Wish I would have known!!

lifeofboggs · August 2018

Stealing this thread idea from January!

S+TMs: What do you wish you had known about childbirth/raising a baby?

lifeofboggs · August 2018

I wish I would have known that it is okay to not have that overwhelming earth shattering feeling of love the first second they set your baby on your chest during delivery. I had a very long labor 72 hours active labor + 6 hours of pushing. I was so exhausted by the time my ds was set on my chest (and honestly wished they would have wiped him off first because it grossed me out at the time which isn’t a big deal to me know but it was a shock.) I let the guilt though of not feeling it at that moment eat me up inside with guilt for weeks. I thought I was a terrible mother.

Also sometimes during birth they can get stuck in the birth canal for a while and come out with misshaped heads. This is normal and they will be fine. It usually will go away on its own in a day or two. I thought I damaged my son when I first saw him lol

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

Ohhh the blood. There is so much blood postpartum. I knew from my previous BMB to expect a lot of blood, but I was still completely overwhelmed. I remember desperately wanting to take a bath a few days after we got home from the hospital, but being too afraid that I'd literally be sitting in a bath tub full of blood.

I wish I knew that it was okay to ask questions all the time. I think I felt like they'd (the doctors, nurses, LC, mom-friends etc.) think I was stupid, but you really don't get all that "mom knowledge" immediately when your baby is born. Everyone is a FTM at some point. And even as a STM this time around, I'm still a FTM to this baby. You can never ask enough questions.

I wish I knew about the camaraderie I'd feel immediately with other moms. I have this vivid memory of my first trip to the grocery store with DS. I was still wearing the mesh panties, but we were out of coffee and my husband wouldn't be home until that night. I waddled into Kroger with my tiny lil baby, made a beeline for the coffee aisle and went straight to self-checkout. All these women in front of me parted and let me go first. It made me absolutely sob when I got to the car. The mommy wars are so rampant, but if you look for them you'll have so many more moments of support from other mothers. It's a special little club to be in that you can't really understand until you're in it.

cmjenkies · August 2018

I wish I knew how absolutely gross and awful postpartum recovery can be.

katamca · August 2018

Not to stress out about having everything I thought I may need or having the nursery perfect before baby got here. She was in the room with us for a while, and I realized babies don’t need a whole lot of stuff at first. So if it’s not all done, it’s not the end of the world.

madreofdragons · August 2018

How much modesty goes out the window once labor starts. You have so many people looking up Main Street that you don’t even care. Nurses will be helping you waddle your bloody diaper wearing ass to the bathroom. You’ll be having your boobs squeezed by strangers, and you’ll probably be asking for it. I was very body shy before that and I did not care. I had it all hanging out.

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

@madreofdragons oh my god yes. The LC was so sweet asking if I minded if she touched me when my boobs were bowling balls. I literally begged her to milk me. Not my finest moment but damn did it help.

madreofdragons · August 2018

I think I actually said “Go to town!” once.

okayestmom12 · August 2018

I wish I knew how a lack of continuous sleep can F you up. I thought “I pulled all nighters in college and grad school, I’ll be fine”. WRONG. Lack of quality sleep + caring for a newborn = recipe for utter disaster.

lifeofboggs · August 2018

Also wish I would have known you can get a “frozen bladder” from an epidural meaning that it can sometimes take 24 hours for your body to be able to pee on its own

etnyah · August 2018

This thread is already gold. Thank you all for both warning and reassuring us FTM’s! I’ve learned a lot already, keep it coming!

katamca · August 2018

I was completely unprepared for the first post partum poop. It was quite terrifying honestly. I will make sure Colace is on hand this time!

madreofdragons · August 2018

Oh and how many people you’ll be talking to about your poop. I was so used to people asking me if I’d pooped that when the pediatrician asked if my daughter had pooped I answered about my poop. I was tired and conditioned.

AshleySparkle720 · August 2018

I wish I would've been told about the uterine cramping AFTER the baby is born and the "massage" they give. I would've asked for something stronger than tylenol!

bww_0331 · August 2018

I agree with @lifeofboggs that it's okay not to have the instant "love" the second your baby is born. I had a hard time connecting all throughout pregnancy and it took a day or so for me to realize "oh hey, your baby is actually here now" and then some time at home to really start to fall in love. It's okay.

I wish I would have known how much "down time" I would spend breastfeeding. I never knew a feeding could take so long. I watched HOURS of Netflix daily and chatted with my BMB on FB because sessions were lasting 30+ minutes and then maybe sleepy baby snuggles.

