This is a general trigger warning that CP, miscarriage / spontaneous abortion, selective abortion due to medical complications, and / or stillbirth may be mentioned.**
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc.
Status:
How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?
Any testing coming up/any recent results?
GTKY: What was your first job?
Re: TTCAL w/o 12/4
I was a clerk at a pharmacy. DH and I both worked there.
Newspaper route.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@starla So sorry for your loss last month. I hope the testing goes well for you and YH. Not quite sure what to say--I hope you don't get any disappointing results, but I also hope you'll find answers for your RPL or a way forward. I love Yoga with Adriene! I haven't done the 30 day challenge, but I do her videos a couple times a week. They're so relaxing and they help me de-stress during the work week.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
@starla I’m so sorry for your loss. I hope that your testing goes well and that you get some answers *creepy internet hugs*
@offtoneverland I completely understand about not wanting to put too much pressure on it but I’ve got all my fingers crossed for you!
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. Loss at 13 weeks Jan 2016, loss at 9 weeks Oct 2017.
Nada
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Edit: My love tit on your post is a giant hug.
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@starla I'm sorry for your loss last month. Testing for RPL is really hard, I'm currently going through it to.
@CraftyG Yay for being off the bench!
@offtoneverland Good luck in the TWW!
@meatballs37 There are no words for what you went through and sorry just doesn't cover it. I really hope you take all the time you need and if ever you need to vent we are here for you. I too miss all the BMB I was a part of, it definitely makes the grieving process harder. It's good that you have an OB that is so attentive and willing to get the ball rolling early, even if you aren't ready to ttc in 5 months.
I think it's safe to say that all of the love-tits posted on this thread are meant as hugs.
@offtoneverland, I have to continue weekly draws for my first month off of chemo, then I switch to monthly tests. My OBgyn's office called today and said my labs were normal, but I have to be seen if I am still crampy by Friday. Good luck in the TWW, I found out about our 2nd pregnancy right before Christmas and it was really exciting.
@CraftyG , congratulations on getting off the bench! I hope you are able to take things nice and easy. I get the struggle of trying to decide when to make these decisions, especially seeing other struggle. DH and I were planning originally to wait until I was about 35 to have kids, but it started to scare me since my mom had 2 late term losses after me and due to the nature of it was unable to have any more kids, she was 23 at the time.
@meatballs37, I am so incredibly sorry for your loss. I can only imagine what you are experiencing. Are you doing well from the infections? It is great the your OB is being so attentive. I too am trying to use the long term bench time to get my self healthier physically and mentally.
@ChloandCoco, that's great that things went well with the acupuncturist! I have been considering trying to go too.
@starla Sorry for your loss, Good Luck with all the test.
@offtoneverland YAY for O day!
@CraftyG I get the "dipping your toes in" thing. My first month off the bench I had to just go with it because I was still processing things and wasn't ready to dive right in.
@meatballs37 I'm so very sorry for your loss. Take your time and be kind to yourself. I know as others have said those words don't mean much after a tragedy like this but I want you to know i'm here for you.
@ChloandCoco hopefully AF gets here soon!
MC 8/2017
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
FX for you tomorrow. I am sorry about the odds from that website, why were they so low? And as much as I shouldn't, I now plan to go do the same....
HX
DSD: 17
DS: 4(Nov'14)
MMC:8/17
MMC: 1/18
BFP: 2/7/19 EDD:10/16/19
Tickers
I taught swim lessons & life gaurded
Eta I did do a lot of reading about why they want you to wait. And for reasons like that. I guess my heart is hurting so much I just want to try again so badly. But I know it will be so much worse for me if I get a BFP before the 6-8 weeks for the exact reason you are saying. I think I mentioned it because I needed a little reality check.
Can you find anything at all to help take your mind off things? Get a huge jigsaw puzzle, get lost in a good book or a long TV series, eat lots of ice cream, go shopping for Christmas presents...something to help you be a little bit distracted? I mean, I know it's not easy to distract yourself but maybe you could find something to make it easier on yourself. Have you thought about seeing a counselor or therapist? I don't mean to imply that you need mental help or anything, but maybe it would just be helpful to have someone to help talk you through your feelings.
@kindbytealikat I'm sorry for the BFN. I wouldn't trust those statistics you found! I don't know what the source/science is behind those, but everyone and every body is different. Don't let the statistics get you down!
