It kind of makes me sad to read all of these comments from people say that they hope they make the cut. I cannot speak for everyone, but I feel like anyone whose name the moderators recognize, should be invited. I am pretty sure that everyone in this thread has participated enough for us to be somewhat familiar with your screen name. I just hate the thought of people who have participated and shared being worried about being left out now. This isn’t high school!
I personally don't think anyone who has said that is in any danger of being left out. I recognize pretty much everyone who has posted here. And the ones I may not have at first are currently coming out of the shadows!
That's always the hard part of migrating. I'd hope the MODs will be flexible with letting people in so no one is left out but also careful of the risk stranger danger. I know my N16 group imploded pretty bad when they made a switch to a bump private board. They were super selective on who they let in (I get it to a degree - stranger danger) but so many people were left out. And in order to get in you had to request, be approved and then you had 3 days to provide a photo of yourself holding something with the date on it to prove you are a person or you were kicked out. Shortly after they moved to facebook and from what I hear it imploded again twice pretty bad. I stuck it out on the main board and eventually the private board with @hoosiermama-2 and like she said we have about 18 of us who are super close. And even with a small group we've had to kick people out for inactivity or just lurking versus participating.
It's a fine line of not leaving people out versus respecting privacy and making everyone in the group comfortable. I'm sure the MODs will figure it out and leave the group with a good groove.
Honestly as long as people post POL, probably along with a belly shot so we know they're pregnant, then fine. Even if we don't know them well, we'll get to know them.
Anyway, time usually has a way of shaking out the crazy people.
Listen, I have my sticky note of people I don't jive with, but if I were a MOD that doesn't mean I'd keep them out.
However, there ARE people who have posted in this thread (1 maybe 2) and I had NEVER seen their screen name before, and that would be the person I'd be against letting in right away. Frankly we probably have another 4-8 weeks before we make the jump over, so as long as people are relatively regular in posting in multiple threads (I don't go in the Pregnant after loss post, or the gestational diabetes thread) there really is NO issue in letting people in. That is at least my take on it. So if you are a lurker or a semi-poster, and you know it, just step up your game so that people recognize your sn. We can decide as a group how we want to deal with people who don't post in the new group once we're there. Ex: we kicked out two people who only posted once in a while and mostly on AW posts, and then there is one person who just moved to China for a year, and has been MIA for months because they don't allow facebook over there. She is obviously allowed to stay in the group even though we haven't heard from her, because of her life circumstances.
Honestly as long as people post POL, probably along with a belly shot so we know they're pregnant, then fine. Even if we don't know them well, we'll get to know them.
so... um... about that belly shot...
there are two motivations in sports, which is yours?
Lol, I think I would just creep the person's post history and see if they've posted here at all.. It should become pretty obvious who participated and whom we haven't ever seen before..
@katy0990 I agree. I think of everyone who has said "I hope I make it", I recognize every single name. You don't have to post daily to be recognized!! Even some of the people who have re-introduced in the Lurker thread are names I recognize from the beginning honestly. I don't feel like we'll have to deny too many people unless someone truly requests to be added and hasn't posted anything other than an intro post or something.
I think it's worth saying again that just because there's a migration doesn't mean this board has to die. So if people aren't wanting to make a jump to a giant Facebook group—for whatever their very valid reasons are—this one here will still exist.
@hoosiermama-2 I agree. I plan to check in here regularly while I'm still at work, but might not as much after I have LO. I'd hate to see this board completely die off after we move to wherever we go.
@runrinserepeat Maybe in the Nominations thread? I don't think there is any harm in posting it now. I'd probably give it a week for voting. I feel like everyone cycles through during a week's time.
My FB BMB has a daily weekday randoms and weekend randoms threads, started with a meme, and I love it! It's not overwhelming and you don't need to read it or participate every day. There are lots of opportunities to participate besides randoms, but you in no way need to participate all the time! We do occasional and totally optional Mommy and Me Mondays (post a picture of you and your kid - to encourage us to remember to take pictures with our kids even if we don't think we look great); Tiny Tots Tuesday (post a picture of your kid and what they're up to); HDBD (baby/kid pics); Third Picture Thursday (post the third from last photo you have saved on your phone); Selfie Saturday; and individual AWs and other relevant threads (like a recent discussion on lunch boxes).
