June 2019 Moms

Ask a STM November

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Re: Ask a STM November

  • Thank you so much! You all are so helpful. I have had zero sex drive since getting pregnant for the first time back in May (it’s a wonder I’m pregnant now lol) and I’m just wondering when I’m going to feel normal again lol. I feel so bad for my SO but he is super awesome and has never made me feel bad. 

    @dntstpbelieveing thank you for the encouragement! I think that was my biggest worry/insecurity about baby wearing. 
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  •  "Question for all the experienced moms - what baby stuff do I really not need?"

    @ellem29 I think the best advice for the Big Gear (bouncers, pack and plays, swings, activity centers) is to think about your own space. Living in a small space we didn't want or need half of these things. And what we did get, we made sure was collapsable and easy to store. Also, check out parents groups or thrift stores to find things you can clean easily and re-use. Saves you money (especially if it turns out baby hates it or never uses it).

    For small items, the things I can think of that I have WAY too many of were or never used/missed/needed:
    Baby socks...He wore footy PJs for a good while or they got lost
    Swaddle blankets...We have a million PLUS we had separate swaddles, and receiving blankets. The majority went unused
    Baby washcloths....why can't baby just use the same ones as adults?
    Baby tub...(this perhaps was a space issue) but we could just wash him with a damp cloth on a towel when he was super young and then we got a bath sponge to put at the bottom of the tub for when he was  a little older but still couldn't sit up. 
    Wipes warmer
    Baby shoes
    Diaper bag "organizers"--Just use ziplock bags--they are clear and you can see what you have
    Wet bag--Like previous poster said, I used dog poop bags (much cheaper than even the special disposable "baby" bags)


  • At DH's basketball game. Two guys came and sat in front of me who smell STRONGLY like weed. Besides them running a very real risk of being yarfed on, there's no actual damage that that can do to Baby, right? They're not actually smoking it HERE but quite clearly did not too long ago. I know this is super naive of me, but working for the state for a lot of years + DH being in such a public role + it still being very illegal in Nebraska means I've never touched the stuff and stay away from any scenario where it is, and it's tough to discreetly Google that...
  • I’ve been worried with how DD will react once the baby arrives. She will be 4. I finally told her last night and she has been so excited. She is a very talkative, cheerful and energetic child! I was so relieved with her reaction and I hope still has her positivity after the baby is born.
  • Chiming in late on a lot of these, but here goes anyway:

    Baby stuff:  I think this is so different for every person, so it's hard to say what you will and won't need.  You'll probably end up with some stuff the baby doesn't like and you won't use, but that doesn't mean that item won't be an absolute life saver for someone else.  Although I will say don't other with a wipe warmer.  That's just plain excessive.  ;)  Also, don't register for swaddle blankets.  You will get 1,273 of them regardless of whether or not you register for them.  Oh, and cloth diaper liners make the best burp cloths.  Super absorbent!  

    Diapers:  It all depends on the shape of your baby and if they have sensitivities, I think.  Pampers have always been great for us.  Swaddlers early on, then cruisers later.  Huggies Over Nites were the best for night time diapers.  The one thing I will say here is use Amazon subscribe and save once you figure out which diapers you want to use.  You get a 20% discount right off the bat, and they get delivered once a month and you don't even have to think about it.  Also, the Amazon Elements brand wipes are THE BEST!  They're sturdy, inexpensive, and they are textured so they actually get the poop off without needing 6 wipes.  I buy other types of wipes for the diaper bag because the Amazon package is too big, and I HATE when I have to change a poopy diaper with another brand wipe.

    Sex:  I had a 3rd/borderline 4th degree tear because DS came out diagonally after 4 hours of pushing (ouch).  My scar tissue wasn't 100% healed at my 6 week appointment, but she told me sex was okay if we went slow.  The first time sucked and we waited a few more weeks before I felt ready to try again.  Things have since gone back to normal.  However, breastfeeding definitely 100% reduced my sex drive.
    **TW**
    Me: 35 | H: 40
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS1: Nov 11, 2016 <3
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19
    DS2: May 10, 2020 <3


