Ask Me Anything thread!

sparkymcgeee

galactickates said:

I hesitate when asking questions as a FTM because I really hate the "you won't care answer" that's not why I'm asking.  I just want to mentally know what it will be like.  I fully realize I probably won't care.  I've never done this before so I just want to know the bigger picture.  

I wanted to know,  do you wear one of those gown things when you deliver? Did you bring something with you and wear that? Are you totally naked? I have no idea.  What did you wear when you delivered? When were you able to change into your own stuff?

Hospital gown for sure. It's gross. After I had my babies I changed into something I felt was more comfortable. I brought a nightgown that buttoned down the front so I had easy access for nursing but I didn't buy a special nightgown. Just from Target or Kohls or something that looked comfy and had the buttons. By the time I changed I typically showered and had all the mesh panties my butt could hold on itself to prevent too much blood. But the beauty of a Target or Kohls nightgown was that it wasn't super expensive (20ish) and I could wear it long after I got home. And I did since it was just a nightgown. If blood got on it I didn't feel like it was a big deal. 

skilouise

It seems the link I posted earlier may be broken (at least it won't open for me), so I'm trying it again. If it's not actually broken and my phone is just being a pain, sorry for the double post:

https://www.etsy.com/listing/485079010/lisa-grey-dotted-labor-delivery

I like it because it has snaps in front and back for access for IVs, epidural, skin to skin, nursing, or emergencies.  It's not that expensive, even if it does get gross or ruined. I HATE regular hospital gowns, so it seems worth it to me... especially to avoid flashing my butt to the world any time I stand up lol

sparkymcgeee

kianarain said:

I love the what to wear discussion... Very helpful!

OK another FTM question.. I'm semi-terrified of going to the bathroom/showering for the first time after labor. I've heard on multiple occasions that it feels like your insides are going to fall out?? Reassurance please?!

I did not feel like that at all. However, I didn't really tear either time and delivery was easy for me. I think that has a lot to do with it because I can imagine a 3rd or 4th degree tear would be horrifying. The peri bottle was a miracle life saving device because wiping does suck but the act itself was fine for me. I think go in with caution but remember your body has been doing it forever. Don't hold it in. 

tosh24

Also, I have a friend who is a L&D nurse and as a germaphobe, I sincerely valued her advice. She basically said if you want to bring your own stuff with you to the hospital (extra pillow, slippers to walk around in, etc.) to just buy those items cheap from walmart and throw them out before you go home. You don't want to be carrying any bugs home with you on that stuff, especially if it's unwashable.

ladystout08

@kianarain the first shower after baby is amazeballs IMO. I loved every second of it. I used the squirt bottle a lot every time I went to the bathroom after and it was fine. I took the stool softeners (take them, don't be a hero) and my first poop was ok. 

sparkymcgeee

I agree about the shower. It felt SOOOOOOO good. 

pttomato

kianarain said:

I love the what to wear discussion... Very helpful!

OK another FTM question.. I'm semi-terrified of going to the bathroom/showering for the first time after labor. I've heard on multiple occasions that it feels like your insides are going to fall out?? Reassurance please?!

I didn't feel like that. The shower felt good to get all the gunk off from birth. I didn't think going to the bathroom was that bad. I did have a second degree tear but it was sideways and mostly internal.

tosh24

Oh that first shower feels so good! +1 for the spray bottle and +1 for the stool softener. Just take it. Don't "wait and see". Pack some Colace in your hospital bag in case your hospital doesn't provide it (one did and one didn't for me). 

kianarain

Whew, y'all are making me feel better already. Definitely not going to try to be a hero - I'm here for all the aid they can provide! And showers calm me down SO much already (anxiety queen here), so I feel like I'll be fully team shower = heaven after birth. I've just read some really freaky stuff, and maybe need to stop lol. Reading to be prepared, good. Over-reading & freaking myself out, bad!! 

saltedcaramel518

@kianarain Take a stool softener every day after birth until you go #2. I was so scared to poop, but it wasn’t that bad. 

