I wish I had known that!

galactickates

STM's+ help us FTMs out

Tell us what you wish you would have known. 

BitterBetty12

I wish I would have known that you could get hemorrhoids after you deliver from your first postpartum poop.

I wish I would have known that baby can SEEM to be breastfeeding like a champ but not be getting enough.

I wish I would have known that standing up for the first time after a c-section is THE WORST. But it gets better. And walking REALLY helps.

I wish I would have known that newborns do FREAKY things. Like breath really fast, take 5+ second pauses between breaths, make groaning and snorting noises because their airways aren't completely clear yet, make random jerky movements (immature nervous system), etc.

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

I wish I would have known you can turn baby’s heart monitor volume down (it kept us up the whole night as I was waiting to be induced).

I wish I would have known you can’t walk after the epidural, had the epidural at 1 pm, baby came around 5pm and I was stuck in bed until the next morning. The epidural was amazing but just wasn’t thinking about that. 

I wish I would have known hospital check outs take forever. So many ppl have to sign off on stuff before you can leave. 

I wish I would have known how hard BF was but I saw some great lactation consultants who helped and it finally worked and we were successful!

MrsHudson2014

@UnbreakableKimmySchmidt I was able to walk almost immediately after birth. They turned my epidural off for pushing (30 minutes), and once I was stitched up and baby was clean, I was up and in the bathroom brushing my teeth. Maybe mine sucked?

I wish I would have known just how difficult that first poop was gonna be. I thought I popped a stitch. 

I wish I had a better idea of how to get baby to latch properly, rather than a consultant who just squished my boob and said "yep, I feel milk!"

I wish I would have had less visitors in the hospital (but my MIL is FIRM that she will be in the waiting room. We'll see about that.) so that we could get through everything we needed to to get out of there. 

@BitterBetty12 I second the freaky things. I was so paranoid all the time because of them. 

AliKay20

I wish I had known that you will be in a lot of discomfort and pain when your milk comes in.

I wish I had known that you could actually faint on your first bathroom trip after your epidural wears off (hours post birth). Note: It does not happen to most but it is very possible - I fainted. Luckily nurse called the team right away. Within minutes, husband said there was a cart brought in w at least five people in the room. I woke up pretty fast after smelling ammonia though. I recall sitting on the toilet and immediately blacking out.

I wish I had known that you cannot sleep when the baby sleeps (so whoever reassures you to do so is just lying). 

galactickates

I'm saving this thread,  that's all stuff I seriously would have had zero clue

BitterBetty12

@MrsHudson2014 SAME! I spent so much time googling and messaging my bump group of friends with older babies like ‘WTF the babies foot shakes back and forth when she’s falling asleep, is this normal?!’ I remember thinking so many of her weird movements were seizures too. She would jerk around while sleeping. I think one of the things I’m most excited for this time is knowing what’s ‘normal’. And also maybe not having as much time to obsess either way because I’ll be chasing a toddler.

molosmiles

To second what @BitterBetty12 said about breastfeeding, I wish I had known I could ask for formula in the hospital even when the nurses are insisting the baby is getting enough. (She was literally on my boob every 30 min, dry cracking nipples IN the hospital, and baby crying a lot) a little bit of formula and she was content. It didn't cause nipple confusion or hinder nursing...it made it more effective.

CoastieGirl79

I wish I would have known that even in the summer in air conditioning, babies like to be kept warm. Onsies without pants on a newborn equaled one unhappy, chilly newborn. 

I wish I would have known when to call my mom for help so I could take a nap. 

I wish I would have known not to underestimate postpartum depression. 

I wish I would have known that milk may take a while to come in and supplementing is ok. 

BitterBetty12

And to continue on the breast feeding thing - if you’re nervous, don’t be afraid to ask the nurses to check babies blood sugar! DD ended up in the nicu for a day because her blood sugar was too low, and literally all she needed was formula because she wasn’t getting enough colostrum. It could have been avoided if I knew better. But once the baby goes in they have to stay for a day.

BitterBetty12

I wish I would have known that ‘worrying’ about baby obsessively (being the key word - every parent will worry about baby) is not normal. Even if you have a history of anxiety. I would have gotten treatment much sooner for my PPA and enjoyed my time home with DD more if I realized my concerns were over the top.

kns1988

I wish I would have known about exclusive pumping before I was thrust into a situation where I was an EPer. (There's a great fb group if you find yourself in this situation).

I wish I would have known that a baby can learn to latch after being exclusively bottle fed. My baby learned at 4 months! Not all do, but it isn't impossible. 

