TW we had a miscarriage at 6 weeks in July and hadn’t told anyone. It was really difficult with no one knowing, so I’m thinking of telling family earlier this time. We’ve already told our two close friends but I’m wanting to tell our parents this week after going in for a progesterone test (my mom and sister at least). Then the rest of our family I’d like to tell at Thanksgiving and I’ll be about 6 weeks then. It was just too hard dealing with the miscarriage and people asking when we would have #2 and deciding who to tell, when I’m not secretive about the loss, but it’s never a “good” time to mention it in conversation.
TW, I told everyone about my first pregnancy, but it ended in MC around 8 weeks. I wish now I would have been more selective in who I told because honestly, people say the shittiest things when they cannot relate. I heard everything from "Well I guess it was God's plan", all the way to "So you were hitting the bottle, or what?"
Needless to say, I never told anyone about the following pregnancies. The one that was successful, I did not tell anyone other than our immediate family until 6 months.
Long story short, be careful on who you tell early on. People suck sometimes
We told our parents using this picture of our 15 month old daughter. My two best friends know because I have trouble keeping my own secrets. We may tell our siblings on thanksgiving but still not sure. Our appointment is the Monday after thanksgiving. We will announce more openly with this picture at Christmas.
@kburg15 yeah it was really eye opening. It's like people don't know what to say, so they just pick the stupidest thing they could possibly say and go with that.
@crystal321 my mouth literally fell open, I can not believe someone would even think that in their head. What is wrong with people!! How could that be interpreted for funny. My boss said "maybe it was a baby with special needs and God knew you weren't ready" Go away.
@kburg15 I think deciding to tell after a MC is always a tricky situation. *TW* We went through a MC in July *END TW* We didn't announce to anyone because we were waiting for 12 weeks, but this time around we are going to announce earlier. I think it's safe to limit who you tell, but if you want to I think you should tell close relatives or friends. This is a very exciting time. While it is awful and an unimaginable loss to go through a MC I don't think you (at least how I'm looking at it for myself) can go day by day waiting for something bad to happen. You have to be happy in the moment and enjoy every day you are pregnant!!
@gspmom21 yes that’s how I look at it as well! I’d probably feel differently if I had to walk it back to a lot of people, but it was the opposite and pretty lonely. I don’t plan to widely announce, but I think we’ll tell people we are close to and would be ok letting them know if anything went wrong. Just knowing others are “in it” with us and can share our excitement will mean a lot. But that’s just me and I know everyone is different. Unfortunately there’s no right way to handle loss
@kburg15@gspmom21*TW* I also had a MC in July - mine was at 6.5 weeks. *end TW* We only told family, but I have told some close friends after the fact, because I find the secrecy around all of it so frustrating. This time we have told a few close friends in hopes of having support. But every person has to go about it in their own way, for sure!
I ended up telling my parents this past Friday. They're cool and we're super close but IDK I feel weird about it. I also told 3 friends and I'm more comfortable with that. I'm so scared that something will now happen and I'll have to tell my parents the bad news
@gspmom21 yes! My best friend at the time said something similar. The guy who made the drinking "joke" was a coworker of mine. He didn't mean ill, I can honestly say that, but people just say the stupidest things imaginable for whatever reason.
@wysmom14 I thought about doing the same for my DD. The elf just came in the mail yesterday! Also got her some big sister books and tshirt. Waiting til Monday before thanksgiving so she doesnt spill the beans to family before then. We see them pretty often. It's been killing me! Can't wait to tell everyone! Especially DD
@runsomewhere it is weird telling parents. I think I always expecting jumping for joy, but they just kind of say things like "oh how exciting" and ur like... yea it is... my mom and my MIL gave me the crying reaction I wanted with my DD, but for our second it was very muted.
@runsomewhere it is weird telling parents. I think I always expecting jumping for joy, but they just kind of say things like "oh how exciting" and ur like... yea it is... my mom and my MIL gave me the crying reaction I wanted with my DD, but for our second it was very muted.
