Hello, let me introduce myself first..
For the first 30 years of my life, everything was smooth and worry-free. I was my parents’ most beloved child, found my true love in college, and happily married him after graduation.
At work, I was my boss’s most valued employee. Whenever I was in charge of a project, colleagues would inevitably say, “Oh, then I’m totally at ease.” I was constantly named “Employee of the Year,” with generous bonuses every year.
Later, I started my own business. Within just three months, I had broken into the market and started making money. By the fifth month, I was earning twice my previous salary. Growth was steady month after month. Right when the business needed more hands, I serendipitously met an amazing partner, and the company reached a whole new level.
Really, it seemed like at every step, whatever I needed, a pair of hands would always place it right in front of me, just in time.
My Two Girls: Ellie & Mia
Meet Ellie, My Firstborn
In 2020, my husband and I decided to have a child. After trying for over a year, we finally got the news in 2021 that a little one was on the way. In 2022, we welcomed our first child, Ellie. She made me a mother.
She is utterly adorable—big eyes, rosy skin, chubby little hands. Every time I look at her, I can’t help but give her a kiss. She is pure joy, and I love her more each day.
But as a first-time mom, I faced unprecedented difficulties. The postpartum tearing wouldn’t heal, and the pain was excruciating. Clogged milk ducts made my breasts hard as rocks. The severe sleep deprivation… And what was even more crushing was that, with zero parenting experience, I was clueless when faced with her unexplained wailing, night terrors, refusal to nurse, constipation, diarrhea, fevers… I desperately searched online, longing for one accurate, truly useful answer!
It was during this time that I thought, once I make it through this “dark” path, I must leave a light on for other new moms.
And Then Came Mia
Ellie had just turned one when I got pregnant again. In 2024, we welcomed our second daughter, Mia.
Completely different from Ellie, Mia is a great eater and sleeper. Although she had her fussy moments in the first two months, starting almost from month three, she became super easygoing. She feeds on schedule, gradually sleeps through the night, loves her solid foods, and adapted quickly when I had to stop breastfeeding due to mastitis.
This made me realize just how vastly different babies can be! It made me even more determined to write about my experiences.
Why I Had to Start This Blog
The Catalyst: A Life Pivoted
After Mia was born, my business also began to decline sharply. I had no choice but to close it and become a full-time mom. My work no longer involves Excel and Word, but instead revolves around changing diapers, washing bottles, making baby food, and managing household chores…
This has been a monumental challenge for me. All my past achievements seem irrelevant now. Managing two young children has brought me a sense of frustration I’ve never known before.
The Daily Reality
They are always fighting over things. When one is in my arms, the other immediately demands to be held too. When I try to cook, Ellie wants me to read her a book. When I attempt to load the washing machine, Mia has a diaper blowout, and I must drop everything to change her…
By the time I finish all that, I see the cup of hot coffee on the table has gone cold again. And it’s not until evening that I remember, “Oh my goodness, the clothes are still in the hamper, unwashed!”
Of course, being a mom is filled with happiness, but that doesn’t negate how hard it is.
My Promise to You
Because I’ve walked this path myself, I won’t just tell you how joyful motherhood is, like many websites do. I want to share my real, unfiltered experiences so every new mom can find a “companion” here.
I want to tell you: you are not alone. What you’re going through, I’ve been there too. Your breakdowns, your helplessness, your moments of losing control—I’ve had them all. You don’t need to feel guilty. This is just a small, necessary stretch of the journey for every mom.
My Hope for This Space
I really want to share my parenting experiences—not just the warm, glowing moments, but to honestly document the pitfalls I’ve stumbled into, the tears I’ve shed, and the “survival wisdom” I’ve scraped together in utter exhaustion.
The Goal: A Mom’s Toolkit
I hope this blog becomes a “mom’s toolkit,” filled not with vague theories, but with:
- Practical Tips: Like how to quickly figure out why a baby is crying, tried-and-true methods for dealing with clogged ducts, or how to efficiently manage the daily grind with twins (or two under two) solo.
- Pitfall Avoidance Guides: Sharing the baby products I regret buying the most, and those “game-changer” parenting hacks. Letting you know which parenting anxieties you can let go of, and which principles are worth holding onto.
- A Community for Moms: I hope my stories connect me with more moms like you. We can cheer each other on in the comments, share our own tricks, turning the storms we face alone into a journey we walk together.
