Hi mamas! There are about 500 of us in the Intro thread alone, so where are you hiding? The regular posters are getting to know each other pretty well, which is super fun. However, we’ve been noticing that our board is kind of slow (especially Saturday-Monday) and not very ‘spicy’.
Please feel free to add your voices and make this even more of an inclusive community. We’d love to hear from YOU!
Re: To All the Lurkers :)
PS: No offense or snark intended with the term “lurker”. It’s the cardinal rule of these boards to lurk before jumping in—which I did before trepidatiously joining this group—so I just used that common term.
PPS: The app was so glitchy that I finally followed a tip posted by @lovesclimbing & accessed the site through a browser on my phone. Problems solved. You may want to try it b/c the Question thread can be pretty interesting & informative.
Come out, come out wherever you are!
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
Also just my opinion: if I see a poster's name twice, I tend to go, "Oh, I remember her!" and naturally tend to think of that person as an active member because I recognized their name. That's all I meant by "regulars". I hope to see more posts and comments from those who may be hesitant to join in, because it takes a lot of us to keep this going and interesting; others are definitely free to just read along. Everyone's welcome.
You say you’re not being judgy, but I definitely don’t see it that way. You are forming judgments without even attempting to actively participate.
With said said, I understand that sometimes there is a certain tone to the group that may seem uninviting. I think it’s important to realize that not everyone here is like that though and just like real life, people have different personalities. There are plenty of active members who are inclusive and genuinely here to help and support others.
I also want to mention that this board will eventually be much less active because usually it gets moved to a private group. Personally, I had just as many questions and sought advice, support, or just others’ experiences on a range of issues after my son was born. Being part of the private Facebook group was so helpful during those first few weeks/months because everyone is going through the exact same thing. This is also where genuine friendships were formed and relationships were deepened. It’s hard to get past a surface level in a public forum with hundreds of people.
I recommend participating if you think the private group would be beneficial to you later on.
June 2016 - CP
2017 - Medicated Cycles & IUI's
IVF w/ PGS - January 2018
FET #1 - April 2018 - BFN
ERA Cycle May / June 2018
ERA Biopsy June 2018 ~ Results: receptive (no change)
FET #2 - July 2018 - BFP Beta #1 - 137 Beta #2 - 410
U/S #1 7wk1d - HB 144 U/S #2 9w1d HB 166
Anatomy Scan 1st 11/2/18 2nd AS 11/19
EDD March 28, 2019
Baby Girl born 3/26/19
i come to @mountainmama3r's defense because sometimes it seems regulars in this group (and probably other groups but i don't have the time to 'lurk' in those because i could care less) are actively looking to stir up drama to add a little "excitement" to their days. i appreciate @keikilove clarifying what she meant by 'spicy' (see above) - and that example is crystal clear proof that when typing to people who don't know your tone personally, it's only courteous to be very clear.
the last thing i'll say is that the group likely slows down on weekends because people have lives and they aren't glued to this chatroom 24/7. if you guys wanted newbies to come out of the woodworks and introduce themselves.... you've let this thread get to a place where they most likely will not. extremely counterproductive.
newbies who have been 'lurking' - my inbox is always open and once again hopefully you have not been scared off by all the back-and-forth!
I live for making digital connections! How sad that someone would think otherwise. I’ll connect with anyone on here. I just may not show up to your Friendsgiving. I hope that’s clear and that I remain an open invitation for new and regular posters on this forum.
And we should totally do a Friendsgiving one day!
On my previous BMB, I was a lurker during my pregnancy. I'm pretty reserved, especially in a group setting, because I don't want to add to the "noise" just for the sake of saying something. As a FTM with an uncomplicated pregnancy, I had neither advice nor questions to contribute. However, once DS was born, I had tons of questions! About breastfeeding, sleep schedules, etc. That's when I started posting, but I didn't know people well enough to make the cut when they migrated to a private group.
This time around, I feel like I actually have advice and insight to contribute, so I'm much more active. Not only that, but I know from experience the value of having a support system of women whose babies are all the same age as yours! So please feel free to get involved, even if it's just on the weekly check-in thread for your due date week or posting a selfie for Hump Day Bump Day
So sure, call it a cattle call before the migration instead of a welcome party and wordsmith it however you want but the intent is the same. I feel like we're arguing semantics now.
It seems like everyone could benefit from giving others the benefit of the doubt rather than assuming people are *trying* to be cliquey or gatekeepers of the future closed group (which by the way, is an important & good thing and I am dependent and grateful for those who will eventually take on that task!).