I know my mom will be excited for us since it took us a year to get pregnant this time. However, I never lost the baby weight and gained some more. Both my parents think I am too overweight to stay healthy during a pregnancy, which I could have done better about losing some pounds and had planned on dieting but got my BFP instead. My doctor says I am just fine, but it's a big reason why I haven't told them. I don't want to hear it all the time that I'll need to start walking or I'll need to do this instead of just being happy that we are finally pregnant. I'm hoping by telling them in front of my extended family that I won't have to hear those comments, because my aunt will shut them down. (my parents both love me dearly, but weight related health issues is a problem in our family and they don't want that for me, it's not about looks, strictly health - so please don't think my parents are bad people)
We have two sleeping beauties in heaven. Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015. They will be forever missed.
@bdesterhouse my mother was concerned about me not being healthy enough bec my daughter is so young. I also was still nursing until last week. So when I miscarried I think they thought it was due to not being healthy enough or maybe I am the one who thought that. My mother lost all her weight before getting pregnant with her second. I have held on to some weight and even though I am in a healthy BMI I am not nearly as strong before I got pregnant with DD. I was running 10 minute miles and roughly 20 miles a week. This pregnancy I was running 3 times a week and did not feel strong at a 14 minute mile and only 8 miles a week. Since nausea hit I have run maybe twice a week... not really great.
@bdesterhouse my mother was concerned about me not being healthy enough bec my daughter is so young. I also was still nursing until last week. So when I miscarried I think they thought it was due to not being healthy enough or maybe I am the one who thought that. My mother lost all her weight before getting pregnant with her second. I have held on to some weight and even though I am in a healthy BMI I am not nearly as strong before I got pregnant with DD. I was running 10 minute miles and roughly 20 miles a week. This pregnancy I was running 3 times a week and did not feel strong at a 14 minute mile and only 8 miles a week. Since nausea hit I have run maybe twice a week... not really great.
It almost takes the enjoyment out of announcing it when your parents don't do the "youtube" reaction. They're the ones who are supposed to give the over the top excited for another grandchild reaction.
We have two sleeping beauties in heaven. Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015. They will be forever missed.
@runsomewhere it is weird telling parents. I think I always expecting jumping for joy, but they just kind of say things like "oh how exciting" and ur like... yea it is... my mom and my MIL gave me the crying reaction I wanted with my DD, but for our second it was very muted.
I told my mom over text this time, announcing with DS on thanksgiving led to my mother crying into her dinner- not happy tears.. Basically she put on a show for her super Christian boyfriend at the time because we weren't married yet and I was *only* 23 (mind you DH was 32). I know her reaction would be different this time around but I just didn't want to deal with it
@runsomewhere it is weird telling parents. I think I always expecting jumping for joy, but they just kind of say things like "oh how exciting" and ur like... yea it is... my mom and my MIL gave me the crying reaction I wanted with my DD, but for our second it was very muted.
I told my mom over text this time, announcing with DS on thanksgiving led to my mother crying into her dinner- not happy tears.. Basically she put on a show for her super Christian boyfriend at the time because we weren't married yet and I was *only* 23 (mind you DH was 32). I know her reaction would be different this time around but I just didn't want to deal with it
Good grief. It's Christians who judge that give other Christians a bad name. I was 21 when I got pregnant with our son and technically conceived him before we got married (found out five days after we got married I was pregnant)... my grandparents would have probably would have been appalled at me for getting married in the catholic church while pregnant, but they didn't know it happened before the wedding. As far as family knows it happened the month we got married. ... I avoided our priest in case he put one and two together and shamed us... irrational but I was 21. You're mom should have been more supportive in my opinion.
We have two sleeping beauties in heaven. Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015. They will be forever missed.
@bdesterhouse absolutely, I had already moved out with DH almost a year prior too. A lot of it was because she had me at 17, and she didn't want that for me. But there's a huge difference between 17 still in high school and 23, senior in college, with an older BF that already has a career. PLUS we had tried for 6 months for DS, so it was really disappointing.
