January 2019 Moms

Ask Me Anything thread!

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Re: Ask Me Anything thread!

  • Any STM+ mom's have a husband that had zero experience with babies? My H is scared to hold babies,  he's afraid he's going to break them.  He's an only child with no nieces or nephews.  He's obviously heard a million times "It'll be different when it's your kid" what I am wondering is was your husband like this too and how did he do? Did it take him time to warm up or gain confidence or was it right away? 
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  • @AliKay20 this is SO good to hear! I'm in the same sitch as @galactickates -- my DH is an only child with no small cousins even. My sister has two and another on the way, and I spend a ton of time with them -- plus babysitting, friends etc over the years. He's very sweet with our niece and nephew, but he is hilariously awful at holding them, picking them up, etc. He told my four year old niece to suck it up when she wanted to be carried (she had a blister on the bottom of her foot) LOL

    Andrea -- FTM at 39!


  • @galactickates lol wait.... I am your DH in this situation!! No nieces/nephews, basically no experience with babies...ever. I held a baby on its first day a few years ago and had to sit down & have it handed to me (in my 20s lol). I'm banking on the whole mama's intuition thing pretty hard - and an absurd amount of research. SO has a big family, so always taking care of younger siblings, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. from a young age. At least one of us is prepared! Lol. 
  • @AliKay20 I’m so glad to hear that! DH has always avoided babies, including holding our godson! He says they freak him out. He has literally never held an infant or helped change a diaper or anything. 
    married 7.11.09
    Me: 31 DH: 36
    DD (14) and DS (11) adopted from US Foster care December 2016
    BFP April 24, 2018 | EDD December 29, 2018
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
  • @galactickates my DH had no baby experience prior to DD. He figured it out quick, ha! We did take a newborn 101 class and BF class, both were helpful in letting him know what to expect. The nurses at the hospital are really great in teaching parents how to diaper and bathe baby. I had some experience with babies but having your own is different! Let him figure some stuff out himself (how to calm baby, etc). 
  • @kns1988 @tosh24 I am not a STM but I just wanted to say however you are feeling is totally okay! Not everyone will feel some incredible connection to a tiny embryo and then fetus that you can't see or feel. And for anyone who has had infertility or loss it is even more complicated. However you feel is just fine! Sometimes I eel connected and sometimes I forget I'm pregnant. You can be a great mom and not have those feelings right now. 
  • I tried to call the baby "they" in our pregnancy announcement but it just confused people into thinking we were having multiples, so I've been saying "it" or "fetus" which makes me laugh and gets weird looks from people...so much for gender neutrality! I guess maybe I'll eventually say things like "They (one baby) blah blah blah..." but it's so annoying!

    Potterphile said:
    People are always horrified that I refer to the fetus as “it” or “the baby” and not MY baby or by a cutesy name but.. shrug. 

    My wife and I have conceived a babe with my body and frozen donor sperm through IUI, with medication support (clomid, ovidrel, and injections of progesterone)

    IUI #1, #2, and #3: Dec 2017, Jan 2018, and Feb 2018 - all BFN
    HSG Test: April 2018 - all clear!
    IUI #4: April 15/16, 2018 - BFP!! EDD: Jan 7, 2019 




  • KLS123KLS123 member
    I tried to call the baby "they" in our pregnancy announcement but it just confused people into thinking we were having multiples, so I've been saying "it" or "fetus" which makes me laugh and gets weird looks from people...so much for gender neutrality! I guess maybe I'll eventually say things like "They (one baby) blah blah blah..." but it's so annoying!