  • @ki1244 no it won’t hurt the baby :) just don’t smoke any yourself! ;-)
  • @antera23 no worries there, not even remotely interested in it. (Wine is another story but I suppose that's neither here nor there.) Even my mom sitting next to me, who lived in Colorado in the late 60s, was like "holy smokes I'm practically buzzed just smelling them". (I adore my mom.) I felt like a moron even asking, but Google was less than helpful for quick-hit answers that I could read during timeouts.
  • @shamrocandroll great list! As an STM, I agree with everything.
  • Question to STM's that have transitioned to toddler beds before. DS is 21 months and just head dived out of his crib for the first time this morning. Terrifying. Would you switch to a toddler bed right away or hold off and see if he does it again? He wakes up and cries for a couple minutes every other night or so and I'm worried that when he does that he'll start to get out of a toddler bed if he's able. Also, I'm just not ready to switch. I wanted to wait until at least 2 years old or maybe older if we could. 
  • @runyogamom I'd leave him in the crib as long as possible. DD took a dive out of her crib once when she was about 19 months. Luckily I caught her, but I was scared she'd do it again. We left her in the crib because she was just so little still. It never happened again. I don't know if she remembered what had happened or I got lucky, but I'm glad I kept her in the crib.
  • Clearly not a STM, but my sister caught my nephew climbing out at about 18 months - had she not happened to look at the monitor at that moment, he would have taken a dive. Her husband added a 2x4 rail to the top of it he couldn't quite scale (and still can't at 2). Not sure if that's the most "recommended" thing but it's what worked for them anyway. Kind of a pain for her to put him IN the crib now (she's barely 5 feet) but it keeps him in there now!
  • @runyogamom Do you have any sleepsacks?  I use them mainly because DS can't seem to keep a blanket on himself and his room is cold, but it also serves as crib climbing prevention.  Since their feet are restricted by the sack, they can't get their legs far enough apart to swing one up and over the crib rail.  I plan to keep him in his crib for as long as possible because he is a glorious sleeper and I don't want to mess with perfection.  
    **TW**
    Me: 35 | H: 40
    Married Sept. 2013
    DS1: Nov 11, 2016 <3
    MMC: 11/16/18 (9w6d)
    CP: 2/3/19 (5w3d)
    BFP!  8/24/19
    DS2: May 10, 2020 <3


  • edited November 2018
    When DD climbed out I had to switch. She was a crazy thing in the crib. When I switched her she quit screaming at bedtime, STTN, and never got out of her bed. It was the smoothest transition. 

    Edit: words 
  • Thanks for all of the replies! 

    @ruby696 thank you for that reassurance. That's what we are hoping that it just doesn't happen again. 
    @shamrocandroll he was in a sleepsack when he took the dive out. Not sure how he managed it at all. We love our sleepsacks. 
  • @runyogamom

    we were scared shitless to transition DD to a big girl bed. She turned 2 in August (27 months). We just did about three weeks ago because we were struggling big time with bedtime and sleep in general. And holy crap, it’s been the easiest transition we have ever had (she stays in bed. Is sleeping better. And doesn’t scream at bedtime).

    We made a day of it, she helped take down her crib and say goodbye to it. She got out her toy tools and helped put together her big girl bed. And we read her “Elmo big enough for bed.” And explained she was going to sleep in a big bed just like mommy and daddy have too. We started with nap first. 

    I also highly recommened these bed bumpers instead of the bed rails too for anyone looking. Hope this helps some. I’ve also realized parenting is just one transition after another and it’s exhusting.
     
    Toddler Bed Rail Bumpers [2 Pack]... https://www.amazon.com/dp/B07CSR27PB?ref=yo_pop_ma_swf
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • When DD climbed out I had to switch. She was a crazy thing in the crib. When I switched her she quite screaming at bedtime, STTN, and never got out of her bed. It was the smoothest transition. 
    Ours has been similar. DH and I joke if we had known this. We would have switched sooner! How old was DD when you switched? 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • @meatballs37 those bumpers look awesome. Something I will need to look into if we have to switch soon. It looks nice like they could cuddle up to the bumpers and feel secure. 