@acunamatada it also doesn't help that he probably doesn't want to be in 40's while you two are still makin babies. At least thats what my husband said and he is only five years older than me. I told him we were done when I hit 30. I was starting to get panicky, because my 29th birthday is in February and we'd already been trying for a year. I'm praying we get at least one more.
We have two sleeping beauties in heaven. Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016. Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015. They will be forever missed.
@bdesterhouse exactly! I know 32 isnt old, especially from a males perspective but we didn't want to wait for marriage, house, etc. So we started with babies! Got married this past Sept and will hopefully be buying a house this summer/fall!
We're going on vacation with DH's family this weekend so I have to tell them, they will just *know* otherwise...as me not drinking is just SO out of the ordinary lol... We bought a little baby book and we're going to write "please read this to me when you meet me in July" or something along those lines. Luckily it's both MIL and FIL's 60th birthdays (the reason we are going away), so it's super inconspicuous to give them a wrapped gift disguised as a birthday present! And I feel weird about telling his parents first so we are Skyping mine on Thursday night before we leave. UGH as I typed this I just got my first real wave of nausea...lovely.
I'm not sure when we will tell our parents. We typically tell them after the first ultrasound around 6 weeks. We may wait longer this time but we'll see how we feel. The only reason we might wait is that I'm not sure how they will react. I'm sure they will be happy as they love their grandchildren but I think they probably will think we are crazy for adding a fourth child. But oh well. We don't tell extended family until around 12ish weeks but last time we didn't tell until 16 weeks after genetic testing was done (due to our history). Not sure how we will handle that this time also.
Married 9/19/09 Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
TTC#1 starting Nov. 2009 3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12 TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts. TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
@christycalifornia Exactly! I hope I'm wrong and they will be just as excited as the other announcements/pregnancies.
Married 9/19/09 Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
TTC#1 starting Nov. 2009 3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12 TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts. TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
My best friend knows, but no one else does yet. We are going to tell all the parents this weekend, after I have an ultrasound on Friday. In a way, I am more excited to tell my husband's family- this will be their first grandchild so they will be becoming grandparents. My parents will be happy but they have been grandparents for a decade already, so it's less exciting for them. One thing I don't know how to do is get my sister and brother in law in a room with us without their kids. I definitely don't want my nieces to know until I am further along. If I ask them to dinner it will likely get pushed back a million times, and if I put my foot down to make it happen I will likely freak them out and they will be showing up completely nervous, which also doesn't sound good. Any suggestions?
I'm torn on what to do! With our first we waited until 8 weeks and told our families at Christmas. *tw with our next pregnancy we lost the baby at 5.5 weeks before we had a chance to tell anyone* with our third pregnancy we waited until 12 weeks to tell family. This time around I'm leaning towards saying something sooner.... firstly because when we did tell our parents last time they were just like "yeah... It's pretty obvious, we've known for weeks" but I also think it would be nice to have some support if things don't go well.... I have no idea.
We have a huge family Christmas Eve party where Santa comes to give each child a gift. I am debating putting in a gift for the baby and letting Santa make the announcement when he calls out the name. I will probably wait closer to February to put anything on social media.
@morganelizabeth123 I feel the same way- we are trying to figure out how to tell my brother and sister in law but my not my 8 and 11 year old nieces. Since I’m only just under 6 weeks. My plan is to just ask the adults into another room. Declare it “adult stuff” and then request that we wait to tell them later on in a special way. I’m afraid they will call my side of the family before I have a chance to tell them in person!
That or you can give them a card- that they’d have to read to themselves- depending on the children’s ages it could work...
So, we have to spill the beans to our friends this weekend, since we have to back out of our trip to Mexico. Merp. But I am going to have fun with it. I think we are going to say I am getting a new job, and it currently is unclear how my vacation would work out, blah, blah, blah. That's kind of the beginning of it for these 4 friends, but they will be sworn to secrecy, since our parents don't know yet. We only expected to tell our family at Thanksgiving, but things moved so fast with booking this trip, that we have to tell them now what is going on. We will have loads of support from them. I can't wait to see their reactions.
