TTCAL Week of 12/18

honeybeebub · December 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if new)
2. Status?
3. Rants/Raves:
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White?

honeybeebub · December 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if new) Not new, TTC 1 year, 3 losses
2. Status? 5 or 6 DPO
3. Rants/Raves: Rave: Surprisingly not super stressed out this month. Maybe it's because there's so much to do with the holidays or because we will be monitored next month? Rant: I added my ovulation date in to see when I should test this month and it also predicts due date if you were to have BFP. Very creepy as it would be the exact same due date of my first loss, a year later...
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? I love clear/white, something magical looking about it

Mack2342 · December 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if new) so not new January makes 2 yrs TTC for #2 with 3 losses
2. Status? WTO but will not be trying this month. Waiting for that first AF after MC and some results from testing
3. Rants/Raves: returning to work after MC totally sucks. Sitting in my car typing this trying to postpone the inevitable lol
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? Clear or white I just think it looks so classy and timeless. Looks beautiful with the white snow. Although I have seen some beautiful colored lights

dpjennifer · December 2017

2. Status? CD 19. WTO. I should get a peak OPK tomorrow.

3. Rants/Raves: Just the stress of trying to finish everything off for the holidays and BD on a schedule and whatnot. But, am trying to remain calm. Hoping for the best this cycle.

4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? I love the look of clear/white overall. But am always drawn to color when I see lights in the store. LOL.

coco2787 · December 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if new)
I introduced last week, but still pretty new here. Joined after D&C last week following a MMC that was discovered at 9 weeks.

2. Status?
On the bench, OB wants me to wait until AF returns.

3. Rants/Raves:
The pregnancy announcements are all over social media this time of year. It hurts extra because we were also planning a Christmas/New Years announcement. Such a gut punch every time I see one, I should probably take a social media break to save my sanity.

4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White?
White on the tree, but I like colored lights everywhere else.

lumosmaxima · December 2017

@mack2324 good luck today! You can do it...quick like ripping off a bandaid...run to your desk!

1. Still new here, MC in October. D&C, waited a cycle, this is our first cycle ttc since.
2. About 6dpo but it is an estimate. Ovulated very early, I don't think I'm quite back to "normal".
3. I have my own personal holiday tradition of watching Christmas Vacation and getting out all the wrapping paper and gifts and getting it all done at once. It is always a huge mess of paper scraps and tags and I lose the scissors a hundred times but I love it and seeing the gifts under the tree, ready to be given, makes me really happy and excited!
4. Definitely white lights. 100%. Although there is a house in our neighborhood that had the big old school colored bulbs and it looks really, really nice!

Mack2342 · December 2017

@lumosmaxima I did it but have cried at my desk twice. It is so much easier to be at home with my family. It’s the “hey how are you” or “we missed you at Christmas party last week” that gets me. I’m not good at putting on a happy face and saying fine. I just fall apart. Plus the hormones are rapid now I’ve had a bunch of headaches so I’m sure that is not helping. My DH drove me nuts this wkd at family Christmas party and his uncle said how are things and DHs response was can’t complain. I was screaming in my head WTF we just lost our baby and you can’t complain

coco2787 · December 2017

Hugs @Mack2342. My first day back at work I walked in the door and immediately had to run to the bathroom to cry. It's so hard.

Mack2342 · December 2017

@coco2787 it is hard. This whole journey sucks. Hugs to you too. This whole week will probably suck. With my last two MC, the first 2 weeks were the hardest but then I started having days where I didn’t cry at all. I know it gets better or easier. None of us should be here.

vlagrl29 · December 2017

@mack2342 I still cried last weekend thinking about how this time last year we were telling DD she would be a big sis. Gosh it sucks even after some time has passed.

