've been a bit MIA. Crazy work, our offer got accepted on a house (yay, but farther than I wanted) we are technically closing on our sale in like 10days and can't be in the new place til Ocy 4th. So packing and figuring out where we are going while staying in daycare. Oh and I have a last minute work trip 11-12 so it's been hectic. Glad were moving and can host everyone for Thanksgiving since our place was tight. But that means I have like 3wks to move in and be Thanksgiving ready. And I can't give it up or DHs aunt will take it back and that is a hard no!! My favorite holiday-i finally stole hosting 3yrs ago
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
@smallbutmighty77 we've missed you! Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday too - I can't wait until we have the space to host everyone!
Today's one of those days where I woke up panicked about all I had to accomplish, but suddenly now (at 10am) I'm realizing I can absolutely, easily get it all done. Which inevitably will lead to me dicking around on TB then panic working all afternoon
@sjnsjnsjn I'm in Northern Ontario. I live in a tiny town but work in a town of 50k. There are exactly two midwife groups and one has a questionable reputation so our odds were never very good. I'm still technically on a waitlist but don't have much hope. Luckily I actually really like my OB so far.
@becks_726 I feel ya. In my province we have no access to midwifery or home birth. Essentially it's hospital birth or hospital birth.
With DD I wanted as little intervention as possible and med free. I ended up with GD and needed insulin so they ended up having to induce me at 39w1d. I was really disappointed at first but my OB was great. With the cervidil they often keep moms there for monitoring throughout the night but she started off with letting me go home and rest at home. I came in the next morning for the pitocin and told my nurse that I wanted to have as little intervention as was allowed while on pitocin. We did minimal checks, I could walk around with my IV poll until I no longer wanted to, and they never came in offering me drugs of any kind. I ended up being able to not have any pain meds minus nitrous Oxide gas which really did nothing for pain and only encouraged my breathing during contractions.
All in all to say that birth often has a plan of it's own regardless of our own preferences. But I never once felt that my hospital experience was a negative one and I did end up with things I would have preferred not having.
TL/DR I had an induction in hospital because of GD and still managed to have a positive birth experience aligned with what I wanted.
@becks_726 not sure if you’re into podcasts but I’m digging “The Birth Hour”. Just moms telling their birth stories. I learned how some tailored their hospital births to feeling more like a home birth. We’re now toying with hiring a Doula.
I take the train daily into NYC and love listening to the podcast on the commute. It has helped me figure out what I ideally want my birth to look like, and also realize that my birth plan can (and probably will) change in an instant anyway.
@becks_726 I feel ya on this. I want a hospital birth, but I do want it to be as natural as medically possible with very little intervention. I started reading Ina May's Guide to Childbirth, but it really pissed me off because she was so obviously biased and negative toward hospitals and doctors. Basically the Tl;dr for that book is "if you birth in a hospital, you'll be induced and have a c-section and you and baby will forever be doomed, but if you birth in a midwife birthing center or at home you'll have a unicorn baby and you'll be the best mom ever." Fuck that.
Two things that I've found helpful to keep me positive and empowered about this birth: 1. I've hired a doula who is really positive about our hospital we're birthing at, and has attended many successful natural births there. I'm hoping she'll have good guidance and support when the going gets tough. 2. I've started reading Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel, which IMO offers a much more well-rounded view of birth than Ina May's book. If you like to prepare for things by reading, I'd suggest it!
Good luck! I'm with you on this, and I'm cheering for a positive experience us all, whatever that may look like!
What a shitty day this has been and it's only 1130am. I woke up this morning to the sounds of one of my cats (the younger of the 3) last gasps for breath. When we got to the ER vet, they confirmed he was already gone . We were just at the vet on Sunday for his annual check up and nothing was flagged, he was totally fine right up til I heard him this morning... thought we had so much more time with him out of all 3.
@becks_726 have you looked into whether there are any doulas available in your area? I've heard a lot of women say that a good doula really helped them to have the natural hospital birth they were hoping for (or, in other scenarios, that a doula helped them to feel informed and empowered when interventions ended up being necessary in place of the natural birth they'd hoped for). I've heard of some doulas out in the country driving pretty significant distances to get to you when you're in labor.
But that said, I also know that doulas aren't available everywhere, and unfortunately they can be really expensive, too. I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been able to find a midwife like you hoped. That sounds really really frustrating.
@becks_726 not sure if you’re into podcasts but I’m digging “The Birth Hour”. Just moms telling their birth stories. I learned how some tailored their hospital births to feeling more like a home birth. We’re now toying with hiring a Doula.
