PGAL Check-in 10/10

nmbrcrnchr1 · October 2018

Feel free to use the questions as a guide or use this space as a safe space where you can talk freely about what’s going on with your PGAL brain ❤️

1. How many weeks are you?

2. Previous loss(es)?

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically?

4. Any appointment updates?

5. Rants/Raves/Questions?

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life?

meatballs37 · October 2018

Fair warning, Mine is a downer.

1. How many weeks are you? 4 + 3

2. Previous loss(es)? 22 weeks, 29 weeks, and 6 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Today is one year since they told us our son Shepherd, baby B had no heartbeat. I thought I would be sad this week, but I’m actually really angry and I’m taking it out on people and place I normally wouldn’t. I am mad at people who have healthy babies. Mad at people who don’t take care of their pregnancy. Mad at people who ignore loss symptoms. Like why wouldn’t you try and save your baby? Mad at people who think I should be over it. Mad that our son isn’t with us today and we did everything to save him. Mad at the world basically.

4. Any appointment updates? Not until the 25th

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? None

6. Any milestones coming up? Today is a sad day for DH and I. We will be lighting a candle for our son.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Tacos, always tacos

nmbrcrnchr1 · October 2018

@meatballs37 hugs lady ❤️ I’m sorry you’re angry, but I think you have every right to be. As a loss Mom it’s so hard to see people so nonchalant about things. I hope you can find some joy on this dark day.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@meatballs37 you have every right to feel mad. Life has been very cruel and unjust. I am sending you lots of creepy internet hugs and will also be lighting a candle for Shepard tonight 💗💗

1. How many weeks are you? 5 tomorrow

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC in March, CP last mont

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically fine. I mean, I'm feeling it but not intense yet. It would be great if my boobs would get out of my way but whatever. Emotionally I'm getting better day by day. Each one makes it seem more legit, that this is happening and that it *could* all be okay.

4. Any appointment updates? Hopefully final beta on Fri and then schedule US

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Caught the new guy at work checking me out this morning. Sorry buddy, happily married and happily pregnant. Wish I could know what hes thinking in about 2m when I start to pop 😂

6. Any milestones coming up? Got through the first (seeing 18 dpo and betas doubling). Next one will be heartbeat.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Tacos but they have to be made my way. I am far from traditional with my tacos. My boss was actually laughing at me last week because of it.

srscott3 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5+5

2. Previous loss(es)? CP 12/17, MC 2/18

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically feeling okay. Not a ton of symptoms which is worrisome but normal from everything I’ve read/heard. Emotionally, high anxiety and insomnia have kicked in. So so tired.

4. Any appointment updates? First appointment moved from 10/23 to 10/25 (DH’s schedule changed)

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Not right now. May come back to this one.

6. Any milestones coming up? Already passed my CP milestone this week, now to make it to 6+5. Almost there

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? I’m definitely a sushi girl, but I can only have so much. So I say tacos! I really miss living in south Texas 😭 but I’m pretty sure my scale thinks otherwise

srscott3 · October 2018

@meatballs37 thinking of you and sweet Shepherd today ❤️

dntstpbelieveing · October 2018

@meatballs37 You have every right to be mad. Sending you all my thoughts today!

1. How many weeks are you? based on lmp 5+1 but I think 4+4 is more accurate.

2. Previous loss(es)? 1 mc at 9.5 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I am doing ok. I am pretty tired and not feeling well by the end of the day otherwise I am doing alright physically. Emotionally I am anxious and trying to take things one day at a time. I refocused myself last night by not trying to figured things out based on lmp and plan things based on what I think is more accurate.

4. Any appointment updates? I go tonight for another blood draw but I have my us on Oct 24

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? mostly just ranting at myself because I am so unmotivated to get things done at work.

