@eleven_ I bought that really expensive 4Moms swing, and my DD hated it, I almost never used it. Luckily I bought it used off of another mom so I wasn't out several hundred bucks! She wound up loving her cheap old Rock N Play more than anything.
@tsa208 I was really tempted to buy the 4moms/mamaroo swing, but I have only heard negative things about it. I'm glad I decided not to get it. We used the Fisher Price Snugabunny swing and we loved it. After 2 kids, it's still going strong. And I forgot about the NoseFrida. Gagging thinking about it, but yes it is a must-have.
TW
Me: 33 DH: 32 DS: March 2014 DD: May 2015 BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
Yes a boppy is great! I loved the swing too. I think the only gift I got that i didnt end up using was TONS of blankets and a wipes warmer. Pack and play was a must for me and I also liked the rock and play. He slept in the PNP in our room for the first few months before we moved him to his crib.
You definitely only need a limited number of baby containers - swing/rocknplay/mamaroo etc. I have that’s still in the box from DD. Definitely don’t bother with wipe warmers, a bunch of swaddles (my DD HATED being swaddled so they never got used but one or two would have been fine), baby/infant/crib shoes. I was super glad to have- MyBrestFriend pillow. Similar to Boppy but worked WAY better for us for BF. I’m sure it’s dependent on body type and all kinds of other things. If you have the opportunity to try both I’d recommend it. Loved my KTan! DD loved to be worn. Dohm white noise is my favorite thing ever. If I weren’t a cheapskate I’d buy one for my room. I’m sure I’ll think of more!
My DD didn’t like her swing so we never used it. She loved a play mat though. I think the biggest waste of money we had was burp cloths. They don’t absorb hardly anything. Gerber cloth diapers worked SO much better. Second the NoseFrida, AMAZING. We also loved the Boppy, Nipple Cream, cradle cap brush for bath time, and gas drops. We didn’t use a bottle warmer or a wet bag.
Things we used; 1. Baby wearing things - Ergo/Tula style structured carriers, wraps, ring slings. Whatever you like best. Just don’t get a “crotch dangler” style. An ergonomic carrier is more comfortable for you both!
2. Swaddle pods/Halo swaddles - not actual blankets but the wearable sac kinds. In the newborn stage the pods were easier and made them a little coccoon. As they get other the Halo style. It’s safer for sleeping and way easier to deal with. If you kiddo doesn’t like arms in they’re easy to use as an arms out sleep sack.
3. A swing and a bouncer. Our first swing had a removable bouncer so it was two in one. It’s so much easier to move them around for cooking or showering. They can be safely in eye sight but you don’t have to hold or wear them
We kept it super simple for our first and will do the same again. Babies don’t need much!
@shamrocandroll I am having the same feelings about my daughter who will be 2 in Feb. She is my everything and I have been struggling with guilty worried feelings about how I can keep her as happy and feeling loved as she does now when I have to juggle my attention between her, a newborn, and recovering from a c-section. I have been getting minor panic lately wondering how other moms of multiple kids do it and if I have enough in me to give everyone everything they need....my friend calls it "second child guilt" and said she went through it with her second and third kids, but once she had the new baby home with her older child(ren) everything fell into place and she developed a routine that worked for everyone and felt like it was that way all along.
Not to mention I know I have to return to full time work once the baby turns 3 months old....and that has me even more concerned about how the heck I am going to succesfully happily juggle my time love and attention between everyone while keeping myself sane
Loves: - PNP with changing station/bassinet level(option): this is especially useful if the majority of time you spend awake with baby will be on a different floor or farther away from the nursery. When baby is tiny and you are recovering from birth or want to keep an eye on them it’s perfect place to for them to nap and a nice changing station to store extra clothes and essentials so you are not always making trips back and forth to the bedroom. As they got older I used it as a place for them to play so I could cook or shower, and when they outgrew that it was handy toy storage.
Swing: mine loved their swing till almost a year when I finally had to kick them out
Bouncer: they can out grow it quick but it can be a sanity saver
Boppy: although I used it more to protect my belly during c-section recovery and propping baby up during tummy time
playmat/activity gym: all of my kids loved it. Was a great toy to get them to roll over and start reaching for toys
Baby bath: I know you can use just the sink but little wet babies are slippery suckers. Took the anxiety out of those baths during the first months
carseat/stroller: set explanatory
Likes:
Little Einstein’s crib aquarium - only reason this isn’t a love is because it’s not really an essential. Helped my kids fall asleep, entertained them when they woke up. I remember turning that on during MOTN wake-ups and my kids going back to sleep with little issue.
