May 2018 - FET

kristimh80 · June 2018

@roisis My heart goes out to you right now! So sorry you're having to be in the limbo right now. I still have everything crossed for you that next week will shed a whole new light and it will all be ok.

ASabelko · July 2018

@roisis @mrsyng I'm so sorry to hear what's going on.
I wish everyone was having a better go around...my heart goes out to all of you!

TW

I feel pretty lucky, we had an U/S on Tuesday and saw the heartbeat, measured at 6 weeks and 2 days. fx that things continue looking up.

more14 · July 2018

@ASabelko that's great! Very happy for you!
When is your next appointment? Are you staying on your meds?

roisis · July 2018

@ASabelko That's wonderful!! Oh I'm so glad to see another positive outcome from this group - truly delighted for you

roisis · July 2018

TW: Rant

Ladies, I'm sorry, but maybe you'll indulge me this morning. I've been holding up well, but I just can't seem to get out of bed this morning. I just keep crying. I just don't even know what to say. I'm cramping and I'm miserable and I'm too hot (stupid feckin heatwave) and I don't want to get out of bed but I don't want to stay here and I don't want to be alone but I don't want to see anyone and I just want to close my eyes and wake up and have things be different. I want to grieve - but I can't because I still need confirmation. So I want to be hopeful - but I don't want that to cause me more pain - I need to be realistic. Never in my life have I felt like the days have so little meaning - this is worse than waiting (and I hate waiting) - this is literally just wasting life. I know I need to get out and do things and I have been doing that with DH over the last few days, but it's getting gradually harder and I'm really worried I'm going to snap at him, which would be completely unfair. He is going through so much too and sometimes I feel worse for him than I do for myself, but I don't know how to say that to him. He lost his father before Christmas; it makes it harder to deal with that his dad died by his own hand. Also his parents separated when he was only 5 years old - something that was extremely unusual here in Ireland at the time - and all he has wanted for years is his own family. He's a wonderful man and would make a wonderful father and I'm just so scared I can't give that to him. He's had so many tragedies in his life - more than any one person should be asked to deal with. He deserves happiness at this stage but being unable to have his own children is just such a horrible blow.

I don't know what to say or do at this stage. We've been good to each other since Thursday - we keep checking on each other and have even made the odd bad-taste joke (which is ok for us and only us). I know he knows I'm hurting, just as I know he is too - I just don't want to overwhelm him with tears. Plus I fear that this is just the pre-amble to our grief, that the worst is yet to come.

I'm sorry to ramble on, I know many of you have moved on by now. I've been hanging around some other threads, but I guess this is the only place I feel comfortable letting go.

kristimh80 · July 2018

@roisis Feel free to rant to us all you want, that's what we are here for! I hate you're going thru this, but if you decide to stay in bed all day...do that! There is no right or wrong thing you can say / do during this time. Take the day to yourself and do whatever you need to at this time. Hopefully next week will bring you some answers. I keep praying on your behalf that things will turn around and you'll have worried and been upset for nothing. Your husband may also need this day of nothing to cope as well. Try not to beat yourself up too much. Know you've done everything possible and nothing is your fault. IF is a horrible thing that none of us can 100% control. ((hugs))

northbeach3 · July 2018

@roisis I’m so sorry for the waves of pain you’re experiencing and that you feel like you have to tackle them alone. I know the tendency to want to take on all be pain, even your DHs. I also share that fear/pain of worrying I won’t be able to bear children “for my DH”. When you are feeling up to it, I’d try sharing some of your thoughts with him. I think each person in the couple carries their own worries and doesn’t want to bother the other person with them, instead trying to be strong for the other. I’m sure he would offer you reassurances that would help ease any guilt you’re experiencing.

If your still looking for silver linings, your not out. Even if this cycle ends, you still have embryos left which could be your take home baby and you can tell him or her that you are an IF survivor/warrior who braved so many challenges just to hold them in your arms. I remind myself to keep hope and hope you find the strength to keep it too.

northbeach3 · July 2018

@ASabelko I’m so happy to see your update! Great news even at your early us! Keep us posted.

