January 2019 Moms

Say what????

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Re: Say what????

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  • tosh24tosh24 member
    So, no one in my family knows I'm pregnant. Hoping to keep it a secret until I have to see everyone on labour day weekend. We didn't tell anyone about doing IVF either, but DH let it slip when my sister was being a bitch about me not "getting over" my miscarriages on her timeline (because she was pregnant and wanted me to fawn all over her). Anyway, I went out to dinner with my mom a couple of weeks ago (with a strategically covered bump) and she asked me if we were doing anymore treatments. I told her "not at this time". She continued to say "Well, that's good. You have hard childbirth recoveries so it's probably for the best that you don't have anymore children" followed by the usual "it all happens for a reason" BS. And this is a week after I sent her a link to a few articles on "what not to say" to someone going through infertility and pregnancy loss. I can't wait to see the look on her face when I walk into the room with half my pregnancy already over. I really wish I could just put it off until Thanksgiving but I don't want to miss the family reunion on labour day.
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • I'm sorry your family is like that @tosh24. Mine has been surprisingly nice since telling them, since they have said lots of wonderful things like "maybe you're just not meant to be a mom" after loss. My only "naysayer" so far has been my grandmother, who said "you're a little old to be starting this aren't you?" I just laughed it off :) 

    Andrea -- FTM at 39!


  • tosh24 UGH! I'm with you about letting the news out slow. I'm so sorry you have to deal with this in your own family! I expect my inlaws to say some ridiculous ish (my hubs asked this weekend when he can tell his fam and i was like NOT NOW!!!) My mom lives with me so she has to know (she only drives me crazy worrying about me and even that wouldn't seem terrible to any normal person...lol) My big sis knew from week 7 because we don't keep this kind of secret (she would be hurt) but she treats me like a normal human being and i love her for that...not constantly pecking. I just told my big bro over the weekend (he knows how to keep his mouth shut) and he gave me a nice fist bump and we discussed a recent rap battle. Anyway, my family is amazing...its my inlaws that are going to say how stupid for me to have kids at my age and etc. And the moment i hear that I'm going to lose it on them. It makes me so mad your mom said that... even if she was "trying" to be comforting it hurts to hear that :( 
  • wkuandrea said:
    I'm sorry your family is like that @tosh24. Mine has been surprisingly nice since telling them, since they have said lots of wonderful things like "maybe you're just not meant to be a mom" after loss. My only "naysayer" so far has been my grandmother, who said "you're a little old to be starting this aren't you?" I just laughed it off :) 

    OMG.. I fully expect to hear I'm too old to be having a kid from my inlaws... cant believe your grammy said it! You are so good that you could laugh it off... I'm going to punch-someone-in-the-nose it off.

  • kmvisiolikmvisioli member
    edited July 2018
    Aside from the millions of "wow, you've got your hands full" and "I bet you're hoping for a girl!" some guy on a bus actually said "Oh my god, what were you thinking?!" when he saw me with my three toddler boys in tow.  :|
  • The only annoying things I've heard so far is "Make sure if you get a pedicure you don't let them rub your ankles" because this is brand new for me? and advice about vaxing. My husbands family can be a little too hippie for me. 


    Lilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Kids Birthday tickersLilypie Pregnancy tickers

    I lost my angels 07/2010, 04/2017, 10/2017

    Meimsx no more
  • @tosh24 @wkuandrea @dragonette505 WOAH! I am ragey for all of you! 
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


  • @ladystout08 I got those two exact comments from my mother. She also asks on pretty much a daily basis if I’m sure there isn’t a twin hiding in there because I’m really showing for a FTM. Not to mention her constant commentary on how much weight I’m going to gain if I’m already this big and how hard it’ll be to lose. I haven’t gained any weight yet, I’m actually still down three pounds from my pre pregnancy weight. Everyone else has been pretty good, though.
  • @tosh24 My mom told me that I better not get pregnant again. I was 8 weeks.  I still haven’t told her.  I’ve told a select few so if something happens, they know what’s up and can help. I chose people who will lift me up, not bring me down. It’s easier that way. I didn’t announce until 30 weeks last time, and I’m hoping to make it till baby is born this time around.  I hope announcing goes well for you! 
  • KLS123  ladystout08 baileym9126  My biggest rage fear is that someone is going to say something about my body size or touch me.... I don't think i will be able to control myself... and WHY do WOMEN do these things... don't they know better???
    sparkymcgeee  wait, why not rub the ankles? I don't think Ive ever had an ankle rub during a pedicure, but still...
    BitterBetty12  years ago (when i first got married and before my round of (tw) miscarriages) my MIL said: Don't tell your mother i said this, but, if you will have a baby now, i will take it for the first 4 years and raise it for you.... so it wont be a financial burden for you and so the child will learn German....Who the h-e double hockysticks gives their baby away for their MIL to raise in a different country for convenience??? I know for a fact shes going to say something hella dumb the moment she hears about this pregnancy
  • KLS123KLS123 member
    @dragonette505 I was too startled and caught off guard by the touch to react but yeah...seriously not okay. The weirdest part is that both of those comments came from women who have had babies before! Like of all people who should have known better