    Potterphile said:
    People are always horrified that I refer to the fetus as “it” or “the baby” and not MY baby or by a cutesy name but.. shrug. 
    When pregnant with DS I referred to him as Cletus the Fetus. 
    1. I also got weird reactions to calling the fetus "it" so DH and I call it "Bean". But now my family has taken that and ran with it and my sister even bought a custom onesie that says "Bean"   :s

    2. @ladystout08 that's hilarious! DH and I started calling gestational diabetes "Cletus Diabeetus" for some reason which just got shortened to "Cletus" so every time I want to eat something unhealthy or sugary I say "Cletus wants a cookie" or he will say "You don't want the Cletus" and it makes me laugh instead of getting annoyed that he is pushing health food on me.
  • @tosh24 I started looking into this type of stroller and I think it may work, thanks!  
  • Any STM+ mom's have a husband that had zero experience with babies? My H is scared to hold babies,  he's afraid he's going to break them.  He's an only child with no nieces or nephews.  He's obviously heard a million times "It'll be different when it's your kid" what I am wondering is was your husband like this too and how did he do? Did it take him time to warm up or gain confidence or was it right away? 
    Mine! As soon as DS1 was born, DH was awesome. We did have to navigate how I could suggest or teach him things without it being a constant "here's how to do everything"- husbands have their own way of handling the kids, and that is valuable and okay! I definitely suggest keeping the lines of communication open there; asking "Can I offer a tip?" or "Do you want me to show you how I do it?" instead of just stepping in was a really good shift for us. If anything he was the more patient and tender one with our babies while I dealt with some PPD.
  • I had no experience with babies or children. I had never changed a diaper and had held a baby maybe twice ever. It was different with my child. It helps that their needs in the beginning are pretty simple and everyone loves to give you advice, lol.

    My DH did not like suggestions and liked to figure things out on his own and do things his own way so I had to really step back from trying to help him and I think it was good for his relationship with DD and his confidence taking care of her.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • KLS123KLS123 member
    Well this is reassuring to hear. I don't think DH has ever held a baby and has certainly never changed a diaper. I used to babysit a looooooong time ago but the most exposure I have had to a baby in the last 15 years is like a 5 minute hold. We DEFINITELY plan on taking all that "Baby 101" and "Newborns for Idiots" classes because we for real need them 


  • Neither my husband nor I had held a baby or changed a diaper before DD was born. We learned pretty quick :) I second what others have said about not micromanaging how DH handles the baby. I tended to hover over them when he was doing any care-taking because I was home all day with her and "knew" her better, but he figured out his own way of doing things. He was actually much better at handling witching hours because her crying didn't get to him or frustrate him as much as it did me..

    I'll also say that I feel like I'm still weird about holding other people's babies.. It's like I know exactly how DD "fits" and can scoop her up one handed, etc, but other people's kids are foreign in my arms, lol. 

    Also debating the double stroller.. I'm hoping to baby wear as much as possible with #2, but DD will only be 2.5 when 2 is born.. Ugh I really just don't want to spend the money. I love my city mini and don't want a huge bulky double stroller.. I also don't use the stroller nearly as much as I did when we lived in Boston. DD likes to walk, so I feel like it's mostly just a place to store all the crap I have to bring with me everywhere now. 
  • edited July 2018
    I tried to call the baby "they" in our pregnancy announcement but it just confused people into thinking we were having multiples, so I've been saying "it" or "fetus" which makes me laugh and gets weird looks from people...so much for gender neutrality! I guess maybe I'll eventually say things like "They (one baby) blah blah blah..." but it's so annoying!