Afm DH and I arrived in “the last frontier” (Alaska) two days ago. I’ve never been a big snow person but it’s absolutely gorgeous here. We kayaked among icebergs yesterday and it was absolutely magical. I’ll probably be checking the board less for the next 10 days due to limited internet access. I’ll look forward to catching up soon.

ASabelko · July 2018

@more14 Next appointment is July 17. I'll be on Estrace and progesterone until July 25. I'm totally counting down the days on those!

roisis · July 2018

@northbeach3 That looks amazing - I've never seen anything like that!! Enjoy - you deserve a good break

roisis · July 2018

Update:

I started bleeding yesterday and the cramps got more intense. I've been on to my clinic today and they've moved my next scan up to tomorrow. I'm off my meds and the bleeding is constant, with some clots today so this is definite. Part of me hopes that everything has passed by tomorrow and they just send me home, but on the other hand I'd prefer to get some answers. Either way, it's happening now and it'll be over in a few days.
Thanks for all of your support

mayflower513 · July 2018

((Hugs)) @roisis. Feel free to rant and cry all you want/need. I think talking to H when you can is a really good idea, as well. I didnt talk to my H or anyone really after my ectopic loss and it stuck with me for a LONG time.

I hope things move quickly for you and you can decide your next steps as soon as you’re ready.

kristimh80 · July 2018

@roisis ((hugs)) What you're going thru sounds exactly what I went thru. For your sake, I hope they want to find some answers for you and you're able to get some peace of mind. Sending my best

mayflower513 · July 2018

Congratulations @ASabelko!

mrsyng · July 2018

@northbeach3 sorry for such a late response. The process was slow to start after the misoprostol. The cramping was mostly mild and slightly moderate which I didn’t feel until hours later but it wasn’t painful (but also varies with people’s pain tolerance). I thought I had pass the pregnancy tissue from 2 Sundays ago but my f/u u/s yesterday showed I had some leftover “something” in my uterus. RE gave me the option to take my 2nd dose of meds and/or schedule a D&C. We took both options to cover our bases but after the u/s vaginal poking, I started cramping and bled more in the afternoon to evening. Around 2am this morning w/o the meds, i woke up to moderate cramping and pushed out what appears to be the remaining pregnancy tissue. The tissue looks completely different and felt different coming out compared to what I thought was tissue before. I had a pre-op visit today since D&C was scheduled for tomorrow; we ended up canceling the the surgery as the u/s only showed what the RE believes to be small blood clots. The image from yesterday and today were completely different. The collected tissue (which he also looked at and believes to be pregnancy tissue) will be sent for testing. I’m hoping for some definite answers and not inconclusive; if it does, we will proceed with more blood work for genetic and blood disorders. I will have another u/s next Tuesday again to ensure my uterus is doing its job of clearing itself. Btw, enjoy your vacation!

@roisis i’m so sorry you’re also going through this ugly process. You are always welcome to rant as needed, we are here for you. I hope the cramping isn’t too painful and the tissue will pass quickly. Use the heating pad, if you have one. In regards, the crying and not wanting to get up, you have ever right to feel that way! Hopefully, you’ll be able to get your tissue tested for answers too. Sending you lots of hugs.

@ASabelko congrats to the great u/s w heartbeats. Fx for an awesome next u/s.

northbeach3 · July 2018

Quick check in. Oh man, my heart is with you both @mrsyng and @roisis. Y’all are warriors!

Thanks for sharing the play by play. I hope I won’t have to face another loss but your descriptions help me recognize it’s not as bad as my brain was making it out to be. My fingers are crossed for everything to look good on your followup checks.

Hope everything went on ok @roisis. Thinking of you.

mayflower513 · July 2018

Thinking of you ladies @roisis @mrsyng @northbeach3

more14 · July 2018

Catching up with everyone... I've had a stomach flu all week but I feel that's nothing compared to what some of you have been going through.

