Ask Me Anything thread!

libertymomrn · July 2018

What questions do you have for anyone and about anything?

galactickates · July 2018

@libertymomrn - Can you update this to an ask me anything?

molosmiles · July 2018

@galactickates you asked how giving birth was expectations vs. Reality and I wanted to be sure that was answered.

I remember how nervous I was with my first and to be honest, I was a little less nervous with my second, and totally dreading it with my third. And to be fair I had fairly easy births. Both experiences were slightly different and different than I expected. I went into both not really having set expectations, which I recommend, you never really know what will need to be done. All I can say is you have to do it no matter what so be open minded. It wont last forever and it is worth it.

PolarBear517 · July 2018

Moms of more than one- did you show sooner the 2nd+ time around?

im only 11 weeks and pants that fit me 2 months ago don’t fit me now. I’m so bummed, makes me feel kinda bad about my body cause I’m definitely in a “you look like you’ve gained weight but not obviously pregnant” part of pregnancy. Last time I didn’t feel like I entered that phase until like 16 weeks!

sweetyjenj · July 2018

@PolarBear517 I'm showing faster this 2nd time around. It's like my abs last time were tight and kept things in nice and tight for a while. I didn't start looking PREGNANT until probably 20-22 weeks, but today one of my colleagues was like, "awe look at that little baby bump!" and I'm 13 weeks. It's not very big, but it's noticeable if you know I'm pregnant.

sweetyjenj · July 2018

@galactickates giving birth:
For me, I had heard it's good to have a rough plan, but prepare for the unexpected. Meaning, be prepared to have to throw your plan aside and go with the flow. My only requests were that I didn't want an episiotomy and I wanted direct skin to skin for an hour after birth, so long as the baby was healthy. I also specified who I wanted in the room verses who to keep out, since the nurses will help you. I was able to have both requests honored.
Other than that, we didn't even attend birthing classes and we did fine! I had asked around a lot, did some research into "must-knows" for delivery, that sort of thing. I had ideas of how i wanted to spend my time laboring, but all I ended up doing is walking laps in the hallways and hanging out with DH in the room. Walking helped a ton, though. Once I had my epidural I ended up needing to push 15 minutes later, which was unexpected to everyone, but went smoothly. It was cool to experience my body knowing what to do. When it's time to push, you know. It feels like your body is telling you to poop out a watermelon. Literally. It makes you WANT to push on contraction, which was really helpful. The nurses were AMAZING and helped every step of the way.

pttomato · July 2018

@galactickates Labor was different than I expected, but I was induced. The epidural was also different than I expected, I could still move my legs and I could still feel everything, it just wasn’t painful. I expected to be more numb.

CoastieGirl79 · July 2018

@PolarBear517 I'm 13 weeks, 5 days, and I woke up this morning with a bump. It literally happened overnight. With my first, I didn't start showing until 18-19 weeks.

@galactickates I had no idea what to expect, being a FTM. I gained a new respect for nurses. My labor and delivery nurse was with me the entire time. The doc only came in to check on me and then deliver. I assumed the doc would be with us the entire time. The epidural did not hurt nearly as much as I anticipated. I had it built up to be this big painful ordeal.

The one thing that surprised me: I was told that I would know when to push; that it would be instinct. I had no clue when to start pushing. Honestly this is what I was thinking: I have no idea when to push, I'm sick of these damn back contractions, and I just want this kid out. So I decided that after the next contraction I would push. I don't think it was instinct; it was me wanting to hurry this process along. Three hours of pushing and my son was born.

galactickates · July 2018

@sweetyjenj I've also heard to be flexible, expect the unexpected. It's just so hard for me to comprehend what it will be like.

@pttomato I would have expected to feel totally numb too until you said that. Now I just have no clue lol

pttomato · July 2018

TMI but people always talk about not wanting to know if they pooped on the table...yeah I was definite aware of that.