If the same X people are talking to each other every day for almost 20 weeks it might seem cliquey to a non participant but I just think everyone active is talking to everyone else that’s active...
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
That's why I wanted to participate more actively this time around. I would like to move on with the group because I know I missed out on a lot of extra help, benefits, and ideas last go around. For example, my pumping game sucks. I was doing nothing correctly, and, by the time I figured it out and tried to fix it, it was too late. This time, I almost plan on annoying everyone to death with pumping questions.
@navete your response is ridiculous , (eye roll) ? Who talks like that
@meggyme this may surprise you but I doubt anybody really cares who you are, there are plenty of pictures that can be stolen on the internet and I don’t think you have anything to worry about. I have zero plan to migrate, I don’t have facebook. Thank you for your permission to continue to lurk.
@mamaoftwomonkeys your post is funny. I’ll continue to Lurk and respond when I please.
I want to respond individually to everybody but I have to get back to work. Then I have a life after work so I probably won’t have time.
Ill keep up the lurking though!!
I think it’s a lot easier for people just to lurk and read about the experiences of others. I’m personally not a fan of having single threads for various topics (like the question one) so I have a hard time keeping up with questions and responses.
Hopefully people that would like to develop friendships as we go through this journey together can and will jump in at some point!
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
That being said, I have learned so much by reading all of your posts and interactions and it has made me so much more comfortable throughout my pregnancy. I think the regulars on this board are very supportive and while there is sometimes a "cliquey" vibe to this site, especially when you first start "lurking" or if someone asks a one-off question, I overall find everyone helpful and kind. Appreciate the reaching out, as it's sometimes hard for people to join in the discussion late as you can feel like an intruder.
However even when I was lurking I was NOT sitting in an ivory tower judging everyone who posted and dismissing them all as cliquey - and it makes me uncomfortable to think that that's happening now. Women on here, including myself, have commiserated about and shared personal experiences relating to infertility, miscarriage, later pregnancy loss, scary pregnancy symptoms such as cramping and bleeding, etc - if there's even a chance that there are more rude, judgey lurkers out there like the one that has posted here I say we make this bump group private so that we aren't sharing such personal details with people like that.
Married: 2012
BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
Reading some of the responses here made me so sad. No, not all lurkers are sitting back judging your responses. Not me, at least. I don't want anyone to feel that way. So I guess that's why I'm posting right now.
If you really want to understand why lurkers lurk, I'm just one example, but I'm just really overwhelmed with all the new things going on in my life. Seriously, my evening tonight has been consumed with figuring out what the heck my insurance actually covers and understanding my short term disability plan. (Yes, I know you're all dealing with that stuff too. I guess I'm just not managing it as well.)
I think I read somewhere on this board that a few of you think the board is slow -- it seems very fast to me! My computer at work is monitored for "non-work related activity" and I only have a few hours of downtime in the evening, so sometimes I'm just skimming. Then, replying about the things that others have covered well already, just to chime in, seems unnecessary.
At the same time, as a first time mom I don't have that much advice to give. Plus, I assumed people didn't really want to hear about my insignificant day-to-day stuff. I was thinking I could contribute when I had something worthwhile to ask or respond to, otherwise I feel like I'm just adding useless noise (my own anxiety issue, not saying that's what anyone is doing.)
I've really appreciated reading these boards when I'm able, and didn't realize that eventually everyone would go away into their smaller private groups and I clearly wont be making "the cut" ... that stinks! I mean, reading this thread, I get why you plan to do it, but it's clearly something I'll be left out of. Unless I start posting just to post, and that's not really my style.
a desk job I could stare at my phone regularly, I still probably wouldn’t dedicate time to getting to know strangers on the internet. Sorry if I offended you. I am having to take extra time to write this post while my boyfriend baths my son. I’m not mad about that though. Maybe I should go hide in a different room every night at bath time and have him do it!!
I have two kids, a full time job and sick parents. Things are just "busy"...I hate that word by the way I lurk because I really only have a few minutes at night that I sit on the couch and pop around my phone... And I bounce from Facebook to email and pop in here every now and then. I totally think things move fast and have a hard time keeping up.
So once I fall behind it's kind of awkward to figure out where to jump in. I don't want to say something that someone has already covered.. which I know is mostly my own anxiety issue. So I guess what I'm saying is that I will use this post as a nudge to start participating more, which I think was the original intention here.