January 2019 Moms
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I wish I had known that!

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Re: I wish I had known that!

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    I wish I would have known how painful cramps are after giving birth, especially if you breastfeed. It hurt so bad sometimes that I'd be writhing in pain while trying to nurse ds. 

    Also, the sweat. I couldn't believe how much I sweat for about a week after giving birth. I would wake up and my sheets and pillows would be soaking wet. 
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    I wish I'd known my libido would come back to normal once I got my first period back (for me this was at 8 months since I was nursing), and that that's all it took for sex to not be painful again. For 8 months I thought the hormones and baby had somehow broken my sex drive and broke my vagina. Sex was painful or uncomfortable almost every single time until I got my first period and my sex drive came back. Once my hormones regulated I could enjoy sex again and I had orgasms again. If I had known in advance, I might not have stressed about it as much or let it get me down. This time, if it happens again, I'll know that eventually it'll be good again and not to worry.
    Me: 30 |  DH: 33
    Married: 8/11/2007

    DD: Born 2/3/17
    BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
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    @LCRbelle Yikes! Sounds like our stories are definitely similar! Hoping we get better experiences with our RCS.

    Also I know some of this is scary. The reality is that sometimes crazy things happen in labor, and you really can't predict what the outcome is going to be. BUT, I had one of the craziest birth experiences that I've ever heard and yet here I am 13 months later 4.5 months pregnant with number 2! Because one of the most important things to remember is that for most of us, ALL of this will feel so worth it.

    Also I knew sleeping recommendations would come up sooner or later. I am a 100% firm follower of the AAP recommendations that 'back is best'. There are no studies that indicate that a baby is more likely to aspirate if they are flat on their backs compared to an incline. As a matter of fact, when they are flat on their backs their anatomy is set up to allow them to swallow any spit up rather than aspirate it as their esophagus is below their trachea allowing gravity to help them. I'll attach a picture.

    DD never slept anywhere other than a firm flat mattress (or someones arms) until she was close to a year old. I can say that as someone who had a baby who didn't fight sleep in those spaces - so who knows what I may have resorted to if I had a tough sleeper. She DID have reflux pretty severely though (she had to be medicated) and I was still more comfortable with the flat space.

    I'm not saying any of this as a judgement. I'm a firm believer in 'do what you think is best for your own family'. But I DO think it is important to be well informed, and to spread awareness for people who are interested in knowing the recommendations. And so many people don't realize that things like the rock-n-play that are very clearly advertised for sleep are not actually safe for sleep according to the AAP. Neither are the nappers that often come attached to pack-n-plays (there are rare exceptions where those attachments are actually called bassinets and are safe). As a matter of fact, Bassinet, crib, play yard (all of the pack and plays), and cradle are the only regulated words in the US that guarantee the object is approved for 'safe sleep'. If a sleep marketed device is called anything else, it is technically not safe for sleep.

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    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


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    I am very pro rock n play. I love that thing and its probably my number 1 on a registry especially now that it rocks itself. However, I do believe that back is best when it comes to sleeping. One question I always see pop up on baby websites is that people cannot transition their baby from rock n play to a crib. It is much easier to transition if you have them sleeping in a bassinet/packnplay/crib on their back at night time. 

    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickers
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    On a separate note - I think the sleep conversation could go on forever. Some of us do make AAP recommended safe sleep our hill to die on for OUR kids. And others of use different methods. And I think we could discuss it until we were blue in the face. I think it is a really important discussion for FTMs to read so that they can form their own opinions based on real life experiences as well as some good old fashioned data (because I can pull out ALLLL of the safe sleep studies). Can we make a separate thread for it? I would hate for FTMs to lose the benefit of what the thread was intended for.
    I don't need a separate thread for it. I'll let it go because there's no point in arguing with people who are set in their ways. I just don't want FTMs to be given misinformation. This is a good facebook group to check out if you have any questions about safe sleep: https://www.facebook.com/groups/safesleepbabycare/?fref=gc&dti=1861481010778634&hc_location=ufi 

    That's all. I won't derail the thread further. 
    Me: 29, DH: 31
    Married: October 2014
    Began TTC: April 2015
    BFP #1: 9/18/15. EDD 5/18/16. MC 10/26/15. (9w)
    BFP #2: 2/27/16. EDD 11/7/16. MC/D&E 4/20/16 (11w)
    BFP #3: 9/22/16. EDD 5/29/17. DS born 4/24/17 <3
    BFP #4: 5/20/18. EDD 1/23/19. 