Muslin swaddlers - like Aden and anais - they were perfect for everything...swaddling, burp clothes, blankets, car seat covers (we will have summer babies they are so wonderfully breathable you can keep sun off them but not worry about them overheating). They stay so soft and hold up to washes and just about everything you throw at them.
Velcro swaddlers: the cheater swaddlers with the sides that wrap over or under the arms and the pocket for the legs/torso. I always felt better letting them sleep in those because they couldn’t come undone or loose.
Didnt like or use much:
rocking chair
High chair
baby wearer (I tried a few without success but I am also 5’1 with t-Rex arms so it may be a physics problem)
bottle warmer: takes longer than you’d think, had a nasty smell when it worked and gets mildewy so quick. I spent more time cleaning than using it
-nursing bras/tank tops/covers - I just used regular tank tops and muslin swaddlers as a cover-up if needed. But I have no boobs so I didn’t need the support either
changing table: just used the PNP or bassinet/crib
Liked: -Halo swaddle sleep sacks. They are fantastic. DS was a Jan baby and it was very helpful. -We had a Graco Glider swing system. it has a smaller footprint and it was great. It also had a remobable bouncer that we used too. Loved that it was all in one. -PNP we used that for the first 9mo of DS life. It was nice to have him in our room and I liked that it promoted safe sleep rather than the RnP. -Boon grass bottle rack. As a working mom who pumped, I had a lot of pump parts and I loved that I could fit everything in it. Two sets of pump parts and 12 bottles, 3 nipples all fit nicely.
Disliked: -Nose Freda. Awful. I got sick every time DS did. The filters don't work to keep germs out. Some mom's in my last BMB got electric ones for cheap online and I think I'll do something similar. We also used the big bulbs they give you in the hospital, steal as many as you can. -Never used a wipe warmer, or a bottle warmer. -swaddleme swaddles. Besides being able to strap them into a swing/seat and swaddle tjem they were terrible. DS got out of them when he was weeks old. -i had a breastfeeding cover and I never used it. DS hated it so I used it more as a blanket than anything.
You also don't need a jumper/exersizer, high chair or any of that other stuff right away. We were minimalist and tried to get baby gear that was multipurpose.
@carleym93 going from 1 to 2 was a million times easier for me than going from 0 to 1. Recovery, newborn issues, everything was smoother. I felt more confident and less anxious the second time. I genuinely like everything about having 2 more than 1. Actually, I’m having a third now because adding my second was so fun.
@battleangel I was positive my first was a boy and I had a girl. Then my second pregnancy was identical, so I guessed girl again, but I had a boy. The kids don’t know I’m pregnant yet, but talk about having a baby sister some day. Maybe they are better at guessing than I am.
I know this is long, but when I was a FTM I really appreciated the I ot I got from other moms on my buml board, so I figured I would be detailed since you asked about even small stuff.
It is easier for me to put what I DID use versus what I didn't. (and thankfully I convinced family to not buy me stuff I didn't want, so I never really had much in the unused department). Just a disclaimer: I am a minimalist, to begin with, and I "attachment parented" my son, so I did not have a whole lot of the stuff that most people find essential. However, it worked great for us, and I am 100% planning on doing the same thing again (Lord help me if this baby rejects it XD)
Anyways, my number 1 must have, and something I have multiple versions of now is a baby carrier. I could go on and on about the different kinds and why I have and need all 5 that I will have by the time I'm done buying my two new ones for this baby, but the one I would recommend starting with is a Moby. There is a learning curve on tying it, but once you get it, it's very easy. Plus, it's stretchy and cozy for little ones and offers more than enough support until they get bigger. After that, if you are still baby-wearing (and I still wear my toddler), I would recommend a Lillebaby so you can back carry (also stays stiffer and offers better support for when the baby gets bigger). My son lived in his Moby for the first 3 months of his life, and he loved it. I could move around, take walks, and get things done while he happily napped away or just hung out on me. He was a super happy baby because of it. Because I babywear (and wish I still could all the time, but I have a chunk of a kid) I didn't use a stroller until well after a year. I got a really nice jogging stroller that he is super comfy in because he can't comfortably stay asleep for a long period of time on me anymore. The only time I break out the stroller is to go on long walks with him for when he's napping and we're stuck out. I never use it for grocery trips or anything else like that, and I find strollers to be a royal pain in general.
I did have a rocker for him and will get a play chair for this one, and I would suggest some sort of baby seat/entrapment in case you have to put them down somewhere safe where they can't move (and they start moving faster than you think) for a minute or two. Would also recommend a play gym, especially if you can get one that converts to a ball pit (we still use ours this way and I have to buy a new play gym for the new baby because I don't want to take his ball pit away). DS would play in it for a solid hour by the time he was 6 weeks old, and it let me do dishes. I co-sleep, but I had a nest for the first few weeks with DS, and will do something similar again. It makes me feel better about co-sleeping until they can at least turn their heads. We had a PackNPlay but my son hated it, and it has since been tossed. I do not plan to replace.
