Monday BF 5/7 - Page 2 — The Bump
July 2018 Moms

Monday BF 5/7

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Re: Monday BF 5/7

  • @noideawhatshesdoing I also think you are awesome for standing up for yourself. I feel like I’m general family feels like they get a say in the decisions around YOUR big important life events. It’s ridiculous. My dad didn’t come to my wedding reception because my stepmom got butthurt about someone calling her out for wearing a fancy white dress to my low key wedding. 

    You deserve to have ave exactly who you want at your shower and if your bro and SIL are upset about that then it’s probably better to not have them there anyways 

    (also yay for clean floors! You can send your H over to my house when he’s done- my dining room floor needs help BAD) 

    acunamatadanoideawhatshesdoingwildtot
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  • @noideawhatshesdoing I hate that shit. Like, people who invite themselves to things, pretty much. She is not a close relative so why should she be there especially if you don't even hang out with her and past episodes have made it clear she doesn't get along with you or your mom. I understand your mom wanting to fix it, but I'm glad you ultimately stood up for yourself and told her what's up.

    This is a time when you should not feel bad about being "selfish". Seriously, it's your day and God knows it will be hard to find things/occasions that are just for you after baby so you have the right to have whoever you want at your shower. I did not compromise at my wedding and I did the same at my shower, only people I actually like and hang out with, no randoms!

    Yay for clean floors. My house is DISGUSTING. I am having it cleaned on Wednesday and DH and I have decided to invest and get it done every 4 weeks I told baby is here, I'm sure it will be worth it. Would much rather give up some useless baby toy or piece of gear lol.
    wildtotacunamatadanoideawhatshesdoing
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  • @lindsayleigh1989 Sorry for the spd day! Glad your h helped, even only a little. Still, he def deserves a nice punch to the junk.

    @noideawhatshesdoing HOLY SMOKES!!! Yeah...no...you sil sounds bat shit crazy. I'm glad you called her out and handled that like a boss! It's unfortunate that your bro can't get his head out of the wife's golden vag to see the bigger picture. Sending you hugs!

    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker

  • @hillbillywife Standing up for myself has never been an area I've lacked in, nor has been sharing my feelings or opinions on something. I might be too good at it.  >:)o:) I think it's just cleaner that people know upfront, avoids confusion and drama and also, I'll be the first to admit I could really use a women's language translator. I grew up with 3 brothers, I guess I never learned the skills to sugarcoat or something. :#  But up until now haven't gone on the offensive with SIL because honestly it hasn't been worth the energy. But when she put my mom in a corner like that, and then got butthurt about it for being caught in her dishonestly and tried to play victim, I saw red.  She just went to war with the wrong person.

    Her email was just obnoxious, things like "I don't know what I've done to make you think I'm so manipulative", um, how about she knows my mom has a problem saying no to people and she knew if she asked my mom about her mom, she'd get an invite. That is dishonest and manipulative to me. Also, her phony victim line of "I'm not sure why you don't like me or my mother, we've never been anything but nice and loving to you and your family", how about because she's the other woman, the homewrecker, and she and my bro started "spending time together" when he was still married, living with his current wife and had a baby at home to start with?! Learned that little nugget of the timeline at her bridal shower! I almost barfed when I heard it, mom went white, until that moment we both thought they started dating months after the divorce. Thankfully no one else there had a clue because they all thought bro was already single. I still haven't gotten over that anger to ask my bro what excuses he was giving his first wife when he didn't come home at night because he was out at the beach with current SIL. She seriously thinks that, coupled with her constant whining, eye rolling that can match a teenager and constant job changing because "adulting is hard" isn't enough for me to not be her #1 fan. As previously mentioned, her mom has been so rude to my mom and H, hardly nice and loving.  Also, SIL's cryptic/passive aggressive Facebook post of "why can't I do anything right sometimes" meant to garner sympathy from various friends today isn't helping her win me over.

    In other news, H is done with the floors, he moved onto cleaning all the winter gunk out of the window sills and is currently cleaning the baseboards. With a q-tip to make sure he's not missing any dust! Lol. When he's done, I'll send him your way, I think he has several more hours of rage cleaning left in him and seems really detail oriented at the moment!
    hillbillywifeacunamatada
  • @kissableviv @zombiehoohaa Thanks for agreeing with me! I'm still so mad! It's been 24 hours since this whole drama started and I cannot calm down. Thank goodness I have a cardio workout with a big squat set tonight, maybe I can burn some of this off! If not, maybe I'll join H and we'll really clean the shower drains or toilets or something we can really take the anger out on. Lol!
  • @lindsayleigh1989 +1 for that comment deserving a good punch to the dick! I would have lost it!

