I wish I had known that!

Mandamay1414

^^Also, I think that they have to throw out anything that you leave in your room even if you don't use it... and they will likely bill you for it... might as well take it

LeahNicole

I wish I had known that post partum emotions can feel very overwhelming. 

I wish I had known that in most cases sleepers are all baby needs for the first month at least

I wish I had known that all the reading still might not prepare you for what you need to know. You don't know what you don't know. I read all the books, and was active on my bmb and the first few days I cried more than I can count about things that I didn't read about and sometimes you just can't help it. 

I wish I would have sent DD to the nursery both nights, it doesn't make you a bad mom if you use the nursery. You have plenty of time to be the hero MOTN. 

beachmama14

Yes to this ^^ 

its ok if it feels overwhelming and you just need to cry! Hormones are a crazy thing, and mix them with exhaustion and you turn into a mess sometimes. And it’s okay. Just take it a day at a time and before you know it you will be through that newborn fog.

The nursery is amazing if you have that option! With my second, my husband went home to be with my daughter at night time so I was alone at the hospital with the baby. The nurses offered to take my son down in his bassinet to the nurses station to hang out with them for a few hours. It was only 3-4 hours but that sleep was so needed for me and I appreciated it so much. Don’t feel like you need to be superwoman! 

pttomato

Yes, I also wish I had sent DD to the nursery. I really wanted to keep her with me the whole time, but she wouldn’t sleep in the little bassinet and I was falling asleep holding her. I broke down and cried because I was so tired. 

Jackiemxoxo

Don't freak out if they don't pass the hearing test on the first or even second try. They did the hearing test right in our room with DD2 and she did not pass either time and finally passed on the third time. They have a lot of gunk in their systems still from birth so it takes some time to pass. I stressed over this way more than I should have. 

I am in agreement with the free stuff. I had a nurse than packed a full extra bag of postpartum stuff which was so nice cause I needed all the extras at home. They also make padsicles with these freezers things that you crack to activate which helped so much postpartum. The bag also had binkies, baby books, diapers and a manual pump. 

If you are starving right after birth, say something. They often have a backup fridge with sandwiches or snacks to give you right away. 

nononorman

I said this in the other thread but I got charged for all the “free” stuff in the hospital (diapers, extra peri bottles and pads etc). It didn’t show on the standard bill I got but when I requested the detailed bill (due to some complications etc) it all showed up on there. But you likely get charged for whatever hits the room so I’d say just grab whatever is left when you leave but don’t stockpile earlier in the hopes of getting extra freebies. 

galactickates

@Potterphile that probably depends on your insurance though,  everything after my OOP max which we'll easily hit will be 100% covered which means - might as well stock pile...

I would just advise to check your insurance.  

nononorman

@galactickates definitely insurance and hospital dependent. My total bill for the hospital stay/birth was less than $2000 - and I didn’t have an eventful pregnancy or medical year period- so didn’t hit my OOP max on that which I think is $2500. 

joniandtoe

I wish I would have known that I was not the only first time mom (hey, first time parents bc dear husband felt it too) in the world, after five days of round the clock breastfeeding and sleeping in 30-40 minute stretches, to damn near lose my mind and have a good cry thinking there was no possible way I could take another night of it. That is when you may benefit from putting youself first, having someone give a bottle (of you are willing) and catching one good stretch of sleep. The best thing for baby is a sane and safe mom. 

AND I wish I had known that the best way to prevent this would be to say yes to all the house, meal, and baby holding help you can get, even if it just buys you and extra hour or two of sleep a day. Limiting visitors is important, but so is not trying to be a superparent. You need your village. Let them help while you are both needing to heal and parent. Trust me one month after the newness of baby has worn off so will all the offers of help. 