6. Any milestones coming up? I had my first bout of bleeding with my MC at 9 days after missed af so today is day 8. I will be really excited if I make it through this weekend without bleeding. Then ideally past 9.5 weeks.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Definitely tacos. I can eat tacos all the time.

eleven_ · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 5w 4d

2. Previous loss(es)? 2 CPs and 1 MC ~7 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Emotionally I am a wreck. I have been monitoring my heart rate with my Fitbit and my resting heart rate is dropping which is exactly what it did with my last MC. Right around the time the HB for my LO stopped, my boobs stopped hurting and I stopped feeling pregnant. Feeling not very pregnant today has me stressed. I just keep imagining going to the 6w U/S and them telling me there is no HB. I don't even want to go the appointment.... Just let me pregnant for a little bit longer

4. Any appointment updates? 6 w U/S next Tuesday 10/16

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? I just want this so much. I can’t even think about how much this will hurt if it is another loss...

6. Any milestones coming up? Made it past both of my CP losses so that’s nice.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? SUSHI! I could eat sushi for dinner for the rest of my life and be happy.

@meatballs37 So many hugs to you, friend. I'll be thinking of you and Shepherd today

carleym93 · October 2018

hugs to you @meatballs37. will be thinking of you and that sweet baby of yours today.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@eleven_ I'm crossing everything that this is not a sign but a fluke event, and that baby is healthy and growing ❤

meatballs37 · October 2018

I feel like when I read everyone’s concerns and worries here, it’s like reading my own diary entry. I wish all of us could have that blissfully unaware excitement that comes usually with a first pregnancy.

I also wanted to add I ran my beta again last night (650 at 16 DPO) which is more than double again in 48 hours. And I have zero, zip, zilch, nada symptoms. Like absolutely nothing, I feel like my normal self (physically anyways). I hope maybe that calms some of you that it’s perfectly ok to not have any symptoms at this point still even with HCG levels rising. But I know we will all be a little more relieved when we get to the point where we can feel our little ones move. This point in pregnancy is so hard and I’m so glad you ladies are here voicing your same worries. It makes me not feel so crazy.

eleven_ · October 2018

@prpl11butterfly Thank you

@meatballs37 That seriously does make me feel better. I wish too that we could all be blissfully unaware of this torment. It really takes all the joy out of what should be such a happy time in our lives.

You ladies are the best and I am so glad I have all of you

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 4+3 based on LMP but I think more like 4+1

2. Previous loss(es)? CP, Miscarriage around 7 weeks, still birth at 32 weeks

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Just tired this week. I think I'm fine and then I find myself worrying about something stupid. I wanted a Sprite today but then was too afraid to drink it because of the sugar. Which sounds so stupid.

4. Any appointment updates? I had a beta with the RE this morning and waiting on them to call me.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? See above.

6. Any milestones coming up? Doubling betas is my first. Getting past 7 weeks is next.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Hmm maybe sushi

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

@meatballs37 sending you lots of love. It's okay to be angry. We did everything we could to save my daughter and I totally understand being angry when people don't seem to care about their pregnancy.

meatballs37 · October 2018

@sparklingdiamond sending you great beta number vibes today!

bumblebee0210 · October 2018

@meatballs37Please know that you have every right to all of your feelings, especially at such an intense moment. I hate that women are so often socialized to never be angry. Sending love.

@sparklingdiamond Good luck today! Fx!

1. How many weeks are you? 4w5d

2. Previous loss(es)? MMC in Dec 2017, CP Jul 2018

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? Physically: Ok-- just queasy and tired. Acupuncture today helped. Emotionally: changes moment to moment, but cautiously optimistic. Really grateful, but definitely wary.

4. Any appointment updates? Confirmation of pregnancy Monday 10/15. I envy the reassurance of doubling betas-- I am still being treated by my family practitioner as a normal, low-risk pregnancy so no real info beyond the POAS until US at 8 weeks.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? nope

6. Any milestones coming up? Past my CP milestone, next is the 8w ultrasound. Feels like FOREVER.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? If we are talking only food I eat, tacos. If it just means free, then sushi because tacos are cheap and sushi is $$$

bumblebee0210 · October 2018

@eleven_ so many hugs. It's so hard not to over-interpret every twinge-- I think in some ways for me it's worse than the 2ww, because I have more practice at ignoring those symptoms...