    @noideawhatshesdoing what the hell makes her think her mother should get an invite!? That doesn’t even make sense to me. Yes, if you all did combined family get togethers and you knew her well (and liked her) then I would get it. But obviously that’s not the case or she would have been invited from the start. Why do people even want to go to things where they aren’t wanted or needed? I think you handled things perfectly and I’m glad you didn’t back down! You shouldn’t have to tiptoe around someone at your own shower or in your own home. I hope your shower is awesome and drama free! 

    Also, I’m super jealous of your rage cleaning husband
  • wildtotwildtot member
    I’m happy for the warm weather but apparently DS has major allergies right now. Poor thing is all teary eyed can’t see to get comfortable. I hope he can sleep through the night with the Benadryl. Can’t win with this weather!!
    stillcozy
  • @wildtot boo for allergies but yay for warm weather! 
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    wildtot
  • Well, I have a late bitchfest turning into an early TW maybe and the TW being me.

    I was texting something random to my friend in Florida (the one who has not committed to travel for my shower). She responds and then after she sends me another text that said: sorry I can't talk now, but wanted to tell you something real quick.
    She then proceeds to send a picture of Ovia (the app for pregnancy) that says 5 weeks pregnant. I was stunned. I thought it was a joke. 

    I called twice after getting that message and she rejected my calls. I went to yoga and zoned out, and she had called me back but no voicemail. So I called her back and she told me that yes she was pregnant for real.

    I'm upset that she didn't think I was worth a phone call? I sent her a cute card saying from Bestie to Auntie and she texted me like that and then rejected my calls because "she was having dinner". Maybe I'm just prego and hormonal, hence the TW. I tried to act excited but it's hard because she is 5 weeks and even though I know for sure everything will be ok I don't want to send her gifts or do things for her just in case having gone through a loss myself. Again, I'm positive things will go well but I'm a very anxious type.

    Anyways, I thought it was a crappy way to announce your pregnancy to your best friend but maybe I'm exaggerating! They've already told their families and one other friend, everyone is different and announces at different times, I personally think it's crazy to announce before 10 weeks but being a crazy hypochondriac that fits my profile! I also handled my chemical pregnancy/loss very privately so I'm not one to share to people just because I would be comfortable sharing a loss with them too.

    Sorry for the novel! This has left such a bitter taste in my mouth :(
    stillcozy
  • @kissableviv what a crappy way to find out your best friend is pregnant! I mean I get it if she texted it to you and said call ASAP or something. But to send it like she found a cute pair of shoes or something, and not available to talk is such a bummer in my opinion.  Also wow, 5 weeks is so early to share with a lot of people, I wasn't that brave!
  • @kissableviv I agree this is a super weird way to find out about your best friend having a baby, but I wonder if this explains why she wasn't coming to your shower? I can't remember if you'd mentioned this or not, but had she had any losses, or an extended time trying? I think you said you knew she was trying, but couldn't remember you mentioning any difficulty... maybe she just couldn't stomach being at your shower and thought it was easier to say, "I can't afford it!" then "Your happiness over a baby makes me sad I don't have one." You've said before getting pregnant was easy for you, and maybe its just been hard for her to be happy for you while she's struggling?  Not saying the way she's handling it is right or anything, just another perspective is all!
  • @paytonpedro I am crossing my fingers that your friend switched her name choice!

    @kissableviv That is a strange way of announcing, considering how much thought you put into telling her.  I know it's probably one of those things where she is just so excited to tell you and didn't think about it, but I am the same way as you and would be a little put off by it.  I, also, get very nervous about early announcements.  I waited until 14 weeks to tell family and didn't share with friends until 20 weeks.  The nice thing about waiting is you can put a lot of thought into how you share the news.  Guess it's not everyone's style though!

