I was hoping someone would comment on that. Good lord. I have ZERO motivation today. I worked a half day to prep for thanksgiving and instead I’m in bed under the covers! I’m giving myself 10 more minutes and then I have to get s*** done!
So weirdest thing happened to me at the grocery this weekend. I was in line checking out with DS when a middle aged man (maybe in his 50's) came up behind us to check out. He commented and said how DS was cute and I just said thanks. Then I see him looking very intently at the candy shelves in the check out line. He grabs something and then walks up to DS, starts opening it, without asking me, and gives him one of those 'surprise eggs'. I had no clue what it was at the time. And neither did the guy, he's like "not sure what this is but it looks like he may like it." Luckily DS is only 21 months and doesn't really know what chocolate is so when the guy gave it to him he handed it right to me. Then comes out the 'prize' which DS did like because it was a paw patrol dog. The whole time I'm a little panicky because we don't know this man and he's giving my son candy. I've never had a stranger interact with us this way. I didn't let DS eat the chocolate egg, I threw it away later, because I don't know where that man's hands have been. I tried to handle the situation gracefully but I felt very awkward the entire time. I was so confused at what was happening in the beginning.
What would you guys have done? I had no clue how to react in the moment. Luckily, he wasn't a crazy stalker that tried to follow us or anything but I was afraid of that as I was putting the groceries in my car. Because you just never know with this world.
tl;dr: have you ever had a stranger give your kid candy from a store in the check out line? How'd you handle it?
@runyogamom Ok, that is just super creepy and weird. I probably would have been too shocked to actually do anything, but sitting here thinking about it, I would hope to go with something along the lines of "thank you, but he's too young for candy" or something. I would have been nervous in the parking lot too.
@bakerstreetboys that's exactly it, I think I was to shocked to respond much. It was very strange. I like your "too young for candy" response though. That's a good one.
@runyogamom I would have said, "no thank you. He is too young for candy. We also don't accept candy from strangers."
I had an old lady come up to us at IHOP when we were in Las Vegas. She was annoyed at how loud my kids were. We were also one of two families in the restaurant and she was there with other old ladies gambling. She tried to give my kids huge suckers and then proceeded to say how loud they were and how it was bothering them. I told her, "no thank you, we don't give our kids candy before they are about to eat a meal 🙄 we also don't accept candy from strangers."
@runyogamom ugh that’s super creepy. I would be pissed. Especially with allergies. I probably would have been stunned at first too. And then told him he shouldn’t give anything to children without asking the parents first because of food allergies. People are so weird, I’m sorry he made things so uncomfortable.
I don't like the instant fear of strangers we have as a society. I don't give small children candy but often times people just enjoy making kids happy. The risk of stranger danger is far lower than the risk from people you and your children know well. As long as you are alert and aware of your surroundings the risk is very low. So when someone wants to give my kids something I smile and say thank you or no thank you, maybe even talk to them. You never know it could make a lonely person's day.
I find that most people who interact with my kids have good intentions and I'll allow the interaction. I've also had a couple incidents where my radar was way up and I felt really uncomfortable. I've learned to listen to my gut in those situations and I've shut it down pretty quickly.
Eh, I don't care for people walking up to my kids and touching them or giving them things. To me, I feel it is important to teach stranger danger. I have 4 kids so when I'm at the park with them all, I need them to know not to walk off with people. I also don't want them talking to just anyone either.
As for people we know, I rarely leave my kids with anyone. The only time I do is at church and the gym. That is usually for an hour or so. I rarely even leave them with family. Not because I don't trust most of them, but because I have no need to and we live too far anyways.
I freely admit to being a very protective mom. I have to really restrain my mama bear most days when we are interacting with people.
I would say the Midwest is very friendly. And often people will talk to DD when we are out. I don’t mind that. But offering my kid food without asking me. Nope. That’s not instant fear of strangers. That is just straight up dangerous.
Unfortunately we have alot of creepy incidents in my state...strangers trying to lure kids from bus stops, tainted halloween candy, etc. I am also a very protective mama and we don't leave our daughter with anyone except immediate family when we need a sitter, and even then that is very rare. I do notice that alot of senior citizens like to come up and say hi to my daughter when we are out and about or say how beautiful she is, but they generally just make the comment and wave or say hi to her and walk away. We had a creepy incident with my niece at Walmart, where a lady approached my sister and niece and commented how beautiful she was and asked if she could touch her hair. That was really weird. My sister said "thank you, but no you may not. have a nice day." but then the lady followed them all around the store so my sister told an employee, and when they approached the lady she briskly walked out of the store.
Yikes, am I the creeper people warn off? Maybe it's a midwest thing, or even a regional thing, but I talk to the little kids in checkout aisles all the time. (Adults too, not JUST kids...) I never try to give them anything, that's a little too far, but especially if there's a longer line, I'll compliment their Spiderman shoes or Princess coat or whatever and chat with them and their parents while we wait. I feel like that's fairly common here (our last state motto was Nebraska Nice, and generally people here are super friendly and it's thought to be more rude NOT to just strike up conversations with people) but maybe that's a local thing?