I take the train daily into NYC and love listening to the podcast on the commute. It has helped me figure out what I ideally want my birth to look like, and also realize that my birth plan can (and probably will) change in an instant anyway.
I absolutely love the Birth hour. I've listened to so many. It's nice to hear all types of stories and seeing how different they all are.
@cass06_07 that is so shocking and terrible. What an awful way to wake up. I’m so sorry. Losing a pet is never easy but especially hard when it’s out of the blue like that
I'm in the Birth Hour fan club too. I love what a good job the host does holding space in a nonjudgemental way, and I love how she welcomes absolutely all kinds of birth stories and all kinds of birth plans.
I badly want to have an unmedicated natural birth, but I also realize, especially as an FTM, that so much is just out of my hands. I can't control what kind of birth experience I have. No one can.
@BourbonBiscuits I feel your pain! We live 14 hour drive away from both sets of family and have traveled for every holiday and event since we moved 5 years ago. We made it clear many months ago that we were done traveling and people would have to come to us this year, which has caused a stink along the way but some of them have come around. Youve obviously put in the time in prior years - it’s asking a bit much for you to be pregnant and stressed out traveling. Hopefully they understand!
(hope I didn’t mess up replying to someone specifically - haven’t done it before and am on mobile. Learning curve!!!)
@cass06_07 I am so sorry you had to wake up to that. I grew up with three cats and we had to eventually put all of them down. My parents still have their ashes in little memory boxes, and got inkings of their paw prints to help with the loss.
@becks_726 I also recommend seeing if hiring a doula is feasible for your location and budget. You can also look for a doula in training, as sometimes they don't charge anything because they are still learning.
I wanted an unmedicated birth, but I was induced for Pre-e and the pitocin contractions were frankly quite awful. I ended up getting an epi, but my hospital experience was still fantastic.
I am one of those odd ones who really wants to go home for Christmas. I haven't been home in almost two years and I really miss the food and people.
@mechekitty I'm also growing increasingly convinced by all of you all that I should look into hiring a doula. Much like @jessier19 I would love an unmedicated birth but feel like it's kind of out of my hands, so perhaps this would be a good step. Also going to check out the Birth Hour, it felt a little intimidating to get into when I tried listening before, are there any episodes that you all would recommend starting with? or just dive right in?
@eggsandwich2019 I feel like the answer to that question is very personal, and has everything to do with your own private hopes and fears about birth. You can often tell a lot from the episode title and description about whether it was a natural or medicated birth, an affirming or upsetting birth, and one that went according to plan or didn't, etc. I'd recommend screening according to those descriptions depending on what sort of birth stories you're most interested in hearing about. I also find that how much I enjoy a particular episode has everything to do with how much I do or don't share a worldview with the mother (or father!) being interviewed. Sometimes the interviewee just bugs me, and when that happens I often just skip the interview. I also find that I usually prefer the longer episodes to the shorter ones, because those are the ones that tend to go into more detail. I started with the more recent episodes and I've been working my way backwards, so I haven't heard any of the oldest ones.
@eggsandwich2019 I hop around the episodes based on the title. It took me a while to work up to ones that featured more sensitive topics (but glad I eventually listened to them because I feel more prepared for various outcomes). I like the third episode as an ice breaker. The interviewee puts a lot of humor into her birth stories.
@cass06_07 I'm so sorry. Losing a pet can be incredibly difficult. Be kind to yourself.
@casperthefriendlybeeb I actually started listening to the Birth Hour recently and so far I really like it. I think it's a great format for sharing birth stories.
To everyone recommending hiring a doula, yes! That's on my to do list. Oddly I hadn't really considered it until I found out last week that there is a good chance DH misses a portion if not all of the birth. I was hoping a Doula would act as a bit of an advocate in his absence. If he isn't there, my mum will be, thankfully. She said to me that she could handle it, but if I don't have to put that pressure on her, why not avoid it? So far Doula options around here seem limited but I will try my darndest.
I was full hospital all the way, I told my Dr. from the beginning, my goal was for me and babe to leave happy and healthy- no matter how or what we needed to do to have it happen. She knew I wanted to try unmedicated etc, but my body had other plans. I was in labor for 40hrs, never moved past 6cm despite pitocin. I had an epidural at around 24hrs- bc I was done, it failed after 3hrs and had to be re-done, and the pitocin at some time disconnected and I ended up with a wet bed from the meds just leaking. So after 40hrs, they went and got her. For this birth bc it will be less than 1yr between pregnancies (not births-duh) and I have a heart condition and my DD had a heart condition fetal echos missed, we are doing a planned c-section. Not my first choice, but if that's the best route for my health and babies, I will take it.