I also with I had known how incredibly thirsty and hungry breastfeeding makes you. I finally got my routine down but I never knew I could need water so badly all.the.time.

wifemomme · August 2018

I wish I would have known that maternal instinct is real. I worried a lot and read a lot and worried some more. Your instincts don't provide all the answers to every question, but after the first few weeks with DS at home I really felt that I knew what was best for my baby and my situation. I still made (make) mistakes but now I am more confident that I can trust the feelings that tell me that things are ok (or those that tell me to find help.)

bieberm04 · August 2018

I almost exclusively pumped for 9 months (DD wouldn't latch) and I wish someone would have warned me about all the weird stuff that comes out in the bottles. TMI- You expect it will be just liquid but can have "strings and slight chunks". Thank god I have a cousin who worked on a maternity floor and wasn't weirded out by family asking questions. I almost dumped it out

okayestmom12 · August 2018

@bww_0331 - SO thirsty! One of my girlfriends said to get a new bottle of water for every nursing session and I thought she was crazy. Then I started nursing and understood it completely.

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

AshleySparkle720 said:

I wish I would've been told about the uterine cramping AFTER the baby is born and the "massage" they give. I would've asked for something stronger than tylenol!

Oh god the cramping while breastfeeding. That’s brutal. I had no idea that was coming and was pretty convinced I was in labor all over again.

conchispita · August 2018

okayestmom12 said:

I wish I knew how a lack of continuous sleep can F you up. I thought “I pulled all nighters in college and grad school, I’ll be fine”. WRONG. Lack of quality sleep + caring for a newborn = recipe for utter disaster.

In grad school I pulled all nighters weekly, but then would crash for 10-12 hours afterwards. There is no crashing with an infant, just a zombie state for 4 months+ with no breaks

allthingsgo · August 2018

@BourbonBiscuits your story made me tear up. That is so amazing and sweet. Moms really are wonderful and supportive to each other overall.

Yes to the extreme thirst and hunger from breastfeeding. I always had a snack and big cup of water next to me wherever I was.

Also the exhaustion is beyond anything I’ve ever experienced before. I would literally fall asleep sitting up sometimes.

What I wish I knew was how isolating being a first time mom can be especially when you are going from working full time to staying at home full time. I felt very lonely at first because a lot of my friends either had no kids, had older kids or were working moms. Then I started going to postpartum support groups and nursing groups and met some really great people. It is important to try to get out there as soon as you can and connect with people especially other moms who know what you are going through. Even if it is just once a week or once every few weeks.

I also wish I knew that it doesn’t matter what type of birth you have if you and baby are healthy that is what is paramount. I went from wanting a med free birth to a c section and felt pretty depressed after that. Like I failed in some way. It took me awhile to come to terms with what happened and feel ok with it.

conchispita · August 2018

I wish someone would have told me about the hair loss. I was utterly depressed at my hairline, and it didn't help that my colleagues are bunch of childless interior designers who give you unsolicited "suggestions" about how to avoid it (obviously I wasn't taking my vitamins, or eating healthy enough, or maybe its my shampoo...).

For the record it's normal, there isn't anything you can do about it, and it will grow back...eventually.

BourbonBiscuits · August 2018

@conchispita and then you get those wild post partum hairs that grow back in random
places. All these baby hairs stand straight out from my head all day

lifeislove87 · August 2018

I feel like my level of anxiety when I had a newborn was not appropriate, I wish I would have sought medication/support for post partum anxiety. Everyone kept telling me how I was feeling was normal but I don’t feel like being convinced your child is going to die 100 different ways a day and not sleeping to watch them breathe is completely normal post partum even with the hormones

madreofdragons · August 2018

Onsie necklines are envelope cut for a reason!!! Pull the fucker down instead of over their heads in the event of a poopsplosion, food everywhere or whathaveyou. Pull it down I say!

norweigan · August 2018

Hi! New here (did the intro thread and everything, so I think I can post now right?) but I thought I’d add to this.

I guess I’m just adding to what others have said, but the blood after delivery. No one told me, and I remember seeing and thinking I was bleeding out. Literally asked the nurse if I was dying and she laughed at me.

I think the other thing would be that things get easier as they get older. As tired and hard as it is in the beginning, they eventually start sleeping, feeding themselves, becoming more independent. And you kind of forget about how hard it used to be. Which I think is nature’s way of making sure people have more children to keep the human race going.