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    pttomatopttomato member
    edited August 2018
    kns1988 said:
    To each her own, I would recommend ladies taking into consideration what real moms have done and also knowing what "they" say. Then when the baby comes, you do what works for you and your baby and be very mindful of dangers either way.
    cait32 said:
    I wish I had known it was okay to cosleep (safely) and to smile, nod, and ignore people who constantly feel the need to give other people safety advice. Your entire life of parenthood can be spent gauging levels of danger for all kinds of situations -- everyone's acceptable level is different. Live and let live.

    I disagree with "to each her own" and "live and let live" when it comes to safety. There's a reason why there's so much education out there about safe sleep. It's the hill that I'll die on. 
    Pediatricians do recommend babies sleep at an incline sometimes if you are dealing with reflux. 

    I followed the safe sleep recommendations with DD because I was so afraid of SIDS, but it meant DD (and therefore I) didn’t sleep. She slept so poorly and I tried everything and nothing helped. I went into it not realizing that a trade-off to the best sleep practices could be never actually sleeping.

    Also it’s hard to realize how desperate you can get when you have only slept a few hours for the last several days. It’s much safer to know how to bedshare safely if you at risk of falling asleep with the baby than to fall asleep with them in a chair or on the couch, which are pretty dangerous.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
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    @AliKay20 I agreed with your post re: passing out on my first bathroom trip. But mine was probably due 
    more to blood loss. On that topic I’ll say I wish I knew that if you need stitches they should happen IMMEDIATELY like within 10-15 minutes of birth. Don’t let anyone make you wait. 
     but I disagree that no one is spared postpartum hair loss. I never had it (my hair lady confirmed) BUT I never got any extra beautiful pregnancy hair. No extra meant none to fall out. I’ll take it every time. 

    ... all I’ll say is I agree w safe sleep practices and my baby did have bad reflux. One of my beefs with the rock and play is THEY SAY it can increase the chances of your kid having a flat head and possibly needing a helmet.  I was really paranoid about that and as a result my kid never even got the newborn bald spot until she went to daycare. (FYI most newborns get bald spots) Also it didn’t apply to me but I learned that not all flat head babies get helmets. Some self correct and some people just don’t care (esp for girls who will likely have hair to cover it up). 

    I wish I knew that I would have to go back in personally to be prescribed additional pain medicine. I was released with about 24 to 36 hours worth of pain meds and to get more I had to haul my stitched up ass back into the doctors office crying. This time I will ask for more in advance if they’ll give it. 
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    I wish I had known to pack my hospital bag before 37 weeks. 

    I wish I had known how to properly put DS in his car seat (I knew all about installing it, but when I went to put him in it, I was like, “Wait.. where do all these straps go?!” The nurse was judgy about it).

    I wish I had known that you can shake uncontrollably during transition in labor. 

    I wish I had known to trust my mama instincts. Even as a FTM, you know your baby best, so take all advice with a grain of salt. 

    I wish I had known about gripe water sooner (helps newborns with gas/tummy issues). 

    I wish I had known that even though DH was totally disengaged from my pregnancy (he was excited, just really disconnected from the fact that we were having a baby), he will be an amazing, supportive father. 

    I wish I had put the baby in the nursery that first night so I could sleep.