    @noideawhatshesdoing So frustrating!  Gotta love family!  Your SIL sounds like an absolute peach.  It stinks that you now have to have anxiety waiting to find out if she's going to come and what kind of drama she will stir up.  UGH!
  • @noideawhatshesdoing your sil sounds a lot like my stepmom. Always making up stories and being passive aggressive (she was a home wrecker too). I don’t like to sugar coat either. So irritating. 

    @julybabybear I’m glad the the situation is being monitored better now. That doctor should be held accountable for his/her actions! It stinks to have to get in trouble but it seems like the situation could have been a lot worse. I’m so glad things are ok for right now 

  • @kissableviv originally I thought you were overthinking- I literally sent a pee stick to my best friend when I found out about both of my pregnancies lol. But that’s our relationship, I’d be pretty upset if I put more thought into my announcement and I got an app screenshot in return. It makes me uncomfortable when people announce that early too, but some people will never have IF/loss issues. The best you can do is hope for the best and be there if something happens. 

    @noideawhatshesdoing wow your SIL sounds like a real gem! Good for you for sticking up for yourself, don’t let her ruin your day! Hopefully she’ll get the hint that you need some space and decide not to come, between her and her mother it sounds like they like to be the center of attention. 
  • @SmashJam she got pregnant after 2 months of trying - I don't believe she had any losses because as far as I know she was on BC and I'm guessing if she did she would not announce at 5 weeks. She also told me this was an unplanned decision to start trying (in fact she had just gotten into a bunch of new fitness stuff and teaching like 8 times as week) and that she had to convince her husband to get a head start since she is getting"older" (37+). It does explain why she was very vague about the shower, although I would have appreciated if she had told me well before since we set the date when she wss here in January. I'm ok with that but there's a lot of other history behind how she does things that continues to leave a bitter taste in my mouth. My husband keeps saying I'll have to get over it!

    @paytonpedro the text doesn't bother me, it's the "can't talk, but here:(screenshot)" and no picking up after that confused me!
    SmashJam
  • @julybabybear that is pretty unbelievable and I'm really sorry you had to go through that. I'd be equally upset. I'm just glad that at least your values were not too worrisome and that you can now continue to monitor them. Honestly, don't feel bad getting the doctor in trouble, we are all responsible for our actions at work too, and that's her job...her mistakes just happen to have heavier consequences at times.
  • @julybabybear Wow, I'm so sorry for all the stress you must have been going through the last couple days. I can't imagine. And also, how could they not have seen that earlier?!  I'm glad you did find a midwife there that you do feel you can trust, and that the values seem to be something they can monitor going forward. I'm so mad on your behalf!
  • edited May 2018
    Update on my crazy SIL, she still doesn't think she was wrong and still trying to be a victim. But at least seems she at least has enough sense to know not to come to the shower on Saturday. She contacted my mom yesterday to let her know she couldn't come. Which is good because I admit I completely poisoned my pool of friends about the whole situation last night. Even my really sweet friend who I've never ever heard say anything negative (about anyone or anything, ever) said SIL better not show up or she'd show her the door. She was so mad it was really cute/funny and I could hardly keep a straight face. I didn't know she could even get mad!

    Edit:adding words
    wildtotashbub714morethanamama
  • @wildtot lmao, so just yesterday I commented on how your husband may be a worse hobby spender. Last night my husband got back in the game by buying $1200.00 worth of computer monitors for himself. Keep in mind this month is mother's day and my birthday, but now we are low on funds :/ 

    SmashJamnoideawhatshesdoingsm05-2
  • @kissableviv I would be more disappointed at how she was unreachable after the text but hope she is just preoccupied and not being callous.

    @julybabybear Do not feel bad one bit for getting that dr investigated. That should not have been missed at all and could have been very important to be monitoring. 
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  • @lindsayleigh1989 me too! And when I asked her why she rejected the calls she said " we were having dinner". Like, you could have just sent that text after dinner? Puzzling, lol!
    stillcozy
  • amdftwamdftw member
    @noideawhatshesdoing Based on your original post, I would have been worried that your SIL's mother would try to make your shower all about her, like she's done for other things.  I'm sorry for all the extra drama, but glad you ultimately don't have to worry about her or SIL being there.  I hope you enjoy your shower this weekend!

    @julybabybear I don't have any experience with your situation but I'm glad you finally got an answer and will be getting monitored here on out.