    That also made me realize if we do a bed rail I can buy one separately and put it on a normal bed we don't necessarily have to buy a toddler bed if we can wait awhile to switch. Not sure why I didn't think of that earlier.  
  • @runyogamom we put my son straight into a twin sized bed. My son started jumping out of his crib about 6-8 months ago. Though he never fell, he just purposely let him self out when he was done sleeping. Transitioning to a big bed has not been difficult for us expect that my son is an early riser. Now he is not contained at all and 415 is his new wake up time for the day. EVERY DAY. If anyone has suggestions to make that stop I am all ears. Our current situation is that he gets up at 415 and we tell him he can play in his room. At 5ish when DH gets up for the day he gets my son milk and lets him watch a movie in bed until I am ready to get up. but 415 every morning DS comes to tell me he is up.
  • @dntstpbelieveing not sure how old your DS is. But we have the hatch baby nightlight. You can program it through an app to change color. We have it set to red/orange all night. And then at 7 it turns to green. We are working with DD on telling her that she has to stay in bed until it turns green. I think she is a little young to understand fully (turned two in August). But I think once it clicks t will help us out a ton. I know they make other kinds of “okay to wake” colored nightlights. Sorry he is waking at 4:15, that’s awful. I’m sure daylight savings didn’t help either. I think it should be banned  :D
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • @meatballs37 he turned 2 in June. I have looked into those clocks but I wasn't sure if he was old enough to get it yet .Maybe we should try and make it a work in progress.
  • I used to use an Okay to Wake clock. Mine has a nap timer too which is nice for my older DD who doesn't nap but still does a quiet time. 

    My kids play quietly until I come get them in the morning so I don't have to set the clock anymore. 
  • ncm1919ncm1919 member
    edited November 2018
    @ShadeofGreen816 I might love your doctor. That’s fantastic advice
  • In my last bmb everyone had a sit me up and loved it. I had my son a month early so by the time I heard of it I skipped it but was always jealous. Amazon has one on preorder sale right now for $25 and change if you're interested. I got one. https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B06Y3VP5SB/ref=as_li_ss_tl?smid=ATVPDKIKX0DER&th=1&linkCode=sl1&tag=kelly0c-20&linkId=9ec26c1294d0f5cbf0fcb7fefd3b9693&language=en_US
  • @dntstpbelieveing I forgot about our sit me up! We used it a lot for DD and loved it! 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • @dntstpbelieveing I agree with everyone who endorses the Ready to Wake clocks (there are lots of varieties out there). We have one (from Amazon) that has a puppy holding a ball--at night the ball is red and it turns green it's time to get up. It has two different settings for a daily alarm (so theoretically you could set it to wake up later on weekends, but we don't do that). It also has a nap timer and you can adjust the brightness of the ball. We use it with my son each day and he is a chronic early riser--wakes up at 5:45/6 and we have him stay in bed until 6:30. We started slow, setting it to right when he normally wakes up so that in the beginning he could gradually get used to it and then increased it by 10 minute increments over time. He loves waiting for the ball to turn green and we do a sticker chart with a prize on day 7 as an incentive. He's 2.5 if that helps, but I think they say kids as young as 2 can use them.
  • Okay STM, question from me! Maybe a little TMI, but, when did your boobs stop growing when you were pregnant? I've gone up at least a cup size, maybe two, since my BFP. I'm not sure if I will continue growing at this rate or if they are done. Mostly trying to figure out if I should buy new bras now or wait it out a bit more.
  • My boobs haven't really grown with my last 2 pregnancies. I have been weaning each baby right before the new one was due so maybe that has something to do with it. I didn't even get engorged this last time and my milk came in the day after she was born. <<mainly due to the nursing staff waking her every half hour. She wanted to nurse anytime she was disturbed. Another reason I want to leave the hospital asap after this baby is born. 
  • @wearyfuzzball So unfortunately I dont have real cup numbers to
    give you because I don’t wear bras and I stopped measuring a long
    time ago. BUT my breasts did not
    stop growing until about 4 months post partum when my milk finally evened off completely. And until I got pregnant, they were slowly
    going down in size. Of course now they’re swelling back up. If you’re planning to breastfeed, I wouldn’t buy a permanent set of bras until
    youre done feeding. Size still fluctuates until you’re completely done. Like I said, I don’t wear bras, but my suggestion would be to buy some forgiving ones that can stretch and accommodate multiple sizes. Depending on how your boobs react, when you are nursing you could be a different size from the beginning of the nursing session to the end. Because of how large mine are to begin with, they never got rock hard or insanely full like that (just too much fat around them for it to be possible) but some women have that problem. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    R born: July 8th, 2017
    N born: June 30th, 2019
    Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
    (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
  • @wearyfuzzball My boobs grew a little bit during the first tri (maybe a cup size) one more cup size while bfing, and then went down to one size smaller than pre-pregnancy after I weaned DD. I basically just bought cheap bras all the way until DD was weaned because the boob fluctuations are just so unpredictable. 
  • @wearyfuzzball with my first my boobs ballooned up during the first tri didn't grow again until baby was born and I started nursing. I am a sucker for a good, supportive bra so I bought one nice on for pregnancy. Then after baby was born I had some stretchy one's to accommodate different boob sizes throughout the day as they filled with milk and emptied. And around 4-5 months of nursing they stopped changing so much through out the day so I bought a really nice one for weekend and fancy wear then as well. 


