June 2019 Moms

Ask a STM November

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Re: Ask a STM November

  • tsa208tsa208 member
    edited November 2018
    @eleven_ I bought that really expensive 4Moms swing, and my DD hated it, I almost never used it. Luckily I bought it used off of another mom so I wasn't out several hundred bucks! She wound up loving her cheap old Rock N Play more than anything.

    Second the Boppy. 
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • @tsa208 I was really tempted to buy the 4moms/mamaroo swing, but I have only heard negative things about it. I'm glad I decided not to get it. We used the Fisher Price Snugabunny swing and we loved it. After 2 kids, it's still going strong. And I forgot about the NoseFrida. Gagging thinking about it, but yes it is a must-have. 
    TW
    Me: 33 DH: 32
    DS:  March 2014
    DD: May 2015
    BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
    BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
    BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
    BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN  <3 

    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • Yes a boppy is great!  I loved the swing too.  I think the only gift I got that i didnt end up using was TONS of blankets and a wipes warmer.  Pack and play was a must for me and I also liked the rock and play.  He slept in the PNP in our room for the first few months before we moved him to his crib. 
  • 1+ for the boppy I loved it for bf and DD liked to lay in it also
  • You definitely only need a limited number of baby containers - swing/rocknplay/mamaroo etc. I have that’s still in the box from DD. Definitely don’t bother with wipe warmers, a bunch of swaddles (my DD HATED being swaddled so they never got used but one or two would have been fine), baby/infant/crib shoes. 
    I was super glad to have- MyBrestFriend pillow. Similar to Boppy but worked WAY better for us for BF. I’m sure it’s dependent on body type and all kinds of other things. If you have the opportunity to try both I’d recommend it. Loved my KTan! DD loved to be worn. Dohm white noise is my favorite thing ever. If I weren’t a cheapskate I’d buy one for my room. I’m sure I’ll think of more!
  • carleym93carleym93 member
    edited November 2018
    My DD didn’t like her swing so we never used it. She loved a play mat though. I think the biggest waste of money we had was burp cloths. They don’t absorb hardly anything. Gerber cloth diapers worked SO much better. Second the NoseFrida, AMAZING. We also loved the Boppy, Nipple Cream, cradle cap brush for bath time, and gas drops. We didn’t use a bottle warmer or a wet bag. 
  • Things we used;
    1. Baby wearing things - Ergo/Tula style structured carriers, wraps, ring slings. Whatever you like best. Just don’t get a “crotch dangler” style. An ergonomic carrier is more comfortable for you both!

    2. Swaddle pods/Halo swaddles - not actual blankets but the wearable sac kinds. In the newborn stage the pods were easier and made them a little coccoon. As they get other the Halo style. It’s safer for sleeping and way easier to deal with. If you kiddo doesn’t like arms in they’re easy to use as an arms out sleep sack. 

    3. A swing and a bouncer. Our first swing had a removable bouncer so it was two in one. It’s so much easier to move them around for cooking or showering. They can be safely in eye sight but you don’t have to hold or wear them


    We kept it super simple for our first and will do the same again. Babies don’t need much!
    BabyFruit Ticker



  • @shamrocandroll I am having the same feelings about my daughter who will be 2 in Feb. She is my everything and I have been struggling with guilty worried feelings about how I can keep her as happy and feeling loved as she does now when I have to juggle my attention between her, a newborn, and recovering from a c-section. I have been getting minor panic lately wondering how other moms of multiple kids do it and if I have enough in me to give everyone everything they need....my friend calls it "second child guilt" and said she went through it with her second and third kids, but once she had the new baby home with her older child(ren) everything fell into place and she developed a routine that worked for everyone and felt like it was that way all along. 

  • Not to mention I know I have to return to full time work once the baby turns 3 months old....and that has me even more concerned about how the heck I am going to succesfully happily juggle my time love and attention between everyone while keeping myself sane
  • My opinion FWIW

    Loves:
      - PNP with changing station/bassinet level(option): this is especially useful if the majority of time you spend awake with baby will be on a different floor or farther away from the nursery. When baby is tiny and you are recovering from birth or want to keep an eye on them it’s perfect place to for them to nap and a nice changing station to store extra clothes and essentials so you are not always making trips back and forth to the bedroom. As they got older I used it as a place for them to play so I could cook or shower, and when they outgrew that it was handy toy storage. 