My BMB is huge because there was drama on the boards right around the time we were all due, so there was a big migration. Pretty much no one opted to stay on TB. But we've all gotten to know each other over the years (some better than others, of course) and it's been fantastic.
ETA: We only have 3 mods and it seems to work well. There really isn't much to do after the initial setup and rarely drama.
ETA2: We have a couple rules that I would suggest we use too: (1) No screenshoting or sharing; (2) Once you leave, you can't come back.
Popping in briefly from my chaotic work week just to update re: slack. I checked w my friend who set up the message board I use with my friends and she said it's free and easy to set up BUT it seems like the vast majority of people just want to use Facebook, so I won't set up a test board unless a bunch of people want me to (plus, for reals, work this week is trying to kill me I swear.) Happy to go w the majority and move to FB! Just wanted to update since I said I would!
Also, big round of applause for everyone who has taken initiative to get this conversation going, figure out MOD nominations and set up a survey. It's a lot to set up and figure out but it'll be so worth it once we're off this wonky, annoying app forever! High fives to @PensiveCrayon@kristah2 and @runrinserepeat especially!!
@tunnel I can definitely agree with those rules. One that my other BMB has that I like is that we keep politics off the group page. If we wanna talk politics outside of the group that's fine, but it's not allowed in the actual group. I think there would be so much more drama if we allowed political talk in the group.
We have a few rules as well, but nothing crazy. My last bmb was similar to this one in that we never had ANY drama. We joke we were all “rainbows and butterflies”. We literally all agree about potentially controversial topics like politics, vaccines and (95% of us) agree about safe sleep, and lack of woo. I almost can’t imagine a bmb that has conflict after the ones I’ve been in lol
Similar to @CecilB93, we keep politics discussion in its own thread. We're mostly like-minded with a few people with differing opinions but everyone is very civil and thoughtful, so it works.
Me: 31 | DH: 31
Together since 2003 | Married 2010 TTC #1 January 2016 BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016 Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018 BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
@runrinserepeat Thanks for doing the survey! I'd say post in the MOD nominations and here. I can also edit the MOD nom to include the link and I'll change the title to grab attention. Totally just saw you started a new thread - smart thinking! Sorry!
I think we should leave it open for maybe a week? We do have some people who are regulars but maybe don't get on everyday. I know I generally don't get on during the weekends.
Did we decide when the migration was happening or should we include that on the survey as well? So MOD nominations Platform preference When to move?
@kristah2 The survey closes the 12th, so I feel like by the time the MODs get everything set up and people invited, we will be about 2 months out from December, which seemed like a timeframe everyone is comfortable with.
Sorry for the miscommunication, @kristah2! I figured a separate post might be easier and require less coordination
Like @katy0990 said, I'll kep it open for a week, and then I'll close it and post the results. I suspect things will taper off pretty quickly, but it's not like we're in any hurry.
My BMB has a few other seperate Facebook groups for other topics. Lumps & Bumps for Fitness/Weight loss threads, Hot Topics for Politics/Religion/Potential Drama inducing threads, and TWD Bumpies for people that watch/talk about the show.
We don't have a leave & never come back rule, but a leave & get voted on return rule. Sometimes people leave because they're taking a social media break or they need a break from all the baby talk/photos cause they're struggling with infertility or loss. I didn't leave, but I didn't participate on Sunday for a long time because everyone posts "Sibling Sunday" photos that day & I struggled with secondary infertility for 5yrs while the other ladies were having #2, #3, #4... and it was tough.
@mommythlegend oh we do have a fitness/weight loss group that's separate of the main group! We've had people take a step back and not participate, usually they'll just "hide" the group and turn off notifications, usually they'll say something beforehand but not always, we've never had someone actually leave the group then want to rejoin though. I'd be okay with voting on people to return if they leave!