    Apparently ankle rubs can trigger pre-term labor? I had to google it when I saw @sparkymcgeee 's comment lol
  • KLS123 said:
    For reference, I am a FTM and don't really have a bump yet, also my face looks rounder because I stopped wearing contour makeup since I am too tire/sick in the morning to look nice. but thanks?
    +1 on the contour. I fully did my makeup the other day and was like HEY I don't just look like a thumb now! I'm just lazy! It made me feel a little better.
  • BitterBetty12  years ago (when i first got married and before my round of (tw) miscarriages) my MIL said: Don't tell your mother i said this, but, if you will have a baby now, i will take it for the first 4 years and raise it for you.... so it wont be a financial burden for you and so the child will learn German....Who the h-e double hockysticks gives their baby away for their MIL to raise in a different country for convenience??? I know for a fact shes going to say something hella dumb the moment she hears about this pregnancy
    My MIL actually suggested this before DD was born (we lived in Boston and all family lived in Pittsburgh or central PA).. not entirely sure if she was serious, but I was flabbergasted. But my MIL is Chinese and was actually raised by her grandmother for the first 6 years of her life, so maybe this is much more common in other countries?
  • @Mandamay1414 ah yeah in your case I think that’s really a cultural thing! But still had to be strange to hear. 

    @dragonette505 in terms of your MIL... just. Why?!
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


  • KLS123 said:
    @dragonette505 I was too startled and caught off guard by the touch to react but yeah...seriously not okay. The weirdest part is that both of those comments came from women who have had babies before! Like of all people who should have known better

    Apparently ankle rubs can trigger pre-term labor? I had to google it when I saw @sparkymcgeee 's comment lol

    whoa! never heard that about an ankle rub!!! I feel like they should tell you that right away! lol 
    I will NEVER understand people saying things about your body!! Like NOBODY likes it. I'm sure it was done to them, so why do it to another woman?
  • @Mandamay1414 I bet she WAS  serious... Mine tried to say it all jokey at first but kept saying: don't tell your mother i offered. She meant it. And she had the plan laid out too well, like clearly she was thinking about it. I truly don't get it. Maybe it is something people from other countries think about more??? Ive not heard of it really besides myself and now you, tbh!
  • kianarain said:
    KLS123 said:
    For reference, I am a FTM and don't really have a bump yet, also my face looks rounder because I stopped wearing contour makeup since I am too tire/sick in the morning to look nice. but thanks?
    +1 on the contour. I fully did my makeup the other day and was like HEY I don't just look like a thumb now! I'm just lazy! It made me feel a little better.

    I started back with bronzer a couple months ago because i think all my colleagues thought i was dying of cancer... i looked so bad and ppl kept giving me concerned looks and asking about my health! Bronzer did the trick
  • KLS123  lol... i think its weird too! But unfortunately we have to work with all types of crazies! :)
  • @Mandamay1414 ah yeah in your case I think that’s really a cultural thing! But still had to be strange to hear. 

    @dragonette505 in terms of your MIL... just. Why?!