This is probably a UO, and obviously doesn't work if you have to work, but I only pumped occasionally with my son and then stopped using it altogether by 4 months. He was EBF until 6 months. Eventually, they don't nurse every hour, and you can reliably go out for a while without leaving milk (at this point, I can go out for a solid 4-5 hours before he has to nurse again). Hopefully BF goes well again, and if so, this is my plan again. Also, a note for any large breasted moms out there. Boppys do not work for everyone. I have a short torso and large breasts. A boppy put my baby waaaaay to high up to nurse. I used throw pillows and other such stuff until we figured out how to comfortably do it. So a boppy was a definite no go for me. Once they start eating solids, I personally recommend one of the high chairs thats a mini one that you can strap to a dining chair. Its portable and takes up way less space, and my son now uses it for a regular chair in our living room. Just a couple baby plates/bowls and some baby sized silverware should be enough. And I wouldn't even buy sippy cups until your baby is actually ready to use one. Babies can be really picky about sippies (mine was) and it took until he was 15 months old to finally find one he liked. He was just drinking from a regular glass until then. I hear the same goes with bottles and bottle nipples.
Clothes wise, I would recommend not overdoing it. For one, my son outgrew sizes in a month at first. He was in 12-month clothes around 4-5 months old and now wears 3T at 16 months old. You never know how big your baby is going to be and how fast they will grow, so especially at first, keep it minimal. Also, I did not buy him clothes until he got into the 2T size. I just always had family sending him clothes, something for which I am very grateful. Definitely don't go overboard on buying any winter gear. It is nearly impossible to predict what size baby really will be when you hit that kind of weather, so buying it in advance can result in a lot of waste. Until he started walking, my son just wore onesies, all day every day. We live in a warm climate and he runs warm as well, so as a little guy he really didn't need anything else. I aimed for 10 onesies, 3 long sleeve sleepers in case he got cold, and 2 pairs of pants and 1 hoodie in every size through 12 months and that worked great for us. Also, he never wore shoes or socks until he started walking (again, warm climate). You might want to get a couple socks just Incase, but shoes are 100% useless to me.
Bathtime: here’s another unpopular one of mine. Never had a baby bathtub. I took a bath with DS until he got a bit big for both of us to fit, and at that point I showered with him. Im planning on showering from the get go with this one with my water baby carrier. Once they can stand, they can just stand in the shower. Hooded towels were one of the big wasted items to me. DS outgrew those towels so fast. Just get an extra one or two big soft towels. They will last sooooo much longer. I do find it worth it to get baby shampoo. BUT you really only need one or two big bottles. I have super sensitive skin, and my son inherited that. He only gets showers 1 maybe 2 times a week (and it’s all babies need). At this point I just use regular shampoo and soap and he does fine, but I find the baby shampoos worth it for when they’re itty bitty and you’re still working out how sensitive their skin is.
As for diapers, I used cloth for the first 6 months and loved it. But I switched after he started solids because I just did not want to deal with presoaking the poop. I use amazon diapers, and they are the best for sensitive skin I have tried. And bonus, they are also the cheapest. And I always used disposable wipes. Wipe warmer is not necessary, but if you are using cloth I would say the wet bag is worth it. I also found a changing table unnecessary. They get way too wiggly too fast to make it worth it. get a couple washable changing blankets/pads/covers and have a mini kit you can just take around with you. In my personal opinion, diaper bags are a very expensive waste. Use an extra purse pouch, use an old backpack, heck just put extra supplies in the car (like I do now). The expensive multipouch bags are not worth the money and always seemed to me like a trap to drag along a whole bunch of stuff you do not need.
I also never ever used or bought any nursing tanks/shirts. I just wear clothes that can be moved. I don’t use a cover either, so that’s out. I do have two very soft fold over “nursing” bras, but I only use them in the very beginning to catch leaks (and there was an obscene amount of leaking). I had a couple bamboobie pads to catch the worst of it in the beginning, but I didn’t find any of it to be very comfortable, so I ditched it all ASAP.
As as far as toys, I’d say don’t go overboard. One or two chewy toys, a couple interesting baby toys (like the caterpillar or octopus they have) and maybe some soft blocks and you’ll be Set for awhile. My kid still plays with everything but his toys most of the time so....
Oh and baby proofing. We covered the outlets and that was it. Apartment isn’t big enough for gates (but I’m sure we’ll use them when we eventually buy a house). I don’t keep anything dangerous in low cabinets and we keep the bathroom door closed, and that’s about it. For that matter, I don’t have much in the way of dangerous chemicals in the house in the first place. I clean with vinegar, and all the laundry stuff is outside. Anything else (odd pesticide, etc.) is out with the laundry so DS can’t get to it.