1 - Not New 11 month TTCAL WTO

1 - I started feeling sick yesterday and downed some echinacea. Now is not the time to get sick. Kinda tired today. I gotta clean, buy some gift cards and teach 4 kids later. After tomorrow I'll be on break until after the new year and I'm looking forward to that. I'll be making a call to the RE today to get on the books for a consult in Jan. Kind of have mixed feelings but for me I know I need to try my best before I throw in the towel. That's how Ive always been with everything. Maybe I'm missing something but everything is great in my body and I've already have had all fertility testing done with no issue and DHs SA last year was fine as well. IDK maybe they can find something, maybe not, who knows at this point. lol

We like colored holiday lights. I've had clear before on the tree but I love colored.

Mack2342 · December 2017

@vlagrl29 I know I will probably cry at each of my EDD and around the time we actually lost each one. They will always be in my heart.

vlagrl29 · December 2017

@mack2342 - The EDD didn't hit me at all but the anniversary of the loss is very sad to me. I really hope one day we can get pregnant. Not sure why it's taking longer this time around. DD was 1 month, loss was 6 months, and now we are 11 months post loss. good gawd!

tosh24 · December 2017

1. TTC since 2012; MC (SCH) 11/2016 @ 9+1 (D&C); NMC 07/2017 @ ~ 6w
2. Status? *Edited: 12DPO not 11DPO - BFN this morning; currently on Estrace priming for an IVF cycle (hopefully) starting this week.
3. RANT: So my fam has been down with a stomach bug...well, no vomiting, but the other end

I have been disinfecting the house from top to bottom for a week. I better NOT get this. I swear, if my cycle is cancelled again for the second time in a row due to a stupid non-fertility related health issue, I'm going to FREAK. I am so, so scared. I spent all weekend oscillating between tears and anger. I'm trying my best to keep myself healthy but the anxiety is strong. My tummy feels mildly off today but I'm expecting AF either today or tomorrow and I usually do have GI upset with her arrival, so I'm hoping it's just that.
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? White all the way. I really don't like the coloured LED lights. They are too dark. A few years ago they came out with coloured LED lights that are more muted and look like the light given off from the old incandescent bulbs and I don't mind those. I would hang those outside. But only white for the tree.

tosh24 · December 2017

(((Hugs))) @Mack2342

@coco2787 I hear ya, it's rough. I had planned a big announcement for last Christmas and obviously never got to go through with it. My sister (who knew about the miscarriage - rest of the family did not) joked that she would announce instead, followed by "oh god no, I would kill myself if I had another right now", and then announced to the family a week later that she was expecting a third "oops" baby. So, I'm kind of over holiday announcements (and my sister since then too, for that matter).....I think I'll just stay off FB between Christmas and New Years.

@lumosmaxima I love your Christmas tradition! I also have a Christmas Vacation tradition, but DH and I watch it snuggled on the couch on Christmas Eve before bed

@vlagrl29 Hope you can stave of whatever illness is knocking at your door!

acciocoffee · December 2017

1. Not new. MC 11/28 at 8 weeks.
2. Status? Currently ovulating, but like @Mack2342 we are not trying until I get AF back. It's actually been difficult not trying when I know we could get probably get pregnant. Because I am still grieving so deeply (more so than I thought) though I think it is healthier to give ourselves a little time.
3. Rants/Raves: **TW** My very close friend told me she was pregnant yesterday and I have so many feelings about it. I am so thrilled for her because they have been trying to get pregnant for a long time. Yes, the timing really sucks, but life doesn't stop just because I had a loss. I'm also so sad for my own loss still and I think it just reminded me of what I no longer have. I'm sad because I feel like this moment should have been one of happy tears and hugs and celebrating and I just feel like that was stolen from me. I'm also just so scared for her because what if she has a loss too? Then I feel horrible because I'm so scared for her and sad for myself that it's hard to be excited for her. I didn't react very well initially (I cried a lot), but she was so understanding of my feelings and just my need to process. I need to reach out to her again and probably explain all my feelings, but stupid ovulation has peaked all my hormones so I can't talk very well without crying at the moment. I just assured her that my sadness wasn't because I wasn't happy for her or even that I was jealous. Ugh, I feel like a horrible friend, but she is such an amazing friend that she probably still loves me anyways.
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? Clear/White only in our house! DH absolutely HATES any colored lights. My mom has like 6 different colors of lights at her house and DH gets all worked up every time he sees it. Lol I love that guy.

acciocoffee · December 2017

@coco2787 I am scared for all the Christmas/New Years announcements I'm sure will be out there. I've seen a lot of random July due date announcements already and those are the ones that get me. The others don't bother me much.

