I was so relieved she was there was because after DS was born he had to be taken away to the special care unit immediately. DH of course went with him and my mom stayed with me. I would have been all alone in my room for the hour I had to wait to go to special care if my mom hadn't been there. She'll be there again this time. My MIL would probably enjoy being there, especially because she doesn't have any daughters, but I could never handle her in there. Sorry that's so long but I was so glad to have my mom in the room with me.
My mom was in the room both of those times too. I'm glad she was there the first time bc the idiot father nearly passed out and I needed her to pick up his slack. The second time, she was more in the way. Although, she is the one who told me I was given an episiotomy during that birth. The doctor never mentioned it.
The last 2 times has just been my husband and I and the experience was way better.
not have time or patience for. My MIL on the other hand is allowed the day after because she is a very kind and extremely helpful woman who will help me in anyway she needs to, and will not mind if I am shirtless the entire time she is here. (In the beginning of breastfeeding, at least with my son, I found shirts to be very annoying).
If you’re not comfortable being at your most vulnerable with whoever is in that labor room, then they have no right to be there. I was naked and yelling and not even capable of thinking about socializing during labor. Whoever is there should be, for you, people who bring you comfort and know you best and who you would not be embarrassed to poop in front of (happens a lot).
You decide for you what makes you feel most comfortable and supported. Some women love having the cheering squad there. Others (like me) don’t want anyone to even know what’s going on until it’s all over. I think the biggest thing I have learned to respect and reverie when it comes to parenting is that everyone is different, and the more you know yourself and the more you honor who you are the better and easier parenting is, and that starts with honoring who and what you need during pregnancy and birth.
I know I might sound a tad dramatic, but nothing bothers me more than family thinking they have any right to make a new mom uncomfortable. It seems as though once the baby is here, everyone forgets there is a woman recovering from carrying and growing a child for nine months and then giving birth to that child (with a dinner plate sized gash that’s still bleeding inside of their uterus). Plus, a woman who is now taking care of a brand new baby and is who is probably very sleep deprived. Birth is a major thing, and you’re hormones are all over the place, especially in those first two weeks. They don’t even consider it PPD until after those first two weeks because the hormone crash is so taxing and makes you feel so many varying emotions. We (in the US) do not give birth and it’s recovery after the reverence it deserves.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@runyogamom thank you for sharing this. I feel like I would miss her if she wasn't there..is that weird? Like, I'm a grown-ass woman and I still call my mom when I feel like crap. I do agree with @wearyfuzzball in the sense that I feel like it needs to be a joint decision between my husband and I. If my husband feels strongly it should just be the two of us then I would be OK with it. But I would put my foot down about having MIL there. It's either going to be my mom or just us.
Thank you all for sharing your experiences regarding this! and @tuxielove93 GIRL PREACH.
ETA @ohheyitsb I felt the same way. It was a long ordeal and it was really reassuring to have my mom there for me.
But anyone begging to be in the labor and delivery room with you (mother’s, family etc) and you aren’t comfortable with it. Tell them, ok, well when you can take a crap on the toilet completely naked in front of me and feel comfortable, then you’re in. If not, sorry, you’re out.
As far as milk. With my first it didn’t come in for 5 days! Ugh. It was miserable. But I think DD didn’t have a great latch and tongue tie. With my second, I pumped because DS was in the NICU. I was a pumping every hour to two to get it to come in. And it came in on day two. I also leaked during my second pregnancy though. So not sure if my body remembered what to do faster? I found that drinking Gatorade increased my supply big time the second to around. A lot of moms swear by it.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
I do agree with everyone else though if you or they aren't comfortable with seeing you at your most vulnerable then tell them no. you're going to be going through so much already you should have those who you know will give you support and not who make things uncomfortable.