    Swing: mine loved their swing till almost a year when I finally had to kick them out

    Bouncer: they can out grow it quick but it can be a sanity saver 

    Boppy: although I used it more to protect my belly during c-section recovery and propping baby up during tummy time

    playmat/activity gym: all of my kids loved it. Was a great toy to get them to roll over and start reaching for toys

    Baby bath: I know you can use just the sink but little wet babies are slippery suckers. Took the anxiety out of those baths during the first months

    carseat/stroller: set explanatory

    Likes:

    Little Einstein’s crib aquarium - only reason this isn’t a love is because it’s not really an essential. Helped my kids fall asleep, entertained them when they woke up. I remember turning that on during MOTN wake-ups and my kids going back to sleep with little issue. 

    Muslin swaddlers - like Aden and anais - they were perfect for everything...swaddling, burp clothes, blankets, car seat covers (we will have summer babies they are so wonderfully breathable you can keep sun off them but not worry about them overheating). They stay so soft and hold up to washes and just about everything you throw at them. 

    Velcro swaddlers: the cheater swaddlers with the sides that wrap over or under the arms and the pocket for the legs/torso. I always felt better letting them sleep in those because they couldn’t come undone or loose. 

    Didnt like or use much:

    rocking chair

    High chair

    baby wearer (I tried a few without success but I am also 5’1 with t-Rex arms so it may be a physics problem)

    bottle warmer: takes longer than you’d think, had a nasty smell when it worked and gets mildewy so quick. I spent more time cleaning than using it 

    -nursing bras/tank tops/covers - I just used regular tank tops and muslin swaddlers as a cover-up if needed. But I have no boobs so I didn’t need the support either :/ 

    changing table: just used the PNP or bassinet/crib
  • Liked:
    -Halo swaddle sleep sacks. They are fantastic. DS was a Jan baby and it was very helpful.
    -We had a Graco Glider swing system. it has a smaller footprint and it was great. It also had a remobable bouncer that we used too. Loved that it was all in one.
    -PNP we used that for the first 9mo of DS life. It was nice to have him in our room and I liked that it promoted safe sleep rather than the RnP.
    -Boon grass bottle rack. As a working mom who pumped, I had a lot of pump parts and I loved that I could fit everything in it. Two sets of pump parts and 12 bottles, 3 nipples all fit nicely.

    Disliked: 
    -Nose Freda. Awful. I got sick every time DS did. The filters don't work to keep germs out. Some mom's in my last BMB got electric ones for cheap online and I think I'll do something similar. We also used the big bulbs they give you in the hospital, steal as many as you can.
    -Never used a wipe warmer, or a bottle warmer.
    -swaddleme swaddles. Besides being able to strap them into a swing/seat and swaddle tjem they were terrible. DS got out of them when he was weeks old.
    -i had a breastfeeding cover and I never used it. DS hated it so I used it more as a blanket than anything.


    You also don't need a jumper/exersizer, high chair or any of that other stuff right away. We were minimalist and tried to get baby gear that was multipurpose. 

  • @carleym93 going from 1 to 2 was a million times easier for me than going from 0 to 1. Recovery, newborn issues, everything was smoother. I felt more confident and less anxious the second time. I genuinely like everything about having 2 more than 1. Actually, I’m having a third now because adding my second was so fun. 
  • @battleangel I was positive my first was a boy and I had a girl. Then my second pregnancy was identical, so I guessed girl again, but I had a boy. The kids don’t know I’m pregnant yet, but talk about having a baby sister some day. Maybe they are better at guessing than I am. 
  • It's funny how different it all is and clear that there is no right answer. I love my changing table. DH built it and we still use it multiple times a day with my 2 year old.
  • @dntstpbelieveing Agreed, I find it hard to answer these questions because every baby/family is so different. Different people, different likes and dislikes! It’s more trial and error in my opinion...
  • @dntstpbelieveing I still use mine for my three year old :cry: When will it end?! 
    TW
    Me: 33 DH: 32
    DS:  March 2014
    DD: May 2015
    BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
    BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
    BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
    BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN  <3 