I actually announced our MC on social media last week because we were struggling to tell people and we just felt like we didn't want to have to hide the pain we feel especially around the holidays. It was scary, but it is very freeing as well.

Mack2342 · December 2017

@acciocoffee I’m not on any social media except here but I agree the more I tell people the better I feel. I feel so alone when people don’t know that I’m suffering. I don’t need the I’m sorry or sympathy I just need people to understand why I’m not myself. I don’t want to push through as if nothing happened. Also by talking more it allows me to heal faster. I just have to get to the point when I no longer sob when trying to talk about it.

acciocoffee · December 2017

@Mack2342 YES to all the things you just said! We hung out with DH's friends a couple nights ago and, even though they all knew we had just lost a baby, NOBODY SAID ANYTHING! Only one of them had even texted us when they heard about our loss. I mean, I know that it's uncomfortable (one of them is literally having her baby right at this moment), but it just felt crappy that nobody could even ask how we were doing. I was actually doing really well until that happened. It was like I realized that most people don't want to hear about it or are too afraid to ask about it. I have two friends who knew about the pregnancy and they got me on this video chat app (similar to SnapChat, but longer videos and you can watch live), so I've been talking to them both daily about how I'm currently feeling and whatever I'm frustrated with. It's been really helpful in the healing process.

Mack2342 · December 2017

@acciocoffee that’s good. I’m glad you have at least a couple friends to vent to. That’s awkward that your friends didn’t even ask how you were. It’s hard ...sometimes I’d rather them not say anything at all vs something stupid. A friend of mine called me Sunday and she asked how I was and then said I literally don’t know what to say to you...I can’t imagine what you are going through. I told her I appreciate her saying that instead of go on vacation like our other friend told me. My best friend is very helpful and of course I talk to DH about it

Kath525 · December 2017

1. Not new. Ttc since 1/17. CP 3/17 @ 4 weeks. NMC 9/17 @ 6w 5d.
2. WTO Hellllllooooo FW!
3. Rave: DH just got back from a trip in a great mood. He's a professor and on break now. He said he's all ready for FW hahaha.
4. Colored lights on my tree, white on my house.

@honeybeebub i also feel less stressed this cycle. For me I think it's just being so busy with the holidays and not having time to stress about anything else haha.

@tosh24 oh no! FX you're able to stay healthy!

@Mack2342 sorry your first day back has been hard. Thinking of you.

@acciocoffee we announced our second miscarriage on social media (4 days after we announced our pregnancy eek.) With our first miscarriage we didn't tell anyone (not even our parents) and i found that to be really, really hard on me. It was hard to announce the miscarriage but it was also nice to recieve so much support. I agree it was very freeing.

lumosmaxima · December 2017

@Mack2342 There is no easy way through any of this, is there

I'm sorry it's been rough, I suppose the best to hope for sometimes is that the hours pass quickly and you can get home. Hugs.

@tosh24 Fingers crossed you can avoid the bug! Clean fingers crossed. Fingers that have been washed many many many times after touching any common area surface. And oy vey...an "oops" announcement? Ugh. That is terrible. I'm not sure how I'd feel but I would guess it would include a mix of pissed and sad.

@acciocoffee hormones are a B. I'm sure your friend understands

She sounds supportive, she knows you're happy for her but it's hard.

@Kath525 good luck this week! Let the Christmas carols and twinkling lights set the mood

vlagrl29 · December 2017

welp I bit the bullet and made an RE consult for Jan 9th. they said it will be an hour long and I might have an ultrasound. I need to get all our fertility results faxed to them prior. I don't like taking medicine so I've been putting this off but I need to know we tried it all and who knows maybe they can find something cause I sure as hell cant lol. I will know i've tried my best by the time I meet with them.

acciocoffee · December 2017

@Kath525 All of the support was really encouraging. Since we never announced the pregnancy on Facebook I was worried it would come across as attention-seeking, but everyone was so nice and I got a lot of comments, messages and texts from people who have also had losses. It made me feel less alone.