So there is everything I can think of right now! I hope this helps also, just keep in mind that every mama and baby really are different in terms of what works for them. I’d start minimal, and then the more you get to know baby, the more you can buy stuff that actually works for both of you. Especially in the beginning, babies do not need much, and a lot of stuff really can wait. I remember as a FTM I felt like I had to have everything immediately, but it was unnecessary.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
It's funny how different it all is and clear that there is no right answer. I love my changing table. DH built it and we still use it multiple times a day with my 2 year old.
@dntstpbelieveing Agreed, I find it hard to answer these questions because every baby/family is so different. Different people, different likes and dislikes! It’s more trial and error in my opinion...
Along those lines...is there actually a difference in brands of diapers? I've always given Pampers Swaddlers at showers when I know they're not doing cloth, because my cousin and an in-law both swore by them. My sister and BFF both did Honest Company delivery, which seems super expensive for something literally meant to be pooped in. But is there legitimately a difference between those, the store brand from Sam's, or anything in between?
@ki1244 There is, but its more about absorbency and shape of the baby. Huggies worked better for my short chunky legged baby, but Pampers are generally good for longer skinnier babies. DD ALWAYS blew out of Pampers. The cheaper store brands vary depending on the store. Target brand is good, but Walmart brand was horrible. Kirkland brand from Costco is fantastic, it is made by Huggies. The Sam’s Club brand is made by Pampers and is also good for those who use Pampers. Honest brand, I will say, does seem to have better absorption than most brands but not enough that I would pay that much for them. Really you’re mostly just paying for the designs. We used exclusively Huggies with DD (now we’re using Kirkland with her) but this time we’ll use Kirkland only because its way cheaper and is the same thing.
I may be the odd one out here but I feel like the place where you get the most variation between brands is not diapers, but wipes. We’ve tried Target, Sam’s, Kirkland, Huggies, Pampers, and Walmart wipes and every single one of them is different. Some are really thin, some are kind of dry, some rip really easily. My favorite wipes were definitely Pampers brand.
@tuxielove93 you are amazing! Your post was so incredibly helpful. I plan to wear my baby but I do have a question. I’m plus size. Will those baby carriers, like Moby,fit me?
@antera23 I had a 3rd degree tear and not to lie, it a took long time for it to feel normal again. I'd probably say over 9 months. Everything else was back to normal after three months, but the scar tissue was stiff and just took time. The first couple of times were painful, but you just had to do it.
@antera23 while I didn't use a Moby I am very plus size and still wore. Don't let that discourage you. I used an infantino Mai Thai for really little baby and went to a Lille baby as he got bigger.
We pretty much always used generic diapers. Babies r us were my favorite but clearly not any more. We are currently using target when they have a sale. I also use generic wipes. The only note I had on diapers is that DH doesn't like the Aldi ones as much because he tends to rip thetabs off.
@antera23 I think it was more of a mental thing to get over for me for the first PP sexy time. (I had a 4th degree tear/and internal stitching to my right vaginal wall. DD came out 90 degrees the wrong way.) Believe it or not, we DTD 3ish months PP and it wasn’t bad. DH said it didn’t feel any different.
As as far as diapers, we tried a lot of different ones and I think it will just depend on your individual baby(how they fit them to prevent leaks). They had Huggies in the hospital and it gave DD a horrible rash. We switched to pampers and used those for a while (really liked them). Then switched to honest company. Those are really expensive IMO and we had a lot of blow outs (DD is a chunk), but the delivery was really nice. You can sign up for amazon deliveries for other brands. I might explore that this next time. We also used the target brand until DD maxed out in size in them. They are cheap and work great. Now she is in pampers pull ups all day. Maybe we will have her potty trained before this one gets here.
ETA: what @bakerstreetboys said below. Invest in some night time diapers after the newborn phase. We personally like luvs.
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
I wouldn't stock up on any one particular brand of diapers, because you never know what will work for each baby. With my first, I bought them when they were on sale, but that didn't work out! Two of my babies would leak out of Pampers, and were fine in Huggies, and two were the exact opposite! It wasn't a boy/girl thing either. Oh, and night diapers are great! They are more absorbent, so baby is less likely to wet through and wake themselves up. Unfortunately my two year old DS still blows through the night diapers every night these days!
@bakerstreetboys we had to stop using the night time diapers for DD (outgrew them). We have been using pampers pull-ups overnight and they are surprisingly absorbent!