Just weighing in on the rules... my other group has very few rules and it works out pretty well. There have been a few times that things have gotten heated, but in those cases MODS stepped in and disabled comments and diffused the situations. We're all adults and for the most part can regulate ourselves. We only have 3 separate groups - one for weight loss, one for selling/swapping goods and one for our "care fund" (there have been some cases when we wanted to go in on a gift for someone). I think the only rules we really have are that you need to participate at some point, but we're a pretty boisterous group and call lurkers out. If ever anyone is concerned about someone's participation a MOD reaches out to just check in and make sure everything is ok, but no one get's kicked out, usually they just leave on their own. If anyone ever got kicked out there would be an open discussion in the group. The only other rule we have is not to solicit for money. That makes everyone feel a little uneasy.
Re: Politics - My O16 group is pretty split and we're able to have civil discussions on occasion, which I personally enjoy, but I know they can make a lot of people uneasy. I like the idea of a separate thread in case people just don't want to partake, but we can eliminate politics altogether too and I wouldn't mind!
I’m late to this, but yay for migration! I think Facebook would be easiest. I’ve shared a little bit, but I’m leaving my toxic and emotionally abusive marriage, I’ve just been super cautious about sharing. I’d love to feel more “safe” in sharing, as I have no family support, the only support I have is from DS1s BMB. Also the app is hard AF to use.
I’m hoping in general there don’t end up being tons of rules especially for behavior. We’re all adults and I hope we can disagree without things getting totally out of hand. I don’t really foresee that being a huge problem with this group anyway. Definitely agree with a no screen shotting rule and maybe a separate thread for politics or “hot topics” like someone else mentioned.
@westcoastfoodie we have a "Care & Concern Team" too! They automatically send things for certain occasions & create private events for specific things.
I’m hoping in general there don’t end up being tons of rules especially for behavior. We’re all adults and I hope we can disagree without things getting totally out of hand. I don’t really foresee that being a huge problem with this group anyway. Definitely agree with a no screen shotting rule and maybe a separate thread for politics or “hot topics” like someone else mentioned.
I'm surprised to read about all the rules! I think my N16 must be in a parallel universe because we are pretty hugfest kumbaya - even with some strong differing opinions (like, I know one of the mamas is super adamant about no cosleeping and probably hates that I've done/do it, but I know she still loves me otherwise )
ETA i'm sure the size (16) has a lot to do with maintaining that feeling.
@hoosiermama-2 We have a very small group as well - 14! It started with a few more than that, but a couple of people have trickled out. Less personalities to contend with, for sure!
I’m hoping in general there don’t end up being tons of rules especially for behavior. We’re all adults and I hope we can disagree without things getting totally out of hand. I don’t really foresee that being a huge problem with this group anyway. Definitely agree with a no screen shotting rule and maybe a separate thread for politics or “hot topics” like someone else mentioned.
yes. this. please.
I honestly don't think we'll need a ton of rules necessarily, but I do like the idea of keeping politics at least contained to a specific thread or separate group. My BMB is VERY split, and while we all love each other, arguments would still happen if politics were allowed in our group. A lot of us are friends on FB anyways, so discussions are easily kept off the group page and I think it's wonderful. Otherwise, I feel like this group is pretty solid and won't need much mod intervention honestly, but I do feel some rules/basic guidelines are necessary for any type of group in any situation.
@westcoastfoodie I also agree with not soliciting group members. My other BMB allows us to mention, "hey, I'm a consultant/I sell this" but just so the knowledge is there, no one is allowed to say "BUY MY STUFF" or anything like that.
Re: The Great Migration -- When and Where
I'd hope the MODs will be flexible with letting people in so no one is left out but also careful of the risk stranger danger.
I know my N16 group imploded pretty bad when they made a switch to a bump private board. They were super selective on who they let in (I get it to a degree - stranger danger) but so many people were left out. And in order to get in you had to request, be approved and then you had 3 days to provide a photo of yourself holding something with the date on it to prove you are a person or you were kicked out. Shortly after they moved to facebook and from what I hear it imploded again twice pretty bad.
I stuck it out on the main board and eventually the private board with @hoosiermama-2 and like she said we have about 18 of us who are super close. And even with a small group we've had to kick people out for inactivity or just lurking versus participating.
