I’m hoping in general there don’t end up being tons of rules especially for behavior. We’re all adults and I hope we can disagree without things getting totally out of hand. I don’t really foresee that being a huge problem with this group anyway. Definitely agree with a no screen shotting rule and maybe a separate thread for politics or “hot topics” like someone else mentioned.
yes. this. please.
I honestly don't think we'll need a ton of rules necessarily, but I do like the idea of keeping politics at least contained to a specific thread or separate group. My BMB is VERY split, and while we all love each other, arguments would still happen if politics were allowed in our group. A lot of us are friends on FB anyways, so discussions are easily kept off the group page and I think it's wonderful. Otherwise, I feel like this group is pretty solid and won't need much mod intervention honestly, but I do feel some rules/basic guidelines are necessary for any type of group in any situation.
@westcoastfoodie I also agree with not soliciting group members. My other BMB allows us to mention, "hey, I'm a consultant/I sell this" but just so the knowledge is there, no one is allowed to say "BUY MY STUFF" or anything like that.
I guess solicitation could become a problem, but honestly in the 6 years of FB BMBs I've experienced, it's not common. All that LLR crap was the most annoying I ever saw it get, and even that was just spin off groups from the main one. ETA: politics has never been a huge issue in any of them, either. I know who I disagree with politically, and that's fine. I'm not going to shit on them, and they're not going to shit on me. We can still express our opinions where we want, because we're grown ups.
I guess I just feel like we could start with the assumption that we're all respectful adults, and if we find that something has become a problem, then sure. Make a rule about it. But starting with a whole bunch of rules that we may or may not need feels like a lot of needless wheel spinning. Further, based on all of these conversations, a lot of us are already in groups like this. And they're all extremely similar (like, to the point that it's a little freaky when you really think about it). We should all know how to conduct ourselves in a manner that is conducive to the group atmosphere at this point.
But also, I'm a child of the old-school bump (well, technically the nest). I was the first to bitch about all the threads and rules here. I don't like structure - I feel like we can create our own. I know that's not really how things are done anymore, but I'm still an advocate of us just finding our own way if at all possible.
Yeah, we are an incredibly chill group and everyone seems mature, so I am of the mind that we don't need a lot of (or any) ground rules about behavior. My J16 board is also really laid back and we never had any rules, so that's my frame of reference.
I feel like we haven’t had any major issues in the past 6 months, so I don’t think all hell will break loose now. We are all adults and have shown that we are perfectly capable of having discussions with respect.
@scaredunprepared@mommythlegend@CecilB93 and others –We
share a lot of personal information and support in my BMB and didn’t feel that
it was right to let people leave/abandon the group and then come to their
senses and try to come back. Plus, you can
unfollow the group without leaving it if you need some time away for whatever
reasons so there just really isn’t any reason to leave and try to come back. We found voting to let people back in became
a problem because if some people voted no but the yeses won, then there is now
someone back in the group that others feel uncomfortable with being there. We found it wasn’t fair to those who stayed.
I’m in favor of allowing political discourse for now and seeing
how it shakes out. We had a mom who,
unfortunately, had to weigh whether to get a late term abortion due to a
medical condition. I would hate for that
to be viewed as political and to have not been able to give her support in her
decision. Plus, discussion politics
helps you get to know people.
@hoosiermama-2 You’re surprised to read about “all the rules”? There are only 2 rules in my BMB: no
screenshots and if you leave you can’t come back. Doesn't sound like anyone's BMB has a lot of rules.
@tunnel I'm guilty of having left BMBs and coming back. I'm grateful that the groups were able to handle the discussion about it and talk it out. While we do share personal information, it's also possible to block people within groups. IME that's how that's usually handled.
Of course, after a particularly colorful exit by one member in one of my groups, we did develop a rule that if you leave with a big old "fuck you" to the whole group, you're not welcome back. That.... seemed pretty straight forward. 99% of the time when people have left, it's because they need some space. I guess I don't get why other members would be uncomfortable welcoming that person back, as long as it hasn't been 3 years or something.