*TW* Spoiler
Me: 33 DH:30 DD: Aug '16 10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks. 10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery 11/2/17 Twin A & B born 11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU Benched 6 months BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
@meatballs37 Thanks, maybe I'll try those! He often wakes up dirty too though, and I don't find Pull-Ups "contain" that as well! We'll probably have to start limiting his water intake a bit in the evenings.
I had a third degree tear with DD. The tear over healed and made a raised line of scar tissue. The first time we DTD PP (6 weeks) it was excruciating because he was pulling the scar tissue. My OB froze it off with liquid nitrogen and then it felt totally normal afterwards.
@carleym93 interesting to know they can do that (with liquid nitrogen)!
I have a question for the STMs: how much more help did you need for two kids vs. one? DH and I don't have a lot of family nearby and I'm trying to figure out what kind of backup help we will need and how to set up a better support system. We are kind of winging it with one and it's working but there isn't a big margin of error, so I feel our current (lack of) system will not suffice.
@marijaa333 DH and I don't really have family we leave the kids with. When they were young it wasn't an issue. But now that they are in daycare/preschool, there are teacher in-service days and sick days that can be a problem. We both have flexible schedules, so for the most part it's fine. And we have close friends who have helped in a pinch.
@antera23 I am not plus sized, but there is a whole lot of fabric on the Moby. My 6’2” not skinny husband can wear it so I imagine it works for a wide range of sizes. They might also make an XL one if I remember correctly?
Re: sex. It only took a couple times for sex to start to feeling normal again. Like 3-4? I didn’t tear or get cut though and had a normal vaginal delivery, so there wasn’t much in the way of damage. It was more of a mental thing and I was super apprehensive at first to let anything go anywhere near there. DH swears it doesn’t feel any different. I will say this though. Giving birth can change the way everything is arranged. So some positions that used to be great don’t work anymore and visa versa. And some parts are more sensitive and some areas just don’t feel good period. So it was never 100% back to “normal”.
Hubby and Me Friends since 2008 Started dating: July 1st, 2013 Engaged: July 1st, 2014 Married: July 1st, 2016 R born: July 8th, 2017 N born: June 30th, 2019 Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022 (maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
@antera23 Sex was not fun for me for the few months or so times after both kids. One was a c-section and the other I had a 1st degree year. I've since learned that breastfeeding can impact sex and I feel pretty confident that was the deal in my case. For me, sex was not great until I finished breastfeeding. My best advice is to make sure your husband goes slow. Like really slow. Your body will adjust. And lube is your friend.
@antera23 the first time we tried to have pp sex we had to stop. It hurt to much. That was at 6 weeks. I did a little research and learned that I needed to stretch the scar tissue from my tear out gradually before having sex again. So every time I showered I would work on stretching that tissue out. By 8 weeks we were able to have sex again. After the first couple times it started to feel better. It worked better if we used la lot of ube and DH was very attentive during the foreplay. I will say that breastfeeding hurt my sex drive and I just never thought about it so DH always had to initiate.
Re: moby......I used the Moby with my second baby (don't forget I have a 12 year gap between my first 2 kids) and loved it. However, with my third baby, I needed something that was quick and easy to put baby in that had the same comfortable, snuggly feeling. I use the K'tan and love it! You don't have to wrap it and you aren't dealing with a buttload of fabric plus it wraps up super small and is easy to toss in the diaper bag.
For me a nursing tank and bra are very necessary for me. I like having a double layer so when I pull up my shirt my stomach isn't exposed.
I love my diaper bag. Imboretty sure it's a Skip Hop. It fits everything + a little more.
Diapers: Kirklands are awful for my kids. Nonstop blowouts. I prefer Pampers swaddlers. I don't like Pampers wipes though.
This is the perfect example of how certain things don't work the same for everyone. Everyone has a preference. Plus, baby may have their own preference.
@antera23 I had a stage 4 tear so lots of stitches and lots of scar tissue. We tried for the first time probably 8 weeks out and it was definitely uncomfortable. I felt like I could feel the thick band of scar tissue. Definitely lots of lube. I was much drier during BF than other times in my life. Foreplay helped, too. Honestly though, even a little now, but definitely when she was teeny tiny, I had the most trouble turning off my brain. Obviously we would do it when she was asleep and I felt hypervigilant about listening for her to be crying, or thinking about 1000 other things other than having sex. It's slowly getting better, and I do think I had a touch of PPD/PPA that went undiagnosed. So, maybe that impacted it. As my doctor put it at my 6-week appointment: "inebriate and lubricate and you'll be ok." hah!
Re: Ask a STM November
Second the Boppy.