@holly321 So glad to hear your test results were normal. I'm sorry you're still feeling crampy. I'll be thinking about you and praying that the cramps go away and it's nothing to worry about.
@meatballs37 I hope that some day they can figure out what causes TTTS and get rid of it. It's truly awful and heartbreaking. I'll be thinking about you. Please feel free to post on this thread whenever you need support or need to talk.
@CraftyG I'm so glad you're off the bench now! I understand you feeling hesitant about it too. What are you getting a degree in?
@ChloandCoco Yay for a great acupuncture session! I listened to a podcast about getting pregnant (I can't remember the name of it) and they were talking about the benefits of having your acupuncturist work with your OB. Sounds like a great idea. I hope AF starts for you soon so you can get your HSG scheduled.
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
You could try now and chances are everything would be perfectly fine, but the worry would be the worst. TW, I was a wreck for a large part of my pregnancy with my son that was within months of my first loss. End TW
<div><b>Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. </b> First FET after 30 months TTC ended in a CP just after Thanksgiving.</div><div>
</div><div><b>Status: </b> WFFET2</div><div>
</div><div><b>How are things going? What is something that you are struggling with this week? What is going well for you this week? R/R?</b> Mostly I think I'm struggling with DH. He doesn't get it. He literally said it was nothing and the baby didn't even start to implant. (Meanwhile I kept the darkest test and the photo of our blast, bc that's all I have left of our first little embaby...) And he says I did this to myself by testing early. I wanted to just throw him! I was in tears on my way to work after my baselines, and he just did not help, at all. Other than that, I really think I'm coping okay, it would just be nice if he would validate my feelings, my grief, and not just say I'm choosing to be upset over nothing.</div><div>
</div><div><b>Any testing coming up/any recent results? </b>We have a transfer date 12/22 for our next FET, and I've started taking Estrace so far, so I go in Monday to check BW and scan.</div><div>
</div><div><b>GTKY: What was your first job?</b> First was probably babysitting, but apart from that, my first paychecks were for my two summer jobs as as a Lifegurd and pro burrito roller!
*omitted word</div>
(Just kidding, boys are great, but they are a lot of work sometimes!)
DD1: 8/2014
TTC #2: 6/2017
BFP 8/3/2017 | CP 8/4
BFP 10/16/2017 | CP 10/21
BFP 12/18/2017 | CP 12/28
BFP 2/15/2018 | EDD: November 2nd | It's a girl!
DD2: 10/2018
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
@holly321 Are you feeling less crampy? AF is annoying but would it mean things are getting back to "normal'?
@starla I'm sorry about the breakouts. Zits suck especially when you are an adult. Is the tea tree stuff new for you? I have started experiencing a crazy level of acne that I think is hormone related. TW the first time it happened was during my most recent pregnancy end TW, and then it happened at about 4 or 5 dpo this cycle (benched so it must be progesterone). I get dozens of tiny pimples, mostly at my temples but also in other spots. It takes them a while to go away, like 10 days or so at least.
@offtoneverland I hope this is your sticky bean cycle. What a great Christmas present that would be.
@craftyg "Comparison is the the thief of joy" and while that is so true it's hard to stop comparing yourself to others. It sounds like you doing amazing things for yourself and for the family you have now and the family you will have. I hope your BFP and sticky bean are right around the corner.
@BusinessWife I'm sorry YH is not getting it. It's not unusual, unfortunately. I think some of the things that are hard for others (including sometimes our partners) to understand are (1) that baby was and is real, even from the first moment you saw that BFP and (2) a pregnancy loss is also a loss of a status you have been yearning and working towards, that of mother. Please know that you are still a mom, no matter what happens from here on out. As to testing early, get that out of here. Whatever. We test when we want. You still would have had a positive blood test even if you hadn't tested early, and your hopes still would have been up.
@galactickates I get it. It's hard to wait. I did not receive clear instructions from my RE about when we were allowed to try again following my d&c and I strongly considered trying this cycle (I was told we could try right away after my first two mc's, but there was no surgery with those). A fellow loss mom pointed out to me that if I got ku this cycle and then something bad happened, I would probably wonder whether it was because I tried too soon. Lady, you had some intense surgery, I think you gotta give it a rest. The fact that your cycle is returning is a good sign that you will be on track to try again next cycle when you are in better health.