    Girl... she just wanted that baby, i guess! My MIL is German... I'm not sure if its the same culturally (as far as Chinese MIL's) but i think German mommas can be very bossy and involved in your marriage. If we didn't live across the Atlantic ocean, we would have had much more friction than we even did (which wasn't insignificant). We are much better now and actually care about each other lol. I still expect her to say something horrid though when she finds out, so I'm delaying.
  • It's really interesting to look at the family/child rearing dynamic of other cultures. I believe that lots of other cultures rely much more on extended family and even community members to raise kids. I think that western culture places the responsibility almost entirely on the parents (and most of it should be there, I think), but I find myself feeling guilty when I need to ask my in-laws, parents, or sisters for help because they are my kids and should be my responsibility (or problem, depending on the day, lol). I feel like I'm burdening them, but my family (in-laws in particular) probably think I'm weird for wanting to do things mostly on my own. 
  • @rooonilwaazlib Ugh I hate how everyone has an opinion on the name. I mean it’s one thing if they bring up a good point like the initials would spell a swear or something like that. But making fun of a name is uncalled for. 
    Me: 30   DH:32
    Dating: 2/2007   Married: 4/2011  
    TTC #1: 9/2016
    *TW*

    BFP #1: 11/26/2016 - MC: 12/6/2016
    BFP #2: 3/9/2017 - CP: 3/10/2017
    08/2017: DH's SA = normal
    08/2017: Low progesterone (4.6) all other BW normal
    11/2017: HSG Clear; Pelvic Ultrasound Normal; and AMH, FSH, and Estradiol normal
    12/2017: 1,000mg Metformin
    12/2017: 50mg Clomid + TI = BFN
    01/2018: 100mg Clomid + TI = BFN
    01/2018: RE Consult
    03/2018: 5mg Letrozole + 50 units Gonal-F + 500 μg Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #3: 4/1/2018 - CP: 4/4/2018
    04/2018: 5mg Letrozole + Gonal-F + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP #4: 5/2/18
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • @rooonilwaazlib ugh! Why can’t ppl just say: oh cool! And move on?!? If you want to name a kid, go get/make one, but let ppl do their own thing :/
    i can see I’m going to be a crabby mom to be when ppl start doing this stuff
  • Wow ladies you guys have dealt with some awful comments.  I fully expected to have a story after telling my entire department about being pregnant but everyone was supportive.  The weirdest it got was "congrats I knew you had been trying for a long time". Ummm pretty sure you guessed that fun fact based on my age but thanks! 
    Considering what I read above ill consider myself lucky! 

  • It's really interesting to look at the family/child rearing dynamic of other cultures. I believe that lots of other cultures rely much more on extended family and even community members to raise kids. I think that western culture places the responsibility almost entirely on the parents (and most of it should be there, I think), but I find myself feeling guilty when I need to ask my in-laws, parents, or sisters for help because they are my kids and should be my responsibility (or problem, depending on the day, lol). I feel like I'm burdening them, but my family (in-laws in particular) probably think I'm weird for wanting to do things mostly on my own. 
    I come from a very supportive family culture. We absolutely believe in extended family support. I will definitely have many hands helping with this baby and I welcome every bit of it. I just don’t want to send her to Germany! Lol
  • Ugh I can’t stand when people give their input on baby names! My MIL spent the entire trip to the ultrasound place and back suggesting names.  The only person I will discuss names with is my DH!  We won’t tell anyone our name until we are both sure.  I’ll never ever forget the look on my MIL’s face when we told her the name we had picked for our DS.  She was HORRIFIED.  She tried to cover it by saying she just didn’t think it was a name we would pick.  For what it’s worth I LOVE the name Max!  I think it is just perfect as is and not as a nickname. 

    This is about my MIL again but when I was pregnant with my DS she got me a shirt so I wore it the next time I saw her and she would not shut up about but how the stripes made me look even bigger.  Why do people feel the need to comment on that stuff!?!?
    I’m truly appalled by some of yalls stories. So crazy what people think is ok to say!
  • pttomatopttomato member
    edited August 2018
    My favorite last time was when I would get a comment from someone about how big I was and one from someone else about how small my bump was in the same day, lol.

    The only annoying thing I’ve gotten so far is my dad telling me that I’m starving the baby by eating low carb and telling me it’s unhealthy to follow my Endo’s blood sugar guidelines so I should disregard them.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • pttomato said:
    My favorite last time was when I would get a comment from someone about how big I was and one from someone else about how small my bump was in the same day, lol.

    The only annoying thing I’ve gotten so far is my dad telling me that I’m starving the baby by eating low carb and telling me it’s unhealthy to follow my Endo’s blood sugar guidelines so I should disregard them.