The Bigger Vision
My previous career taught me to analyze data, solve problems, and optimize processes. Now, I’m applying all those skills to this new “position” of Mom. I want to prove that a mom’s value is absolutely not confined to the home. The mindset, resilience, and creativity we built in our careers can shine just as brightly—perhaps even brighter—in this more complex, long-term “project” of raising humans, and can even be transformed into a force that helps others.
My hope is simple: that every mom who opens this blog can let out a sigh of relief and say, “So it’s not just me.” Then, she can find a bit of practical info, a dose of comforting solidarity, and return to her sweet, chaotic mom-life with a little more confidence and a little less weight on her shoulders.
This road? Let’s walk it together.
SmashJam
member
Horse related BF meme in honor of derby day this past weekend, lol. Bitch away ladies.
Horse related BF meme in honor of derby day this past weekend, lol. Bitch away ladies.
Re: Monday BF 5/7
In the randoms last week, I mentioned that my doctor's office called me right after my 30 week app. to say there was something "obscure" in my blood. Of course, they left this in a voicemail and when I called back, they were closed. On Friday morning, I called back to see what was going on and the nurse got me in a complete panic. They basically told me to come in right away to get new labs asap. I got upset at work and had to leave quickly and DH met me at the office. They ushered me in and said I could go get my labs...I didn't even know what they were for. No one was able to tell me what it was for and they just kept telling me to get the blood draw and they would try to find someone to explain to us what was going on afterwards. The nurse from the phone couldn't explain what 'the risk' was and we had to demand to see a doctor because I wouldn't leave until I knew what was happening. I'm crying in the hallway of the OB office with what feels like millions of pregnant ladies. After two hours, a doctor finally sees us. We find out that someone made a mistake when reading our 28 week labs (apparently this antibody test is done with the glucose test along with other things). The doctor didn't see the "obscurity" and they didn't figure it out until WE requested to talk over everything at our 30 week app. Are you kidding me?! They won't tell me the doctor's name who made the mistake. Am I wrong for not wanting this person to treat me and baby anymore? I should know who it is! So the doctor finally says, "I will try to get the lab to rush your results, but because it's Friday, you might need to wait. I will try to call you on Saturday anyways." Welp, no call Saturday. I've been pacing around all morning like a crazy person. This weekend was filled with the anxiety of waiting. I am crossing my fingers they call me as soon as they open. But I'm sure when 8 rolls around, I'll be the one calling them. Part of me wants to be really angry, but all I really want is to find out that our son is okay. UGH! Sorry for length. Hope no one else is going through this!
My BF so far is that I wish we could go one pay period without a multi-hundred dollar payment to make. Had to get the dogs checked out so we could get their flea/tick/and heartworm meds for the season. Both cars need to switch from winter to summer tires and we have one set, but have to buy another. My car is making an obscene grinding noise so we'll have to fix that, but hopefully its just dumb. We can't make extra headway on debt and in reality are making it so much worse because we have to pay late to pay these extra bs things that still keep coming up to pay. I shouldn't have gone to see my bro last month but I didn't think we had all this stuff coming up! Poor planning/anticipation on my part but it still sucks.
My BF is that it got really warm here a few days ago and my feet swelled so much. It’s been cooler now for a couple of days but the swelling hasn’t gone away. Feels so uncomfortable putting my shoes on and just in general.
ETA: due to pregnancy brain, totally forgot to wish @julybabybear well--hope you check out okay!
To those with random big expenses I’m with you! I have a list of things we NEED and some keep getting put off because DHs hobbies. Now he’s looking at fish tanks. I tell him NO every chance i get. I’m over here spending my mw money on bills do we don’t go into savings.
Its suppose to be 80+ degrees today and i realized i forgot to shave my legs to wear a nice maternity dress. Also, i don’t want to work!! 7 more weeks of work left and my brain is turning into mush.
I hear you all on the expenses, I’m justtttt now catching up on everything but the only reason we’re even making headway is DH’s bonus check that couldn’t have come at a better time. I hope things turn around for you all!
My BF is my husband. He has barely lifted a finger in getting the house ready for the baby. I have been moving the office furniture and equipment out, scheduling contractors, reinstalling our work stations, painting, building ikea furniture etc. All he has done has been helping move the empty desks and bookcases. Last night I was exhausted and went to bed at 11 pm (as opposed to 3 am the past few days) and he had the nerve to complain to me that I didn't spend much time with him this weekend.....
Followed by feeling guilty for being an ungrateful little shit because I know that all things considered my life is easy and I'm extremely blessed.
@wildtot omg fish tanks are sooooo much $ and work....fresh or salt??
