Wow what horror stories, it's sad reading some of these. I know I have some frustrating things about my family and in-laws but man so sorry to hear what some of you go through.
I don't feel this is to much of a b*tch but Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually just super long days for us. We go to both my family and DH side. What usually sucks about DH's side is there isn't really a plan on when it will happen until almost a few days before so it sucks with how last minute they are. Also this year my grandma is coming to my family's, my mom is not looking forward to it (it's her MIL) because my grandma has been on this helicopter parenting thing with my dad since he had his surgery to remove cancer. Now he is doing fine still has a little more he has to do before being completely fine but in her mind he is on his death bed. Now totally get why she feels this way, she had 5 children and my dad is the only one left alive so she has seen some pretty bad heartbreak especially within the last 5-6 years. But the negativity is just not something any of us want to hear and my dad as already told her he doesn't want to he hear it because he knows he is going to be fine. So we will see how this holiday goes. Also just wanted to add that i'm very much looking forward to the parade and seeing some of the Broadway shows perform it's probably my favorite part of the whole day.
@julzy Thanksgiving last year sounds like a terrible day. I'm glad this year you can be at home with your own family and free to feel whatever you feel and not worry about having to fake smile or make happy small talk with a bunch of extended family members.
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@julzy. I definitely understand. Miscarriages are hard, even harder around the holidays. Just remember you’ve got a beautiful baby in your stomach this year!!
This year we are spending the holiday with my MIL and my husbands sisters. I get along with his sisters pretty well and we all live within minutes of each other. My MIL and I have had a rocky past but it’s mostly improved. The thing is MIL is a heavy smoker and although she doesn’t usually smoke in the house, you leave there and have to wash everything you were wearing and shower to get the smell off of you. We are also celebrating my nieces birthday that day. It was supposed to be this Sunday. I’m not sure why we are doing it Thursday but I’m not a fan of combining holidays and birthdays.
Thanksgiving used to be way worse spending it with both families. We finally put our foot down and said we would alternate who we spend it with. It has been the best thing ever. We can spend however much time we want with one family and don’t have to feel rushed to finish dinner to and force ourselves to eat again with the other family. Just doing dessert was not an option for either family. So we finally said no more once we had DD. We have always said we are happy to celebrate a different day with the family that had the “off year.” My ILs don’t usually do that but my family does. This year we are just doing a pizza and game night on the weekend which I’m totally happy about.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
@Mattel my family would probably drive you nuts this year! On dec 9 we are celebrating “merry thanksmas” (smooshing together Christmas and thanksgiving) then celebrating dds birthday on dec 6. We have 5 adult kids and their respective families to plan around (my dad has 3 and his gf has 2) plus my dads sister and we all live 2-6 hours away from each other so I’m pretty impressed we were able to collaborate a weekend off in the busy holiday season! This is the first year my dad and his gf are living together. (They have had a long distance relationship for 5 years) so it’s a big deal that we can all get together at their house!
Pretty much any holiday where I have to see my in laws is crazy stressful, so all of you complaining about that, I totally get it! Mine and DH's parents each live 15-20 min away from us and my grandma lives about 30 min away and they form this nice little infuriating triangle around us. We've talled about insisting on alternating to reduce stress, but the problem is that we don't want to! My grandma is great and absolutely adores both of us (I was already her favorite, but now that I'm the first to give her great grandbabies, she loves and spoils is even more), so skipping her house is out of the question, while the in laws are just the opposite. The nicese way to put it is that we find them confusing. They refused to come to our wedding essentially because I'm white and they're Asian, and then FIL's mom gave them a talking to about 6 months later and welcomed me with open arms. Once we had been married for 2 years they finally started treating me like I'm actually married to my husband instead of just a passing girlfriend, and now they're kind if trying to make up for it by buying us things but still haven't bothered to get to know me at all. They definitely don't know when my birthday is, and I'm pretty sure FIL has spoken a total of 3 sentences to me. Ever. So it's super awkward, and I usually get food poisoning, but we still feel an obligation to go about 50% of the times that they invite us over cause we'd like it to stop being so awkward! Oh and of course MIL is over the moon about the twins, and we haven't seen them since we first told them I was pregnant, so that's gonna be interesting...