    Babysizer Cravings Pregnancy Tracker
  • @dntstpbelieveing use mine all the time still. DS wiggles like crazy if I change him on the floor/bed and on the changing table he sits nicely. 
  • Along those lines...is there actually a difference in brands of diapers? I've always given Pampers Swaddlers at showers when I know they're not doing cloth, because my cousin and an in-law both swore by them. My sister and BFF both did Honest Company delivery, which seems super expensive for something literally meant to be pooped in. But is there legitimately a difference between those, the store brand from Sam's, or anything in between?
  • carleym93carleym93 member
    edited November 2018
    @ki1244 There is, but its more about absorbency and shape of the baby. Huggies worked better for my short chunky legged baby, but Pampers are generally good for longer skinnier babies. DD ALWAYS blew out of Pampers. The cheaper store brands vary depending on the store. Target brand is good, but Walmart brand was horrible. Kirkland brand from Costco is fantastic, it is made by Huggies. The Sam’s Club brand is made by Pampers and is also good for those who use Pampers. Honest brand, I will say, does seem to have better absorption than most brands but not enough that I would pay that much for them. Really you’re mostly just paying for the designs. We used exclusively Huggies with DD (now we’re using Kirkland with her) but this time we’ll use Kirkland only because its way cheaper and is the same thing. 
  • I may be the odd one out here but I feel like the place where you get the most variation between brands is not diapers, but wipes. We’ve tried Target, Sam’s, Kirkland, Huggies, Pampers, and Walmart wipes and every single one of them is different. Some are really thin, some are kind of dry, some rip really easily. My favorite wipes were definitely Pampers brand. 
  • Ok I’ll ask it...............
    Is sex different after having a baby and if so when does it go back to normal/when do you feel normal again? 
  • @tuxielove93 you are amazing! Your post was so incredibly helpful. I plan to wear my baby but I do have a question. I’m plus size. Will those baby carriers, like Moby,fit me? 
  • @antera23 I had a 3rd degree tear and not to lie, it a took long time for it to feel normal again. I'd probably say over 9 months. Everything else was back to normal after three months,  but the scar tissue was stiff and just took time. The first couple of times were painful, but you just had to do it.
  • @antera23 while I didn't use a Moby I am very plus size and still wore. Don't let that discourage you. I used an infantino Mai Thai for really little baby and went to a Lille baby as he got bigger. 
  • We pretty much always used generic diapers. Babies r us were my favorite but clearly not any more. We are currently using target when they have a sale. I also use generic wipes. The only note I had on diapers is that DH doesn't like the Aldi ones as much because he tends to rip thetabs off. 
  • meatballs37meatballs37 member
    edited November 2018
    @antera23 I think it was more of a mental thing to get over for me for the first PP sexy time. (I had a 4th degree tear/and internal stitching to my right vaginal wall. DD came out 90 degrees the wrong way.) Believe it or not, we DTD 3ish months PP and it wasn’t bad. DH said it didn’t feel any different. 

    As as far as diapers, we tried a lot of different ones and I think it will just depend on your individual baby(how they fit them to prevent leaks). They had Huggies in the hospital and it gave DD a horrible rash. We switched to pampers and used those for a while (really liked them). Then switched to honest company. Those are really expensive IMO and we had a lot of blow outs (DD is a chunk), but the delivery was really nice. You can sign up for amazon deliveries for other brands. I might explore that this next time. We also used the target brand until DD maxed out in size in them. They are cheap and work great. Now she is in pampers pull ups all day. Maybe we will have her potty trained before this one gets here. 