Last, I think, would be that sometimes breastfeeding can really hurt. I know it doesn’t for everyone, and the lactation consultants will tell you it’s a latch issue, but my kids both latched pretty well and it still hurt for me. I ended up pumping with both of them before I stopped at the year point. And make sure you empty your boobs so avoid mastitis.

allthingsgo · August 2018

@madreofdragons yes!! I didn’t know that until 6 months in

norweigan · August 2018

Oh, and the pee and poop. More than you’d ever think a baby could make. I got pee right in the face from my son and my daughter thought the middle of the night diaper change was always the best time to pee while the diaper was off. Always have a daiper close by for a quick change. I also have found that washing a poop/blood/chocolate stained clothing item in the sink with hand soap first before putting it in the washing machine was an effective way to get the poop/blood/chocolate out.

norweigan · August 2018

Yes! I have a friend who is a lactation consultant/neonatal nurse and I would have thrown out so much breastmilk if it wasn’t for her. Also that milk can sometimes separate in the fridge. Breastmilk is weird.

norweigan · August 2018

Oh! Last thing. When you freeze your milk and then thaw it, it has a weird, soapy smell. That doesn’t mean it’s bad. But frozen milk isn’t good for super long, just FYI. Like 6 months or so.

kdrn913 · August 2018

Breastfeeding is hard. And your boobs are going to hurt, nipples too, for a while.

Yes to the soapy smell smell of frozen breast milk. Some babies won’t take it either but my DD didn’t care!

You can put pump parts in the fridge and just wash once a day, such a time saver!!

kayjay44 · August 2018

Lightning crotch. I wish someone warned me.

cali1710 · August 2018

OH god I forgot about oughtening crotch. The worst.

I agree about how isolating it can be when youre at home with a newborn. At least when they get older they are a bit more active and fun.

I wish I knew that you will have days where its ok to not have it all together. Baby wont stop crying, or wont nap, or you’re simply just exhausted, and you will be at your breaking point. And its ok. Its ok to let baby cry for a couple minutes while you sit in a corner and take a breath. If they are crying, they are breathing. Sometimes you just need a minute to gather yourself. Obviously I knew there would be hard days, but theres those special days where its just a shit show.

jessier19 · August 2018

@kayjay44 lightning crotch?

agea · August 2018

Wow. All of this. So much.

Sleep deprivation is true torture. I could never have imagined. It’s truly mystifying that we are expected to endure it and handle mat leave solo. Your body was just torn apart, the new life you created is still entirely dependent on your body for its needs, you don’t have time to rest and take care of your own recovery, and by the way, your husband is going back to work while you “enjoy your vacation”. I could scream thinking about it.

I was surprised by how much things in new motherhood did NOT come naturally to me. For weeks I could not get my child to sleep or soothe him nearly as well as my husband could - despite spending MOTN hours shushing and rocking. I did not use the right sized swaddles and had him in things that were obviously too small and squishing him because the packaging indicated they were for his weight range. I did not think to put socks on him in the middle of winter while hanging at home - later realized he was obviously cold... babies need socks even if I don’t! So many things that I needed to be TOLD that didn’t naturally occur to me- even as an “educated” adult. Felt like a super dummy and failure all the time. This definitely improved as he got older and we found our groove. But none of caretaking and infant came naturally to me.

cali1710 · August 2018

@ssag agreed it didnt all come natural to me either. Its definitely a learning curve.

kayjay44 · August 2018

@jessier19 - Lightning crotch these sharp shooting pains you get starting in mid second tri that literally feels like lightning is shooting into your vagina/cervix. No one warns you about it.

AshleySparkle720 · August 2018

I wish I would've known to ask for help when I needed it. Dh was deployed when dd1 was born and I was a single mom for her first 6 months of life. I felt so alone and like I never accomplished anything because I was nursing 20 times a day. I had plenty of people offer to help watch her or even just come hang out and I always said no. When dd2 was born I took everyone up on all of their offers and my post partum experience was so different because of it. Even if it was just letting someone come over and walk around the block with me it made me feel so supported and so much less alone.

*By no means am I saying this cured my ppd/ppa. If you're feeling helpless or harmful in any way it is SO important to seek medical support.*

cas060 · August 2018

Good thread.. thanks mamas!

smallbutmighty77 · August 2018

I've said this before but the swelling!! I thought my legs were swollen the week I was due. That was nothing compared to the few days after. I looked like an elephant!! It didn't help that I had limited walking bc I had a blood transfusion and they didn't want me passing out etc. This time, let me walk!!!

hannahbananas11 · August 2018

This has been my favorite thread yet (besides Worm, obviously). I feel just a little more prepared for what's ahead, thanks to y'all. Keep 'em coming!

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