@prpl11butterfly I feel like we are like loss/due date twins. Which is admittedly a weird type of kinship...

meatballs37 · October 2018

@bumblebee0210 I agree with your thoughts on the TWW. So glad to hear you are past your first milestone!

suzycupcake · October 2018

*lurking*

Ladies, I'm thinking about you. Everything is crossed and all the prayers. Hugs too. Lots of those

sparklingdiamond · October 2018

They finally called me at 4:50 today! It came back at 460.1! About a 36-37 hour doubling time. My first u/s is scheduled with the RE on Halloween.

nmbrcrnchr1 · October 2018

I agree with meatballs, I feel like most posts on here are something I could write. It sucks we are all in similar places but I’m so thankful to have you all in my life!

1. How many weeks are you? 6w

2. Previous loss(es)? Ectopic Feb 2018 @ 6w3d

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? A mess...physically I’m so bloated and gassy and nauseous you’d think that would help me mentally but nope. I’m so nervous, in a little over 18 hours I’m going to know, I’m trying to stay positive but I’m also trying to prepare myself for the worst too. I have to go back to work afterwards and I’m dreading that.

4. Any appointment updates? Tomorrow afternoon

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Nope

6. Any milestones coming up? So I looked at my calendar today and I realized I found out my last pregnancy was ectopic at 6w3d, I’ll be 6w1d tomorrow, my only comfort is that I had signs from my BFP last time that told me something wasn’t right. My due date would have been this Saturday, so this week could be really good or really bad 😢

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Tacos, but not just regular tacos, i think you can make anything into a taco 😂

bumblebee0210 · October 2018

@sparklingdiamond yay!!!!!!

dntstpbelieveing · October 2018

@meatballs37 how are you doing? I know I don't know you but I just wanted to check in on you and let you know I'm thinking about you and your family.

eleven_ · October 2018

@nmbrcrnchr1 FX for you appointment today! I'll be thinking of you. Let us know as soon as you can!

meatballs37 · October 2018

@dntstpbelieveing I’m ok. DH and I got our shepherd’s Box last night and lit his candle. I couldn’t go through the whole box even though DH wanted to. I just feel angry more than anything and Thought I’d be more settled since a year has passed. But I don’t feel any different.

thanks for checking in on me. We luckily planned some family things this week to keep us busy.

navyblueladybug · October 2018

@meatballs37 I’m glad you were able to light a candle. It must be so hard to go through the box of memories. Creepy internet hugs!

1. How many weeks are you? 5+5

2. Previous loss(es)? MC 9/14

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I’m on vacation from work for the next two weeks so I’m feeling great emotionally! Physically I’m good too. Insomnia and sore boobs plus constipation for symptoms. Not terrible.

4. Any appointment updates? My second beta came back:
5+2- 5269
5+4- 10359
Pretty close to doubling in 48 hours. The NP said she was happy with those numbers. I just wish they had more than doubled.

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Nothing

6. Any milestones coming up? US and first appointment is my last day of vacation on Oct 23... I don’t want to wish away my time off work but I’m anxious to see/hear the heartbeat.

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Sushi, it’s more expensive and I love it!

meatballs37 · October 2018

@navyblueladybug those look like great numbers! I know once levels reach around 6,000. It can take up to 72 hours to double or longer.

navyblueladybug · October 2018

@meatballs37 Thank you for the reassurance! I knew they slowed down at some point but wasn’t sure when that’s happened.

eleven_ · October 2018

I decided to take my FitBit off. Monitoring my RHR is slowly driving me crazy. It keeps dropping

I read that this can happen around 6w and be totally normal so I just need to control my crazy.

srscott3 · October 2018

@eleven_ yes, step away! This happened with my first pregnancy (resulted in a healthy LO who is currently bouncing off the walls). I went out and just bought another Fitbit that doesn’t track HR. 😂

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@eleven_ PGAL brain is aweful and anything we can do to keep anxiety at bay good. I think it was a good call.

jessica4141 · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 6w5d

2. Previous loss(es)? Ectopic at 5w4d, CP

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally I am doing much better after our u/s yesterday confirmed that the egg made it to the uterus this time. My biggest fear was another ectopic, so seeing the heartbeat yesterday while my husband and I both sobbed in the doctor’s office is a moment I will never forget. Physically, my nausea seems to be getting worse and it’s causing insomnia. I keep waking up at 6 thinking I need to throw up but then I don’t (and of course then I can’t get back to sleep).