    I mean... is your dad an endocrinologist? Otherwise why would he think you'd do anything but follow your own doctors guidelines? I feel like people don't know how bad gestational diabetes can be for the baby. Its not just an insurance issue. 
  • @Mandamay1414 I also have so much guilt when I need to ask people for help. Even though I know they WANT to offer it. It's just that in my eyes, DD is my responsibility. And I am more than capable of caring for her. But if I need to go somewhere that she can't come, I have no choice but to rely on others to watch her. Or if H and I want a night out, we obviously have to ask people then too.

    I think the reason I don't like it is actually because of H's family. His sister had twins 5 months after DD was born and his ENTIRE family (even to this day when they're 8 months old) drop basically anything and everything to 'help' her. Except their help is sleeping over, taking care of the babies, doing household chores for her, staying there to help her get them ready for daycare, etc. I don't think she's taken care of them on her own more than 1 day a week since they've been born. And what frustrates me about it all is that his family acts like it's normal and warranted because she had two babies. And it's kind of pushed me in a direction of just not wanting help at all since I only have 1 and know that I don't need any of that.
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


  • @BitterBetty12 What you described reminds me of someone I know who literally is never alone with her child who is a year old. Like any time her husband is working nights or something, she has to go to her moms and hang out because it seems like she can't be alone. It's like she's there all the time. And our daughter is about 10 months older than hers and it makes me and DH feel like we need to overcompensate and not seem like we rely on other people to help out. But we also don't want to deprive our parents from keeping DD to see her and spend time with her because of our pride lol. So we try not to ask them to keep her unless we really need it, like if someone is sick or if we are going out together (which never happens lol), and other than that, we wait until they ask

    DH: 29 | Me: 29 
    Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
    TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
    DD: 10/5/16
    TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
    DS: 1/9/19
    BabyFruit Ticker


  • @emmaaa Yup! We're totally overcompensating. The one time we asked my MIL to watch DD instead of someone in my family she had to cancel because my nephews got HFM and she was exposed and we didn't want DD exposed. So she watched them that day instead and DD went with my Dad.

    We also already talked about how when #2 gets here if we REALLLLY need help we'll ask my family and not his. Just because at this point we are so annoyed with how his family has handled the whole thing and we don't even want to involve them. They all justify their ridiculous behavior with even more ridiculous excuses. And the saddest part about it all is that because of the amount of time my in laws spend at and with my SIL and nephews, they are not very close with DD. His mom finally admitted last week that because of 'circumstances' it will obviously never be the same relationship since she is basically a care taker for our nephews and knows them much more intimately.

    Right now we haven't seen them for two weeks because we went on vacation and then the boys got HFM and since literally my husbands entire family took turns taking care of them, we can't see any of them until the incubation period is up to make sure DD doesn't get it. The whole situation is nuts.
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


  • My sister is extra needy with help too. She married a total loser (we warned her before the wedding...did not go over well) who can't keep a job, doesn't help out around the house, treats taking care of his kids like the worst chore possible, and sits in the basement and plays video games instead of being a husband and father. So what does my sister do? Has 3 kids under 5 with him. She is constantly needing help and everyone feels sorry for her becauase her husband is a dick and they know she can't afford to hire help because they are so far in debt (see: husband can't keep a job). And she can't work because daycare costs would be more than her salary (she's an ECE). So, every spare moment people have they are running to her aid. And yet DH and I, who have always tried hard to make good choices, get zero help. My kids sleep over my mom's house for a night maybe once every 18 months to 2 years. And we never get a date night or anything. DH's family lives 8 hours away so no help there either. But, on the same hand, we pride ourselves on having such a stable home life and working so well as a team that we don't need someone to save us all the time. Would be nice to get a little break every couple of months, though.
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • @tosh24 Ugh! That is so frustrating. Especially the fact that she clearly knew he was like this and yet they just continued to keep having kids and keep needing more help. That's one of my biggest fears with SIL. I know she wants more kids - but her husband is a workaholic who refuses to try and figure out a work life balance or get a new job. Sometimes he's gone literally 18 hours a day and then just sleeps. And my in laws rush to her aid because they feel that at least he is gone for a 'good' reason. But at the same time he has been like this since she met him and she knew he was never around. So basically my in laws are just raising her kids. That being said - I really am grateful that DH and I do not need the things she does. We also pride ourselves on being able to take care of our family on our own.
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


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