@riversdoctor That’s a ton of people to organize! My husband has two sisters and between them they have 4 kids, plus my daughter. His other two siblings live in North Carolina near his dad and stepmom. But the thing is, we live literally within a two minute drive from either sister and MIL, so there’s literally no reason to combine the two. It would make more sense if there was a distance between us.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
@mattel dh is an only child and literally the only family we get together with are his parents and only remaining grandparent! He does have a best friend who is more like a brother but we usually get together away from holidays because they are busy with family stuff too. My moms family gets grouchy when we can’t make actual holidays and generally won’t come if we try to host our own party. My dads fam just wants to see us. At times I wish we lived closer but the drama is easier to avoid here! My poor dd will always have a Christmas birthday battle (born a week before) but considering the losses before her we are thrilled to celebrate at all! We definitely make it special among our nuclear family.
@bchalm - OMG, I’m sorry your ILs were so nasty to you when they dog sat! To call you names, total bullshit! I’m very glad YH asked them to stay at a hotel the rest of that trip. How is the relationship now?
@BarefootContessa - that’s really crappy when people have the guts to tell you what they expect you to give/loan them. I hope there aren’t any fights.
ETA - @julzy - I’m sorry Thanksgiving last year was so heartbreaking. No doubt the day will always be hard. I’m sorry your family let you down. Prayers you have an okay day full of love and support (and maybe this LO kicking so you know their not going anywhere for a few months!)
I’m sad there are so many crazy, selfish, hurtful shitbags in the world, and that so many of you have to deal with them.
Oh man, I have a bitch to contribute. This story involves lots of different family members, but I’ll try to simplify it.
My parents host Thanksgiving every year. They live exactly 10 minutes from us. I have 1 sibling (a brother) and he’s married with two little kids and they always go. My aunt, uncle, their two adult children (my cousins) and their families, plus a great uncle always go, too.
Well. One of my cousins, we’ll call him Michael, and his wife just moved to the town where DH and I live. Less than a mile from our house — we could easily walk there. They decided they want to host Thanksgiving, but not everyone. They invited my aunt and uncle and his sibling and her family, plus our great uncle. But that’s it. And nobody told us until this past weekend. So instead of a big-ish family gathering that we have every year, there will be two separate gatherings 10 minutes apart from each other and practically down the street from me and DH.
Its so ridiculous. My mom and I are assuming they just didn’t want to host little kids (between my brother and I there are 4 kids age 2 and under)...but, like, host your little get together some other weekend. Why do you have to do this ON THANKSGIVING, one of the only days of the year we all see each other?
And the kicker is that nobody told us until my mom asked my aunt what time they were coming over, and she said they weren’t. There’s been no falling out or argument or anything, they’re all just weirdly not coming.
@kmalls yeah that is definitely weird. I understand not wanting a bunch of little kids at your house (I feel the exact same way some days!!) but then don't volunteer to host family Thanksgiving and only invite half the family.
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@kmalls I think people sometimes romanticize the idea of hosting thanksgiving—but they absolutely should have told you well in advance. And imo even offered a reason for not inviting the whole bunch. I bet Thanksgiving will feel weird with such a small group for them too.
@kmalls yeah that is definitely weird. I understand not wanting a bunch of little kids at your house (I feel the exact same way some days!!) but then don't volunteer to host family Thanksgiving and only invite half the family.
@lindsye exactly. Not wanting kids there, fine, I get it. But you need to suck it up on Thanksgiving, otherwise let someone else host. And they’re the only extended family we ever really see on a regular basis, so to split the family on a holiday? Kinda insulting. And I’m also mad that neither my aunt (the host’s mother) or his sister (my cousin) thought to say “hmmm this isn’t really a great plan, let’s try to figure out something else.”
@rmmorris - yep, not telling us until YESTERDAY was really not ok!
Man, you guys are way more forgiving than I am. "Not wanting kids around" on a family holiday is sociopathic, imo. I have never enjoyed other people's kids, and even I am not insane enough to decide that a family holiday would be better without them. They are part of the family, so wtf is the point of even hanging out with your family if you exclude the kids? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but my extended family isn't so super cool and interesting that I have a raging good time with them at family events, as long as all those pesky kids are gone.
@kmalls Who only invites half the family?? That's just kindergarten rude, like invite everyone or don't invite anyone at all. I don't care if you don't want little kids in your house!
Reading all these makes me appreciate my nutty family a little more - we are going to do the run around. See the ILs earlier in the day and then my family later in the day. I don't know how much longer we can keep doing both families.
Man, you guys are way more forgiving than I am. "Not wanting kids around" on a family holiday is sociopathic, imo. I have never enjoyed other people's kids, and even I am not insane enough to decide that a family holiday would be better without them. They are part of the family, so wtf is the point of even hanging out with your family if you exclude the kids? I mean, I don't know about you guys, but my extended family isn't so super cool and interesting that I have a raging good time with them at family events, as long as all those pesky kids are gone.
What a weird mindset.