I wish I would have been less worried about how the baby was measuring throughout the pregnancy. I had a tiny baby and there's nothing I could do about it. 

I wish I would have known how much relief I would get from PPD/PPA meds so that I wouldn't have waited 3 months. I wouldn't even let DH drive in the car with DS because I was convinced only I could keep DS safe in the car. That's how bad my PPA was. 

ChasingTheDog

The sweating after birth oh lord the sweat! I had an epidural and was induced so had lots of fluids but didn’t think how it was going to come out. Sweat. It comes out in sweat at night. I’d wake up drenched. So nasty but goes away quickly. I was just like WTFFFFF... 

also feeling... unhinged? after birth. That’s the best way to put it. I was a wreck and everything that happened was the worst thing that ever happened. I think, in hindsight, it was PPD, but as someone who doesn’t suffer from anxiety or depression regularly I was not equipped to deal properly or recognize I really needed some help. 

edit: change wasn’t to was 

LCRbelle

I wish I would have known that literally anyone can have to have an emergency c section so even if you think it won’t happen to you (like me) IT CAN!! 

I wish I would have known going up and down the stairs multiple times a day only a few days after a c section is a bad idea! (I wound up in so much pain I could barely move)

I wish I would have known how immediately painful the contractions become when they have to break your water the rest of the way.  My nurse did not inform me and I went from mild discomfort to excruciating pain! 

beachmama14

I was not prepared whatsoever to breast feed. I had no clue the amount of discomfort and straight up pain is involved in the the beginning. I remember after my daughter was born and they were trying to show me what to do the first time I was just crying because I didn’t know it was going to hurt like that! It put me into a bit of a shock I think. 

The second time time around I was still BF my first baby until 16 weeks along, I thought BF would be easy because my nipples would already be used to it and “broken in”. Nope. Wrong again. Hurt just as much as the first time! 

Both times it went from hurting so much and me dreading every feeding, to not hurting at all and being totally fine in 2.5-3 weeks. So if you are struggling with pain or feeling like you are getting the hang of it (as assuming baby is getting enough and is doing well) just hang in there until 3 weeks! That was the magic number for me. 

BitterBetty12

I wish I would have know that it would take a full 8 weeks to feel ‘normal’ after my c section. And by normal I mean not be in pain the next day if I ‘over did it’ by going shopping and vacuuming. My OB told me that by 6 weeks I would feel 75% and by 8 I would feel whatever my new normal was. And I found that pretty accurate. 

jandd2014

I wish I would have known how much my WHOLE BODY would hurt after giving birth. I was prepared to be sore in my lady parts, but I seriously felt like I got run over. Every muscle in my body hurt. (I pushed for over an hour.) 
I wish I would have known that Vicodin was not a good thing for me (I did not wake up when DD was crying two feet from me- DH had to shake me awake). 

Im sure I’ll think of more. 

LCRbelle

@BitterBetty12 Was your c section scheduled or emergency? My doctor told me a scheduled c section is a much easier recovery.  She said I had the worse recovery because I labored all day and then had to be rushed into surgery.  Just wanting to know what to expect for next time! 

AliKay20

This stumped me pretty well:

I wish I knew that nobody gets spared from postpartum hair loss. I hoped I’d be an exception. I was most definitely not. I wish I knew that the postpartum brought as much bodily changes as my pregnancy. Washing my hair then to grab a clump of it in my hands just knocked me right over emotionally.

That PP hair loss is no joke. Happened couple of months after DD was born. Then the hair growth was another hard realization of unwanted bangs, straight up baby hair in the front, on the sides, etc. 

Jackiemxoxo

Things I wish I had known-

My first epidural with dd1 didn't really work and I could walk immediately after having her. My second epidural with dd2 I couldn't walk until the next day and I almost fell when the nurses tried to make me walk. I should have switched positions more when they were administering but it was middle of the night so my left leg got super numb. 

BFing can be challenging and you'll question if you're doing it right and if their poop looks right. I would've got dd1's tongue tie clipped sooner. It was also night and day with her behavior when I cut dairy from my diet. I have also learned that with any signs of mastitis, do not be a hero, get on the antibiotics right away. 

PPD and PPA hit me bad with my second one and I didn't really realize it until DH pointed it out and things got bad. He was going on underways and gone for weeks/months at a time starting when dd2 was 2 weeks old. I wish I had gotten help sooner and reached out more when I needed it. 

Both my kids never took bottles. I tried introducing them sooner with dd2 but since DH was gone a lot, I wasn't that consistent. Luckily I took a year off with both but if you're going back to work sooner or at some point, introduce that bottle. 