@northbeach3 @roisis @mrsyng I hope you all are slowly putting this experience behind you. I honestly can't imagine what you've been going through but I am crossing my fingers the next cycle will be the one to stick the whole 40 weeks!

@ASabelko that's so interesting! Even though we transferred on the same day and kinda take the same medications, your US is later and you apparently take meds longer. I think it's really interesting how every clinic/doctor have a different protocol. My second US is 7/9 and if all goes well I'll be stopping meds the week of 7/15. FX for both of us!

mayflower513 · July 2018

@more14 I’m never going off the progesterone lol. I’m 9.5 weeks and still taking it. I’ll probably start tapering in the next week... maybe lol. Depending how the SCH looks next Wednesday.

more14 · July 2018

@mayflower513 is that because of the SCH? Once the SCH is resolved will you be able to stop the meds? FX is goes away soon!
OMG I can't wait to stop these shots and suppositories. My butt looks like a pin cushion and the suppositories are just ew, big ew. But I think the thing that gets me the most is the fact I can't tell if I have pregnancy symptopms or side affects of the progesterone. It's messing with my head.

mayflower513 · July 2018

@more14 my doctors haven’t actually told me to stay on it. My OB and RE directed me to the other when I asked each. My RE’s office basically said to just use it til I run out which will be like 11 weeks but she also said if I had like 4 days left at my 9 week appt that they’d have just told me to go til I run out then as well. But I’ve read progesterone is good for SCH because it relaxes the uterus, so I’m just staying with it. My only symptoms have been exhaustion which isn’t as bad anymore and extreme hunger which I still have, and some dizziness. I’ve also had a tiny bit of nausea but most of that was when I had OHSS so I think that was what caused that...but yeah, I also don’t know what’s causing my “symptoms”, I’m assuming the progesterone. But I had no symptoms my last pregnancy so I know syomtoms don’t mean much in terms of pregnancy “health”. What other symptoms are you having? I def wouldn’t want to be doing shots forever and can’t wait to be done with these suppositories either, but I’m too paranoid about my pregnancy right now lol.

roisis · July 2018

Thank you everyone for your kind words of support. I kept my head down over the last few days but I really appreciate all your thoughts. Just an update on how it went - TMI warning - only read on if you are interested in the details - I realise some people are and some aren't:

The cramps got moderate on Monday and I passed what I knew to be the pregnancy tissue. I rang the clinic and they advised me how to preserve it. Considering this was the one possible moment I had been dreading for a year I was surprised how calm I was, I just matter of fact did what I had to do, although I poured myself a glass of wine afterwards - at 11am - not something I've done in many years!! The scan the next day showed that I had passed everything and the sample can be sent for testing. So in a way I'm telling myself this was the best possibility - it happened naturally but I caught the sample. I initially felt guilty as to how little emotion I felt on Monday - I almost felt a sigh of relief and I couldn't figure out why. But when I went in for the scan on Tuesday all the emotion came pouring out. I think I was just in self-preservation mode to get me through it. What surprised me was that I still had moderate (actually quite painful) cramping and bleeding up until yesterday. I was worried cos if felt like it was going on forever, until DH pointed out that it was really only 4 days - and they said I could expect cramps for up to a week.

The last week has felt like a month. I decided to come back to work today, just to try to get to a bit of normality. But it feels weird to be here and not have anyone know what happened. They say testing will take 2 weeks so I'll wait that long and then plan a meeting with my RE. I was considering going straight into a new cycle in August, but after a brief chat with DH, we decided to wait until September. We both agreed a couple of months just away from it all would be a relief.