@lumosmaxima She is really the best. I'm worried that she won't feel like she can talk about her pregnancy around me, so I hope I can be more supportive from now on.

lumosmaxima · December 2017

@vlagrl29 i always like feeling as though I have all the information I can, maybe you'll learn something helpful and it'll be worthwhile. I hear you wanting to feel as though you've done all you can.

vlagrl29 · December 2017

@lumosmaxima - yes I don't want to one day be 40 and have that "what if" thought ya know. I'm trying to keep an open mind here. I have history of anxiety but at the same time if I don't at least spend a little time doing this I'll always wonder. I'm sure the doc will think I'm crazy for wanting to do treatment every other month. With both my pregnancies I'm late to get a positive like after CD8 of the following cycle. So I don't want to risk killing something. Not sure if they could detect and embryo that has yet to implant on an U/S.

lin0442 · December 2017

2. ~4 DPO
3. Rant: I had to cancel my hysteroscopy last cycle because af went on longer than usual and then my MD had to have surgery. Now the earliest they can reschedule me for is the end of February! Looking on the bright side, if we haven’t had luck by then, that’s when I want to seriously look into my options so I’ll be able to address next steps with the doctor right then and there. Rave: I’ve been able to spend a lot of time lately with friends I usually don’t see very often, and I’m very grateful for that.
4. Big chunky colored lights all the way- they’re cheery and gaudy and I love them for that. Thankfully DH and I are on the same page with this.

I’ve been fairly open with people about my mc if I’m having a tough time and they ask me what’s wrong. Or at least I did once I wasn’t going to sob before I even got the words out. It’s pretty freeing, and a lot of women opened up to me with their own experiences and anxieties and I think that’s good. And if they’re jerks about it I feel 100% justified being a jerk back.

coco2787 · December 2017

@acciocoffee I thought about posting something about our loss on social media, but I chickened out. I still would like to at some point though, I want to do my part to reduce the stigma and misconceptions.

eranvo27 · December 2017

Short version:
Possibly TWW. Unsure of my ovulations days, the app said the 13-17 were my peak days, so we shall see!

My rant this week would have to be abput my mom, **possible TW**. My cousin had a little girl about a month ago. She was born with a cleft pallet and a jaw issue. She has been in the NICU and had surgery on her jaw where they had to put screws in. My cousin is 38 I think? Anyway, my mom said basically she couldn't imagine if that was my baby and she is 3000 miles away and couldn't help... I other words there was a reaspn for both of my MCs. I know she meant well, but I would be lying if I said it didn't upset me.

I like both colored and white lights. I'm so glad we got these awesome tree lights that can change by pushing the botton depending on my mood.

Kath525 · December 2017

@eranvo27 yikes that's a rough comment. I'd have been biting my tongue! And those are some awesome lights you have. I haven't even heard of that!

[Deleted User] · December 2017

@eranvo27. Oof. How friggin awful. I mean really, what a horrid thing to insinuate. (((Hugs))) There are very good reasons my mother doesn't know the first thing about our ttc or ivf or any of it... sad to say.

1. Introduce yourself (if new)
TTC 31 months, dx azoospermia, first FET 11/17 ended in a CP over Thanksgiving
2. Status? WFFET2
3. Rants/Raves: Trying to reframe our Christmas festivies this year... my brother is coming with his boys, and my mom will be staying over as well, seeing our place for the first time. So trying to remind myself that it's okay for this holiday to be about them, and about family, and food, and making memories, and not about us and our announcement, (which we obviously won't be making :'( ) 
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? White. Although lately, I do see a place for both. SIL does her fancy white-light silvery magazine tree in the foyer and then a coloured fun family mishmosh tree in the livingroom, which I think is great.