BitterBetty12

@LCRbelle Mine was also emergency after I labored for 17 hours with basically constant back contractions and made next to no progress. I then got a botched epidural that was intrathecal and caused my entire body to go numb and start shaking, and my temperature to rise. I barely remember my c section because I was basically unconscious the whole time. The anesthesiologist had to give me narcan to bring me back when it was over. I also had post delivery complications (spinal headache from the botched epidural and postpartum preeclampsia). So basically that long unnecessary story is all to say that my c section was definitely not typical! My friends who had RCS said it was literally night and day from their emergency c sections and they would recommend it in a heartbeat.  

hollye30

I wish I had known that baby can be coughing up mucus hours after birth.  My baby was coughing up mucus in the recovery room and we didn't know what to do luckily a nurse was right there to help. 

kmvisioli

I wish I had known to see an IBCLC the first week or two even if BFing seemed to be fine. Made such a world of difference, and they really can shed light on more than just nursing.

I wish I had known all the weird physical responses postpartum- hair loss, leaky boobs, acne, the emotional roller coaster, the sudden shaky chills...

I wish I had known that not every mom has the overwhelming "so in love" feeling right away, and that's okay!

LCRbelle

@BitterBetty12 thank you! Good to know.  
Our labors sound pretty similar.  Shaking uncontrollably, fever, and I barely remember the c section!  I didn’t have all of the PP complications othe than regular recovery though.  

molosmiles

@hollye30 I completely forgot about that! Happened with DD1 but not DD2. 

These are all so good and all things I wish I had known as a FTM. 

sweetyjenj

I wish I had known about the extreme shaking after birth. I learned after the fact that it's normal, but I thought I was going into shock or lost too much blood or something weird. I did skin to skin for an hour after birth, then as soon as they lifted the baby off my chest the shaking started IMMEDIATELY and it was so bad I couldn't talk or drink. Apparently, it's due to adrenaline.

I wish I knew some babies aspirate a lot when they drink and it's ok.

I wish I knew I didn't need NEARLY as much clothes as I got. My newborn (born Feb 3) basically lived in footie pajamas. Newborn outfits never got worn, and we really didn't wear 'outfits' until 3-6m clothes, since most of the winter we stayed inside and away from flu season.

sweetyjenj

I wish I knew that Carter's 3m clothes IS 0-3m! It thankfully didn't take me long to figure it out, but I got TONS of hand-me-downs and organized the sizes into bins. While she was in 0-3m clothes I was getting the next size ready. I pulled out the 3 month ones (which I thought meant 3-6 months) and realized the weight range was exactly the same. I'm glad i realized, because I then had a TON more clothes in each size.

ETA: 6m size=3-6, 9m=6-9, etc.

galactickates

I have nothing to add but just thank you!! I'm learning so much that I feel like you can't read in books

katethemom

I wish I had known how freakishly big your boobs can get after the milk comes in. It's scary.

I wish I had known how much cracked nipples can bleed and how painful pumping can be. I remember crying through an entire pumping session because the milk in the left bottle was red, and my nipple was hurting so badly. 

And finally, another breastfeeding one. I wish I had known just how freaking difficult EPing is. I thought it was automatic that mothers enjoy nursing. I did not. DS and I struggled with it for the first four months until I finally began to EP, which I hated even more. I dreaded every pumping session. Despite pumping 8 or 9 times a day, I always only had just enough to keep a few bottles in the fridge. No one told me how helpless EPing can make you feel when you struggle to keep your supply up and the milk runs out - when you spill the last bottle and have to go pump more because baby is hungry right now - when you spill the milk you just spent 15 minutes pumping (yes, I cried over spilt milk) - when you heat up a bottle for your LO only to figure out they weren't hungry at all and you just wasted your last 5oz. I stuck with it until DS was 18 months, and I never gave him formula. I don't say that to brag on myself. Honestly, I kept it up because I didn't know it was okay to supplement with formula. I put way too much pressure on myself to provide for DS and caused myself a lot of stress and heartache. I felt inadequate. I felt lonely. This time around, whether I nurse, EP, or do a combination, I will keep formula on hand for those moments when supply runs low. I am not going to put that kind of pressure on myself again. 

sweetyjenj

I wish I knew that some babies spit up a lot and it doesn't mean anything is wrong, unless they're also seemingly in pain. Also, Babies that spit up a lot, even in their sleep, shouldn't be laid flat to sleep. In the hospital she started choking on her spit-up and thankfully a nurse was in the room to help that first time. My sisters son almost died in his sleep (literally, she found him blue) for choking on his spit-up, but i didn't realize how easy that can happen until I realized DD spit up a lot after nursing, even in sleep. She slept only in her Rock N Play the first 3 or 4 months (except starting to sleep her in her crib for nap time to get her adjusted to daycare).

pttomato

I wish I had known that DD would be ok even though I had some high blood sugars. I would freak out that I was damaging her every time I was even 1 point high. I still work hard at getting the best control I can, but I don’t have the extremely high anxiety and depression over it or a fear of food this time.