Shower felt okay, but I was definitely weary after trying to stand up for that long. Also, be aware that you’ll probably still be bleeding and the shower may look like a murder scene when you’re done. 

beachmama14

I just wore the hospital gown for the birth both times. I did wear a loose sports bra on top during labor/delivery just because I felt weird being totally free under the robe lol didn’t interfere with any of the monitoring or the epidural so I never had to take it off. After the baby was born and I moved to the mother and baby floor, I just put fresh clothes on. I wore a nursing tank under a clean gown and didn’t wear any pants because I just kept bleeding on the robe/bed. I think if I could have worn sweat pants without them getting ruined I wouldn’t have kept wearing the hospital gown, but I preferred to keep my stuff clean and dirty their stuff instead haha

I didnt shower til I got home because I just felt more comfortable there. It was amazing. 

Also agree to bringing your own pillows. The hospital ones suck and I couldn’t get comfy with them . I brought my boppy pillow and my home pillow with covers on them and just tossed the covers once we got home to protect from extra germs. 

ladystout08

saltedcaramel518 said:

@kianarain Take a stool softener every day after birth until you go #2. I was so scared to poop, but it wasn’t that bad. 

Shower felt okay, but I was definitely weary after trying to stand up for that long. Also, be aware that you’ll probably still be bleeding and the shower may look like a murder scene when you’re done. 


AHhHH I got stuck in the damn text box! 

Don't look down in the shower. Just, don't. 

tosh24

Totally agree with @saltedcaramel518....shower is going to be good, but gross, so be prepared for that. Also, really great advice to not shower while home alone for the first few days. I always made sure DH was home, he knew I was in the shower, I left the bathroom door open, and we had an agreement that he would check in on me half way through. You definitely have moments of weakness and lightheadedness after birth, especially when in a warm shower.

skilouise

Great suggestions about the pillows! We have a few that are getting to the end of their lives that we're thinking of replacing, but they're still better than hospital pillows or cheap Walmart pillows. I might bring one of those, then just get rid of it afterwards. 

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

I was scared of pooping after birth given what I had read butttttt I pooped the day following birth no problem. My body just knew what to do. I also had a tear. I took a first bath and that was nice.

kns1988

@galactickates, I had a hospital gown on but wound up either naked or with everything hanging out. The one thing that totally mattered that I didn't think would was that my grandma brought me a brand new robe to wear the day after I delivered. It was a lifesaver because I ended up in the hospital for a week, and having a clean robe that didn't make me feel like a frump was a nice little luxury. 

gorgeousariel

The first shower was ammazzzing! The first poop not so much lol. But it wasn't as bad as my second. Once I went and it wasn't bad, I stopped taking stool softeners- big mistake! I didn't go for a week and I was literally crawling in my skin the night I finally went because I had to go so bad. Lesson learned: don't stop taking stool softeners! 

Mandamay1414

I wore the hospital gown for birth and the first day or so after delivery. I was bleeding a ton and honestly too weak/light headed to stand up to get dressed in my own clothes the first day PP. I put on my normal clothes after my first shower (which was heaven). I will say that I did feel like my insides were falling out a bit for the first week after birth if I stood up or walked around for too long.. I think I might be a weird case though

kns1988

kianarain said:

I love the what to wear discussion... Very helpful!

OK another FTM question.. I'm semi-terrified of going to the bathroom/showering for the first time after labor. I've heard on multiple occasions that it feels like your insides are going to fall out?? Reassurance please?!

I was also super scared to go! It wasn't *that* bad, though. It does burn, but the squirt bottle and the witch hazel pads make it much better. Take some home with you. And +1 to my nipples hurting for months in the shower. I just kept them out of it the best I could. 

CoastieGirl79

@kianarain as far as the first bowel movement, that didn't happen for a few days after I left the hospital. Is that what you're referring to? If not, oh well and here's my advice: take the stool softener as long as you can until you can go. It will make the process a lot easier. I was petrified of it being painful but lots of water and the stool softener worked wonders for me. As far as peeing, I wasn't allowed to be discharged until I could get up and pee twice on my own. I used the squirt bottle with warm water and Earth Mama Angel Spray to keep things cool and the urine off my skin. I did tear, but I can't remember the degree. The first shower was amazing. Just be gentle on your lady parts. A squirt bottle is your best friend. Also, when I got home I soaked in a tub with warm water and Epsom Salt each night for about a week. I don't know if that's doctor advised. I never thought to ask, but it sure helped things down there. 