DS: March 2014
DD: May 2015
BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
I was super glad to have- MyBrestFriend pillow. Similar to Boppy but worked WAY better for us for BF. I’m sure it’s dependent on body type and all kinds of other things. If you have the opportunity to try both I’d recommend it. Loved my KTan! DD loved to be worn. Dohm white noise is my favorite thing ever. If I weren’t a cheapskate I’d buy one for my room. I’m sure I’ll think of more!
1. Baby wearing things - Ergo/Tula style structured carriers, wraps, ring slings. Whatever you like best. Just don’t get a “crotch dangler” style. An ergonomic carrier is more comfortable for you both!
2. Swaddle pods/Halo swaddles - not actual blankets but the wearable sac kinds. In the newborn stage the pods were easier and made them a little coccoon. As they get other the Halo style. It’s safer for sleeping and way easier to deal with. If you kiddo doesn’t like arms in they’re easy to use as an arms out sleep sack.
3. A swing and a bouncer. Our first swing had a removable bouncer so it was two in one. It’s so much easier to move them around for cooking or showering. They can be safely in eye sight but you don’t have to hold or wear them
We kept it super simple for our first and will do the same again. Babies don’t need much!
Loves:
- PNP with changing station/bassinet level(option): this is especially useful if the majority of time you spend awake with baby will be on a different floor or farther away from the nursery. When baby is tiny and you are recovering from birth or want to keep an eye on them it’s perfect place to for them to nap and a nice changing station to store extra clothes and essentials so you are not always making trips back and forth to the bedroom. As they got older I used it as a place for them to play so I could cook or shower, and when they outgrew that it was handy toy storage.
Swing: mine loved their swing till almost a year when I finally had to kick them out
Bouncer: they can out grow it quick but it can be a sanity saver
Boppy: although I used it more to protect my belly during c-section recovery and propping baby up during tummy time
playmat/activity gym: all of my kids loved it. Was a great toy to get them to roll over and start reaching for toys
Baby bath: I know you can use just the sink but little wet babies are slippery suckers. Took the anxiety out of those baths during the first months
carseat/stroller: set explanatory
Likes:
Little Einstein’s crib aquarium - only reason this isn’t a love is because it’s not really an essential. Helped my kids fall asleep, entertained them when they woke up. I remember turning that on during MOTN wake-ups and my kids going back to sleep with little issue.
Muslin swaddlers - like Aden and anais - they were perfect for everything...swaddling, burp clothes, blankets, car seat covers (we will have summer babies they are so wonderfully breathable you can keep sun off them but not worry about them overheating). They stay so soft and hold up to washes and just about everything you throw at them.
Velcro swaddlers: the cheater swaddlers with the sides that wrap over or under the arms and the pocket for the legs/torso. I always felt better letting them sleep in those because they couldn’t come undone or loose.
Didnt like or use much:
rocking chair
High chair
baby wearer (I tried a few without success but I am also 5’1 with t-Rex arms so it may be a physics problem)
bottle warmer: takes longer than you’d think, had a nasty smell when it worked and gets mildewy so quick. I spent more time cleaning than using it
-nursing bras/tank tops/covers - I just used regular tank tops and muslin swaddlers as a cover-up if needed. But I have no boobs so I didn’t need the support either
changing table: just used the PNP or bassinet/crib
-Halo swaddle sleep sacks. They are fantastic. DS was a Jan baby and it was very helpful.
-We had a Graco Glider swing system. it has a smaller footprint and it was great. It also had a remobable bouncer that we used too. Loved that it was all in one.
-PNP we used that for the first 9mo of DS life. It was nice to have him in our room and I liked that it promoted safe sleep rather than the RnP.
-Boon grass bottle rack. As a working mom who pumped, I had a lot of pump parts and I loved that I could fit everything in it. Two sets of pump parts and 12 bottles, 3 nipples all fit nicely.
Disliked:
-Nose Freda. Awful. I got sick every time DS did. The filters don't work to keep germs out. Some mom's in my last BMB got electric ones for cheap online and I think I'll do something similar. We also used the big bulbs they give you in the hospital, steal as many as you can.
-Never used a wipe warmer, or a bottle warmer.
-swaddleme swaddles. Besides being able to strap them into a swing/seat and swaddle tjem they were terrible. DS got out of them when he was weeks old.
-i had a breastfeeding cover and I never used it. DS hated it so I used it more as a blanket than anything.
You also don't need a jumper/exersizer, high chair or any of that other stuff right away. We were minimalist and tried to get baby gear that was multipurpose.
I know this is long, but when I was a FTM I really appreciated the I ot I got from other moms on my buml
board, so I figured I would be detailed since you asked about even small stuff.