PolarBear517 · July 2018

@Galactickates

Honestly I may be in the minority here but labor & delivery was easier/less painful than I expected. I didn’t want to get too wrapped up in a birth plan, I decided to go as low intervention as possible and scale up pain meds as I felt I needed them but I didn’t write anything down really. I did this primarily because I hate needles but I figured if my pain outweighed that fear I would be fine with the epidural. It never did. I labored at home as long as I felt I possibly could and when I got to the hospital I was dilated to “between 8&9CM” in triage & my daughter was born about 2 hours later. I used nitrous oxide for contractions for the last hour or so which was great & took away a lot of my remaining anxiety.

While I did know when to start pushing, I was less clear on when to stop. My midwife counted me through contractions which was really helpful. Honestly, I was in “the zone” and it went a lot better than I expected.

2 expectations that differed from reality were that 1.) I thought I’d want to use all sorts of labor tools like exercise balls/peanut. Nope, my water broke before I really noticed contractions & I didn’t want to leak everywhere so I felt condemned to my bathroom lol.
2.) I ended up losing out on some of my low intervention hopes when my placenta failed to deliver on its own and I had to have it manually delivered, I had an IV placed post-delivery & received pitocin as well as an injection- I don’t even know what, it was a blur at that point.

I didn’t feel disappointed though, I tried to have loose/low expectations if any

molosmiles · July 2018

I had a strange experience with my first and couldn't feel anything once I got to the hospital. I was 8 cm and they gave me pitocin. I told the nurses they had to tell me when to push because I couldn't feel anything. They seemed so surprised. I had no pain meds. With my second I could feel everything and I kept saying' I think I pooped!' no one confirmed

Each time is different. I think that's why I'm dreading it again.

I do remember the nurses come in after and press so hard on your stomach to get out blood clots. It was worse than birth the first time, not so bad the second. They do it severalstimes. Be prepared!

AliKay20 · July 2018

@galactickates I was induced and got the epidural but I was not completely numb.

The doctor said to buzz her when I felt this sudden pressure like I had to poop. Literally those words were used to describe when it would be go time.

Bc of the epidural, I wasn’t in any pain but after a bit, I suddenly felt this pressure. It’s not the kind of stomach pain where you’re running to the bathroom for #2. It’s the kind you know you won’t have any issues w just a couple of pushes. It was that kind of pressure that I knew it would be go time. Idk if it’s bc the baby was traveling down closer but the doc checked me and said, “yep! It’s go time!!” I pushed for close to an hour after that and had DD.

sfgiantsgamerbabe · July 2018

I agree with what these ladies are saying about the feeling of needing to poop. That’s exactly what it feels like. I had an epidural but I could still move my legs. I was on all fours trying to get some progression because I had been stuck at 6 cm. About an hour later I told my mom and DH “it feels like I need to poop.” I don’t know if they turned down my epidural IV or completely off but I felt the contractions and the need to push. It helped a lot to feel that. I described giving birth like taking the biggest poop of your life! Fortunately, I didn’t poop on the table. Labor cleaned me out lol.

molosmiles · July 2018

That reminds me, the nurse kept telling me to 'push like a trucker' I had no clue what she meant until she basically said push like you are pooping and then pushing worked so much better! Don't try to push from your stomach.

sweetyjenj · July 2018

@sfgiantsgamerbabe Even though I had an epidural, I still felt when the contractions were happening, and I felt the intense pressure (need to poop) but the "pain" was gone. I wasn't fully numb and could still move my legs, too. They probably should have checked me before the epidural, because they gave it to me and they left, then right away I felt just very uncomfortable with each contraction and felt the need to poop with each one. I remember telling DH, "everyone says they feel great with the epidural, but this is really uncomfortable. I can't stand a few hours of this!" When the nurse came back 15 minutes later she checked me just in case, and turns out I was actually ready to push!! Nothing was set up yet, so I had to wait 15 more minutes before actually pushing. I don't think they need to turn down any epidural meds, I think that the pressure we would still feel, just not the pain.