4. Any appointment updates? u/s yesterday went well - everything is measuring on track based on my lmp. Next scan in two weeks!

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? Rant - I cut my hair and it looked so good when they guy at the salon styled it...why can’t I ever replicate that at home? Rave - it’s finally starting to feel like Fall, so maybe I can just cover it up with a hat?

6. Any milestones coming up? Not really. Another scan in two weeks but nothing much until then.

7. GTKY: Tacos! My doctor yesterday specifically reminded me that queso fresco is off limits and now all I want is tacos.

ncm1919 · October 2018

This beta needs to come fast so I can stop peeing on things. I can’t get it out of my heads that I’m not sick enough. With my MC my symptoms disappeared. I’m having amnesia about how I felt with my DD. I actually don’t think my symptoms weren’t that bad but every time I don’t feel sick I think something is up.

prpl11butterfly · October 2018

@ncm1919 when is your first beta?

I didn't have MS with any pregnancy but would welcome it just so I know its progressing. For now I'm thankful for every pimple I wake up with.

Pgal is such a trip. We second guess everything instead of being able to just relax and enjoy it.

ncm1919 · October 2018

@prpl11butterfly the nurse called the order in a week ago but I haven’t been in town. I’m showing up first thing Monday!!!

eleven_ · October 2018

@ncm1919 PGAL is so hard and I'm so sorry you are feeling stressed out. I seriously have to continue to remind myself that my symptoms were always coming and going with both of my normal pregnancies. I hope your beta results come back quickly!

meatballs37 · October 2018

I know I’m only 4w5d. But man I still don’t have any symptoms. Except tired...but we have been in Chicago this week on a family mini vacay running around everywhere. So really I could say I’m tired from that. I’m tempted to buy a frer from the store. First ultrasound seems so far away (25th). It doesn’t even seem like a real possibility that I’m pregnant, even though I know I am.

Anyone else still poas? I haven’t in almost a week and know I probably shouldn’t.

ncm1919 · October 2018

@meatballs37 I did yesterday. Just a wondflo or whatever they’re called. I know it’s silly but it made me feel better.

nmbrcrnchr1 · October 2018

@meatballs37 is it bad that I want to poas just bc I have them? And I feel like they are just wasting away in my bathroom closet...this will be my last pregnancy, no matter what happens, so I’m trying to convince myself it’s ok to just use them. Lol. I should prob sell/give them to a friend though 😂

Dcwtada · October 2018

1. How many weeks are you? 4 weeks 5 days

2. Previous loss(es)? Miscarriage at 5-6 weeks, I don’t care to know the actual date

3. How are you feeling? Emotionally and physically? I feel like this shouldn’t matter to me anymore but it does. My 1st pregnancy was a miscarriage and while I get the anxiety I haven’t felt I could get excited about any of them. It was always getting to another “milestone” (12 weeks, ultrasound, viability, etc.)

4. Any appointment updates? Not yet. Switching practices to a high risk so still in the works

5. Rants/Raves/Questions? No I feel like with 3 babies I shouldn’t be in here. I most likely won’t be active because I tend to vascilate from wanting to give and need helpful advice to not even opening the thread

6. Any milestones coming up?

7. GTKY: would you rather have unlimited tacos or sushi for the rest of your life? Depends on the kid I almost became a taco with my 2nd, pretty sure I still have sushi breath from my 3rd. At this point I eat soup. Begrudgingly.

srscott3 · October 2018

@meatballs37 I was still peeing on sticks for a while. But I’m 6+1 today, and gotta say, some symptoms are finally here! I’m sure yours will catch up too!

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