My best friend already asked me if I was pregnant, but I told her no, and we'd talk about it on Sunday. So now she is trying to figure out what it could be, and man am I having fun with it.
We are telling our families on Thanksgiving&& I can't wait!! They will be so excited.. My sister has been asking me for probably the last 6 months when I'm going to give her kids a cousin! Lol. Mine and DH's dads both travel for work, but should both be in on thanksgiving so it just seems like the best time to tell everybody! And we wanted to wait until after our first doctor's appointment& I have one on Nov. 21st. I have had to be extra careful around my mom and sister.. We are close, and I have almost accidentally spilled the beans a few times!
I've already told the people who make up my support system - my parents, and my two BFFs. They've been with me through every miserable step of the infertility process, and if I have a loss, I'll need them there to support me through it. ETA: Oh yeah, I told my cousins who I'm going to a wine and tapas festival with on Friday because they were going to be realllly confused why I bought a ticket to a wine festival and didn't drink any wine.
For everyone else: I'll be close to 10 weeks at Christmas and we'll announce then. I plan on doing a Facebook announcement eventually using a "Miracle Baby" onesie surrounded by all of my pill bottles, empty vials, and syringes. In an act of radical optimism, I started saving my infertility medical paraphernalia early on in case we were ever lucky enough to get to make an announcement.
So far I've only told a friend/gym instructor, she was getting me signed up for Shakeology when I found out. She knows that it's special info, so she is good and hasn't told any other gym people. Otherwise, that's it!
I have low progesterone, so we're being cautiously optimistic. I want to announce the pregnancy in May by giving family personalized sunglasses ("Grandma" "Grandpa", etc). We don't live near family, so it'll be easy to hide for seven months. I'll tell friends in person after 12 weeks. *TW* One of my peers just miscarried at 24 weeks, so we're being extra cautious all over *end TW*
Keeping this secret is hard though! Last weekend we traveled for a wedding and were reunited with best friends. I know they noticed that I never finished my one glass of wine (instead of drinking the entire bottle), and that I was avoiding soft cheeses "because dairy is making me gassy now." One of the friends has a young son, and I think he's figured it out (smart friends suck). Next week for Thanksgiving with DH's family we have already told them that WE were challenged to join No Alcohol November, so don't buy us any nice bottles. And I just bought organic decaf K-Cups for my MIL's Keurig. It'll be so nice to spill the beans, but I don't want it on social media at all.
NTNP since Dec 2012 | TTC since Jan 2016 Dx: Unspecified IF BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018
Ive told my sister, brother, sister in law and bff. My adopted brother and sister in law were here last weekend for my dad's celebration of Life. We were taking them to Venice Beach when my doctor's office called. Since they heard most of the conversation, I spilled the beans to them. My mom is having a Christmas eve party, so we are going bring our furbaby with us. She will wear a bandana saying something like, I'm getting a little human for Christmas or soon to be big sister. My MIL only speaks Spanish, so Im trying to figure out what I can get her for Christmas and to share at a Christmas party on dh's side. All othere can wait until after the new year.
I'm thinking Christmas for family, late January for work, but I don't know how I'm going to tell all of my students. Since I teach music I have like 20 classes and it takes me four school days to see all of them. By recess on the first day the first few classes I tell will have spilled the beans to the rest of them! Not that it's a huge secret, I just don't want to be the talk of the school.
Re: Spilling the beans...
TW, I told everyone about my first pregnancy, but it ended in MC around 8 weeks. I wish now I would have been more selective in who I told because honestly, people say the shittiest things when they cannot relate. I heard everything from "Well I guess it was God's plan", all the way to "So you were hitting the bottle, or what?"
Needless to say, I never told anyone about the following pregnancies. The one that was successful, I did not tell anyone other than our immediate family until 6 months.
Long story short, be careful on who you tell early on. People suck sometimes
I'm not sure when or how I am going to tell everybody. It's going to be hard to keep it a secret though through the holidays.