It is easier for me to put what I DID use versus what I didn't. (and thankfully I convinced family to not buy me stuff I didn't want, so I never really had much in the unused department). Just a disclaimer: I am a minimalist, to begin with, and I "attachment parented" my son, so I did not have a whole lot of the stuff that most people find essential. However, it worked great for us, and I am 100% planning on doing the same thing again (Lord help me if this baby rejects it XD)
Anyways, my number 1 must have, and something I have multiple versions of now is a baby carrier. I could go on and on about the different kinds and why I have and need all 5 that I will have by the time I'm done buying my two new ones for this baby, but the one I would recommend starting with is a Moby. There is a learning curve on tying it, but once you get it, it's very easy. Plus, it's stretchy and cozy for little ones and offers more than enough support until they get bigger. After that, if you are still baby-wearing (and I still wear my toddler), I would recommend a Lillebaby so you can back carry (also stays stiffer and offers better support for when the baby gets bigger). My son lived in his Moby for the first 3 months of his life, and he loved it. I could move around, take walks, and get things done while he happily napped away or just hung out on me. He was a super happy baby because of it. Because I babywear (and wish I still could all the time, but I have a chunk of a kid) I didn't use a stroller until well after a year. I got a really nice jogging stroller that he is super comfy in because he can't comfortably stay asleep for a long period of time on me anymore. The only time I break out the stroller is to go on long walks with him for when he's napping and we're stuck out. I never use it for grocery trips or anything else like that, and I find strollers to be a royal pain in general.
I did have a rocker for him and will get a play chair for this one, and I would suggest some sort of baby seat/entrapment in case you have to put them down somewhere safe where they can't move (and they start moving faster than you think) for a minute or two. Would also recommend a play gym, especially if you can get one that converts to a ball pit (we still use ours this way and I have to buy a new play gym for the new baby because I don't want to take his ball pit away). DS would play in it for a solid hour by the time he was 6 weeks old, and it let me do dishes. I co-sleep, but I had a nest for the first few weeks with DS, and will do something similar again. It makes me feel better about co-sleeping until they can at least turn their heads. We had a PackNPlay but my son hated it, and it has since been tossed. I do not plan to replace.
This is probably a UO, and obviously doesn't work if you have to work, but I only pumped occasionally with my son and then stopped using it altogether by 4 months. He was EBF until 6 months. Eventually, they don't nurse every hour, and you can reliably go out for a while without leaving milk (at this point, I can go out for a solid 4-5 hours before he has to nurse again). Hopefully BF goes well again, and if so, this is my plan again. Also, a note for any large breasted moms out there. Boppys do not work for everyone. I have a short torso and large breasts. A boppy put my baby waaaaay to high up to nurse. I used throw pillows and other such stuff until we figured out how to comfortably do it. So a boppy was a definite no go for me. Once they start eating solids, I personally recommend one of the high chairs thats a mini one that you can strap to a dining chair. Its portable and takes up way less space, and my son now uses it for a regular chair in our living room. Just a couple baby plates/bowls and some baby sized silverware should be enough. And I wouldn't even buy sippy cups until your baby is actually ready to use one. Babies can be really picky about sippies (mine was) and it took until he was 15 months old to finally find one he liked. He was just drinking from a regular glass until then. I hear the same goes with bottles and bottle nipples.
Clothes wise, I would recommend not overdoing it. For one, my son outgrew sizes in a month at first. He was in 12-month clothes around 4-5 months old and now wears 3T at 16 months old. You never know how big your baby is going to be and how fast they will grow, so especially at first, keep it minimal. Also, I did not buy him clothes until he got into the 2T size. I just always had family sending him clothes, something for which I am very grateful. Definitely don't go overboard on buying any winter gear. It is nearly impossible to predict what size baby really will be when you hit that kind of weather, so buying it in advance can result in a lot of waste. Until he started walking, my son just wore onesies, all day every day. We live in a warm climate and he runs warm as well, so as a little guy he really didn't need anything else. I aimed for 10 onesies, 3 long sleeve sleepers in case he got cold, and 2 pairs of pants and 1 hoodie in every size through 12 months and that worked great for us. Also, he never wore shoes or socks until he started walking (again, warm climate). You might want to get a couple socks just Incase, but shoes are 100% useless to me.
Bathtime: here’s another unpopular one of mine. Never had a baby bathtub. I took a bath with DS until he got a bit big for both of us to fit, and at that point I showered with him. Im
planning on showering from
the get go with this one with my water baby carrier. Once they can stand, they can just stand in the shower. Hooded towels were one of the big wasted items to me. DS outgrew those towels so fast. Just get an extra one or two big soft towels. They will last sooooo much longer. I do find it worth it to get baby shampoo. BUT you really only need one or two big bottles. I have super sensitive skin, and my son inherited that. He only gets showers 1 maybe 2 times a week (and it’s all babies need). At this point I just use regular shampoo and soap and he does fine, but I find the baby shampoos worth it for when they’re itty bitty and you’re still working out how sensitive their skin is.
