June 2019 Moms

Ask a STM November

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Re: Ask a STM November

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  • @dntstpbelieveing some of those lactation consultants should seriously be prevented from talking with new mothers. I had one that made me cry and I honestly gave it to her right then and there. I called her out on passive-aggressively shaming me for not having enough milk in the first weeks (turned out the baby had a tongue tie, which, once resolved, helped everything). Some of the LCs were wonderful, though. Women should know it's a hit and miss bunch though. 


  • Definitely a hit and miss with LCs. If you don’t like one, get a second opinion. The LC I saw in the hospital was aggressive. The LC I saw at DS pediatrician was wonderful. Not all LCs are “breast is best”. The second one I saw told me to use formula if I felt I needed it even though my breastfeeding relationship with my son was great. 

    And as as far as books, not a single one of them offered what groups like these can offer. Do some research online, read some articles, but mostly talk to, ask questions of the women here, and read what’s on these boards. That’s how I learned what’s normal and what isn’t and after that, you just learn to parent your own baby. You figure out what they like and don’t like and when you’re really stuck, just ask some other moms. Normally, they’ve been there before and can offer multiple solutions. That’s what’s so great about these groups, because there is such a diverse population of women so you get multiple perspectives. As a FTM I just wanted to read and plan for everything and feel in control, but you just don’t know until you’re in it. Accepting that has been one of the biggest struggles for me in becoming a parent. Sorry that got a bit soap boxey but it’s true. Letting go of having control and learning to just roll with the punches and deal with an ever changing mini human is so hard but very rewarding if you let it be. 

    Just one example of the diversity of babies: Mine LIVED in his Moby for the first 3 months of his life, and still loves being worn. It’s still a very useful calming tool. Some babies straight up hate it. You just have to throw stuff at the wall until it sticks 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    R born: July 8th, 2017
    N born: June 30th, 2019
    Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
    (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
  • I have a bit of a random question about pregnancy itself - do any STMs here have a retroverted uterus and when did you find it flipped and came up? Everything I’ve read is “it will happen eventually” but nothing says when. I’m getting real tired of having this baby sitting on my bladder preventing me from peeing properly and making it hurt when my bladder has more than 50mL in it 😞 I’ve got another scan on Monday and meeting with OB on Thursday so I’ll defs be asking him then too. Also, I don’t have a UTI. Went to my GP yesterday to get checked for that and he said I’m all clear and it’s just old mate sitting on my bladder. 
  • @wiseh
    I have a very tilted uterus. With DD, it didn’t flip up out of my pelvis until around week 14. I never had any trouble urinating, but was told if I did or had a lot of pain they would probably have to manually push my uterus out of my pelvis. If I were you, I would see if you could get in to see your OB earlier than Thursday and tell them you are having trouble with your bladder/pain. 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • Thanks @meatballs37. I’ll give them a call on Monday but it’s unlikely I’ll be able to get in cause he’s always booked out 3+ weeks in advance, but I will try!
  • @wiseh I have a tilted and bicornuate uterus. It did eventually tip at the start of the second tri. I didn’t have any issue with urination but I would 100% bring that up before Thursday. Sounds miserable ☹️
  • @wiseh, I don’t have a tilted or retroverted uterus (to my knowledge), but it’s interesting, what you’re describing, because I’m feeling like that a lot these days, too. I keep thinking it may be a UTI, but then the symptoms go away for a day or so, before coming back. Wondering now if I’m approaching that point where my uterus is on the verge of rising up out of my pelvis and am just uncomfortable until that happens (even without a tilted uterus). 
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Clearly @wiseh not you because you've been tested but a word of caution to everyone. If you think that you have a UTI please get tested. Symptoms are not always the same in pregnancy. This is one of those horror stories that WILL NOT happen to anyone else but with my son I just felt off. No real distinct symptoms just not right. My Dr blew me off. At 20 weeks I tested + for a really bad progressed UTI and ended up with a picc line giving myself Iv antibiotics for a month. If you feel off please get tested.
  • @dntstpbelieveing, that’s good to know, and normally, I’d be more concerned (and I really appreciate the look out, since that’s exactly what these forums are for) but I was just at the doctor about 4 days ago for something unrelated and mentioned the symptoms and the test came up negative in my case as well. So not a UTI over here, either - just a really weird sensation of my bladder never being fully empty, which is what I’ve been told a UTI feels like. It’s weird.