    Potterphile said:
    People are always horrified that I refer to the fetus as “it” or “the baby” and not MY baby or by a cutesy name but.. shrug. 
    When pregnant with DS I referred to him as Cletus the Fetus. 
    Omg! We have been calling ours Cletus too! Amazing haha 
  • jgil85jgil85 member
    AliKay20 said:
    Any STM+ mom's have a husband that had zero experience with babies? My H is scared to hold babies,  he's afraid he's going to break them.  He's an only child with no nieces or nephews.  He's obviously heard a million times "It'll be different when it's your kid" what I am wondering is was your husband like this too and how did he do? Did it take him time to warm up or gain confidence or was it right away? 
    Mine!!! DH had zero experience around babies. I at least had nephews I watched from time to time. Surprisingly enough, he did better than me adjusting to parenthood. I was so scared of touching my peanut in the NICU. He did most of the diaper changes & taking temperature on our 5 lb DD. I was so nervous but he wasn’t. He was rather calm. It took him a bit to adjust though but it really did not take long for him to hold her and do all these things for her that I was honestly too nervous about! 
    Are we married to the same man?? While DS was in the NICU, the nurses were so impressed with dh because he would do everything for them from diaper changes to unconnecting wires while we were doing weighted feedings. And he had literally never even held a baby up until ds was born! 
  • Labor and birth: MUCH easier than I thought and I had an unplanned induction that took 3 days. I loved the entire experience and it was not nearly as painful as I expected. I never felt the urge to push like I was having a bowel movement, though most of my pushing was done on my side because it's the widest you can get your tailbone and pelvic bone besides standing. Worked like a charm and I rotated to my back for the final push to deliver. I didn't realize my legs were totally numb until after delivery when I tried to move them out of the stirrups!

    In the room: DH was the only one in the room for the delivery, but to my surprise the moment DD was born I felt like I needed my Mom and sister in the room. DH went out to get them while I delivered the placenta. They only popped in for a minute to meet DD but I was surprised how overwhelming of a feeling I had about wanting them there in that moment.

    Skin-to-skin: Once you've been through labor and delivery (and most of pregnancy) a little gunk on your new baby will not bother you at all. Your hormones and emotions take over in that moment and kissing that little head and holding them on your chest is the most important thing. You will not care that they aren't sparkling clean! 

    Double strollers: DD will be a little over 2.5 when this baby arrives and I'm hoping to avoid a double stroller. I can wear baby 2 if DD wants to ride in the stroller and hopefully by the time baby 2 has outgrown the wrap, DD1 will no longer be interested in the stroller. We will see!

    STM showing: YES YES YES. I'm 14 weeks and compared photos last night from DD1 and I'm about the size I was at 22 weeks with her. I didn't "pop" until close to 24-26 weeks last time but that will not be the case this time around. I expected to show earlier but never expected it to be this early.

    Winter baby: I am very concerned about the flu and other illnesses. I will do my best to protect this new baby but I doubt we will make it all winter without some illness. Praying it's nothing major. I did not plan for DD to visit in the hospital and I'm kind of relieved that it's likely they will not allow her because of flu season. Takes the guilt away from me about not wanting her to visit us there.

    Holiday baby: Anyone else concerned/upset about having a baby near the holidays? My due date is in early January and as a holiday baby myself (week after Christmas), I always said I'd never intentionally have a holiday baby. I know all the tricks of keeping birthdays separate, but I have to admit I'm slightly disappointed for this baby. I know how annoying it is to have your birthday so close to the holidays.
  • My dad has an early January birthday and has always complained about how terrible it was growing up because it was so close to the holidays, but his parents weren’t good about keeping them separate. Even with that I not that worried. I feel like there are positives and negatives about most times of the year, not everyone can be born in April, lol. My daughter is an August birthday and with her it’s “she’ll be the youngest in her class” and “no one will be around for birthday parties.” With this one I won’t have to worry about the school cut-off issue, they won’t be the oldest or the youngest.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • @parentingishard i has the same concerns about having a baby around the holidays. Due in early January too and DD 1 was born at 37 weeks (induction) so this one could follow suit and be born before Christmas. We will definitely celebrate birthday/Christmas separately and maybe save some presents for LO to open other times of the year instead of all at once. 
  • tosh24tosh24 member
    Nope, I LOVE that I'll have a holiday baby! Christmas is my absolute favourite time of the year....I usually start quietly prepping pre-halloween and then come Nov 1st it's a Christmas explosion (I'm Canadian so our Thanksgiving is in October).  My bday is not on a holiday but it's the same time school starts and I remember once the "back to school" gear would start popping up in stores and the weather would cool I would get so excited about my bday approaching. DD's Bday is right before Halloween and all the costumes, candy, movies/tv shows, parties make her get excited for her bday. I hope with this baby the excitement of the Christmas season will get him/her excited about his/her bday....the decor, the music, the snow, etc. DS is a late November baby and I don't wait to put up the tree or listen to Christmas music until his bday passes - it's part of the season and lead up to his special day. I have one cousin who was born on Christmas Day and two cousins that were born on Dec 30 and my family has always been great about keeping holiday and birthday celebrations and presents separate. Even though we just saw everyone for Christmas, we'd get together a week later to do birthdays. An extra perk of having a holiday bday is that there is always so much family around to celebrate! I am not disappointed in the least. I don't want to have that kind of attitude where it's a bummer to have a holiday birthday and have that rub off on LO over the years.
    Me: 35 I DH: 38
    *TW loss and children mentioned*
    DD:2006 | Dx: Unexplained Secondary Infertility | DS: 2011