@cseley321 I'm going to kind of have the same as you but we ended up going extreme other side...
Kind of 2 - #1 - Weekends at Mimi's are just asking for it, #2 Men don't get it - but he redeemed himself
Ok so I've been back in bed due to really bad SPD on top of pre-existing joint issues. Knew i'd be paying for DH's birthday but you only turn 30 once and figured I could recoup after. Already in agony before we even get to laser tag from a target run, cleaning up toys for company, and sitting at dinner for 2+ hours, but so many people cancelled on laser tag I decided to try to play and figured I'd hide in the corner or just get shot a lot. So PSA - 6 months pregnant is way too pregnant for laser tag - esp with general population at 1030pm warrior dash. Don't get me started on the horrible tween girl who would drive you to a corner and stand there and shoot you point blank so you couldn't get away - most of the 30 min was me hiding from her. Survived - DH came in 1st place, I came in 17th. Woke up in a crap ton of pain but I knew I would - well now DH wants to work on emptying the office more because DH is still at MIL's... I sit in a chair and try to just put stuff on shelves in boxes to move out but even that is way too painful and i end up tearing up trying to push through. DH gets pissed and tells me to go back bed for the rest of the day then decides to hulk out and carry everything downstairs by himself - including bookshelves and a metal filing cabinet FULL of files. Dumbass. He has this horrible habit of switching from one extreme to the other when it comes to my pain/mobility - either I should be able to just do things or I'm a delicate flower that must go back to bedrest with no in between. At least today he's redeemed himself by working (didn't have to ask!) so he's currently downstairs with DD watching Coco while I work from bed because every chair down there makes the SPD worse.
Did I miss something? Please tell me a close friend isn't planning to name her child the same name as you....I'm assuming you picked it first?
@paytonpedro fingers crossed for you! It’ll all be ok no matter what though!
@runsomewhere it’s ok to have a shitty day and still be grateful for your life in general. I hope it gets better for you though!
We also always ways have something to pay for that we weren’t expecting. Maybe that’s one of those really terrible “fun” parts of adulting. Not my favorite.
@paytonpedro keep us posted! I’ve been wondering about that situation since you mentioned it!
@zg49 I’m sorry your kids are sick! Hopefully everyone gets well soon!
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
no news yet....
a friend of ours in our close circle, whose husband is our DS’s God father, wants to name her son the name we picked. We talked about names in January and I mentioned it as my favorite, and at the time she had no clue and her and her husband couldn’t agree. We talked a couple weeks ago and she asked if we had a name picked out and I said yes and told her and she said that’s what she wants to pick too! Ugh. I guess her and her husband couldn’t agree still so hopefully she mentioned it to him and it has swayed them. Just waiting to find out!! And I’m not going to lie, I’m going to be super pissed if she still picked it.
My BF my husband stayed home/is working from home since I had meetings all mornjg and afternoon. I get home and he goes "oh good now you can clean" since we have people coming over tonight. Then had the nerve to ask me why i was sitting down for a few minutes since I "didn't do anything all day". I almost killed him....Ugh
My car is broken, and I can't drive it. We already planned on getting the dogs to the vet this pay period, but not on fixing my car, so this is like, lots of extra money. Its wheel bearings and rear brake pads and rotars, it will be hundreds of dollars. I hate cars.
TTC: Sept 2016-Oct 2017
BFP Oct 2017. DD born July 2018.
TTC: March 2020. BFP March 2020
Due date was Nov 2020
DS born Sept 2020. DS passed away Nov 2020 due to prematurity and birth trauma.
TTC: March 2021
IUI #1 Nov 2021, BFN
IUI #2 Dec 2021 BFP. MC Jan 2022
IUI #3 Aug 2022 BFN
IUI #4 Sept 2022 BFN
AMH test came back at .081. Was going to move on to IVF with DE, but have decided not to. Will be leaving it up to the universe now.
I'm sure some of this will seem like an overreaction on my part, but I've made no secret that I don't like my SIL. Even she knows I don't like her. I told bro not to marry her for about a thousand and one reasons, but that's a story for another time. This is just the latest issue and I expect will end up in total and complete silent treatment from bro and SIL going forward, for years.