    Married: May 2012
    DS1: May 2016
    DS2: Jan 2019
    Baby #3 EDD: 6/18/24


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    I thought of another one.. if you breastfeed, when you introduce a bottle, it needs to have a slow flow nipple. 

    I didnt know about this, and DS sucked his first bottle down in 2 minutes flat and was screaming for more  :D
    Married: May 2012
    DS1: May 2016
    DS2: Jan 2019
    Baby #3 EDD: 6/18/24


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    I thought of another one.. if you breastfeed, when you introduce a bottle, it needs to have a slow flow nipple. 

    I didnt know about this, and DS sucked his first bottle down in 2 minutes flat and was screaming for more  :D
    Yes! Even look for premie sized nipples. We used those for DD until she was close to 6 months old and then size 1 until she was off her bottle.
    DH: 29 | Me: 29 
    Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
    TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
    DD: 10/5/16
    TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
    DS: 1/9/19
    BabyFruit Ticker


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    emmaaa said:
    I thought of another one.. if you breastfeed, when you introduce a bottle, it needs to have a slow flow nipple. 

    I didnt know about this, and DS sucked his first bottle down in 2 minutes flat and was screaming for more  :D
    Yes! Even look for premie sized nipples. We used those for DD until she was close to 6 months old and then size 1 until she was off her bottle.
    Yes, we had to use preemie sized nipples or DD would let most of the milk flow out of the side of her mouth.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
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    @saltedcaramel518 YES to the gripe water!!!! DD got gas pains mainly around 5-9pm (and sometimes randomly throughout the day) and we tried massaging, bycling her legs, and gas drops. THEN I got the Gripe Water and it made a HUGE difference!!! I wish we'd known about that from the start instead of dealing with over a month of trying everything else that didn't work.
    Me: 30 |  DH: 33
    Married: 8/11/2007

    DD: Born 2/3/17
    BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
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    Get gas drops too. And FYI they can’t overdose on them. 
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    pttomato said:
    emmaaa said:
    I thought of another one.. if you breastfeed, when you introduce a bottle, it needs to have a slow flow nipple. 

    I didnt know about this, and DS sucked his first bottle down in 2 minutes flat and was screaming for more  :D
    Yes! Even look for premie sized nipples. We used those for DD until she was close to 6 months old and then size 1 until she was off her bottle.
    Yes, we had to use preemie sized nipples or DD would let most of the milk flow out of the side of her mouth.
    Also research "Paced Bottle Feeding for the Breastfed Baby"
    DH: 29 | Me: 29 
    Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
    TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
    DD: 10/5/16
    TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
    DS: 1/9/19
    BabyFruit Ticker


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    I wish I would’ve known about Sunflower Lecithin to prevent plugged milk ducts, and about Happy Ducts homeopathic tincture to get rid of plugged milk ducts and mastitis. I am prone to plugged milk ducts, and subsequently mastitis, and these 2 products were a game changer for breastfeeding for me! Too bad I didn’t find out about them until my 3rd baby, but at least I will be prepared withvthem for baby #4!
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    jandd2014jandd2014 member
    edited August 2018
    @bradleysmommy28 I also had a mini breakdown about work after I got put on strict bed rest at 25 weeks... on the second day of the school year. I was so upset I ugly cried and kept asking but what if I still work but do this or do that (none of which was practical because I teach kindergarten special ed). My doctor finally asked me if it was really worth the risk. So I accepted it. But I had to go back to L&D a week later and the nurses were like “oh you’re the girl who cried about being on bed rest” (in a nice way). 
    Glad your boy was ok! Its so scary when things happen so early. 
    <3 D 2014 
    DD- 11/2016
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    @tosh24 I had bathroom issues and didn't discuss it for a year after DDs birth. I had 2 treatments of the Mona Lisa laser, it helped a little but I would be lying if I said I still didn't have issues. 

    @bradleysmommy28 my water broke (at 37weeks) and I didn't get to the hospital for 3 hours. I didn't realize what a risk it was waiting so long.