@ngolimento I agree that it’s insane and we’re being too forgiving. There’s a larger backstory with the cousin who is hosting (he’s 50, loooooong history of destructive drinking and hardcore drug use, finally got his shit somewhat together a few years ago and got married just last summer). He and his wife, emotionally, are children and his entire immediate family panders to them. For them, it’s kinda like “oh wow! Michael wants to host something! Hooray!” ... and then glosses over the fact they’re giving everyone else the shaft. I’m not saying it’s ok, but that’s where they’re coming from.
@kmalls I hope this won't be an ongoing thing. If I had that many family members around, it would really suck to not have a big gathering on a holiday like Thanksgiving.
@irenejean that’s my worry, too, that this will start some sort of tradition where they’ll just host whenever they want and his immediate family will go along with it. I don’t think that will be the case (despite all this, we’re actually a really close family) but who knows. I’m just really upset about the whole thing.
@ngolimento I guess I should have clarified: I understand the feeling that you don't want a bunch of kids in your house but I agree with you that it's beyond the pale to actually act on it. Kids are part of life and part of family, period end of story.
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Update (sorry for turning this into a post ALL ABOUT ME): I called my cousin (sister of the one who is hosting) to talk about this. Writing it out here made me realize just how fucked up it all is. She had NO IDEA my side of the family hadn’t been invited. She thought we weren’t going because there’s more space for the kids to spread out at my parent’s house. She was horrified an invitation had never even been extended. We’re not really sure how to fix things at the last second, but I do feel a lot better knowing she was in the dark. She and her husband are godparents to my daughter and I was so upset she never raised a red flag that this was weird. I’m kinda glad she never even knew, if that makes sense.
@kmalls that is such a strange situation. Especially since your cousin didn't know you weren't invited. And that would make new feel a little better too.
@g_amoss th relationship is weird because they were drunk and don't remember saying a lot of what was said. And could never imagine saying such a thing. So, since I have taken a huge step back from them, I regularly offend them. In DH's words "as long as your breathing, assume you are offending them"
Holidays really do bring out the crazy in people, and this thread is proof.
My aunt always hosts Thanksgiving dinner. Her daughter (my cousin) was due with her first on the 17th and her induction date is Black Friday. Aunt texted me a few weeks ago uninviting me to dinner cuz she doesn't want to go all out with the normal thanksgiving, which I totally understand! What pissed me of us that I'm the ONLY one uninvited. My grandparents, dad and brother are still going there for dinner. ✌️✌️✌️ Guess who isn't going to family holidays from now on.
@kmalls Glad you at least talked it out with your cousin because that entire situation is so wrong! I would also feel a lot better knowing your cousin had no idea... do you think your aunt even knew? I'm sure word will spread now either way. Ugh, family!
I'm just stressed in general. My in-laws are flying in to spend Thanksgiving with us, it was their idea. They are lovely, generous people, not a bad thing to say about them. I was already stressing about preparing dinner and now I've come down with a big fat terrible cold. They are arriving on Wednesday, which means the house has to be cleaned up. Also, the oven in my apartment only has one rack which means anything that has to be baked should be done beforehand since the turkey will be taking up space on Thanksgiving day. (We tried looking for a replacement) So for Tuesday we both have to work, an OB checkup, then cleaning, and a couple of dishes to pre-make so that we can entertain the parents on Wed. And all I want to do is sleep. Then the Dude asks if we can hang out with his friend who's in town Tuesday night. Uh, no we're busy. He doesn't understand how we wouldn't have time.
This is a pretty minor complaint, but we're hosting Friendsgiving this year and yesterday I bought wine to serve everyone. It's so sad to be buying wine when you're not going to be drinking it.
@queen_bey look into getting a roaster for the turkey. We got ours for that exact scenario (GE brand like $30) about 8 years ago and it’s still going strong! We use it for ham now too and it’s awesome even with a full sized kitchen to have that space free for sides!!
@kmalls, watch cousin 'Michael' fall on his face with his attempt to host, get reprimanded for not inviting the whole family, and have all family holidays return back to your mom's house for the WHOLE family... PITA Michael included
This is a pretty minor complaint, but we're hosting Friendsgiving this year and yesterday I bought wine to serve everyone. It's so sad to be buying wine when you're not going to be drinking it.
@Irenejean preach! And this is one reason why my house has been completely without wine pretty much since I got pregnant... I have no desire to keep DH stocked up on MY fave wines lolol
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Ugh. I'm just here to commiserate with you all. I'm stressed and pregnancy causes my anxiety to rear its ugly head, especially at this time of year.