    PSA to all FTM's, it's possible that after nursing your boobs will shrink to a size you've never seen before. I was a solid D cup prior to pregnancy. Got pregnant, nursed at an F cup, and then when I quit they slowly shrank down to barely a C cup. I was saddened by the shrinkage. I expected a little sagging but never so much shrinking. I got used to it though. It was worth it really.  
  • Thanks everyone for responding! Right now I'm able to wear my old bras I had from before losing weight this year, so I am grateful for that. I'm hoping these will last for a while, or I will buy some stretchy bras. I had no idea about shrinking boobs... that's kind of sad because I actually loved my PP boobs (is that weird? I hope not).
  • @wearyfuzzball For whatever it's worth, I'm in that boat with you (WHEN will they stop growing?), except that I was down to two sports bras that actually could hold the girls, and that wasn't so conducive to work clothes. I somehow managed to actually bend the underwire on my favorite pre-BFP bra from wearing it all day, which I had no idea was possible, but by the end of that day I was dying and that was the last time I could wear my old stuff. I bought a couple stretchy nursing bras at Kohl's over Veteran's Day weekend (hellooooo sales), and also found t-shirt bras at Walmart for $4 regular price, not even on sale, so I'm practically living in one of those now. If it's only good for a few weeks or a month or whatever, that's fine, it was $4, and I can get a new one if/when I outgrow it, but it works like a charm for the transition.
  • I was a full A (lol) before my first pregnancy, became huge (for me...maybe full C?) during breastfeeding, and returned back to almost identical size by about 2 years later. Now I'm already back to full C and kind of afraid of what breastfeeding will bring. I liked my brief bustiness but to be honest, the whole back and forth in sizes made me appreciate my small, easily portable, and comfortable boobs like never before.  If there is one lesson to the whole pregnancy thing, though, is that we have zero control over our bodies, so there's no point in stressing over it...
  • wendyann19wendyann19 member
    edited November 2018
    I haven’t been very vocal but I’ve definitely been lurking 😈 and this thread is so helpful!

    I have always worked with kids, but generally 3 and up. I have no friends or family with kids so NO experience with infants. Can anyone recommend a book about parenting in the first months/years? I am not turned off by dry and academic reading.

    Edited: @tuxielove93 @antera23 @Dcwtada @shamrocandroll so helpful!
  • DcwtadaDcwtada member
    edited November 2018
    @wendyann19 I have the what to expect in the first year book and I loved it. Although honestly the best resource was my BMB, figuring things out together and it was real - the good, bad and ugly. I will admit the fear of the unknown was my biggest challenge when I was a FTM. I understood my world was going to change and it was going to be a difficult and exciting journey but I had zero idea how that would translate to me, our lives and how I would handle it and whether I’d enjoy it or it’d be too much. I lost a lot of sleep over those thoughts. I had zero infant experience 

    ETA UO: also if you are on the cusp of the month with your due date, I do think it’s a good idea to to at least be familiar with both BMBs if not active on them. It is so helpful to not be the first one going through it and have support from people that are in the exact same boat or have just gone through it so you are not a drive by poster and have that comfort level to be real and have others do the same when it comes to parenting. Even as a STM(+) you forget so much and there are always fun and unique challenges with every baby :) 
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