    TFAS since 2012

    Oct 16: Spontaneous BFP | m/c @ 9w1d (massive SCH) | D&C
    Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
    May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
    Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
    Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
    Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
    Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
    Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen  
    Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
    Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = cancelled due to missed ovulation
    Apr 18: FET #3 (natural cycle) = BFP! Beta 1: 201  Beta 2: 585 Beta 3: 3254 Beta 4: 9715 U/S 19May - one bean measuring on track with a HB of 125!
    EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
    My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019 <3 

  • I think having a birthday leading up to the holidays is exciting and special but after the holidays is a little less exciting. Celebrating someone else's birthday near the holidays can be fun and it's always great to have extra time with family, but I think it's different when it's your own birthday. I've never met someone with a birthday between Christmas and New Year who liked their birthday. My parents were great about it but my friends were always with family or traveling (only mattered in my younger years when I was interested in having a birthday party) and I grew up in Upstate NY where there was little to do besides go to the movies or skating rink in the winter. This baby won't have a weather issue where we live now and while my first was early, maybe this baby will be a little late and thus further from the holiday itself.

    As an adult, my birthday is less important so the time of year doesn't bother me at all. The plus has always been that I've never had to go to school or work on my birthday! It's a guaranteed day off. It's a very short period of life when it can have an impact and I would never give the "bummer birthday" vibe to my child. I'm a well-adjusted adult and my birthday has had no impact in my development so I'm fully aware it doesn't *truly* matter.  :)
  • KLS123KLS123 member
    edited July 2018
    @parentingishard I was more worried about getting stuck with rookie/distracted/annoyed hospital staff that drew the short straw for holiday shifts in the event I go into labor on Christmas or New Years!

    My sister's birthday is December 29th and HATES that it is close to the holidays and I have been hearing complaints about it for the last 30 years... she has already expressed that she is going to go above and beyond for our LO so they don't get the same awful, horrible, repulsive behavior that she had to endure like *gasp* and combo gift! I plan to sit her down at some point and thank her for the thought but that we would rather encourage the positives like @tosh24 said and have the right attitude about it because I would hate if her sour puss attitude rubbed off on LO on the matter.

    Edited to add: my birthday usually falls on the week of Thanksgiving and I always loved it because family was always around, we got a break from school and I get days off from work so I can actually celebrate! 
  • @UnbreakableKimmySchmidt I'm in the same situation with the baby possibly born before Christmas. DD was born at 37+4 ( 17 days early) so that would mean this baby would come on 12/21. Now I'm not saying that they'll be born on the same gestational age but it's likely I will be in the hospital for Christmas. But my OB  did tell me he's on call for Christmas so hey it might work out! 
  • Anyone else 100% sure this is the last baby/thinking of tubal or vasectomy?? We are thinking about moving forward with the big snip in 2019 & leaning toward DH. Is anyone else having this conversation? If so when are you thinking you/DH will have the procedure? 
    Me (28) & DH (35)
    Met 4/2010+Married 8/2014 
    TTC #1 August 2016BFP 10/2016= DD Born 6.23.17
    NTNP April 2018. BFP 5/2018 EDD 1.29.19 *Team Green*