Our schedule: Thursday AM: Drive to BIL #2's (45 minutes away) house to spend the morning and kid's naptime. Thursday PM: Drive to BIL #1's (10 minute drive) house for the big dinner and spend the night for family time. Friday AM: Drive back to BIL #2's house for brunch and Christmas present opening for DH's family. Friday PM: Drive to my parents place (5 hours away). Saturday AM: C H I L L with my family Saturday PM: Big extended family dinner Sunday: No set plans (as of yet...) and I will fight to keep it that way. Monday AM: Hang with family Monday PM: Drive home (5 hours)
To Do list (TONIGHT after work): - Make stuffing for Thursday Dinner. - Make appetizer for Thursday Dinner. - Wrap presents for family for Friday. - Pack for our weekend (cuz you know... I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS... /sigh)
Sooo... Please pray that my ILs are fun, the food is good, my MIL doesn't suffocate me or my kids (with her love), the beds away from home are comfortable, my kids sleep well despite being away from home, my parents don't feed me too much delicious food and make me gain more weight, my mom's family doesn't judge my parenting and my refusal to participate in the planned epic cookie bake-a-thon (it's my VACATION damnit!). Also, I hope not to resent EVERYONE ELSE'S ability to drink to give them a boost through all this madness. Especially not resent DH. Self: Please don't do this.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014! DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
@ladythrice good lord that sounds overwhelming. Just getting two little kids to ONE destination is stressful enough, never mind three destinations. You get a gold medal for most accommodating pregnant mom ever.
I am so freaking depressed today. I thought I would enjoy not having to go anywhere or do anything today, but seeing everyone celebrate while I am forced at home sucks so bad and i just keep crying. It feels like its not even a holiday. I just wanted so much more for myself and family then this.
@sjn00 oh no, I’m so sorry that’s how the day ended up for you. Apologies if you’ve talked about this before and I missed it, but did something happen to keep you at home?
@ladythrice - bless your accommodating heart! I hope it all goes well.
@sjn00 - sorry it was a crappy day. Next year you will start new traditions with LO - how amazing will that be?!
AFM, we ended up with 26 (including DH & I) at our house. It was really wonderful. I think everyone loved the animals and tractors and having a nice enough day to be outside for a while. I’m blessed. I hope all of you had much to be thankful for today (even if you had to put up with family bullshit). I am blaming my sappiness on DH tearing up saying how much we have to be thankful for right before we said grace.
@kmalls yeah, basically I found out my husband pulled out 13,000 in loans and wasnt paying bills, i found out and have been trying to play catch up and pay everything, so we dont have any extra money to do anything this year. All of my family lives 2 hours away, so gas wasnt an option and his parents are in Mexico. So we stayed home and did nothing. It sucks. I wasnt home for the holidays last year, and this year everything just sucks like my life lately.
Re: Thanksgiving b*tchfest
I don't feel this is to much of a b*tch but Thanksgiving and Christmas are usually just super long days for us. We go to both my family and DH side. What usually sucks about DH's side is there isn't really a plan on when it will happen until almost a few days before so it sucks with how last minute they are. Also this year my grandma is coming to my family's, my mom is not looking forward to it (it's her MIL) because my grandma has been on this helicopter parenting thing with my dad since he had his surgery to remove cancer. Now he is doing fine still has a little more he has to do before being completely fine but in her mind he is on his death bed. Now totally get why she feels this way, she had 5 children and my dad is the only one left alive so she has seen some pretty bad heartbreak especially within the last 5-6 years. But the negativity is just not something any of us want to hear and my dad as already told her he doesn't want to he hear it because he knows he is going to be fine. So we will see how this holiday goes. Also just wanted to add that i'm very much looking forward to the parade and seeing some of the Broadway shows perform it's probably my favorite part of the whole day.
Thanksgiving used to be way worse spending it with both families. We finally put our foot down and said we would alternate who we spend it with. It has been the best thing ever. We can spend however much time we want with one family and don’t have to feel rushed to finish dinner to and force ourselves to eat again with the other family. Just doing dessert was not an option for either family. So we finally said no more once we had DD. We have always said we are happy to celebrate a different day with the family that had the “off year.” My ILs don’t usually do that but my family does. This year we are just doing a pizza and game night on the weekend which I’m totally happy about.
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
Me (33). DH (37). DD (2.2012). MCs x4. After 4 years & 7 months, due 4.2018!
@BarefootContessa - that’s really crappy when people have the guts to tell you what they expect you to give/loan them. I hope there aren’t any fights.