@runrinserepeat Letting some people back in and not others gets into icky popularly contest territory to me. I like the black and white rule that everyone knows in advance. There is a mechanism that allows people to have space (unfollow/hide the group) without leaving. And I don't think blocking the people is a solution - if a blocked person starts randoms, for example, then you won't be able to see that thread or any of the comments. Just my thoughts from my experience with my group.
I guess we'll have to agree to disagree. Again, IME, people are mature enough to not block someone from the group just because they aren't friends or aren't popular. People bring up good reasons why a person shouldn't come back, or they let it pass. Eh. Either way, y'all won't get rid of me that easy so I guess I don't really care.
Also, blocking is about the only thing I think it does make sense to make rules about, ironically. If someone decides they need to block a mod (as long as it's not for a trivial reason), I think the mod should step down and the group should elect a replacement. I don't think you should start randoms or group threads if you have blocked someone. If you block someone and they start randoms? Well, maybe you shouldn't have blocked them - that's on you.
But, until we get to that point, discussing all of this is just borrowing trouble. It's like trying to decide on my baby's nap schedule now - we can make a bunch of decisions now, but in the end, the group will have a personality the same way babies do, and hard and fast rules for one group don't always work as well for others. I'm just saying, let's give ourselves a chance to see how it goes first.
@tunnel Yes, I'm surprised. You read it correctly. There are only two rules in your BMB, yet there are others who have talked about other rules in theirs. I apologize if you took my comment personally.
I’m hoping in general there don’t end up being tons of rules especially for behavior. We’re all adults and I hope we can disagree without things getting totally out of hand. I don’t really foresee that being a huge problem with this group anyway. Definitely agree with a no screen shotting rule and maybe a separate thread for politics or “hot topics” like someone else mentioned.
yes. this. please.
I honestly don't think we'll need a ton of rules necessarily, but I do like the idea of keeping politics at least contained to a specific thread or separate group. My BMB is VERY split, and while we all love each other, arguments would still happen if politics were allowed in our group. A lot of us are friends on FB anyways, so discussions are easily kept off the group page and I think it's wonderful. Otherwise, I feel like this group is pretty solid and won't need much mod intervention honestly, but I do feel some rules/basic guidelines are necessary for any type of group in any situation.
@westcoastfoodie I also agree with not soliciting group members. My other BMB allows us to mention, "hey, I'm a consultant/I sell this" but just so the knowledge is there, no one is allowed to say "BUY MY STUFF" or anything like that.
I guess solicitation could become a problem, but honestly in the 6 years of FB BMBs I've experienced, it's not common. All that LLR crap was the most annoying I ever saw it get, and even that was just spin off groups from the main one. ETA: politics has never been a huge issue in any of them, either. I know who I disagree with politically, and that's fine. I'm not going to shit on them, and they're not going to shit on me. We can still express our opinions where we want, because we're grown ups.
I guess I just feel like we could start with the assumption that we're all respectful adults, and if we find that something has become a problem, then sure. Make a rule about it. But starting with a whole bunch of rules that we may or may not need feels like a lot of needless wheel spinning. Further, based on all of these conversations, a lot of us are already in groups like this. And they're all extremely similar (like, to the point that it's a little freaky when you really think about it). We should all know how to conduct ourselves in a manner that is conducive to the group atmosphere at this point.
+1 to all of this. We've got a pretty small group over there in A16 (28 of us), there's not really a lot of moderation needed. I'm technically an admin over there, and while I can neither confirm nor deny that the 2 of us have, on occasion, deleted an unsupportive or insensitive comment before anybody was able to see/respond to it, mostly we just create the occasional post category, delete accidental double posts, and turn comments off when somebody accidentally resurrects a zombie thread. Oh, and I suspect she may have tampered with the group color scheme (currently it's like a sky blue?) but I have no evidence of that.
As for hot-button topics, look... it's a pretty wild time in the world right now, and political topics come up in the daily randoms thread, sometimes directly in reference to current affairs, but mostly as an organic outgrowth of a conversation that we're already having. While there's a fair amount of disagreement on those topics, I think we all make an effort to be kind, to understand other perspectives, and to assume good faith, to keep scrolling if you don't feel up to the task, and to walk away before you say something you regret. Like any group of close friends, we've had bad days and arguments, and sometimes we piss each other off, but at the end of the day we're in this together. I suspect this group will be closer in size to A16 than to some of the other months' larger groups, and judging from the supportive, intelligent, and kind nature of the folks I've met here (and our pretty tame UO threads), I'm not super worried about drama llamas or hatefulness.
