TTCAL Week of 12/18

coco2787

@galactickates you made me all weepy, but you're right.  We'll see how I feel when/if the time comes.  At the very least, I want to mention our loss at some point if we announce.  It wouldn't feel right to welcome a new baby without acknowledging that there was another baby that was also very much loved and wanted.  

galactickates

@coco2787 - I was just saying what I wish someone would say to me. I've had the same feelings/thoughts go through my head.  I also completely understand what you are saying about the LO you lost.  I wanted mine and loved mine with all my heart.  I'll never forget the sound of our little peanut's heart beating.  It makes me cry just thinking about it.  I think when these things happen it makes you not take life for granted.  My best friend sent me this text among many others of comfort and love. I'm not sure if it will make you feel better,  but it made me feel better:

[Deleted User]

I just have to say I love this group.  The support and all the different perspectives are just so awesome. ❤

vlagrl29

If we ever do get that rainbow baby I have always planned to talk about the loss then on social media.

dpjennifer

galactickates If I get PG and make it past the 7 week US/heartbeat stage (and especially if I get to legit US pictures and whatnot), I will probably share on FB. However, I have been sharing my journey since my 2nd MC, and post at least a few times a month both the positive things in my life (my collie, my excursions, my family, etc.) as well as the negatives (MCs, tough RPL days, etc.). I personally find it easiest to cheer for those social media friends who share both the positives and negatives of their lives (and not just the 'my life is perfect' images). Those who have had MCs and/or IF or other struggles are the ones I cheer for the most and whose announcements and updates upset me the least.

honeybeebub

@tosh24 I’m sorry your family is not supportive. My family knows, but only because I broke down at a bridal shower after being asked if I was expecting. And when I said no, she kept going to the point where I burst into tears. I am like you, would prefer that they just didn’t know our personal business to avoid the comments. Plus, I feel like all suspicious eyes are on me when I don't take a drink, etc. 

@mack2342 Should clarify that I meant IVF is our personal last stop. Everyone obviously has different definitions of exhausting their options. 

edited: bridal, not baby shower

lin0442

A friend of DH and mine recently publicly announced that she was about 5 mos pg on Facebook (we knew a bit beforehand). She has gone through three prior losses, and it’s been a many year journey for her and her husband. She was open about their struggles on her announcement, and acknowledged how the news can hurt. She said she was going to avoid posting many late pg pictures, and offered her support to people who share her difficulties. 

It was a beautiful, joyous, and sensitive announcement, and I hope I can do the same when and if my time comes. I don’t think there is anything wrong with publicly sharing your joy- it’s such a major life event, and something to be happy about. I fear if I get pregnant again that I won’t let myself enjoy it or relax until I’m holding a baby.

coco2787

@lin0442 I think an announcement like that sounds perfect.  

honeybeebub

@lin0442 I agree, I'm not sure that I will ever trust my pregnancy until I have a baby in my arms. Sad that this is what RPL does to you. 

acciocoffee

@coco2787 I agree with what everyone else is saying. It's ok to share your joy. And I think there is a way to do it in a way that doesn't hurt others. There are people out there who are rooting for you and it's ok to let them celebrate with you when the time comes. We probably won't share anything on social media until we are pretty far along, but I would want to share even just to give hope to people going through a loss that there can be good things coming. 

lin0442

@honeybeebub Definitely. I even had a very healthy 8w ultrasound and was so caught by surprise at my next. I feel like even if I get past the us where I found out about my loss, I’ll just be worried the same thing will happen at the next one.

Come to think of it, I think ultrasound pictures are my worst trigger in announcements. I hate it when people post us pictures, and I hate it when they happen on tv.

vlagrl29

I'll be exhausting our options next month when I see an RE.  IVF is not an option for us or adoption - both are very expensive and we just don't have that kind of money.  If we did not already have a child then the story would be different.  I personally already know 2018 will be the last year for us.

robyn2201

@lin0442 I agree about the ultrasound photos! I don't know if I will ever see an ultrasound pic again and not be reminded of our loss. 

lumosmaxima

@lin0442 that sounds like a beautiful and very sensitive announcement. I also agree about the ultrasound pictures...I have a terrible memory of needing to turn away from the screen in the ultrasound room and cry because I just couldn't look anymore. She took (what felt like) a million measurements and pictures. Being thorough I'm sure. But I agree that experience will never be the same. 

acciocoffee

Ultrasounds don't bother me since I never got to see our baby on one, but I will definitely remember that if I ever get to announce a future pregnancy! I never even thought about that! 

[Deleted User]

I never liked seeing the ultrasound photos anyway, either.  I just find them kind of creepy and overly intimate?  Or clinical?  For something as sweet and romantic in a way, as an announcement?  Imho but that definitely adds another level to it...  :'(

coco2787

@vlagrl29 I hope that 2018 is a better year for you 
@bigfatgreek @echocharlietango how have you guys been holding up?  Haven't heard from you in a few days.  

vlagrl29

@coco2787 - I'm ready!  You have no idea   I have a strong mind right now.

coco2787

@lumosmaxima that's how my U/S was too    If I get pregnant again I think I might have a panic attack at every U/S.