My shower is coming up this Saturday, I'm already completely dreading it, but now my SIL is causing drama and making it about her. For some reason she thought her mom was invited, found out she wasn't and made my mom invite her. Normally I wouldn't care, but the shower is at my house and H and I really don't know this woman. We've met her less than 5 times in as many years. Basically she's a stranger to us. She's been nothing but rude to H. At SIL's bridal shower, her mom had to be the star of the show, it was all about her. Same thing at bro and SIL's wedding, needed it to be all about her. Everything is always about her and if the event isn't about her, she takes over and makes it about her and sets out to either put everyone else down or make them look bad. At bro's wedding, this woman intentionally wouldn't tell my mom the time or locations for where SIL was getting ready so there was no way for her to know when or where to be for pictures, etc. We asked, multiple times. I wasn't even included in the thought about pics ahead of time, instead I was asked to basically be the bouncer at the wedding site and keep guests from going into the venue until it was time. SIL's mom then tore into my mom in front of other people at the wedding because mom wasn't there for pictures and support before the wedding. She then made my mom cry the next day during the wedding clean up because she was so rude during that too. These are some of the least colorful examples of why I don't want this woman around me or my family.
Back to the point, my mom told me about inviting SIL's mom because she felt like she had to and now feels awful about it, I was annoyed, but DH was incensed that this woman we've only met a handful of times, is not our friend or family, and quite frankly has been nothing but rude to my mom and DH was invited without any regard to checking with me about it. Initially I let it go because I was told she wasn't coming, but then I guess she changed her mind and now says she is coming.
I texted my bro (he does not talk on the phone) for help because I wanted to know how to address this with SIL and find out why she thought someone that is virtually a stranger to me and H should have been invited when I had actual friends and family that I wanted to include but couldn't because of space. Mostly I was looking for bro's help in setting boundaries because his MIL is no more my family than my MIL is his family. I don't want or need this woman that has no connection to me or H thinking she has anything to do with our kid and I also think it's inappropriate that his wife would think this is ok. I asked him for guidance on how I should approach this with SIL. Instead of being helpful, he responded "sorry my family is unacceptable to you" and then evidently told his wife I don't like her family. Super helpful bud, thanks for that. Also, should be noted he can't stand his MIL in the first place. Told bro that his response was unfair and unwarranted and also sorry I asked for his help, I won't make that mistake again. Love that I'm the bad guy here. Naturally this set off a round of inconsolable pregnancy sobbing and H was a good sport and let me get snot all over his shoulders.
Apparently about the same time I texted bro, mom called SIL to explain she shouldn't have invited SIL's mom without running it by me first and maybe it would be better if her mom didn't come. So now I feel bad that mom felt totally boxed in, and get to be the reason someone was uninvited, super, I get to be the bad guy like 3 times in about 15 minutes!! I did not ask mom to do this, but she was trying to help fix it. I'm not mad at my mom, just frustrated by the situation and the actions, but I also feel bad for her because she's the type of person that doesn't do well with confrontation and can't say no to people so that's how all this came about to begin with.
Later that evening SIL sent me an email to "clear the air" it started out fine, I expected an explanation, but instead it was passive aggressive whining and she acted like a victim. Nope. If there is one thing anyone that actually knows me is aware of, that behavior will set me off and I'll dive right into confrontation. I'm a fighter, I don't do passive aggressive and have a huge BS detector. I called BS on her victim play, told her not to try that with me or to pretend to be insulted that I wasn't comfortable having someone I consider a stranger at my home. Said H and I are allowed to be selective about who we do and don't invite into our home and lives and especially into the life of our child. Told her that she can be mad at me, call me a b*tch, roll her eyes and blame the crazy pregnant hormones, come to the shower, not come to the shower, whatever she wants, and that if she and bro decide to lose my phone number and address that's up to them, but bottom line is that I will not apologize for being selective over who I invite into my home and the life of my child. I'm really hoping SIL doesn't come to the shower, I don't have much of a poker face and I really don't want to spend the afternoon avoiding eye contact with her. I'm also pretty sure I'll never hear from my bro again after all this, and oddly I'm a peace about that.
I didn't sleep well last night, and I'm getting no work done today because I'm still fuming. I may be a b*tch, but really I don't care. I'm just mad. Not about the invite thing, but about SIL's passive aggressive response, trying to play victim and also for knowing how my mom is and taking advantage of that to get her mom an invite to the shower. H decided to work from home and has been rage cleaning all morning. He scrubbed all the floors, on hands and knees, he was so mad.
@noideawhatshesdoing I am so angry for you! that is so weird of your SIL and also so wrong. Also I am really proud of you for telling the mil not to come and for tellig your sil off. It is a crappy situation but you set a good boundary now that you won't tolerate her or his BS. You are not a bad guy you are being a reasonable rational person. Also this way you and your mom can enjoy the shower a lot more without horribke random mil there.