    @kissableviv I think the text itself was fine but it would have been nice if she sent it at a time she was reachable after.  
    Lilypie Fifth Birthday tickers Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
  • @amdftw I'm so glad I don't have to worry about either of them at the shower. I was so paranoid that I was overreacting and being too pregnant/hormonal about it to realize I was being sill that I shared the situation with my non pregnant friends last night and they all agreed the whole thing was bizarre and SIL is nuts. Made me feel a lot better! Now hopefully I can get through the shower with only minimal interference from my social anxiety!
    hillbillywifeacunamatada
  • @noideawhatshesdoing yeahhhh I'm on your side for this one. Your SIL and her mom are on the crazy train. Sorry your brother is being a jerk as well. 

  • @cseley321 wtf kind of monitors did he buy!?!? like a quad 30" screen setup with special monitor holders!? holy cow...the standing desk/adjustable monitor rig I requested for work didn't even cost that much.
    @noideawhatshesdoing sorry about all the drama - family is wonderful - had something similar happen at my bridal shower, but it was MIL who told some friend she could bring her under-aged daughter to my house where open bloody mary bar and flowing cocktails were and had no idea until day of, while I was staring at this person I didn't know.  Glad SIL got the message and is staying away so you can hopefully have a stress-free day!
    @julybabybear glad you got the name and are feeling a little better.  Have never heard of that antibody thing before, glad the midwife you trust didn't sound overly concerned and office manager is cooperating
    @kissableviv my 2 cents - I had a following out with the girl I considered my best friends at the time of my wedding - she stepped down as MOH with vague reasons and then super couldn't relate when I got pregnant with DD. We've barely spoken in 4 years.  It's sad when people grow apart, but at some point you need to decide if someone brings you more joy or pain. As for the announcing at 5 weeks, I've had 2 early losses and 2 viable pregnancies - all 4 times the stick turned pink I told my best friend after DH and before family because I knew I'd want her there no matter what - but that's our relationship.
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  • Update. 
    She used the name.  :(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(
    mans now DH doesn’t feel right using it even though I still want to. So we’re back to square one.  :'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(:'(
  • @paytonpedro <3 hope it's a temporary setback and DH comes around to using it anyway
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    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro sorry if this is harsh but screw her! I hate that she's using it even knowing that you wanted to have a name to help with early bonding. So inconsiderate 
    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro No No No!!! It was your suggested name! It’s not like you both said it at the same time! I’m so sad/angry for you!! Did she at least acknowledge it was the name you had picked or just pretend she thought of it?

    I say use the name. You should be able to name your baby what you want to name him. 
    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro I am so sad for you :( I still think you should use it though
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    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro You had the name first. Your baby is going to be born before hers, correct? Screw her...if this is the name you chose, use it! She needs to swallow the reality pill and figure it out.

    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker

    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro that suck so bad! I would totally still use it!  You told her you were planning to and she went ahead with it anyway, not like she cam me mad when you follow through and use it too! Is it a name that has multiple nicknames? Or at least a nickname? Maybe they'll end up going by different names in the end anyway. 
    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro I’m so sorry! I hope that if you end up having to find a new name that you love it even more! That’s so rotten that she used it even after you mentioned that was the name you were going to use. 

    paytonpedro
  • @gingerbride26 he bought 3 alienware monitors. Also later he got a new hard drive and laptop stand. It's like he forgot we have to buy nursery furniture I guess...

    https://www.bestbuy.com/site/alienware-aw2518h-25-led-fhd-gsync-monitor-black/5953300.p?skuId=5953300

  • @runsomewhere I just think it's crummy of her to only choose the name after @paytonpedro told her it was their pick and from what she's posted (if I'm remembering  correctly) said she was having trouble bonding with LO and that having a name picked out was helpful for bonding and that her DH isn't on board for using the name if her friend is using it. So to me it feels like her friend is being intentionally jerky by using the name and thus taking it away from her. I might just be sensitive to it though because I have a unique name and have always liked being the only one by my name in my class/school/circle of friends. I would be hurt if my friend used the name we had picked 
    paytonpedro
  • @paytonpedro I'm so sorry! Choose the name you want! If you like that name, use it, I think like @runsomewhere said it will not matter in the long run. But I can totally understand how much of a bummer it is!
  • @runsomewhere Thanks! I went back and re-read after you mentioned this. @paytonpedro I say still use the name if that's what your heart is set on.  

    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker

    paytonpedro
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