    That said, again, I do appreciate the concern. My sister is super prone to them (like, standing prescription because she gets them so often), so I’ve heard the symptoms, but I’ve never actually had one and I don’t know what they actually feel like, so I only have other people’s description to go off of and don’t know exactly what I’m looking for, so if I hadn’t mentioned it already at the doctor this week, I’d definitely be making a call. ☺️
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • @dntstpbelieveing definitely!! That sounds so horrible 😞 when I realised what was causing my discomfort I went straight to the GP and demanded he do a test right there and then. 

    I‘m defs going to try and get in early for this. I’m literally up in agony every 3 or so hours when I’m asleep and have to pee at minimum every 2 hours when I’m awake, which at work is so exhausting cause I wear hi-vis overalls/onesie thingy which means I have to get fully undressed to pee and all the areas I work in don’t have toilets so I have to walk 10-15 mins to a toilet. It’s exhausting and I’m so over it. 
  • @wiseh no advice but that sounds miserable. But as an FYI, not being able to fully empty your bladder will make you more prone to UTI. so it’s good that you’re keeping an eye out. I hope they can get you in earlier!
  • Can someone recommend a ring sling? I never had one with DD. I have an Ergo but its kind of uncomfortable and I don’t have the infant insert. The ring slings look so comfortable for the newborn phase and look easy(ish) to BF in, but there are so many out there. 
  • @carleym93 not a ring sling but I loved my KTan when DD was tiny. I wasn’t ever able to nurse in it though. I’d be interested in a ring sling but I’m a little intimidated!
  • @ShadeofGreen816 Does the Ktan breathe well? DD was also a summer baby (July) and she and I were SO HOT in the Boba wrap I had. I live in the desert so summers can get to be 95-98 degrees in July and I’m desperate to find something that will keep summer baby #2 reasonably cool. 
  • Love my K'tan!!! My newborns live in it until about 3 months. I have a summer one and it is breathable.  I don't use it nurse because it's easier to just nurse without it. 

    I have had a ring sling but it wasn't an awesome one. It was one that was given to me. I think it is fine for the newborn stage but I prefer my K'tan. I don't like it for older babies because they stretch out their legs and I always fear they will fall. I always keep a hand under them to keep them from falling so I'm never hands free. I feel like nursing in a ring sling isn't easier than the K'tan. It was always sorta awkward trying to get them level with my breast. It was just easier to nurse them without it. 

    Some people love their ring slings though. It's all about personal preference. 
  • @carleym93 I may be wrong but I thought @meatballs37 had a ring sling for her DD?? I’m also interested in getting one this time around! 
  • is a ring sling different from a wrap like a moby?
  • @vv826 Yes. A ring sling is a bit like a messenger bag. It only goes over one shoulder, and there is a literal ring that you use to adjust the two straps in order to tighten and loosen. A Moby is a full wrap that is tied around the body and over both shoulders. I personally don’t like and won’t use a ring sling. For one, thanks to some TMJ and other muscular issues, I can’t wear stuff Just on one shoulder. I need and love the support the Moby and just about every other kind of carrier offer. For two, I actually find ring slings to be the most difficult to tie and adjust, although that is definitely a UO. 
    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    R born: July 8th, 2017
    N born: June 30th, 2019
    Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
    (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
  • If I were going to use a ring sling often, I would invest in a woven. They are good quality and the support would be better. 
  • @vv826 and I disliked the Moby bc I thought it was too difficult to tie and is somewhat bulky where it was tied. I only add this to @tuxielove93 comment bc it shows that you will get different opinions from everyone. I feel like with carriers/wraps it’s a trial and error type process. I want to try a ring sling mostly for home. I have a more structured carrier that I absolutely love! (Chimparoo brand that I bought *new* at a second hand sale)
  • wow I'm going to have to look into this! I had decided on a wrap but I hadn't heard of a ring sling maybe I'll ask for one of each for Christmas and see which one I prefer! DD2 is just under 30 lbs so maybe I can practice with her.
  • @meatballs37 what are the FB groups? is it just called ring sling?
  • vv826 said:
    @meatballs37 what are the FB groups? is it just called ring sling?
    The two wildbird fb groups are called 
    “Wildbird vipeeps” 
    &
    ”wildbird b/s/t” 
    you can get some great deals on the bst page, I’ve even traded a few times myself. 