@AGK2015 I agree with you and I would have no problem with politics coming up sometimes in randoms or whatever. My support for a separate thread for politics in particular is because everything is SO crazy right now that I could see it totally overtaking the conversation. I’m less worried about people being unable to keep things civil and more concerned that some people might not want to be involved in that discussion and it could quickly overwhelm the thread. But honestly I’m down for whatever the group is most comfortable with pretty much.
@tunnel, that makes sense about your no coming back rule
My other bmb did have to recently make a rule that if you have blocked someone, you can't start the daily randoms thread because then they can't see/participate. You also can't talk about that person because they can't respond/defend themself.
We are mostly chill, but there were a few shit shows during/after the Trump election & at other times over the years. I think all the dramatic/condescending people have left the group at this point.
@CecilB93 Oh yeah I don't mind people mentioning their businesses, just as long as it's not all they post about. We had a girl who, once we moved to fbook, only ever posted about her Younique business. It got so annoying and ultimately she left the group on her own. We actually have a thread for the members who have their own businesses to promote, "Boss Babe Wednesday" and anyone can post their promotions or whatever they want. That way it feels supportive, and people can choose to scroll past if they want.
@westcoastfoodie exactly! The goal in my BMB is to avoid people like her lol. I don't mind the occasional mention of it, but don't push your products onto me, that just makes me less willing to even consider buying. I used to be a consultant for Usborne, not anymore, and I just don't understand how people can continuously push and not get the hint that others aren't interested! I could usually tell right away if someone had no interest in what I was selling, and I'd back off. I do like your groups idea of a thread to promote your business/product though!
I think I'm considered a lurker haha I post when I can but I'm on mobile and it's kinda frustrating sometimes when it doesn't load etc for me personally i'would be more active on Facebook just because it's easier for me so if It goes ahead id love to be a part of it
I agree we don't need a ton of rules but completely agree that there should be no screenshots or sharing of conversations outside of the group. It should be a place where we feel safe to share and be ourselves. I think other than that, and no lurkers, we shouldn't have too many rules. Oh! Another rule my BMB group has made is to use TW when talking about pregnancy. Some of us are experiencing infertility and loss so we try to be respectful of them. *TW* I just wish they had done it sooner, when I have an early loss in December. *end TW*
@westcoastfoodie My BMB group from May 16 doesn't have that but my FF group does and it's wonderful. We contribute money when needed and we've done gifts for *TW loss mentioned* someone who lost their baby at 20 weeks *end TW*, they did A LOT for my husband and I when we were in the hospital for three weeks with DS, if someone is going through a rough time in life, and when new babies are born. It's just really nice!! I think the only time my BMB did anything like that was actually when DS was in the hospital. They contributed a lot of money (which helped up pay like 1/3 of the hospital bills!), provided snacks for us, and set up a calendar and had lunch AND dinner sent to us every day for a week. I will never be able to express our thankfulness to them for that. Words just won't do it.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
@AdorkablePixie agree on the TWs for pregnancy/TTC. My BMB has a separate thread related to pregnancy and TTC so that anyone who doesn't want to hear about it can scroll past. We have a separate AW thread for any new babies too, but when a new baby is born that Mom usually makes her own post to the group which no one has mentioned having an issue with.
Re: The Great Migration -- When and Where
I guess I just feel like we could start with the assumption that we're all respectful adults, and if we find that something has become a problem, then sure. Make a rule about it. But starting with a whole bunch of rules that we may or may not need feels like a lot of needless wheel spinning. Further, based on all of these conversations, a lot of us are already in groups like this. And they're all extremely similar (like, to the point that it's a little freaky when you really think about it). We should all know how to conduct ourselves in a manner that is conducive to the group atmosphere at this point.