@ki1244 I'd be a lot more comfortable with someone saying hi to my kids, or commenting on their shoes, etc. if they also interacted with me, like you do. If someone just starts talking to my kid, my mama bear shield would be more likely to go up. I think there's a big difference between friendly, and creepy. Also, a big difference between smiling and saying hi to a kid, and giving them candy without asking their parents.
I think its definitely different when its an offer of an item vs just saying hi. My husband makes faces at little kids all the time. He definitely has had baby fever for a while.
Yes to the friendly conversation that includes mom, no to the giving kids candy/gifts (except when the cashier offers stickers - we always take the stickers).
This is one of those things, too, that I think is gauged on the kind of conversation that is being made. Cute princess shoes? Awesome Spider-Man sweatshirt? All for it. Asking where kiddo goes to school or identifying information? That’s a hard pass. I’m also big on the personal space - my mama bear comes out if people start to get too close without invitation. Talking to me from behind your cart of groceries? Probably totally fine. Getting up in my kids faces to try to touch them or pull on their clothes or something? Nope, back off Susan, you’ve officially crossed a line.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
I was once at the zoo with all my kids and I had DD1 in my ergo on my back. My oldest told me a lady kept touching her when I was turned around. Seems harmless right? Maybe, maybe not. She could have been marking her for someone further ahead of us to snatch her at the first opportunity. Yes that is worst case scenario but as a mom, I need to be aware of what those scenarios are so I can keep my kids safe.
Again, I freely admit to being very protective and I don't think it is a bad thing.
@emeraldcity603 Okay, a stranger touching your kid when you can't see it is creepy and IMO, inappropriate. Strangers who don't also make an effort to engage the parent is a red flag to me.
I try to encourage my kids to be independent and adventurous when we are hiking or camping, or when we play and do chores. Not when we interact with strangers. And kudos for @emeraldcity603's oldest for telling mom what was going on.
Agreed, @meatballs37. I am very over protective of DD and I don’t care who knows that. I’m usually someone who cares what people think of me, but in that aspect, I don’t at all. My parents sometimes poke fun or roll their eyes or call me uptight..but honestly, I sleep better at night knowing I’m doing everything I can for her.
Also, I only strike up a conversation with a kid and their parent if I have DD with me. I find that a lot less threatening.
Ok so I have been trying to formulate something that sounds somewhat articulate on this subject. For my career I assist in the investigation of childhood maltreatment and generally we do all interviews for law enforcement when children are involved. Yes children are FAR more likely to be victimized by someone you know. HOWEVER that does not mean that strangers have the best intentions either. I live in the middle of fucking nowhere Illinois, small town living and the summer before last had a case where someone (a stranger) attempted to abduct a child from a park. I am SUPER protective of my son. It would be hard not to be given what I hear on a daily basis. I have had this conversation many times over where people say I am too protective but you cannot judge the decisions I make when you have not walked in my shoes. That all being said no one should ever offer food/candy to a child they do not know. Its fucking weird. Talk to me and my kid, ok fine but touch or give something to them is a big no.
Well shoot...I can never move, I guess. I mean, yes, very different things to ask a kid which Paw Patrol dog is his favorite than to offer him some sour patch kids (which, clearly not ok)...but it's so weird to me NOT to just chat with people, with or without a kid in tow (like when I have my niece vs when I'm solo). Around here, we usually end conversations with anyone with "See ya!" even if we don't know their names, and it isn't odd at all to see strangers fist-bump or high-five kids they've been talking to. (I don't, but that's more because I'm super bad at high fives and I don't know where anyone's hands have been.) Sounds like this is kind of a unique thing...which I'm glad to find out NOW before moving somewhere else and looking like a predator by accident.
@ki1244 I lived in NE for 3 years and i never noticed that kind of friendliness. I don't mind if someone starts up a conversation like you are talking about. It is when people go further that bothers me. I think that is what everyone else is saying too. Plus, when you are trying to teach stranger danger you can't give mixed signals. Kids can't easily differentiate which stranger is ok to talk to and which isn't. So for me, all strangers need to approach me before talking to my kids.
But in all seriousness while I do try to give strangers the benefit of the doubt I would draw the line at randos offering food or treats especially without clearing it first. I do agree people you/your child know are much more likely to be a threat (personal experience with that) and I don’t my children to be wary of interacting with strangers when mom is around or fear the world around them but I honestly don’t know the best solution and doubt there is one. I believe it is up to each mom where they are comfortable with interactions and that is how it should be.
And if anyone ever gives you an off feeling trust your gut. Even if that is someone you know and think is a great person. Never apologize or feel bad for trusting your gut.