As for diapers, I used cloth for the first 6 months and loved it. But I switched after he started solids because I just did not want to deal with presoaking the poop. I use amazon diapers, and they are the best for sensitive skin I have tried. And bonus, they are also
the cheapest. And I always used disposable wipes. Wipe warmer is not necessary, but if you are using cloth I would say the wet bag is worth it. I also found a changing table unnecessary. They get way too wiggly too fast to make it worth it. get a couple washable changing blankets/pads/covers and have a mini kit you can just take around with you. In my personal opinion, diaper bags are a very expensive waste. Use an extra purse pouch, use an old backpack, heck just put extra supplies in the car (like I do now). The expensive multipouch bags are not worth the money and always seemed to me like a trap to drag along a whole bunch of stuff you do not need.
I also never ever used or bought any nursing tanks/shirts. I just wear clothes that can be moved. I don’t use a cover either, so that’s out. I do have two very soft fold over “nursing” bras, but I only use them in the very beginning to catch leaks (and there was an obscene amount of leaking). I had a couple bamboobie pads to catch the worst of it in the beginning, but I didn’t find any of it to be very comfortable, so I ditched it all ASAP.
As as far as toys, I’d say don’t go overboard. One or two chewy toys, a couple interesting baby toys (like the caterpillar or octopus they have) and maybe some soft blocks and you’ll be Set for awhile. My kid still plays with everything but his toys most of the time so....
Oh and baby proofing. We covered the outlets and that was it. Apartment isn’t big enough for gates (but I’m sure we’ll use them when we eventually buy a house). I don’t keep anything dangerous in low cabinets and we keep the bathroom door closed, and that’s about it. For that matter, I don’t have much in the way of dangerous chemicals in the house in the first place. I clean with vinegar, and all the laundry stuff is outside. Anything else (odd pesticide, etc.) is out with the laundry so DS can’t get to it.
So there is everything I can think of right now! I hope this helps
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
DS: March 2014
DD: May 2015
BFP: 12/24/17 CP: 1/2/18 @ 4w 3d
BFP: 1/26/18 CP: 2/2/18 @ 4w 4d
BFP: 5/16/18 MMC: 6/15/18 @ 7w 5d
BFP: 9/25/18! EDD: 6/9/19 TEAM GREEN
Is sex different after having a baby and if so when does it go back to normal/when do you feel normal again?
As as far as diapers, we tried a lot of different ones and I think it will just depend on your individual baby(how they fit them to prevent leaks). They had Huggies in the hospital and it gave DD a horrible rash. We switched to pampers and used those for a while (really liked them). Then switched to honest company. Those are really expensive IMO and we had a lot of blow outs (DD is a chunk), but the delivery was really nice. You can sign up for amazon deliveries for other brands. I might explore that this next time. We also used the target brand until DD maxed out in size in them. They are cheap and work great. Now she is in pampers pull ups all day. Maybe we will have her potty trained before this one gets here.
ETA: what @bakerstreetboys said below. Invest in some night time diapers after the newborn phase. We personally like luvs.
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
DD: Aug '16
10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
11/2/17 Twin A & B born
11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
Benched 6 months
BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18 BO
BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18
Re: sex. It only took a couple times for sex to start to feeling normal again. Like 3-4? I didn’t tear or get cut though and had a normal vaginal delivery, so there wasn’t much in the way of damage. It was more of a mental thing and I was super apprehensive at first to let anything go anywhere near there. DH swears it doesn’t feel any different. I will say this though. Giving birth can change the way everything is arranged. So some positions that used to be great don’t work anymore and visa versa. And some parts are more sensitive and some areas just don’t feel good period. So it was never 100% back to “normal”.
Friends since 2008
Started dating: July 1st, 2013
Engaged: July 1st, 2014
Married: July 1st, 2016
R born: July 8th, 2017
N born: June 30th, 2019
Baby #3 Due: July 7th, 2022
(maybe I only ovulate in October XD)
I will say that breastfeeding hurt my sex drive and I just never thought about it so DH always had to initiate.
edit to fix words
For me a nursing tank and bra are very necessary for me. I like having a double layer so when I pull up my shirt my stomach isn't exposed.
I love my diaper bag. Imboretty sure it's a Skip Hop. It fits everything + a little more.
Diapers: Kirklands are awful for my kids. Nonstop blowouts. I prefer Pampers swaddlers. I don't like Pampers wipes though.
This is the perfect example of how certain things don't work the same for everyone. Everyone has a preference. Plus, baby may have their own preference.