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October 2018 Moms
meltonjl
member
Tips for Toddler and Newborn
meltonjl
member
I am not sure whether there is a thread about this already but I would love to get a discussion going about juggling a newborn and toddler. Sorry in advance if I overlooked it.
STM here and I’m already starting to try to figure out how to handle both. Something I have been thinking about a lot is dealing with the toddler getting the baby sick since we will have a newborn in October. Another thing I have been thinking about is introducing the toddler to the baby. DS is almost 28 months will be ~29 months when baby comes.
STM here and I’m already starting to try to figure out how to handle both. Something I have been thinking about a lot is dealing with the toddler getting the baby sick since we will have a newborn in October. Another thing I have been thinking about is introducing the toddler to the baby. DS is almost 28 months will be ~29 months when baby comes.
Re: Tips for Toddler and Newborn
There's also some suggestions in the birth class advice thread, I'll try and tag you!
My son is very high energy so that worries me. He isnt in daycare yet either. My SO is going to be going back to work soon so preschool will be in the near ish future so I'm hoping that helps because he needs to stay busy for sure!
We also made her very involved in his care. We’d ask her if she could grab a diaper for her brother, or what onesie or sleeper she wanted him to wear, or if she could help turn on his swing. The more we let her help, the more she felt like he was HER baby too and not just someone to take attention from her. I think saying “your brother” helped too instead of just referring to him as “the baby” or using his name. The two of them are incredibly close now (she tells everyone that he’s her best friend) and I’d like to think that it’s partially because she got off to a great start with him. There was very little jealousy or outrage directed at him.
We plan to do the same things this time around (DD will be 4.5, DS will be almost 3) to help make it easier for both of them.
Re: getting sick...DS was born 10/29 so definitely cold/flu season. DD had a cold and strep off and on for the majority of the first 6-ish months of DS’s life (she was in MDO part
time), and DS only got sick once. That March right after he turned 4 months old he ended up with RSV but we were able to handle it with no problems at home with a nebulizer.
As far as introducing them, my advice is to make sure that you’re not holding the baby when your older one walks into the room at the hospital (or wherever you're delivering)...have someone else hold the baby or put the baby in the crib and greet your older child first, then introduce the two of them.
Another STM here with similar anxieties. I’m glad DS will go to daycare so I can bond with the baby alone a bit though.
When they met, I was holding E when he came in. He was so excited to meet his sister and I just made sure to hug him and give him lots of love. I may change it this time since E is much younger and doesn’t really understand what’s happening.
Jealousy is to be expected. He doesn’t associate how he’s feeling with his sister, which is good, but there’d be times where he’d start acting out more because he just needed me to spend a little more time with him and when I saw it was getting to that point, I’d schedule an outing with just him. I’d let him choose and he just loved having that time. It’ll be similar this time around. I don’t know how E will be but she’s a totally Mommy’s girl as well so we’re going to have to make sure they all get special time, even if it’s just cuddling with them on the couch.
As for keeping the baby from getting sick, E was born in December (cold and flu season, yay!) and A was in daycare during most of that time. He didn’t really get sick, but he did get pink eye right before I went back to work. I made sure to remind him he couldn’t touch his sister since he was sick (which really made him sad) and made sure to wash his sheets every day (something a friend told me she did to help keep the germs from spreading). DH and I both washed our hands a lot as well to help contain it.
A is super high energy and I had to make sure not to leave them alone since he makes crazy, spontaneous decisions. I did that until he had a better understanding of little E is. I’m still really cautious of it, even now, because he doesn’t always know his strength. There was a lot of reminding him how big he is, and how he needed to be gentle. We’d demonstrate gentle and show him how to be nice.
DS will be 21m when this one comes. And he is crazy energetic! I'm a little nervous about getting able to keep up with two. And how do naps work and such? I'm nervous about the separate schedules.... and being not a zombie.
We also did the "Just a minute please Bridget, I'm helping/doing X with Aiden right now" when she would get fussy during times I was focusing on Aiden, so he would know he was a priority too and wasn't getting pushed aside. It seemed to really help him feel like he hadn't lost his place. We also tried to keep him on his routine as much as possible (going to daycare, etc.) so he had some stability.
As far as toddlers getting baby sick, there's only so much you can do without keeping them completely separate and effecting their relationship. Aiden puked on my mom the day after Bridget was born, and ended up having pinkeye the first week she was home. Because, you know, newborns aren't stressful enough
I really like alot of these ideas and I am super glad I started this discussion because I thought I was the only one scared out of my mind about this!
DS1 gave me and DS2 the silent treatment when we came home from the hospital. He wouldn't acknowledge me unless absolutely necessary. After awhile he came around and curiosity got the better of him. He'd put the paci in DS2's mouth and "help" as much as he could at 23mo. We read lots of "big brother" stories while I was pregnant and talked about the new baby a lot, so I think that was helpful. This time around we've been talking a LOT with both boys about what it'll be like when baby arrives, what babies can (and CAN'T) eat and play with. Mostly just so they're not trying to feed him solids, lol. "babies only drink milk from mommy", "babies can't play with big boy toys, so we need to make sure to keep them on the table so baby brother can't reach them" , etc.
We're big on routines at our house, so I think keeping the big boys on their normal routine as much as possible with help with the transition. So predictable mealtimes, bedtimes, storytimes, school, etc. We talk to the boys often about how babies cry to communicate since they don't know how to talk yet and how we have to be quiet and GENTLE with baby when he arrives. We ask who's excited to hold and cuddle baby and trying putting a positive spin on the whole thing. We have fairly loud air purifiers in each boy's room that have always doubled as white noise machines, so we're keeping those to help deaden the MOTN baby cries.
As far as getting sick, I personally plan to get the flu shot for myself and both my older boys as well as pass whatever immunity I can through EBF. Even with all that, i'm sure baby will get sick at some point. DS2 got croup as an infant, so we're familiar with using a nebulizer for breathing treatments (think of it as extra enforced cuddle time, lol) and I found my love for the nose frieda so FX we all get through winter mostly unscathed.
I'm also hoping to plan some "date days/nights" with each older boy to go do something with just them when possible, even if its just a trip to get an ice cream cone or ride their bike around the neighborhood, or do a craft project or stay up late and watch a movie at home. Something that is just the two of us spending time together uninterrupted.
DS wasn't too bad when DD was born. There were times when it was really stressful, and times when it wasn't bad at all. Every kid is so different so it's hard to give exact advice. But I would stay, be flexible, try to stay patient, and if you have to give everyone PB&J sandwiches in front of the TV for dinner 3 nights a week to survive, then don't make yourself feel guilty about it.
There are 2 lights at the end of the tunnel that I found out after having 2, though. The first is something I forgot, but I felt so much more like myself a few weeks after birth. Meaning, I had some normal energy levels again, I could drink caffeine, I could move without discomfort. So physically being in a better place made me feel better mentally (it's like when I was pregnant, I forgot that I wouldn't be pregnant once both kids were here if that makes sense).
The second thing is that after a while (for us, it was after DD turned 1 and DS was 3), things got SO MUCH easier. DS was a really energetic toddler and it was just him, so we spent a lot of time playing and engaging and doing things. Once DD was 1-1.5, the two of them started playing together all the time. I'm not saying I don't still engage with my kids, of course, but it is nice that they can play legos together while I am getting dinner ready, kwim?
Both A&E are crazy attached to me. Having E hasn’t changed that. Our relationship is a little different, but part of that is because he is older and the way you parent a 4 year old is different than a 2 year old. It’s not a bad different. But I make sure to make time
for just him and he loves it!