So thank you again to everyone

And best of luck @more14 @mayflower513 @ASabelko

mrsyng · July 2018

@roisis I’m glad it passed quickly for you; even though, it really felt like a lifetime! Fx you will also get answers with the results. If everything goes well - I believe my next FET will be in September too.

more14 · July 2018

@roisis I'm so sorry you had to go through all that. It sounds horrible and I honestly don't think I could handle that as calmly as you have. You're so strong, stronger than you think, but even strong people need to break down every now and then, and that's okay. I hope you enjoy these next few months, relax and have fun, stop being an IVF patient for a while and just be you

I wish you the best of luck in everything - your relationships, your career, and your journey to a child. And when you decide it's time to start treatments again, I hope we can be a support for you again, this time all the way to an easy birth of a healthy baby

mayflower513 · July 2018

@more14 when is your next appt? How are you doing?

more14 · July 2018

Update from yesterday's appointment

So the doctor didn't even check for HB he took one look at the blurry blob on the screen and said "well, congratulations, you don't need me anymore! You measure in time. Stop meds on Sunday and make an appointment with your OBGYN. BTW do you want a screen shot?" And that was it...

So, I guess everything is looking good. The guy is about to retire and has who knows how many years under his belt in this field, so I trust he know what to look for in an ultrasound, but it was a little rushed and weird.

I got home and ordered a fetal doppler that should be here on Friday so I'm hoping I can find HB by myself!

Next appointment is with my OBGYN next Friday

*I'm actually stopping the Estradiol today because I ran out and RE said not to refill. PIO and suppositories stop on Sunday at 9 weeks

more14 · July 2018

@mayflower513 I'm ok but my body is all over the place. Up until 4 days ago I was 100% sure we failed because suddenly some symptoms disappeared. But then the nausea started yesterday big time - we were looking for parking and my husband was driving in circles and the nausea was so bad I had to get out of the car or else. From past experience, my "morning sickness" is triggered by motion so I took it as a good sign. I just feel like I can't trust the symptoms anymore

How are you doing? Has the bleeding/spotting stopped?

mayflower513 · July 2018

@more14 I’m sorry that it was rushed and weird, but that’s great news that he released you! I’m sure he saw a good heartbeat and the size and called it good. Beware with the Doppler, I have one and I was finding the heartbeat from 9.5 weeks and then Sunday (9w6d) I couldn’t find it at all and tried like 3x throughout the day and also couldn’t find it yesterday morning. It freaked me out. Luckily I found it this morning before I had an ultrasound anyway so crisis was averted but just prepare yourself that you might not always find it even though things are good.

do they have you weaning off of the progesterone or stopping cold turkey? I took it upon myself to start weaning since I haven’t been given clear direction. I was 10w yesterday and went to 2 suppositories, I did them 12 hours apart and will do that for the rest of this week and then next Monday I’ll go down to 1. I figured I have enough so I might as well wean and it’ll bring me to 12 weeks exactly.

i think that starting around 9 weeks symptoms can start to fade as the placenta takes over. Don’t quote me on that but I’m pretty sure I’ve read it somewhere. And anyway, don’t go by symptoms, it’s not a reliable indicator

i had a day if brown spotting 2 weekends ago and a tiny bit of very light spotting which quickly turned brown this past Friday, but no real “bleeding”. I had an ultrasound today and the bleeds are shrinking and baby looks great, very active with a strong HB of 174 so fingers crossed it keeps going in this direction!

northbeach3 · July 2018

Hi ladies, I’m back from vaycay and have mostly caught up in the happenings.

@roisis I’m sorry to read how it all went down but it’s a testament to your strength and resolve. I hope you’ve been able take it easy and grieve. Still thinking about you.

Happy to hear of the healthy u/s reports @more14 and @mayflower513! Time is really flying now!

Congrats on your transfer @kristimh80!! Fx for your THB!

how are you holding up @mrsyng? When do you get the results from testing?

i had another beta test today and I’m down to 18 hcg. I assume it’ll be mostly gone when I go in for my consultation next Wed. Still kind of in denial and wonder what my doc will counsel.