I also want to second and third other respondent's advice to seek help early and often if the anxiety and sadness become overwhelming. Also seconding and thirding the advice that some babies can be nursing 24/7 and not getting enough. and again, get lactation help early and often if you are trying to BF.  Go with your gut if you think something isn't right. My daughter nursed round the clock for her first two months and we struggled with weight loss. We didnt learn until 5 months old the shoulder injury she had from birth was affecting her oral muscle strength, reducing the amount she got despite hours of nursing . Unfortunately for us it was too little to late and we never recovered the BFing relationship. 

sweetyjenj

@potterphile everyone I know has always hit their OOPM (unless your OOPM is ridiculously high) so might as well take what you can, since it's covered by insurance.
I can't believe your total was only like $2000!!!!!!! I can't even fathom! I had a vaginal delivery that cost $15000 or so, and DD was $4500 for standard stuff. My SIL had a c-section 8 months prior to my delivery at the same place I delivered and hers was over $35,000. Our hospital isn't even like a 'top in the country' or whatever. I didn't realize that hospitals would vary that much!

galactickates

@sweetyjenj i was pretty shocked to see $2,000 as well. My insurance gave the average price of delivery to be about $12,500. My OOP max is $2,500 so I didn't even imagine it would be less.

molosmiles

Man, I knew my insurance was total shit but my OOPM for our family is 6850 and I didn't hit it when I had DD2 but I did the following year with surgery. I was surprised by the low cost of DD1 and DD2, but I can't remember the numbers now. I'm sure I'll be close to my OOPM at the end of this year but with our babies coming in January it starts all over. 

pttomato

Wow, our OOP max was $5000 last time and I hit that before delivery. My L&D charge was $62,000 lowered to $16,000 by insurance for an induced vaginal birth. I sort of feel like they pull the numbers out of thin air when I see bills like that though. How can something cost $62,000 but then my insurance negotiated price is so much lower. There’s a $48,000 discount for having insurance?! Eta: The $16,000 was what insurance paid. We didn’t pay anything.

bradleysmommy28

Yikes!  Your insurance costs make me so much more thankful for our health insurance!  Our actual bill for my stay, the birth, my postpartum stay and DS's NICU stay was over $250,000 and my out of pocket cost was $200.  We have no deductible and our plan is strictly co-pays.  For a hospital stay (no matter how long or for what) there is a $100 co-pay per stay/per person so I had a co-pay and DS had a co-pay.

BitterBetty12

Man, I knew NJ was epensive but my hospital bill for DD was insane. In fairness I was induced, had a c section, then had complications and was in the hospital for 7 days (and therefore so was DD). DD also spent a day in the NICU. My bill was 97,000 and DDs bill was 30,000! Obviously our insurance didn’t actually pay that much since they have deals with the hospital. 

Thankfully our insurance is awesome and everything maternity is covered 100% so my portion of the bill was $0.

dragonette505

BitterBetty12 said:

Man, I knew NJ was epensive but my hospital bill for DD was insane. In fairness I was induced, had a c section, then had complications and was in the hospital for 7 days (and therefore so was DD). DD also spent a day in the NICU. My bill was 97,000 and DDs bill was 30,000! Obviously our insurance didn’t actually pay that much since they have deals with the hospital. 

Thankfully our insurance is awesome and everything maternity is covered 100% so my portion of the bill was $0.

That bill is nuts! It almost doesn't even make sense for them to make up a bill like that. 

BitterBetty12

@dragonette505 I agree! I mean I was in the hospital 5 nights more than most people who deliver. And because of the complications I had extra medicine and procedures. The c section alone I think was billed for $9000. And DDs one night in the nicu was like $14000. But still!

bradleysmommy28

BitterBetty12 said:

Man, I knew NJ was epensive but my hospital bill for DD was insane. In fairness I was induced, had a c section, then had complications and was in the hospital for 7 days (and therefore so was DD). DD also spent a day in the NICU. My bill was 97,000 and DDs bill was 30,000! Obviously our insurance didn’t actually pay that much since they have deals with the hospital. 

Thankfully our insurance is awesome and everything maternity is covered 100% so my portion of the bill was $0.

Maryland gets a bit high too but I actually expected more than the $250k.  I had 9 days before labor, emergency C-section, 5 days post partum and DS had a 21 day NICU stay so it looks like NJ wins for most expensive! LOL

nononorman

All my maternity care was covered by one copay. I had an induced vaginal birth... I’m in a major midwestern city and gave birth at a fairly prestigious hospital. Maybe my insurance is just good? 

libertymomrn

I agree about trying to be a super mom. I did everything “right” with DS (my first) 100% on the time and was seriously teetering on the verge of sanity, and completely lost any sense of who I was outside of supermom. It hurt my marriage and it hurt myself.