@galactickates I ordered a special hospital from a friend who has an Etsy store. I never used it. I wore the hospital gown; it got bloody and gross. I was told the same thing by a nurse friend: if you take something from home like sheets, throw them out. Especially being flu season, I would rather use hospital issued stuff and leave it all behind after delivery  

nononorman

Hospital gown with nursing sports bra. Wore the gown until the day I left. I had a third degree tear they needed to check often. Bring your own pillow and blanket though esp if you are induced. 
i will second it burning when you pee and take double or triple the recommended dosage of the stool softener. I didn’t poop for ten days (eating every vile delicious shit inducing thing you can imagine) and had to take laxatives eventually on doctors orders.  Def had some tears leak out when I finally pooped but it was not “worse than childbirth” like people make it out to be. It’s more of an issue WHEN you’re going to poop since u get no chance to relax if you’re home alone w a newborn. I ended up getting on a 2am poop habit. 

Also, just wear the adult diapers. Nothing better than just tossing the whole thing. If you wear mesh undies u have to dispose of the pad and hope you didn’t bleed all over the mesh undies which I absolutely did. Maybe you won’t bleed as much as me??

skilouise

What is the purpose of the mesh undies that everyone keeps mentioning? Is that just to have a throwaway to avoid ruining your own underwear if a pad leaks? 

UnbreakableKimmySchmidt

@AshVA they hold the large pad in place and are probably best to use if you had a c section? I didn’t mind them (had a vaginal birth). I wore them from when my water broke to a few days after leaving the hospital. It was nice not to worry about ruining my underwear. The hospital usually sends you home with some. 

sparkymcgeee

Yes Ash. Throw all the blood soaked stuff away. Mesh panties were great for that. 

libertymomrn

AshVA said:

What is the purpose of the mesh undies that everyone keeps mentioning? Is that just to have a throwaway to avoid ruining your own underwear if a pad leaks? 

And maybe to fit? They’re super stretchy and will fit pretty much any shape. My belly was all weird shaped and loose and squishy for awhile. (Don’t worry if your tummy is freaky looking for a little while after birth; that’s normal. I have eventually gotten a flat tummy and abs back between each baby. Only to ruin them again with the next one. But it does come back.)

sparkymcgeee

I know no one asked this but I don’t think the STMs who only have one at home have heard this. I know I didn’t before having DS. The contractions after birth to get your ute back down were WAY worse than the first time. Like I was shocked. So on top of the nurses attacking your stomach and your nips being on fire you will also contract after birth. And if it’s your second it will hurt more. 

libertymomrn

sparkymcgeee said:

I know no one asked this but I don’t think the STMs who only have one at home have heard this. I know I didn’t before having DS. The contractions after birth to get your ute back down were WAY worse than the first time. Like I was shocked. So on top of the nurses attacking your stomach and your nips being on fire you will also contract after birth. And if it’s your second it will hurt more. 

And it hurts even more with your third. I barely noticed the after contractions at all with #1. I felt them, but wouldn’t have called them painful with number 2. I had to breathe through a few of them number 3. I guess we’ll see how number 4 is! I’ve heard it maxes out on your 3rd or 4th.

AliKay20

That spray bottle was amaaaazing!!! I would spray down there to ease the pain/discomfort when I peed. I almost was convinced that this is how I would always pee for the rest of my life, lol! 

Here’s a picture of my postpartum kit. A lot of these came from the hospital and I shamelessly asked for extras (dermoplast, witch hazel wipes, etc.) upon discharge. Your L&D nurse will hook you up with extra mesh underwear and all upon request! 



DH used to joke that the process of getting a fresh new [giant] pad, spraying with dermoplast, then putting on those circular witch hazel wipes felt like making a salami sandwich, ha!

The mesh underwear kept all of that in place and I didn’t care so much if I leaked and got blood on it! 

I also didn’t mind the hospital gown bc it felt so gross down there during labor and even post. I got cheap $3 flip flops from Old Navy to wear around the hospital and threw them out after I got home. I did think about getting my own gown from Etsy but they seemed costly for the period of use. I think that’s just personal preference though!

These questions bring back a lot of memories! I can’t wait to see what you all list in “what’s in my hospital bag” thread in the future.

nononorman

*you may not care but I got charged for all those extra pads, undies, dermaplast etc that I grabbed. You wouldn’t see it unless you officially requested the itemized hospital bill. You also get charged for all the baby diapers etc so take the remaining diapers home. I think you get charged for anything that hits your hospital room. 