It's a fine line of not leaving people out versus respecting privacy and making everyone in the group comfortable. I'm sure the MODs will figure it out and leave the group with a good groove.
Anyway, time usually has a way of shaking out the crazy people.
However, there ARE people who have posted in this thread (1 maybe 2) and I had NEVER seen their screen name before, and that would be the person I'd be against letting in right away. Frankly we probably have another 4-8 weeks before we make the jump over, so as long as people are relatively regular in posting in multiple threads (I don't go in the Pregnant after loss post, or the gestational diabetes thread) there really is NO issue in letting people in.
That is at least my take on it.
So if you are a lurker or a semi-poster, and you know it, just step up your game so that people recognize your sn.
We can decide as a group how we want to deal with people who don't post in the new group once we're there. Ex: we kicked out two people who only posted once in a while and mostly on AW posts, and then there is one person who just moved to China for a year, and has been MIA for months because they don't allow facebook over there. She is obviously allowed to stay in the group even though we haven't heard from her, because of her life circumstances.
DS2 due 12/12/18
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
My BMB is huge because there was drama on the boards right around the time we were all due, so there was a big migration. Pretty much no one opted to stay on TB. But we've all gotten to know each other over the years (some better than others, of course) and it's been fantastic.
ETA: We only have 3 mods and it seems to work well. There really isn't much to do after the initial setup and rarely drama.
ETA2: We have a couple rules that I would suggest we use too: (1) No screenshoting or sharing; (2) Once you leave, you can't come back.
Also, big round of applause for everyone who has taken initiative to get this conversation going, figure out MOD nominations and set up a survey. It's a lot to set up and figure out but it'll be so worth it once we're off this wonky, annoying app forever! High fives to @PensiveCrayon @kristah2 and @runrinserepeat especially!!
DS2 due 12/12/18
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
And not that I plan on leaving, but @tunnel why the rule about not being allowed back in after leaving? Just to prevent potential drama?
@maureenmce definitely props to those helping organize everything! I couldn't do it! I can barely organize my life or my house! Lol
I'd say post in the MOD nominations and here. I can also edit the MOD nom to include the link and I'll change the title to grab attention. Totally just saw you started a new thread - smart thinking! Sorry!
I think we should leave it open for maybe a week? We do have some people who are regulars but maybe don't get on everyday. I know I generally don't get on during the weekends.
Did we decide when the migration was happening or should we include that on the survey as well?
So MOD nominations
Platform preference
When to move?
Like @katy0990 said, I'll kep it open for a week, and then I'll close it and post the results. I suspect things will taper off pretty quickly, but it's not like we're in any hurry.
We don't have a leave & never come back rule, but a leave & get voted on return rule. Sometimes people leave because they're taking a social media break or they need a break from all the baby talk/photos cause they're struggling with infertility or loss. I didn't leave, but I didn't participate on Sunday for a long time because everyone posts "Sibling Sunday" photos that day & I struggled with secondary infertility for 5yrs while the other ladies were having #2, #3, #4... and it was tough.
DS2 due 12/12/18
Re: Politics - My O16 group is pretty split and we're able to have civil discussions on occasion, which I personally enjoy, but I know they can make a lot of people uneasy. I like the idea of a separate thread in case people just don't want to partake, but we can eliminate politics altogether too and I wouldn't mind!
BFP #1: 7/15/15, SB: 11/14/15
Rainbow baby DS born 9/29/16!!
BFP #3 3/26/18 | Due 12/3/18
ETA i'm sure the size (16) has a lot to do with maintaining that feeling.
TTC #1 January 2016
BFP April 18 2016 | EDD December 29, 2016
Welcome baby A! January 9, 2017
TTC#2 March 2018
BFP March 30, 2018 | EDD December 12, 2018
*Rainbow 8/2015*
*Expected Rainbows 12/2018*
*Loss of Twin 5/2018*
@westcoastfoodie I also agree with not soliciting group members. My other BMB allows us to mention, "hey, I'm a consultant/I sell this" but just so the knowledge is there, no one is allowed to say "BUY MY STUFF" or anything like that.
DS2 due 12/12/18