It's funny because the size of the object I needed to poop out just kept feeling bigger. At first I was like, "it feels like I need to poop out a baseball" ...then a grapefruit...then a bowling ball...then a watermelon. And realistically, the baby is like the size of a watermelon, so that was kind of right.

galactickates · July 2018

So as a ftm what i'm learning giving birth is like : Feeling like you have to poop and pushing like you have to poop and sometimes you do poop.
Chickety Check

sfgiantsgamerbabe · July 2018

@sweetyjenj you’re probably right. Although, I felt fine with the epidural. The only pain I remember feeling was when DS’s head came out. He had and still has a big head. The doctor had to use the vacuum to assist and I ended up with a second degree tear.

tosh24 · July 2018

I agree with the have to poop feeling and the pressure like you need to poop (even with the epidural) but both times my doctors (different OBs) told me NOT to push like I had to poop - that will give you/increase your chance of hemorrhoids. The doctors placed their fingers at the opening of the vagina towards the back and said "push here" which helped tremendously because I knew where to direct my pushing (towards the vagina, not the rectum) and my babies were both born within a few pushes of them doing that.

sweetyjenj · July 2018

@tosh24 that's a good tip! I don't remember the specifics of what my doctor said, but I do remember her telling me when it's time to push to hold my breath (don't even grunt) and push for 10 seconds (had husband count) then relax until the next contraction. When the biggest part of the baby was coming out she said, "now push in littte bursts" and that helped prevent me from tearing she said, but DD was only 7.5lbs with a smaller head (30 percentile).

several times I remember feeling like I DID poop, but I didn't, so that's nice. Now I hope it doesn't happen this time, but if it does, oh well. Shit happens.

ladystout08 · July 2018

@sweetyjenj literally! haha!

I'll just echo the push like you're pooping. My OB used that exact analogy and I only pushed for about 10 minutes. Funny story, my OB wasn't ready and the nurse almost caught DS. Being a FTM and the fact that I had been there 24+ hours for an induction she thought it'd be a while. I told the nurse "nope, I can't stop it, he's coming." She checked and sure enough I was a 10. The OB comes in, she had been tied up finishing another delivery and she's like "ok, I'm going to check you and we'll do some practice pushes and then we'll take a little break but I want you to prepare yourself, it may take an hour or so." When she checked me she saw his head and she was like "Oh shit, break down the bed, grab my gown, Britt(nurse) put your hand there and cradle his head as it comes out, etc." About 10 mins and like 4 or 5 pushes later and he was out. She had a med student shadowing her and she was like "whoa, that was so different than the other woman we just delivered, she pushed for four hours and needed an episiotomy that's why it took us so long to get here. Dr. was still stitching her up."

saltedcaramel518 · July 2018

Re: labor

Water breaking

Expectation: if water breaks on its own, it will come out in small gushes.

Reality: my water broke ALL OVER my bed (as in, my bed at home). And it all came out at once.

Epidural

Expectation: it will hurt when the needle goes in.

Reality: I don’t remember feeling a thing when it went in. However, when they pulled the tape off my back when it was all over.. holy cow, that hurt. I’m pretty sure it took off 3 layers of skin.

DH

Expectation: do NOT, under any circumstances, look “down there,” especially when pushing is happening.

Reality: a nurse says, “Hey dad, here’s the head! Wanna see?” Meh. I didn’t care.

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

For veteran moms.. are you nervous about having a newborn in the winter, especially with having other kids in the house? After dealing with DDs stomach bug this weekend (which she subsequently gave to me), I'm so scared for all the sickness this LO will be exposed to right off the bat. DD is in daycare, so she gets sick a lot with one thing or another. I can't not take care of her if she gets sick, but that probably means I'll be exposing #2 to a lot of stuff a lot sooner than DD ever had. DD was also a July baby, so I just feel like #2 is going to get the short end of the stick with all the nasty winter bugs and a "gross" (lol) big sister running around.

ladystout08 · July 2018

@Mandamay1414 I am, for exactly the reasons you stated. DS will be in school and it's cold and flu season. I'm pretty sure we'll ask people to wash their hands, not come over when sick, get their flu shot, etc.