Also lol to abs   

AliKay20

@Potterphile really?! I didn’t know that! This makes me want to confirm w my hospital that they charge for everything extra. Could it depend on the hospital or is this standard across all? Hmm!

nononorman

@AliKay20 it might depend- I had major issues w my hospital and requested the full transaction sheet (not what they send to insurance but what they consider to be the full itemized) and it was like $XX.xx for pack of diapers, two dermplasts, two packs of tucks.. it was all there. I think a lot of just considered part of your maternity care which obv is billed to insurance but hard to tell what portion of that gets passed to you in the end. 

DLpanda08

When did you start having your baby sleep in their crib? I always thought they could go in there right away, but lately I’ve had a few friends say that baby should be in your room for the entire first year. 

KLS123

FTM mom here, I'm thinking I'll probably be laboring and deliver mostly in my birthday suit. I plan to bring a robe and a few throw-away nightgowns for afterwards. 

@kianarain holy hell, I audibly gasped when I read your "insides falling out" comment, thank god everyone's responses where "take stool softeners and you will be fine" phew.

What is everyone's experience with pain medication after birth? After the epidural wears off are you just cold turkey sober? Do you continue on with some sort of prescription pain meds after the fact? For how long? How does that work for a vaginal birth vs c section? If you opt out of the epidural will they push other types of pain medication?

I had a very bad experience with opioids after getting my tonsils removed two years ago so I want to be prepared for what is going to be offered to me. I'm planning to speak with my midwife about it at my next apt but am curious what the general consensus is.

ladystout08

@DLpanda08 it depends on what works for your family. We moved DS after about two months into his crib, then brought him back into our room during the four month wakeful through the six month growth spurt. He went back to his crib at like 8 months? 

saltedcaramel518

@DLpanda08 DS slept in a Rock N Play until he was 6 months old. We tried to transition him earlier, but he hated the crib. I’m thinking about starting this baby out in the crib from day 1 so we don’t have to deal with transitioning.

The baby’s room will be directly across the hall from ours, so s/he will be close.

Kabazaba

Still trying to catch up on this huge thread (only on page 3 so far) - so sorry if this has been asked already: I am a nerd so my AMAs are all about classes. What kinds of classes have people taken in the past (STM+)/what kinds of classes are people planning to take this time (birthing, infant, hospital, other?)? WHEN do people take those classes (just 3rd trimester? Do you try and stagger them?)? Signing up for prenatal yoga today and has me thinking about other classes to look into.

nononorman

@DLpanda08 the AAP rec is six mo min I want to say w upper rec of 1 year because that’s when SIDS risk is significantly lowered. We did five months in a bedside bassinet then moved her to her crib. Her sleep started to noticeably decline and I think it was due to our (and the dogs’) movement and noise in the night which is why we moved before 6 mo. 

@kls123 in my experience, once the epi wears off they give you painkillers in pill form. Not sure which I had maybe Vicodin or something but they try to get you off of it immediately.  I was discharged by 36 hours after a vaginal birth with a third-degree tear, significant blood loss and other minor trauma and I believe they gave me about 24 hours worth of painkillers.  It wasn’t enough and I raged at them... and had to go back in for more. I think my problem was largely the tear as far as continuing pain so if you don’t have something like that (or a c/s) then you can prob get away with less drugs after the birth.  If you don’t want any I think they will generally support that but it depends on the hospital I imagine. I was constantly asking for more but they kept the regime pretty strict, one pain pill and one stool softener. This time I’m bringing my own extra stool softeners, screw them. 

ladystout08

I only took the parenting class that was part of my hospital registration process. 

nononorman

I took infant CPR and breastfeeding. Looking back I would prob only have done CPR. The Breastfeeding class here is more about empowerment like YOU CAN DO IT and if you can’t here is a sheet of people to call. As a very non maternal inexperienced w kids person, I don’t know that I got much from that class. Just buy some Lansinoh and cold/hot packs in advance in case you need em. 

I also did prenatal yoga which I think helped prepare me for the squatting birth I wanted. 

saltedcaramel518

@Kabazaba The only class I took was a breastfeeding class.

Didn't take a parenting class because I had babysat and been around family members' babies enough that I felt fairly confident handling an infant. Also, I read all the things about newborns while I was pregnant. I'm an over-researcher. 

Didn't take a birthing class because I planned on getting an epidural and didn't think any breathing exercises, etc. would be beneficial. 

I never did a hospital tour. I meant to.. Just never got around to it. 

The BF class was actually way more helpful for DH. He didn't know anything about it, and it gave him ideas on how he can support me while I was bfing.