    ETA: what @bakerstreetboys said below. Invest in some night time diapers after the newborn phase. We personally like luvs. 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • I wouldn't stock up on any one particular brand of diapers, because you never know what will work for each baby.  With my first, I bought them when they were on sale, but that didn't work out!  Two of my babies would leak out of Pampers, and were fine in Huggies, and two were the exact opposite!  It wasn't a boy/girl thing either.  Oh, and night diapers are great!  They are more absorbent, so baby is less likely to wet through and wake themselves up.  Unfortunately my two year old DS still blows through the night diapers every night these days!
  • @bakerstreetboys we had to stop using the night time diapers for DD (outgrew them). We have been using pampers pull-ups overnight and they are surprisingly absorbent! 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



  • @meatballs37 Thanks, maybe I'll try those!  He often wakes up dirty too though, and I don't find Pull-Ups "contain" that as well!  We'll probably have to start limiting his water intake a bit in the evenings.
  • I had a third degree tear with DD. The tear over healed and made a raised line of scar tissue. The first time we DTD PP (6 weeks) it was excruciating because he was pulling the scar tissue. My OB froze it off with liquid nitrogen and then it felt totally normal afterwards. 
  • @carleym93 interesting to know they can do that (with liquid nitrogen)!

    I have a question for the STMs: how much more help did you need for two kids vs. one? DH and I don't have a lot of family nearby and I'm trying to figure out what kind of backup help we will need and how to set up a better support system. We are kind of winging it with one and it's working but there isn't a big margin of error, so I feel our current (lack of) system will not suffice.
  • @tuxielove93 - you sound like my minimalist idol. Thank you for all the info - it was extremely helpful!
  • @marijaa333 DH and I don't really have family we leave the kids with. When they were young it wasn't an issue. But now that they are in daycare/preschool, there are teacher in-service days and sick days that can be a problem. We both have flexible schedules, so for the most part it's fine. And we have close friends who have helped in a pinch.
  • @antera23 I am not plus sized, but there is a whole lot of fabric on the Moby. My 6’2” not skinny husband can wear it so I imagine it works for a wide range of sizes. They might also make an XL one if I remember correctly? 

    Re: sex. It only took a couple times for sex to start to feeling normal again. Like 3-4? I didn’t tear or get cut though and had a normal vaginal delivery, so there wasn’t much in the way of damage. It was more of a mental thing and I was super apprehensive at first to let anything go anywhere near there. DH swears it doesn’t feel any different. I will say this though. Giving birth can change the way everything is arranged. So some positions that used to be great don’t work anymore and visa versa. And some parts are more sensitive and some areas just don’t feel good period. So it was never 100% back to “normal”. 

    Hubby and Me
    Friends since 2008
    Started dating: July 1st, 2013
    Engaged: July 1st, 2014
    Married: July 1st, 2016
    R born: July 8th, 2017
    N born: June 30th, 2019
    Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
    (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
  • ruby696ruby696 member
    edited November 2018
    @antera23 Sex was not fun for me for the few months or so times after both kids. One was a c-section and the other I had a 1st degree year. I've since learned that breastfeeding can impact sex and I feel pretty confident that was the deal in my case. For me, sex was not great until I finished breastfeeding. My best advice is to make sure your husband goes slow. Like really slow. Your body will adjust. And lube is your friend.
  • runyogamomrunyogamom member
    edited November 2018
    @antera23 the first time we tried to have pp sex we had to stop. It hurt to much. That was at 6 weeks. I did a little research and learned that I needed to stretch the scar tissue from my tear out gradually before having sex again. So every time I showered I would work on stretching that tissue out. By 8 weeks we were able to have sex again. After the first couple times it started to feel better. It worked better if we used la lot of ube and DH was very attentive during the foreplay. 
    I will say that breastfeeding hurt my sex drive and I just never thought about it so DH always had to initiate. 

    edit to fix words
  • @antera23 I had a stage 4 tear so lots of stitches and lots of scar tissue. We tried for the first time probably 8 weeks out and it was definitely uncomfortable. I felt like I could feel the thick band of scar tissue. Definitely lots of lube. I was much drier during BF than other times in my life. Foreplay helped, too. Honestly though, even a little now, but definitely when she was teeny tiny, I had the most trouble turning off my brain. Obviously we would do it when she was asleep and I felt hypervigilant about listening for her to be crying, or thinking about 1000 other things other than having sex. It's slowly getting better, and I do think I had a touch of PPD/PPA that went undiagnosed. So, maybe that impacted it. As my doctor put it at my 6-week appointment: "inebriate and lubricate and you'll be ok." hah!
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