nononorman · July 2018

I won’t get into too many details about my birth story because it was horrible (read: malpractice). But I will ditto the “don’t expect anything” sentiment because you’ll be less disappointed if it doesn’t go that way. I went in just saying I was going to have that baby and she was going to be healthy if I had any control over that and whatever else happens, happens. I will also ditto that you should take what they say re: induction timelines w a grain of salt. I was told the Foley bulb would take 8 to 12 hours and it was out in four, I was told I would push for a minimum of three hours and I pushed for 45 minutes, I was told the entire induction would take 48 to 72 hours and it was done in 24. Everyone’s body reacts differently. My epi was great- I could move but didn’t feel a ton of pain. However I will say that pain vs pressure is an interesting distinction. When there’s THAT MUCH pressure it feels a hell of a lot like pain. If you have the pressure of a watermelon on your butthole, yes the first thing you’d call it is pressure but it also feels really uncomfortable to the point of pain.

I would recommend if you have a baby at night that you opt for them to take him/her to the nursery for a few hours so you can get some sleep. And tell the nurses not to come in for shift changes and vitals for a little bit too. Trying to rest in a hospital sucks.

rooonilwaazlib · July 2018

for STM+, who all did you have in the delivery room with you for the pushing/birthing part of your labor? What about for the earlier parts of labor? For FTMs, what are your thoughts too?

My wife and doula will be there, and I'm trying to decide who else I'll feel comfortable with and when I might need to kick them out. Possible other people include my mom, mother-in-law, and sister. But will I really want that crowd around me when pushing, and will I want everyone else to have that moment with my newly born baby? I'm reserving the right to change my mind, but right now I'm planning to have them in for early labor and transition, but not the actual giving birth (if I can help it). That just seems like something I'll want to share with DW alone.

nononorman · July 2018

@rooonilwaazlib I had my dad, sister, and husband for early stages. When I moved to pushing my dad stepped out. He came back after she was out.

Also thought of you because my husbands first name suggestion when he found out this is a boy was Ronald Weasley.

rooonilwaazlib · July 2018

@Potterphile ahahahah I love it! We were considering naming a kid Gryffin for a while, but I've met too many kids with that name. If it's a girl we do love the name Molly. DW won't let me name a kid Minerva

molosmiles · July 2018

@rooonilwaazlib I thought I would only want my SO in the room. My DD1s dad was a real piece of work and ended up leaving home even though I had been having contractions for 2 days, so my mom was in there with me the whole time (he came in 10 minutes before she was born) with DD2 both my SO and mom were in the room. Probably will be the same this time. You never really know how you are going to feel until you are there. If you are the type to tell people to get it, let them be there and reserve the right to tell them to leave.

pttomato · July 2018

I only had DH for labor and delivery. My parents came in after DD was out, but then were quickly shooed out again because I was hemorrhaging and they needed to stop the bleeding.

ladystout08 · July 2018

@Potterphile you bring up another good point. If you're being induced over night ASK FOR A SLEEP AID. I got zero sleep the day before I delivered and it was brutal. Also, I sent DH home to sleep so at least one of us was well rested.

@rooonilwaazlib I had just DH and we'll probably do the same this time. I don't think I want visitors after either.

galactickates · July 2018

I only want my H in the delivery room. I don't want anyone to even know we're there until we're ready for visitors.

kaf1788 · July 2018

@galactickates I'm with you on that. I love my family and they always mean the best but I can't imagine them doing anything but stressing me out while I'm in labor. I really want a few hours after birth with just my husband and baby so we all have some time to bond alone. In a perfect world I won't have any visitors until the second day, but I'll probably settle for a few hours later.