    So my advice is: if your water breaking is you first sign of labor don't wait to go to the hospital. The cord could prolapse and other problems can occur. 

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    @AshVA I am also pretty terrified and asked my doctor if I could have a Sherpa carry me over this mountain. 
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    Thought of another after @tosh24 ‘s bum discussion and @gorgeousariel ‘s bathroom issues comments. 
    Kind of TMI but that pretty much sums up childbirth. I had a really hard time controlling my gas (and sometimes more :/ ) for months after DD was born. I didn’t feel confident that I could control myself again until DD was probably 8 months old. I had a second degree tear but idk if that had anything to do with it. I never had any hemroids or fissures, just couldn’t control the muscles. I never talked to my doctor about it but probably should have and will if I have the same problems again this time around. 
    <3 D 2014 
    DD- 11/2016
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    @jandd2014 I had the same problem after my second! Almost complete lack of control over my bowels. I even pooped myself on the way to the bathroom one day. I would only leave the house for the day after I pooped. Was like that for about 6 weeks. The first I ever heard of bowel control after birth being an issue was from my cousin after her first. She was laughing about how she had issues and crapped herself while company was over lol. Her midwife said it was normal. I brought it up with my OB and he also assured me it was normal and usually resolves after a couple of months.
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

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    I know that a lot of these stories can feel a little scary! But we are all here, doing it again! I highly recommend the Birth Hour podcast. I am working through all of the episodes now, but there are so many great stories about every type of birth imaginable. I feel like it is far more informational than any birth class or birth book I have found. Birth Without Fear is a great website for birth stories, too. 
    BabyFruit Ticker

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    @oldiebutgoodie80 has a great point. So FTMs if y'all are scared out of your minds and think you'll never make it through this, remember, a lot of us have done it multiple times. On purpose even. Ha. 
    TW

    M/C 06/09/2011
    DS 05/29/2013
    M/C 02/14/2017 
    M/C 06/05/2017 
    C/P 03/01/2018
    BFP 05/17/2018 EDD 01/27/2019 
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
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    @oldiebutgoodie80 I wanted to say the same thing...  Just because someone says something is normal, doesn’t mean it’s common. It might happen to 15% of people. So it’s not some crazy thing that will never happen but chances are you’re not gonna have every single problem ppl talk about on this thread. You might have one or two. 

    Ex: I had pelvic floor therapy because I had a bad tear. Is it normal? Yes. Is it also unusual? Yes. I would guess less than 5% of women get it. But for the person who has whatever that low-likelihood thing is, they wish they had known it was a possibility. 
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    Thought of another one...
    I wish I had known I had to stay in bed once I got my epidural. It makes sense now that I've done it, but for some reason i thought it helped take away the pain but that you didn't have to stay in bed. Thankfully I ended up pushing only 30 minutes later, but walking the halls was the best way for me to cope with labor and it was relaxing and helped me feel productive. I could walk, stop & breathe, keep walking, etc. Then the contractions were extra painful and I said i was ready for the epidural, but then when she said to lay back and I couldn't get up anymore I was disappointed.

    I think if I had just known ahead of time that that was going to happen I wouldn't have minded because I would have been mentally prepared for it and made the decision to get it accordingly, but since I didn't know that was the expectation, I was disappointed.
    Me: 30 |  DH: 33
    Married: 8/11/2007

    DD: Born 2/3/17
    BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
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    jgil85jgil85 member
    edited August 2018
    Also, make sure to ask what extra things you can take home from the hospital. I took a 2nd peri bottle so I could keep one one each floor of my house. They also gave me these all-over wipes that were great to use when I was sweating like a pig while pumping. I'm definitely going to ask for extras of those when I deliver this time around. 
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    ^wss. We also took all the diapers (we were going to CD at home but not until the meconium was through), hospital grade pads, and mesh panties! They’ll keep restocking when you’re out so I would take some each time they brought stuff in. I know this sounds like stealing but I swear the nurses told me to do it! Haha.
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


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