@kindbytealikat I hope you get your BFP, is it still early? It's hard not to spiral when you see that BFN. Honestly, odds don't mean much re conceiving and to be in a 30% range is actually really good. My RE told me at my age my chance each spontaneous cycle is 15% of getting ku, which doesn't mean a damn thing because I beat that on the regular.
@ChloandCoco What do you have going on this weekend? Lots of parties?
@zamora_spin I'm going out for a fancy dinner with my DH on Friday, then a birthday dinner with my side of the family on Saturday, and on Sunday I'm hosting a cookie exchange. So super busy!
Married Aug. 2013
TTC #1 Sep. 2016
***TW***
BFP Jun. 5, 2017; MMC Aug. 2, 2017 at 11w6d
BFP Nov. 20, 2017; ended in CP
All the tests. Everything normal except treated for ureaplasma and DH potentially has high DNAF.
BFP Dec. 25, 2017; EDD Sep. 5, 2018; DD arrived Aug. 26th
My chart: https://www.fertilityfriend.com/home/63f71d
If it becomes or is a pattern of not being supportive, I heard some good advice on Beat Infertility in the episode about dealing with friends and family - if you give someone three chances to support you, and they choose not to support you, give yourself permission to distance from the relationship and stop investing in it, whether temporarily or permanently. I have a friendship where I had to cut the cord and just ignore this person as much as possible because she (1) ignored me for months after I told her about my first loss, (2) TW said insensitive things when she called me to tell me about her own pregnancy (it was so easy for her, and she tried to silver-lining my loss, meanwhile if she'd bothered to ask how I was she would have known I was anxiously awaiting CD1 to do my testing cycle following my second loss), and then (3) had the nerve to text me out of the blue AND come up to me at an event just to complain about her pregnancy symptoms. end TW. Nope, don't need you in my life right now. It's hard to completely cut her out because we are in the same profession and have mutual friends, but I have done it as much as possible and it has definitely been good for me.
@galactickates I completely understand where you are coming from. We technically don't need to wait to try again, but I am forcing myself to wait this month out because if we got pregnant and had another loss, I would always wonder if it was because we didn't wait. I have to keep reminding myself that having a baby one month later than I wanted is probably not going to matter long term.
Introduce yourself and anything you think is important: number of loss(es), when you had the loss(es), diagnosis / conditions surrounding loss, etc. TFAS. We had a NMC last week at 8 weeks.
Eta - I totally know how your feeling. I've gone through that same roller coaster of emotions.
We're all going through a lot right now. I definitely agree with everyone. We need to be easy on ourselves. Holidays can be so hard when you're feeling so many feelings. I just want to give everyone a hug right now
The other is my childhood bestie, (who may or may not decide to stalk me eventually and see this lol), but we went through all the IF together... all the waiting, all the bfns, then ***tw***
<div class="Spoiler">She went onto ivf before me, and had success with her first and only fresh transfer, as they are likely OAD and had none left to freeze.</div>
So she knows about treatment, and she is wishing and hoping for our success, but she hasn't had a loss, or even the stress of this marathon we've already begun, (months of Clomid prior to MESA/TESE, his retrieval, my two ivfs, polypectomy, first FET etc....). Her go-to is the medical side, when is the next transfer, are we doing the same protocol, are we going to try era or pgs or....? And it's like, I can't with all that. I totally get it, like shes going into fix-it mode, but it's too much to think about and it not where I'm at.
If I could draw a picture, I would be floating underwater, down beneath the heavy waters in the deep end of the pool... I can see that there's a sparkling light beyond the surface if I look up, and there's a cold ladder off in the distance that maybe is my next fet. I know it's there. But it is small comfort to know there is a way up and out on the horizon. But this deep water is my home now, and that lifeline is still out of reach. There's no way to get there any quicker, so you're still just rolling in the deep until time's up, and the lifeguard blows the whistle, and you wait those 10 days in the sunlight until Beta..., when you may, or may not, just be thrown back in the pool again.
I dunno. But she's so far along right now, I think as much as her heart is in the right place, her own emotions are so far removed from mine where I am at 30 months TTC and post loss. :/
Anyone experienced this first cycle post d&c? Can’t tell if I should be worried.