 I’ve gotten more laid back and go easier on myself with each kid we have, and I actually think they’re happier because Mom is happier. DH is happier, too. It’s been better on the whole fam.

nononorman

Obv only applicable to me but might be worth you seeing if your insurance has similar info.... this is in our basic open enrollment pack every year (there are one or two other examples too).  I had a tear that needed to be repaired as well as a blood transfusion and some other related care so mine was higher than 1140 but not by a crazy lot. 

KariAnn323

I know Aetna has a tool on their website for members that you can see the estimated cost for procedures (including vaginal or cesarean birth) at specific hospitals and facilities. They show you the estimated charge from the hospital, the in-network insurance rate, and your estimated cost based on your plan.

Kabazaba

My insurance has no deductible or co-insurance amount, just copay. It's $200 per night in the hospital. *TW Loss* When I had a miscarriage in February I had a visit to the ER, emergency D&C, and general anesthesia (and whatever all else happens in ERs/hospitals), and was there about 12 hours from 5/6pm to early the next morning. Total bill was around $16,000, but I just had to pay $200 for the 1 night. So, fingers crossed the hospital delivery will be $400-$600. No clue what to expect with baby's bill though. Also - I am guessing that since I just get the $200/night charge, I should definitely go ahead and stock up on items in the room (diapers etc)?

BitterBetty12

I guess NJ really is insanely expansive. This is the bill for an uncomplicated cesarean birth for me + baby (including 4 nights in the hospital) at the hospital I delivered DD at. So now it makes sense why mine was so expansive last time!

gorgeousariel

My insurance sucks compared to last time with DD. Noe  we have a $5600 deductible, after deductible we pay 20% with OOP max $8k. We wrote a check to OB for his services, NT scan, and A/S for $3,7xx. I've paid a few more bills so we're probably at $4k right now. I'll have a bill from MFM for ultrasound ( god i don't want to know how much). So my hospital bill will probably be around $3500. And because I'm expecting for LO to arrive around Christmas we will have met it for about 10 days and then it all starts over

Kabazaba

Ugh - feel so bad for all of you with annual maximums/deductibles to meet and babies due in January. It's like you'll get hit twice between prenatal care and the birth!

pttomato

Kabazaba said:

Ugh - feel so bad for all of you with annual maximums/deductibles to meet and babies due in January. It's like you'll get hit twice between prenatal care and the birth!

I know! I am so thankful we happen to have a plan this time that starts July 1. High-risk pregnancy and birth is so expensive.

beachmama14

I can’t even imagine paying to have a baby. Our insurance sucks in a lot of ways, but I’ve never paid anything for any of my babies! 

gorgeousariel

@beachmama14 that's one of the reasons were only having two kids. We literally can't afford to have another one. It's so ridiculous. Not that I would want a ton of kids but I would like for money to not be a deciding factor. 

wkuandrea

So I got a bill in the mail from my OB to *prepay* for labor and delivery... I work in insurance and had never heard of such a thing! I posted on FB and apparently it's common.... but so odd! Esp since we will deliver in Jan, after the start of a new plan year, so the amount will be completely different.... 

saltedcaramel518

wkuandrea said:

So I got a bill in the mail from my OB to *prepay* for labor and delivery... I work in insurance and had never heard of such a thing! I posted on FB and apparently it's common.... but so odd! Esp since we will deliver in Jan, after the start of a new plan year, so the amount will be completely different.... 

Yeah, at my OB, they gave me an estimate for all the costs related to prenatal care and an uncomplicated vaginal delivery. I’m already making payments. 

drabong88

@wkuandrea I pre-pay with my OB as well. They break it down into monthly payments. But that is just the payment for my OB, ultrasounds, and prenatal care, does not include the cost of hospital stay. 

kmvisioli

I'm also pre-paying with my OB, which I did with my last two as well (actually with a different office, so it seems pretty standard here). I had not even thought about the fact we'll probably hit out OOPM this year and next year after we get the hospital bill, but oh well.

kaitlynmpereira

I wish I would have known that there is no shame in formula feeding. My milk never came in with DD and I cried daily feeling like I was unable to provide for her. She is now a happy healthy with a CRAZY strong immune system! I didnt do anything wrong by giving her formula! I was doing her a disservice being so unhappy from guilt.