@ki1244, I think the big difference is conversations that are started with the parent, vs conversations completely directed at the kid. I’m a super gregarious person and definitely chat with people I don’t know all the time (grocery store, park, etc). Intentionally or otherwise, though, while I may include the child in the conversation (the “nice sneakers!” or responses the the child talking to me), I try to direct the small talk to the parent for the most part. Admittedly, being a woman helps remove some of the threatening vibe that a man might give off. And again, personal space is a big. I ran into this a LOT in Hawaii - I’m an American (as many of us are) and Americans are big on personal space. Hawaii (especially Waikiki on Oahu) sees a LOT of Chinese and Japanese tourists and culturally, their personal bubble is quite a lot smaller. It took a lot of getting used to while I was there that the women who commented on my son were not intentionally getting up in my face. Even with that experience, I definitely tend to gauge the threat I feel from an interaction on how invaded my personal space feels, and that personal bubble goes up dramatically when I have my kids with me.
Married 25 May, 2013 William Alexander born 18 September, 2015 Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017 Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017 Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
So question for the group: when did you start discussing stranger danger with your kids? Mine are 4 and 2.5. We talk about strangers very generally and they know they shouldn't go anywhere with s strangers, but I haven't gotten into details, like what is inappropriate and what to do if someone tries to take them, because I don't want them to be afraid of people. But I think DS is old enough for a more serious talk.
All the knotties who only post their US on this board annoy me, I know it’s not Friday but I’m annoyed today so I’m putting it out there. Also included in my annoyance is those users who ONLY post a US and that’s their “participation”, your names are on my post-it 😁
@emeraldcity603 I totally respect that. You're right, that can create some mixed messages. I just honestly am trying to figure out the "normal" line for other folks, because I'll freely admit I talk to little kids before their parents sometimes and it sounds like THAT would be a red flag. I don't mean it to be, but if it does raise some hackles, that's a learning opportunity for me that I never would have considered to be an issue.
bakerstreetboys
member
Re: Weekly randoms 11/19
I have ZERO motivation today. I worked a half day to prep for thanksgiving and instead I’m in bed under the covers! I’m giving myself 10 more minutes and then I have to get s*** done!
What would you guys have done? I had no clue how to react in the moment. Luckily, he wasn't a crazy stalker that tried to follow us or anything but I was afraid of that as I was putting the groceries in my car. Because you just never know with this world.
tl;dr: have you ever had a stranger give your kid candy from a store in the check out line? How'd you handle it?
I like your "too young for candy" response though. That's a good one.
I had an old lady come up to us at IHOP when we were in Las Vegas. She was annoyed at how loud my kids were. We were also one of two families in the restaurant and she was there with other old ladies gambling. She tried to give my kids huge suckers and then proceeded to say how loud they were and how it was bothering them. I told her, "no thank you, we don't give our kids candy before they are about to eat a meal 🙄 we also don't accept candy from strangers."
She was so rude even coming up to us that way.
@meatballs37 ugh. yes to the allergies. Luckily we haven't had anything like that with DS but so many people do.
As for people we know, I rarely leave my kids with anyone. The only time I do is at church and the gym. That is usually for an hour or so. I rarely even leave them with family. Not because I don't trust most of them, but because I have no need to and we live too far anyways.
I freely admit to being a very protective mom. I have to really restrain my mama bear most days when we are interacting with people.
This is one of those things, too, that I think is gauged on the kind of conversation that is being made. Cute princess shoes? Awesome Spider-Man sweatshirt? All for it. Asking where kiddo goes to school or identifying information? That’s a hard pass. I’m also big on the personal space - my mama bear comes out if people start to get too close without invitation. Talking to me from behind your cart of groceries? Probably totally fine. Getting up in my kids faces to try to touch them or pull on their clothes or something? Nope, back off Susan, you’ve officially crossed a line.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019
Again, I freely admit to being very protective and I don't think it is a bad thing.
If you watch your kids very closely, you are over protective.
If something happens to your child, clearly the parent wasn’t watching them close enough.
I’d rather people think I was insanely over protective.
Also, I only strike up a conversation with a kid and their parent if I have DD with me. I find that a lot less threatening.
But in all seriousness while I do try to give strangers the benefit of the doubt I would draw the line at randos offering food or treats especially without clearing it first. I do agree people you/your child know are much more likely to be a threat (personal experience with that) and I don’t my children to be wary of interacting with strangers when mom is around or fear the world around them but I honestly don’t know the best solution and doubt there is one. I believe it is up to each mom where they are comfortable with interactions and that is how it should be.
And if anyone ever gives you an off feeling trust your gut. Even if that is someone you know and think is a great person. Never apologize or feel bad for trusting your gut.
William Alexander born 18 September, 2015
Harper Grace born 9 June, 2017
Colton Miles born 9 June, 2017
Bowen James due 19 June, 2019