Keep learning of new pregnancies and it’s making me super numb. I’m very close to deleting Facebook bc it’s a new thorn in my side with each new announcement. It’s hard for me to be hopeful bc I’m just worried about more losses.

and yet I’m ready to sign up for the next cycle bc I feel like time is not on my side.

roisis · July 2018

Hi ladies, I took a few days away from all pregnancy sites, just wanted to check in again.

@northbeach ; @mrsyng How are you guys holding up? Are you having your WTF appointments soon? I'm not rushing in to it - I was thinking of holding out until I get my period and then at least I know I'm in another cycle. I'm just not sure when to expect the new cycle to start though, I actually had a little bleeding yesterday but was thinking that couldn't be it yet. Anyway, I'm going in for a counselling session in my clinic next week - I purposely left it a few weeks so I could wrap my head around things. Myself and DH actually decided to take a proper holiday in the sun in September. It might push my next FET to October-ish but I like the idea of having something fun to look forward to.

Great to hear happy updates from @more14 and @mayflower513! Keep us updated on your progress

kristimh80 you had your transfer?!! Yayyy!!! I missed that! Congratulations! (The JulyFET board is HUGE!! but I'll lurk in there now!)

I hope everyone is keeping well

Thank you to everyone for your kind words of support over the last few weeks - they really mean so much

kristimh80 · July 2018

@roisis So good to see you around again!! I was wondering how you have been doing. I hope some time away as been good all around

I look forward to stalking your Sept cycle :-)

roisis · July 2018

Thanks @kristimh80 and - Ooooooo! I see it's looking good for you

Best of luck this week!

mayflower513 · July 2018

I’m still trucking. 11+4 days and have had lots of ultrasounds and baby is always right on track and my sch’s were gone this week BUT I’ve basically spotted every other day since Monday... starting red and quickly turns brown, no answers on why.

NIPT came back negative and it’s a boy

hopefully now the spotting just stops. I’m hoping it’s just my body adjusting since I’ve been weaning off of my progesterone.

mayflower513 · July 2018

@roisis sorry for posting and running without saying anything to you I got interrupted.

im so glad you’ve been taking some time. I think a sept vacation and october restarting sounds perfect. You may as well enjoy yourself when you have good weather — enjoy the cocktails you can have.

Did your hcg get to zero yet? I don’t know high it was but maybe it is already down? That would be amazing to not have to wait for that.

northbeach3 · July 2018

So glad to see the checkins! I’m glad you’re taking the necessary time needed @roisis and even planning for a sept holiday! I’m jealous of your easy access to various European countries that are all Zika free, haha

omg a boy?!? Can’t believe you already learned the gender @mayflower513!! How are you feeling? Did you have any inklings it was a boy? Is the DH happy? Glad the scans show nothing to worry about but can def understand the anxiety that spotting causes. RX it resolves soon.

afm, met with RE Wednesday. Testing still inconclusive (normal female, probably my cells). Just thinks they’re bad embryos and wants to keep transferring the rest of my untested ones. Two better grades, one at a time. The two lower grades suggested transferring together (if it comes to that). Ugh. Wants me to take another month off, so that’ll push me to end of sept for transfer. He did concede and order labs for the Thrombophilia panel (blood clotting genetic screen). However I saw the lab order and did google sleuthing with the results from my 23andme test and it looks like I’m not a carrier for the most common blood clotting factors. So that’s probably not the cause of the miscarriages... I couldn’t find all of them so will have to wait several weeks for official results. Guess I’m back to freaking out that all my remaining four embryos are bunk. Waaaaah. did final hcg test but dunno official number since it was at end of day on Friday. Assume zero or near zero bc I Had a very light period starting last Sunday. Anyway glad to see updates! Will probably lurk on August Fet board until sept board picks up.

Any word from @mrsyng?

mayflower513 · July 2018

Omg the bump ate my really long post. I’ll have to rewrite later.

mayflower513 · July 2018

@northbeach3 Ok here we go again!!