I wish I would have known to ask for a pump while in the hospital! DD was jaundice so the nurse made us supplement. DD would latch for 2 second then break off screaming in hunger. I think this is why my milk never came in. 

I wish I would have known after they broke my water I would be in bed and not able to really get up or move. My goal was to go without an epidural but I wasnt able to move the way I wanted to cope with the pain. 

I wish I would have shopped around for a pediatrician BEFORE giving birth. In regards to what a previous person said about a doctor shrugging off your concerns because you a nervous FTM, never allow this. Our first pediatrician was awful. She didnt listen to our concerns told us that we were wrong for supplement with formula. All in all just terrible. So we left and found an AMAZING pediatrician who listens to every concern we have and takes time to reassure you! When it comes to your child trust your gut. If you feel like something is off it's worth mentioning it and if your doctor shrugs you off instead of listening and reassuring find a new dr.

Lastly I wish I would have known more about the epidural process. The lady messed mine up so it was fully effective and wore off too soon. My goal this time is no epidural I got to 8 CM last time before getting it. There is nothing wrong with getting one and there is nothing wrong with going natural do what works for you!

libertymomrn

I had an epiphany moment that impacted how my parent and my views on parenting as a whole when baby 3 would not latch, despite doing everything under the sun to try to get her to, and I ended up exclusively pumping. It can be summed up by quoting myself in a blog entry I wrote around that time- 

“One day when she was about 2 months old, I had a bottle of pumped milk at the bedside, and was going to try to nurse her first. As I got her into position to nurse, the little smile fell away from her face. Her body tightened up, and she looked up at me. Her eyes were filled with fear and pain. She made a heartbreaking whimpering sound. I started to cry. What was I doing? I had a little conversation with myself. Why was it so important to me to nurse her? I wanted to have the same sweet nursing relationship I'd had with my older 2. I wanted the benefits of bonding that nursing brings. And I hated pumping. Who was I doing this for, her or me?

The answers came flowing to my mind, almost as if they weren't coming from myself. She was not one of my older 2 kids; she was her. I needed to treat her as herself. Bonding happens when you respond to your baby's cues and communications to build trust. Her cues and communications were all telling me to stop trying to make her nurse. I gave her the bottle which she happily took. I didn't even try to get her to latch first that time. In fact, I never tried to get her to latch again. I think she must have known that something big had just happened because as I held her close and fed her from the bottle, she paused and smiled at me before cuddling in to finish eating.”

This experience is about far more than just feeding your baby; it’s about realizing that there is no right or best way to parent every child. There is the best way for you to parent your child and it will probably not be the same way as your friends or family parent their children children. It will likely even be a little different for each child you parent. So parent your chil dthe way that you and they need; not they way someone else does.

galactickates

I was lurking other bmbs and it looks like a lot of them copied us,  I really enjoyed reading their responses too. 

drabong88

@libertymomrn just over here tearing up reading your post ...darn hormones I swear I cry so easily these days lol 

Mandamay1414

@galactickates I noticed that a lot of other BMBs copied us too:) make me feel like we are the cool kids on the block, lol

jgil85

Okay so this obviously goes without saying but even when you're exhausted and frustrated because the baby wont stop crying, don't shake them. Just put the baby down in a safe spot and walk away. 

This PSA is brought to you by finding out someone I knew shook his baby who now suffers permanent brain damage. 

tosh24

jgil85 said: 

Okay so this obviously goes without saying but even when you're exhausted and frustrated because the baby wont stop crying, don't shake them. Just put the baby down in a safe spot and walk away. 

This PSA is brought to you by finding out someone I knew shook his baby who now suffers permanent brain damage. 

Great reminder. It's so easy to get overwhelmed and frustrated, especially at night when all you want to do is sleep. But never hesitate to take a breather and get away from the crying if you need 5 or 10 minutes. You're not going to hurt your baby if you let them cry while you regain your composure. It's 100% OK. It's also OK to cry and swear and throw pillows around the room (not baby's room!) because you're just.so.exhausted. Might have done that a time or two...