Married: 8/10/13
BFP- 12/18/15, D&E- 4/8/16 @ 21w5d- confirmed Thanatophoric Dysplasia
BFP- 11/7/17, M/C- 11/18/17 @ 4w6d
BFP- 8/25/18 ~ EDD- 5/9/19 ~ DD born 5/2/20 *Lillian Hazel*
BFP- 10/9/20 ~ EDD- 6/21/21
@kburg15 I think deciding to tell after a MC is always a tricky situation. *TW* We went through a MC in July *END TW* We didn't announce to anyone because we were waiting for 12 weeks, but this time around we are going to announce earlier. I think it's safe to limit who you tell, but if you want to I think you should tell close relatives or friends. This is a very exciting time. While it is awful and an unimaginable loss to go through a MC I don't think you (at least how I'm looking at it for myself) can go day by day waiting for something bad to happen. You have to be happy in the moment and enjoy every day you are pregnant!!
So much love and support to all you mamas!
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
Jack gained his wings on 09/02/2016.
Kali gained her wings on 07/28/2015.
They will be forever missed.
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
Me (32) Dx PCOS, DH (32) SA = Normal/mild morph issues
TTC#5 July 2017 - 3rd cycle TTC = BFP on 11/12/17 at 9dpo Beta #1 = 96 at 13dpo - Beta #2 = 207 at 15dpo
3 rounds of Clomid + TI and 3 rounds of 7.5 mg Femara + IUI before our BFP on 11/8/10 at 12dpiui
TTC #2 3rd cycle of Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 4 follies = BFP on 10/12/12
TTC#3 July 2014 - Metformin +TI = BFP at 9dpo - Twins, one baby lost at 5.5 weeks
Macy Annabelle born at 37w4d on 4/29/15. Diagnosed with Cri du Chat and passed away on 6/6/15. Forever in our hearts.
TTC#4 3rd cycle of Metformin + Femara 7.5mg+Ovidrel+TI = 3 follies = BFP on 12/24/16
One thing I don't know how to do is get my sister and brother in law in a room with us without their kids. I definitely don't want my nieces to know until I am further along. If I ask them to dinner it will likely get pushed back a million times, and if I put my foot down to make it happen I will likely freak them out and they will be showing up completely nervous, which also doesn't sound good. Any suggestions?
That or you can give them a card- that they’d have to read to themselves- depending on the children’s ages it could work...
My best friend already asked me if I was pregnant, but I told her no, and we'd talk about it on Sunday. So now she is trying to figure out what it could be, and man am I having fun with it.
DD: 07/19/18
EDD: 06/22/22
For everyone else: I'll be close to 10 weeks at Christmas and we'll announce then. I plan on doing a Facebook announcement eventually using a "Miracle Baby" onesie surrounded by all of my pill bottles, empty vials, and syringes. In an act of radical optimism, I started saving my infertility medical paraphernalia early on in case we were ever lucky enough to get to make an announcement.
I have low progesterone, so we're being cautiously optimistic. I want to announce the pregnancy in May by giving family personalized sunglasses ("Grandma" "Grandpa", etc). We don't live near family, so it'll be easy to hide for seven months. I'll tell friends in person after 12 weeks. *TW* One of my peers just miscarried at 24 weeks, so we're being extra cautious all over *end TW*
Keeping this secret is hard though! Last weekend we traveled for a wedding and were reunited with best friends. I know they noticed that I never finished my one glass of wine (instead of drinking the entire bottle), and that I was avoiding soft cheeses "because dairy is making me gassy now." One of the friends has a young son, and I think he's figured it out (smart friends suck). Next week for Thanksgiving with DH's family we have already told them that WE were challenged to join No Alcohol November, so don't buy us any nice bottles. And I just bought organic decaf K-Cups for my MIL's Keurig. It'll be so nice to spill the beans, but I don't want it on social media at all.
Dx: Unspecified IF
BFP#1 Nov 2017 • Blighted Ovum + MMC • D&C at nine weeks
BFP#2 Apr 2018 • It's a boy! • Born 13 Dec 2018