acciocoffee · December 2017

@coco2787 It was really difficult to post it. I started writing it a week in advance and then had my husband look over it before I posted it. I changed my mind so many times. I just felt like if nobody had known I was pregnant, we probably would have just suffered alone. I can't imagine how much more painful this would be if I didn't have people to talk to about it. So what if, by sharing this loss more publicly, I could be a resource for someone in the future? I don't think everyone needs to share their loss in this way, but if I can help someone else then I want to be able to do that.

lumosmaxima · December 2017

@acciocoffee that is such a great way to think about it, that you could be there for someone else. I really admire that. I know I have relied a lot on friends who were open about their losses, and I hope that I can be open about it in the future.
We hadn't told anyone about the pregnancy, we were waiting until after the 8 week ultrasound and...yeah. Then it felt like I couldn't tell? I don't know. I didn't think I could manage everyone's reactions.

@eranvo27 that is terrible...just terrible. Probably one of those things that just didn't need to be said, you know?

@BusinessWife I hope you can take some chunks of time to care for yourself and your own feelings in the midst of the busy house!

zamoraspin · December 2017

Sorry y'all, did not post last week.
@honeybeebub Glad you are not too stressed this cycle.
@dpjennifer Fx for you to get your peak.
@coco2787 I'm sorry the pregnancy announcements have you down. I wish I had advice but they always do hurt, even when you're happy for someone else. My recommendation is to unfollow as many people as you need so you can check on those people only when you feel up to it.
@vlagrl29 Glad you get some time off. GL with the RE consult. To me it always feels helpful to get another perspective. I really love our RE and have found her to be such a better listener and so much better informed than the OB.
@tosh24 Oh no! Stay away from your entire family as much as possible. I hope you don't get sick and have another cancelled cycle. Fx you stay healthy. Seems like stomach bugs have short incubation, right?
@lin0442 I am so glad you've had generally good experiences opening up to people. I have mostly had the same. I think for those of us who are able to share about it it hopefully helps reduce the stigma and silence.
@BusinessWife I'm sorry, that is so hard to lose that dream of announcing good news.

1. Introduce yourself (if new) Not new, 3 first tri mc's, age 35 and no living children.
2. Status? WTO CD11
3. Rants/Raves: We had a good meeting with our RE last week. I actually left with a prescription for Clomid which I took from CD6-9 because I had taken soy iso for three days before that. The RE actually agreed it was worth a couple cycles on clomid just to try to up my odds of getting multiple eggs/multiple shots at a good embryo. She said even at three losses, or even at more losses than that, we are still somewhat above a 50% chance of successful pregnancy on my next pregnancy. So, worth one more try before IVF, which we are planning to possibly pursue in March. We also had a good talk about IVF and she said all but one of her IVF RPL patients has had a baby so far. She also said their clinic has a 75-80% success rate with PGS tested embryos.
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? White on my tree and we have some white icicle lights. I am also a fan of single color - like all blue or whatnot.

vlagrl29 · December 2017

@zamora_spin - glad you have a good plan in place. How was the soy iso? When we see the re in Jan this will be our 3rd perspective

and hopefully last.

zamoraspin · December 2017

@vlagrl29 It's hard to say and probably will be hard to say what the soy iso did or didn't do but it *might* have helped me to produce one good follie on each side. (I also noticed my temps were lower the couple mornings after I took soy, which is interesting). We happened to have our RE appt on CD6 (started taking soy in the evenings on CD3, only at about 80 mg per night) and my RE popped me in for a u/s and said I had one follie on each side measuring at 10mm (I have been told there is some room for error on this so they could be slightly bigger or smaller). Because there was not one lead follie she said I could start clomid that day and continue it for 5 days (I admit I didn't tell her about the soy). But now that I've done some of my own research two follies at 10mm on CD6 is pretty good growth and I am tempted to attribute that to the soy and hope that the clomid will help them both get to a good size. As far as I know I do not usually hyperovulate - in the past I have had one sided O pain so I've always "known" when my right ovary ovulated and that doesn't happen every month. Obviously the fact that they were at 10mm does not mean both or even either will actually drop but I'm hopeful about it.