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

I just had DH in the room with me. We lived 8+ hrs away from our closest family. We are much closer to our families now, but I still only want DH. I'm a bit nervous this time because he is an anesthesia resident and doesn't have a lot of control over his schedule. He will be on an OB anesthesia block when LO is due.. surely they will let him leave if I go into labor while he's at work.. I hope.. I mean, it seems like cruel and unusual punishment to make him stay to do other women's epidurals while his own wife is in labor, right?

ladystout08 · July 2018

My mom was supposed to be here for DS's birth but she missed it by like a half hour. If she makes it out this time I'd be ok with it but no one else. MIL didn't come up until we had gotten home and been settled a few days and I was SO glad.

nononorman · July 2018

@galactickates other than the people who were in the room, no one knew I was in labor until DD arrived and I was sewn up. Of course by then it meant I was calling my mom to FaceTime at 1am and DH did the same w his parents. But it made it all more peaceful to not be getting texts/calls/general bothers during labor. And no worries about people just SHOWING UP.

saltedcaramel518 · July 2018

@rooonilwaazlib I only had DH in the delivery room when the actual delivery was happening.

When my ILs and parents arrived from out of town, they came in the room for a little while, but I had the epidural at that point and was napping on and off. I honestly didn’t even want them in there then, but I couldn’t find a nice way to say so.

This time, I don’t want to see any family until a few hours after the baby is born. I’ll make DH be a bouncer.

My mom will be understanding, but MIL has been a part of every second of her daughter’s 3 births, so I think my way of doing things offends her somewhat.

pttomato · July 2018

I agree that this time I don’t want visitors for a while after giving birth. My parents flew out a few days before my induction because it worked better for there schedule. (They flew directly from seeeing my sister’s new baby). They kept trying to visit but would only be there for a few minutes at a time. I spent most of the time in the hospital topless, lol.

I also wish I had sent DD to the nursery. I hadn’t slept at all for a couple days because I went in at 8 pm to start my induction. By the second night (DD was born about 5 pm) I was so tired I was falling asleep holding DD and she wouldn’t sleep in the little bassinet.

Mandamay1414 · July 2018

My in-laws came to the hospital the day after DD was born. They brought amazing food from china town

:) which I really appreciated, but it was so awkward trying to figure out nursing DD with my FIL there. They left after a about 2 hrs, which I was glad. My parents didn't make it up until we had been home for 2 days, but it's so different with my mom and sister. No shame, lol.

Like others have said, if you have a hospital birth, take advantage of the nurses' help the first few days. I had a difficult recovery due to blood loss and lack of sleep.. I know that many ppl are as anxious as possible to get out of the hospital after giving birth, but I was so glad that I had an extra day there (DD was born after their 8 pm cut off time). It's so nice to have someone taking care of YOU those first few days. Once I got home I tried to do everything myself and go back to "normal". Big mistake. I wish I would have accepted more help in the beginning.

jgil85 · July 2018

I had my dh, mom and mil all in the room with me.

And also the neonatology team, which was like 5 people. There could have been a damn marching band in there too because I was so drugged up and focused on birthing a baby.

I will say this, I went into the birth with a birth plan of like 3 things: epidural, no episiotomy and a healthy baby. I only got 1 of those things and looking back, that's okay because my doctors plan was to have a healthy mom and while I was sick from the magnesium, I didn't have any complications. Have a birth plan but be prepared when things don't go according to plan. And it's okay to also feel upset when your birth doesn't happen accordingly.

CoastieGirl79 · July 2018

@Mandamay1414 I am petrified about giving birth during flu season. My son is a viral induced asthmatic. I got the flu and pneumonia this year. I lived in our basement for 7 days until I was cleared and wore a mask the entire time. I was scared, beyond all reason, that my son would get it. Thankfully he did not. For that reason, we may ask people to visit after I leave the hospital. Hospitals are scary places during flu season. Anyone who comes to visit must wash their hands before they touch the baby. If anyone even has the sniffles, I will ask that they stay away. I'm almost tempted to keep people away until March/April. I know that sounds drastic, but after being sick this flu season, I do not want it again. I'm more afraid that my son and the baby won't be able to fight off the infection. Just thinking about it is putting me in a state of anxiety.

@rooonilwaazlib it will be and my DH, that's it. I don't want anyone else in there. No way. It's too personal of an experience, for me, to share with anyone else. It's too much pressure for me.

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