    Their website is where the tutuorials are. I definitely suggest starting there and seeing if it is something that looks up your alley. 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • @wiseh I have that as well, and I feel your pain. I have the symptoms of a UTI and I don't have one either, my OB told me it is from the uterus tilt and baby which prevents me from being able to empty my bladder properly. She said on average by 20 weeks typically your uterus is normal, and suggested that every time I pee that I lean forward to try and empty it more. Seems like it helps...sometimes..

  • I was tested for a UTI right away thought as a precaution and came back completely negative. She also had a hard time finding baby during my 8 week ultrasound and it was super uncomfortable so she had me get up 2 times to pee before she could get a good look in there. I don't have pain per say, but just feels like I have to pee every single second and my bladder feels heavy like it did when I was third tri with my daughter and she was weighing down on it
  • @BlondePeanut I had a scan at 12w5d today and she was still scanning around my pelvic bone so I know that my uterus hasn’t come up yet. I also still have a large corpus luteum that’s ~6cm big which I think is contributing to my pains.

    I read that you should lean back to empty your bladder? Idno, I try both every time I pee to try and get it out. In the last day since I posted I’ve gotten heaps better. I’m no longer waking up every 3 hours in pain, getting 5-6 hours now. 
  • Loving the ring sling info, @meatballs37! I’ve been super interested in slinging, but with the twins, it didn’t feel feasible. Hoping I can enjoy it with this last one.
    Married 25 May, 2013
    William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
    Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
    Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
    Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Side note - Totally making my own ring sling. Even have fabric in my stash that would be perfect. 
  • @harrierwife
    Uteri. I was going to joke about this and how it should be a real word (just because it sounds epic). Then I googled and it is actually the plural of uterus. Go figure. 
    I usually hate the English language. But today it amused me. Thank you
  • Loving all the discussion about ring slings. I used a wrap for my little guy last time, but he was a March baby in the Northeast--so heat wasn't really a big issue. By the time it got to the heat of summer he was bigger and I used our Ergo which was just easy to pop on and off. But I'm wondering if a sling would be better for a June baby. In my mind the rings feel less "secure" like the baby would just roll out and plop on the floor (like I can hear it in my mind....PLOP). But this discussion has me re-thinking things a little. 

    Thanks Ladies!
  • Another thread got me thinking. After you have the baby and are in that beautiful love haze, do you really forget the pain of labor or how awful pregnancy is? 

    Ps. I watched a birthing video last night. Worst idea EVER. 
  • @antera23 it's shocking how much for forget. I remember YELLING at my ob during labor that 1. This baby better be fucking cute to be worth this much pain and 2.that she would never see me again because I was going to adopt in the future. I was induced with my son so it was about 31 hours from time of induction till I meet him. I was SO done. But I lookback on it now and am like oh man I only pushed for 30 mins. I can handle 30 mins of anything .nbd. my husband still has nightmares. I had a super easy recovery though so I think that really helped me to forget. 
  • I haven't forgot any of my labors. My second one was pretty bad and I had anxiety leading up to my labor with my third. I worried about it a ton. That labor only ended up lasting 3 hours from the start of my first contraction to pushing him out. There was some screaming and my midwife had to snap me out of it so I could push. I went med free. With my 4th, I also went med free but the labor progressed differently and I had more intense contractions leading up to the actual birth. With my third I went from mild period cramps to transition which was quite a shock physically. 

    I struggled with BF my second baby. I tried with my first but I didn't know what cluster feeding was and I thought I didn't have enough milk for him and I just gave up. It took 3 months for DD and I to get a good latch and there was a lot of pain. With my 3rd and 4th babies, they just popped right on with no problems. My nipples have changed a ton after nursing so long so it's easier for them to get it in their mouth like they need to. 
  • gta4334gta4334 member
    edited November 2018
    @dntstpbelieveing I'm right there with you on not having the "instant-overwhelming-love" feeling. Don't get me wrong I love my son and I never felt disconnected from him or distant from him in any way but when he was first born I just remember thinking "Who/What is that and what am i supposed to do now?!"

    For some reason I just didn't flood with emotions and my husband didn't either. We loved him of course, but we didn't have "that feeling" that everyone talks about where their whole worlds change in an instant. We weren't bothered by it, but we just each took time to warm up to the whole thing. I think the best thing moms and dads can do is give themselves a little leeway with things. Your experience won't be anything like your moms/sisters/friends/co-workers and THAT'S OKAY! Heck, one of the things I'm trying to remind myself of this time around is that this baby is not a repeat of baby #1--each baby, each pregnancy, each labor is different and good and bad in their own unique ways.
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