I think I’m general it’s easier to stress about a lot of things less, because I’ve come through it and DD is doing ok. The whole idea of raising a human and how everything you do can have a big impact on how they turn out was hard for me. It seemed incredibly important to me to do every little thing exactly right or there would be some terrible consequences on how she turned out and it made parenting really stressful and difficult.

That breastfeeding can be painful for a long time even if everything is going right. It took several months for latching not to be painful, even though several LCs said her latch was good. Basically her mouth needed to grow.

Or that it can take a long time to get back to normal. Sex was difficult and painful for me for months.

That you can’t just introduce a bottle, you may have to continue to give it. We introduced a bottle at a few weeks and she took it fine, but then we stopped giving it for a while when she was having bad gas and she refused it when we tried to re-introduce it.

That doctors will sometimes brush off concerns because you are a nervous FTM, don’t be afraid to advocate for yourself. I didn’t have it with anything serious, but a friend kept telling her pedi that her baby was spitting up too much and they just kept telling her that all babies spit up, and it will get better, until her daughter lost a lot of weight and ended up being FTT.

galactickates

@sweetyjenj we got a rock n play from a friend, how does it help prevent them from spitting up? I'm a dummy. Also i'm feeling very relieved that we have one now

sweetyjenj

@galactickates the sight incline doesn't necessarily stop them from spitting up, but it helps keep them from choking on it when they do. Also, it's portable and lightweight and easy to keep next to your bed at night. It helped me sleep better knowing she wasn't flat on her back in case she spit up while I was sleeping and I happened to not wake up. She did spit up in her sleep a lot at first, but thankfully I usually woke up.

pttomato

That for some people the second year is harder than the first.

LCRbelle

I wish I would have known how horribly painful sex would be the first time PP even though I had a c section! 

skilouise

This is all really important to know, but also terrifying. Is it too late to schedule a stork to deliver a toddler to my front porch? 

LauraK33

This is my fifth. For me, I learned after the first to not tell anyone when we go to the hospital, bc those first hours are so special. We now are pretty specific about visitors, and have friends wait until we are home.

I wish someone had prepared me for breastfeeding realities, and that for the first two weeks or so it can HURT even when you're doing it right, but could have also told me that it really does become super natural.

I wish someone had told me that birth plans are a good thing, but need to be flexible. When my first didn't go according to plan I was SO disappointed in myself, when I should have just been proud!

kns1988

I wish I knew how damn expensive formula is! I EP'd for 4 months, direct nursed until 10 months, and then switched him to formula for 2 months because he started biting and I was just DONE. I don't regret being done, but holy crap formula is expensive. 

kns1988

galactickates said:

@sweetyjenj we got a rock n play from a friend, how does it help prevent them from spitting up? I'm a dummy. Also i'm feeling very relieved that we have one now

A rock and play isn't approved for overnight sleep. I'm not trying to start a war on here and some people may get different recommendations from their pediatricians due to special circumstances, but the only AAP approved sleep position is a firm sleep surface. The safest place for a baby is flat on their back in a crib with no blankets, toys, or pillows. 

oldiebutgoodie80

I wish I had known the importance of self care while pregnant. I wish I had taken those opportunities to rest, to sleep, to get the pedicure, to read the books I wanted to read, and see the all the movies. After the baby comes, those things just fall by the wayside for a while.

I also wish someone had told me that some crazy stuff can happen to your body post pregnancy. I experienced extreme swelling and seeping in my legs, and PUPPS on my stomach, and the Drs. shrugged--there was nothing they could do for me. I just wasn't prepared for any of that.

ladystout08

I wish I had known that you can dictate your induction. I'm really glad that my OB was more crunchy and wanted to try and let me labor on my own and broke my water and let me walk/bounce/shower before we moved on to pitocin. 

I wish I had known that you can have sleep aids overnight. I was induced over night and once they put the cytoec in to soften my cervix, I couldn't sleep for anything. Those hospital beds suck. The next morning my OB was like "girl, you should have called me and I would have given you a sleep aid!"