ETA - @julzy - I’m sorry Thanksgiving last year was so heartbreaking. No doubt the day will always be hard. I’m sorry your family let you down. Prayers you have an okay day full of love and support (and maybe this LO kicking so you know their not going anywhere for a few months!)
I’m sad there are so many crazy, selfish, hurtful shitbags in the world, and that so many of you have to deal with them.
My parents host Thanksgiving every year. They live exactly 10 minutes from us. I have 1 sibling (a brother) and he’s married with two little kids and they always go. My aunt, uncle, their two adult children (my cousins) and their families, plus a great uncle always go, too.
Well. One of my cousins, we’ll call him Michael, and his wife just moved to the town where DH and I live. Less than a mile from our house — we could easily walk there. They decided they want to host Thanksgiving, but not everyone. They invited my aunt and uncle and his sibling and her family, plus our great uncle. But that’s it. And nobody told us until this past weekend. So instead of a big-ish family gathering that we have every year, there will be two separate gatherings 10 minutes apart from each other and practically down the street from me and DH.
Its so ridiculous. My mom and I are assuming they just didn’t want to host little kids (between my brother and I there are 4 kids age 2 and under)...but, like, host your little get together some other weekend. Why do you have to do this ON THANKSGIVING, one of the only days of the year we all see each other?
And the kicker is that nobody told us until my mom asked my aunt what time they were coming over, and she said they weren’t. There’s been no falling out or argument or anything, they’re all just weirdly not coming.
FAMILY, WHY YOU GOTTA BE SO WEIRD?
@rmmorris - yep, not telling us until YESTERDAY was really not ok!
What a weird mindset.
Reading all these makes me appreciate my nutty family a little more - we are going to do the run around. See the ILs earlier in the day and then my family later in the day. I don't know how much longer we can keep doing both families.
@g_amoss th relationship is weird because they were drunk and don't remember saying a lot of what was said. And could never imagine saying such a thing. So, since I have taken a huge step back from them, I regularly offend them. In DH's words "as long as your breathing, assume you are offending them"
Holidays really do bring out the crazy in people, and this thread is proof.
Me: 29 DH: 35
Married 5/3/14, TTC ever since
DX: Lean PCOS, Clomid resistant
Femara 7.5 + Ovidrel = BFP! Due 4/15/18
https://www.walmart.com/ip/Oster-24-Pound-Turkey-Roaster-Oven-18-Quart/39254918
@Irenejean preach! And this is one reason why my house has been completely without wine pretty much since I got pregnant... I have no desire to keep DH stocked up on MY fave wines lolol
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
Our schedule:
Thursday AM: Drive to BIL #2's (45 minutes away) house to spend the morning and kid's naptime.
Thursday PM: Drive to BIL #1's (10 minute drive) house for the big dinner and spend the night for family time.
Friday AM: Drive back to BIL #2's house for brunch and Christmas present opening for DH's family.
Friday PM: Drive to my parents place (5 hours away).
Saturday AM: C H I L L with my family
Saturday PM: Big extended family dinner
Sunday: No set plans (as of yet...) and I will fight to keep it that way.
Monday AM: Hang with family
Monday PM: Drive home (5 hours)
To Do list (TONIGHT after work):
- Make stuffing for Thursday Dinner.
- Make appetizer for Thursday Dinner.
- Wrap presents for family for Friday.
- Pack for our weekend (cuz you know... I COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THIS... /sigh)
Sooo... Please pray that my ILs are fun, the food is good, my MIL doesn't suffocate me or my kids (with her love), the beds away from home are comfortable, my kids sleep well despite being away from home, my parents don't feed me too much delicious food and make me gain more weight, my mom's family doesn't judge my parenting and my refusal to participate in the planned epic cookie bake-a-thon (it's my VACATION damnit!). Also, I hope not to resent EVERYONE ELSE'S ability to drink to give them a boost through all this madness. Especially not resent DH. Self: Please don't do this.
DS: EDD, December 19th, 2014. Born, December 19th, 2014!
DD: EDD, July 18th, 2016. Born, July 19th, 2016!
Baby #3: EDD, April 16th, 2016
Day 1: multiple accidents around tunnels cause us to sit in park on the highway for 2 hours
Day 2: 8 hour trip takes 12 hours in the rain
@sjn00 - sorry it was a crappy day. Next year you will start new traditions with LO - how amazing will that be?!
AFM, we ended up with 26 (including DH & I) at our house. It was really wonderful. I think everyone loved the animals and tractors and having a nice enough day to be outside for a while. I’m blessed. I hope all of you had much to be thankful for today (even if you had to put up with family bullshit). I am blaming my sappiness on DH tearing up saying how much we have to be thankful for right before we said grace.