I’m feeling ok! No sickness aside from that caused by the OHSS. Now all I have is breast tenderness and cramping (a LOT of cramping... not extremely painful just THERE all the time basically) and the spotting I’ve had. The doctor did say that you can spot for months with the SCH so maybe it’s just that, but it was so small I don’t really get that.

We’re excited for a boy - I was a tiny bit disappointed initially because we wanted a younger sister for my 3yo DS and I wanted to buy all the girly things, and we had a girl name we loved but are struggling with the boy names - but we really just want a healthy happy baby so the disappointment was short lived. I did think it might be a girl because of all the discomfort I’ve been having but kind of expected it to be a boy for some reason.

I’m so sorry you haven’t gotten any answers. Is it a possibility to do another full cycle and PGS test the embryos so you know the quality and can feel better about it? Or is it worth PGS testing the ones you have left while you’re waiting? I really hope you get some answers before your next cycle!!

kristimh80 · July 2018

@northbeach3 Ugh, I'm so frustrated for you. I pray they can find some rhyme or reason for everything before September. I ditto what was just said, maybe see their thoughts on testing the embryos you have left. If nothing else, it's another thing for a peace of mind going forward.

@mayflower513 Congrats on having another boy! Glad to hear I'm not the only one with cramping going on. Usually, it's worse in the afternoon and evening...especially if it's been a busy day. So been treating myself like an old lady and won't stand longer than needed or it reminds me lol

roisis · July 2018

@mayflower513 Congratulations on a boy - Yay!! I'm sure the spotting and cramping is worrying - but as long as all test results are coming back good that sounds awesome!! I've read so many stories that a high percentage of ivf pregnancies cause bleeding, so there's nothing to be alarmed about.

I don't think my clinic will test my HCG again (they didn't last year). Maybe they would if I wanted to start again straight away, but I'm happy to wait a while. I think I might make my WTF app for next week - I wanted to make sure they have test results back. Actually - last week I got a really bad headache (possibly a migraine?) that lasted almost 3 days - has anyone had anything similar? I read that a drop in estrogen can trigger a migraine after a m/c - I thought maybe because we're on such high dosages of estrogen that it could be stronger? It was pretty intense. But feeling better now.

@northbeach3 I'm so sorry you didn't get a more conclusive result. None of my embryos are tested either - our clinic doesn't do it. Actually PGS testing is very new here in Ireland, so the only things I know about it are from here on the boards. Do you mind if I ask - when you say it was inconclusive - that they were normal female cells which may have been yours - does that mean that they may not have actually tested the embryo at all? That it was cells from you that were tested? Sorry if this is too personal, I'm just trying to prepare myself for whatever answers we may get. Honestly, I don't know if I want to hear that they were abnormal (makes me fear that the other two are likewise) or normal (so it's me!). Neither result sounds very good. Anyhoo, I hope you're holding up ok. I guess try to enjoy a few hormone-less weeks before we head back into it once Autumn comes around

@kristimh80 I'm so excited to see your updates

I really am so happy for you, best of luck today

Let us know how you get on?

mayflower513 · July 2018

@kristimh80 thank you! The cramping is really ridiculous, isn’t it?? I mean because if all my spotting I am basically sitting on my butt any chance I get because I find if I do overdo it I spot the next day. What’s odd is the days I overdo it I tend to have less cramping so I think I’m good and then nope, I wake up to spotting the next morning. I wonder if there’s more cramping after IVF like there seems to be more of everything else. Hopefully yours gets a little less intense as time goes on!

@roisis thank you

they have told me like up to something like 50% of women spot during pregnancy after IVF but that doesn’t ease my mind in the moment. I don’t get the correlation! I’m not on baby aspirin.

i haven’t had the migraines but I do know changes in hormones can cause them so I wouldn’t be surprised, did you wean off or just stop cold turkey? As far as the WTF appointment that’s good that you’re feeling more ready - I’m so hopeful that they have some answers/suggestions for you. Please keep us posted!!

May 2018 - FET

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