  • @PolarBear517 DH is basically just waiting for me to give him the go ahead for the big V. I'll probably ask him to wait until this one is a few months old and then he'll do it. 
    TW

    M/C 06/09/2011
    DS 05/29/2013
    M/C 02/14/2017 
    M/C 06/05/2017 
    C/P 03/01/2018
    BFP 05/17/2018 EDD 01/27/2019 
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
  • I'm a December baby and thankfully my mom always went above and beyond to do separate parties and gifts. My husband does too now as an adult. I'm not due until late Jan so I doubt this one will be a holiday baby but I understand the fears. 
    TW

    M/C 06/09/2011
    DS 05/29/2013
    M/C 02/14/2017 
    M/C 06/05/2017 
    C/P 03/01/2018
    BFP 05/17/2018 EDD 01/27/2019 
    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
  • We are definitely done and need to figure out our options. This will be a good topic...maybe one for it's own thread?
  • I'm right there with you all about having a holiday baby. I'm due 1/10, and last time I was dilating 3 weeks early and all the docs were convinced I would go early. I ended up needing to be induced at 40+5, but I had been dilated to 3, 80% effaced, and baby in 0 position for a week before they induced me, which is why they induced me. My body wasn't kickstarting labor. This time, my body might start preparing early again and this time it might actually kickstart labor. I'm worried it'll be close to Christmas.

    To make it all worse, my DD's bday is Feb 3rd, so even if this one comes on time, it'll be right between Christmas and it's sisters bday.
    Me: 30 |  DH: 33
    Married: 8/11/2007

    DD: Born 2/3/17
    BFP#2: 5/3, EDD 1/10/19
  • @PolarBear517 yes this is our last baby and DH will get a Vasectomy just not sure when. 



  • @PolarBear517 Yep, we're two and done and DH will get a vasectomy, probably next year (since we'll likely be already meeting our deductible in 2019.  I just want to make sure everything goes well with this pregnancy/delivery before the snipping.
  • jgil85jgil85 member
    @PolarBear517 yep DH and I are soooo done after this. My body hates pregnancy and there's no way I could have a 3rd pregnancy. I've already started the convo with my ob that if I have to have a c-section, we will do a tubal. If DH needs to be snipped, then were planning on getting it done when this lo is around 3 months old. 
  • @PolarBear517 this is it for us. DH will be getting a vasectomy after this one is born.

    Also my thoughts on labor: maybe I'm just a baby but labor hurt a lot more than I thought it would. Once my contractions started they were 3 to 5 minutes apart until my epidural. I remember yelling at my husband saying that "this isn't like how the class said it would be they aren't supposed to be so close together at first". I was scheduled to be inducted at 41+3 on a Saturday at 8am but went into labor at 1130pm Friday. I didnt feel the epidural at all and it worked perfectly I couldn't feel anything but could still move my legs. 

    BabyFruit Ticker
  • Also last baby over here, and planning on vasectomy for DH, just not sure when. Good point about already meeting deductible in 2019- I'll have to double check that!
  • Last baby for us too..... I’ll get an IUD after baby is born and then discuss  vasectomy timing 
  • Does anyone have any good workouts that can be done at home or with a toddler? I walk and hike a lot but most of the time it’s 2 year old pace and I need more but I don’t have a lot of kid-free time.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • Last baby for us. I'm getting too old for this pregnancy stuff! We were one and done, then changed our minds to two and done. We joke and say the inmates cannot out number the guards in our asylum. We'll wait until this baby is a few months old and we get into a routine, then it's snip-snip for DH. 
  • @pttomato have you ever checked out Tone It Up? I really love them for basic at home workouts with minimal equipment.  They have an app that you pay for with a ton of streaming workouts but I think you can still get their daily workouts for free and they might still have a bunch on youtube. One of the girls is pregnant so they're also building out a prenatal section.  Other than that a lot of times I'll just youtube random workouts!
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