TW: 1 infant loss 8/17: Our daughter was born 8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass 2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old 4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
Would anyone be interested in a DIY/craft and projects thread? I'm thinking about doing one every few weeks on a Sunday (maybe once per month?) to brainstorm and share DIY ideas, projects that we're working on, and projects that we complete. I'm big into DIY stuff, but I'm not sure if anyone else is.
Re: Weekly randoms 9/3 - 9/9
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
Today's one of those days where I woke up panicked about all I had to accomplish, but suddenly now (at 10am) I'm realizing I can absolutely, easily get it all done. Which inevitably will lead to me dicking around on TB then panic working all afternoon
With DD I wanted as little intervention as possible and med free. I ended up with GD and needed insulin so they ended up having to induce me at 39w1d. I was really disappointed at first but my OB was great. With the cervidil they often keep moms there for monitoring throughout the night but she started off with letting me go home and rest at home. I came in the next morning for the pitocin and told my nurse that I wanted to have as little intervention as was allowed while on pitocin. We did minimal checks, I could walk around with my IV poll until I no longer wanted to, and they never came in offering me drugs of any kind. I ended up being able to not have any pain meds minus nitrous Oxide gas which really did nothing for pain and only encouraged my breathing during contractions.
All in all to say that birth often has a plan of it's own regardless of our own preferences. But I never once felt that my hospital experience was a negative one and I did end up with things I would have preferred not having.
TL/DR I had an induction in hospital because of GD and still managed to have a positive birth experience aligned with what I wanted.
I take the train daily into NYC and love listening to the podcast on the commute. It has helped me figure out what I ideally want my birth to look like, and also realize that my birth plan can (and probably will) change in an instant anyway.
Two things that I've found helpful to keep me positive and empowered about this birth:
1. I've hired a doula who is really positive about our hospital we're birthing at, and has attended many successful natural births there. I'm hoping she'll have good guidance and support when the going gets tough.
2. I've started reading Natural Hospital Birth by Cynthia Gabriel, which IMO offers a much more well-rounded view of birth than Ina May's book. If you like to prepare for things by reading, I'd suggest it!
Good luck! I'm with you on this, and I'm cheering for a positive experience us all, whatever that may look like!
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
But that said, I also know that doulas aren't available everywhere, and unfortunately they can be really expensive, too. I'm sorry to hear that you haven't been able to find a midwife like you hoped. That sounds really really frustrating.
I badly want to have an unmedicated natural birth, but I also realize, especially as an FTM, that so much is just out of my hands. I can't control what kind of birth experience I have. No one can.
Youve obviously put in the time in prior years - it’s asking a bit much for you to be pregnant and stressed out traveling. Hopefully they understand!
(hope I didn’t mess up replying to someone specifically - haven’t done it before and am on mobile. Learning curve!!!)
@becks_726 I also recommend seeing if hiring a doula is feasible for your location and budget. You can also look for a doula in training, as sometimes they don't charge anything because they are still learning.
I wanted an unmedicated birth, but I was induced for Pre-e and the pitocin contractions were frankly quite awful. I ended up getting an epi, but my hospital experience was still fantastic.
I am one of those odd ones who really wants to go home for Christmas. I haven't been home in almost two years and I really miss the food and people.
MMC 2.12.11 @ 8w
PVM 5.8.12
GWM 3.17.15
RPM 2.21.19
@casperthefriendlybeeb I actually started listening to the Birth Hour recently and so far I really like it. I think it's a great format for sharing birth stories.
To everyone recommending hiring a doula, yes! That's on my to do list. Oddly I hadn't really considered it until I found out last week that there is a good chance DH misses a portion if not all of the birth. I was hoping a Doula would act as a bit of an advocate in his absence. If he isn't there, my mum will be, thankfully. She said to me that she could handle it, but if I don't have to put that pressure on her, why not avoid it? So far Doula options around here seem limited but I will try my darndest.
Thanks all for your encouraging words.
BFP 6.8.2018 EDD 02.18.2019
1 infant loss
8/17: Our daughter was born
8/18: Our daughter kicked open heart surgery ass
2/19: We lost our son to Prader-Willi/Paradoxical Vocal Cord/ Noonans at 6wks old
4/26/2020: EDD for baby #3!!!
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024
DD born 4/1/2023
Baby #3 EDD 11/21/2024