@scaredunprepared @mommythlegend @CecilB93 and others –We share a lot of personal information and support in my BMB and didn’t feel that it was right to let people leave/abandon the group and then come to their senses and try to come back. Plus, you can unfollow the group without leaving it if you need some time away for whatever reasons so there just really isn’t any reason to leave and try to come back. We found voting to let people back in became a problem because if some people voted no but the yeses won, then there is now someone back in the group that others feel uncomfortable with being there. We found it wasn’t fair to those who stayed.
I’m in favor of allowing political discourse for now and seeing how it shakes out. We had a mom who, unfortunately, had to weigh whether to get a late term abortion due to a medical condition. I would hate for that to be viewed as political and to have not been able to give her support in her decision. Plus, discussion politics helps you get to know people.
@hoosiermama-2 You’re surprised to read about “all the rules”? There are only 2 rules in my BMB: no screenshots and if you leave you can’t come back. Doesn't sound like anyone's BMB has a lot of rules.
Of course, after a particularly colorful exit by one member in one of my groups, we did develop a rule that if you leave with a big old "fuck you" to the whole group, you're not welcome back. That.... seemed pretty straight forward. 99% of the time when people have left, it's because they need some space. I guess I don't get why other members would be uncomfortable welcoming that person back, as long as it hasn't been 3 years or something.
But, until we get to that point, discussing all of this is just borrowing trouble. It's like trying to decide on my baby's nap schedule now - we can make a bunch of decisions now, but in the end, the group will have a personality the same way babies do, and hard and fast rules for one group don't always work as well for others. I'm just saying, let's give ourselves a chance to see how it goes first.
As for hot-button topics, look... it's a pretty wild time in the world right now, and political topics come up in the daily randoms thread, sometimes directly in reference to current affairs, but mostly as an organic outgrowth of a conversation that we're already having. While there's a fair amount of disagreement on those topics, I think we all make an effort to be kind, to understand other perspectives, and to assume good faith, to keep scrolling if you don't feel up to the task, and to walk away before you say something you regret. Like any group of close friends, we've had bad days and arguments, and sometimes we piss each other off, but at the end of the day we're in this together. I suspect this group will be closer in size to A16 than to some of the other months' larger groups, and judging from the supportive, intelligent, and kind nature of the folks I've met here (and our pretty tame UO threads), I'm not super worried about drama llamas or hatefulness.
My other bmb did have to recently make a rule that if you have blocked someone, you can't start the daily randoms thread because then they can't see/participate. You also can't talk about that person because they can't respond/defend themself.
We are mostly chill, but there were a few shit shows during/after the Trump election & at other times over the years. I think all the dramatic/condescending people have left the group at this point.
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
DS2 due 12/12/18
I agree we don't need a ton of rules but completely agree that there should be no screenshots or sharing of conversations outside of the group. It should be a place where we feel safe to share and be ourselves. I think other than that, and no lurkers, we shouldn't have too many rules. Oh! Another rule my BMB group has made is to use TW when talking about pregnancy. Some of us are experiencing infertility and loss so we try to be respectful of them. *TW* I just wish they had done it sooner, when I have an early loss in December. *end TW*
@westcoastfoodie My BMB group from May 16 doesn't have that but my FF group does and it's wonderful. We contribute money when needed and we've done gifts for *TW loss mentioned* someone who lost their baby at 20 weeks *end TW*, they did A LOT for my husband and I when we were in the hospital for three weeks with DS, if someone is going through a rough time in life, and when new babies are born. It's just really nice!! I think the only time my BMB did anything like that was actually when DS was in the hospital. They contributed a lot of money (which helped up pay like 1/3 of the hospital bills!), provided snacks for us, and set up a calendar and had lunch AND dinner sent to us every day for a week. I will never be able to express our thankfulness to them for that. Words just won't do it.
Me: 31
DH: 29, SA - Great
Married: June 12,2011
TTC #1: 1/2014
Diagnosis: Hypothalamic Amenorrhea
Treatment: Clomid: 50mg, 100mg, 150mg - not successful and not monitored
Menopur 75ml (upped to 112.5ml), Ovidrel, & IUI IUI #1 8/31/2015
9/15/2015: BFP HCG - 400, 9/17/2015: HCG - 827, 9/21/2015 - HCG 3,327!DS2 due 12/12/18