I am definitely not advocating trying crazy things, I knew the soy was a gamble and I know it can actually screw up your cycle if you do O on your own, but I am definitely at desperate. It feels good that we are at least trying one different thing before we spend $ on IVF.

40momma · December 2017

1. Not new. 3 MC. Been here since April 2017
2 And 3. Had my hysteroscopy this morning. OB said everything looked fine inside and I was free to start TTC again on my next cycle. In a way I guess that's good news but this means 3 unexplained mc's still. Part of me was hoping for some tell tale sign of why I keep having losses but I know it's often unexplainable.
4. Clear/white on the tree. Coloured outside. (I'm Canadian so it's coloured not colored

galactickates · December 2017

1. Introduce yourself (if new) newish, I've been doing mostly lurking here and hiding out on the ttcal on ttgp. EP Lap at 9 weeks on 11/20.
2. Status? Benched but WFAF. Should be 2 days out, my cycles are like clock work. Although mentally I know it can take awhile to regulate after these things, so just waiting at this point.
3. Rants/Raves: Monday is done which is great! I will have 10 days paid off after Friday. I actually feel fine for the first time in awhile. I'm really trying to have a positive attitude. Plus, it's Christmas, and I really enjoy this time of year. I just feel like I want a vacation from being sad. Although we are trying to sell our house so we didn't get to decorate this year.
4. GTKY: Holiday lights - Colored or Clear/White? I've always been strictly white. There is something really glamorous about all white lights. DH is all about color lights. We've been using both to decorate ever since we met since we each had a huge collection prior to us getting together. It actually looks really cool.

galactickates · December 2017

@acciocoffee - I posted something on my instagram and probably deleted and rewrote it a million times, and then edited it after posting as well.... I went back and forth about whether or not to share what happened but like what you said, I could be a resource for someone else in future. It takes a lot of courage to put yourself out there and I'm glad you got support.

honeybeebub · December 2017

@tosh24 OMG I would have lost it. And probably said something really uncalled for.

@mack2342 @coco2787 I hope you ladies are doing well *creepy internet hugs*

@vlagrl29 I think the most depressing thing about the anniversary is how long we have been trying. Hope your RE appt goes well. They were able to get you in pretty quick!

@eranvo27 That is a hard comment. I hope that she was just coming from a good place saying that she couldn’t imagine you having to go through such a difficult time!

@zamora_spin Glad your RE visit went well.

Mack2342 · December 2017

@honeybeebub so far I’m having a better day. I hope it continues.

dpjennifer · December 2017

Kath525 and acciocoffee I also announced our 2nd and 4th MC on FB. Definitely freeing. And like @Kath525 said, since I didn’t tell anyone about our first PG and MC it was so rough afterwards when I felt like my world was ending and no one even knew about it. I find it much easier to just talk about my whole journey and experiences, because the first MC it was horrible to hide this amazing thing that had happened to me, followed by the worst thing that had ever happened to me. I was scared of callous comments when I posted the first time, but was amazed by the outpouring of support and the number of women who came forward to tell me they’d had a MC.

coco2787 I am definitely an advocate of reducing the stigma and misconceptions of MC! I post things on FB regularly about MC and RPL (although ‘regularly’ is maybe every other month, as I’m not a crazy FB poster to begin with).

vlagrl29 Fingers crossed for a helpful RE visit!

eranvo27 Sorry that your mother upset you. Sometimes it’s the well-meaning comments that can hurt the most.

BusinessWife Good luck getting through the holidays.

40momma Sorry you have no information/explanation. It’s the worst. But at least you know you’ve done the tests and eliminated the ‘easy’ stuff!

*sigh* Reading a romance novel (trying to get 'in the mood' for FW and BD, rather than being a stressed out crying nutcase)... and am reminded why I don't read many romance novels anymore. Cause the main character is PG... cause of COURSE she is. I mean, she's only been boning this guy without protection for 5 weeks. So OBVIOUSLY she has to be PG right away... *sigh* Grumble... trying to power through...

Want a personalized experience?

TTCAL Week of 12/18

Re: TTCAL Week of 12/18

Choose Another Board

Search Boards