MIL has never babysat either of my kids for this reason. She refuses to fallow any direction I give her. And if I can’t trust her then oh well. I won’t lie it’s been terrible and lots of drama... my kids my rules though
I struggle with letting my MIL watch DS bc she doesn't follow our rules--then she tries to lie/hide what she does. DS is 2 and talks a lot now, so she can't hide as much. I can't wait until he can full on tattle on her lol
I passed a co-worker while walking down the hall and heard her saying under her breath, "Waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle..." I said, "What?! I'm not waddling yet!" She said, "Eh, a little." WHAT?!?!
I passed a co-worker while walking down the hall and heard her saying under her breath, "Waddle, waddle, waddle, waddle..." I said, "What?! I'm not waddling yet!" She said, "Eh, a little." WHAT?!?!
Had a customer at my work say that I shouldn't rub my belly in a circle because the baby will follow it and get the cord wrapped around it's neck. Umm excuse me wtf do you know? That's not based on any scientific fact.
My mom gave my kids coffee starting around age 2. Well, now DD1 says grandma says it was actually when we were 1. What's next, mom? Alcohol and cigarettes? She snuck around behind my ex and my backs. I know SO is going to be watching her like a hawk.
Had a customer at my work say that I shouldn't rub my belly in a circle because the baby will follow it and get the cord wrapped around it's neck. Umm excuse me wtf do you know? That's not based on any scientific fact.
My mom gave my kids coffee starting around age 2. Well, now DD1 says grandma says it was actually when we were 1. What's next, mom? Alcohol and cigarettes? She snuck around behind my ex and my backs. I know SO is going to be watching her like a hawk.
Why. In the hell. Would your mom want caffeinated children around? I picture a nightmare of energy and destruction.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
My mom and MIL are the only people I trust to watch DS currently and even they push some things sometimes. Mostly little things like sweets (he’s only one, so it’s just a little annoying when he already knows to be crazy about candy) and the car seat (MIL never tightens the straps as much as I do and I often have to make sure the chest buckle is in the right spot. My mom just has a terrible car for a car seat and it’s impossible to get it positioned at the right angle so it’s probably not).
But they have been surprisingly respectful of my ‘mom authority’ from the beginning which I really thought would be a fight, especially with my mom who can be a bit of a know it all and she is very confident in her mom skills so I thought she would be much harder to deal with. My dad on the other hand, I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable letting him watch DS or DD alone, he’s just soooo risk oblivious and drives like a maniac and I’m pretty sure he owns a gun but I don’t know where it is in the house and I doubt it’s safely locked away, so yeah that’s going to be a hard no for a looooong time. He’s a great guy, just totally oblivious.
I’m kind of considering not letting anyone wait in the waiting room this time at delivery. Last time the whole family was there and I really didn’t mind them all coming in to meet DS right away (they had to wait an hour, that was my only rule). But DS was born in the summer and not near flu season, plus my parents were still married so there weren’t super awkward family dynamics to deal with. And I just KNOW my dad will try to bring his new gf which is absolutely not happening because I hardly know her. So I don’t know what I’m going to make ‘the rule’ but I need to figure that out.
Not sure how that turned into a lengthy rant...whoops
Married 6/1/13
BFP #1 7/2013 MMC 9/17/13
BFP #2 5/2014 MC 6/15/14
BFP #3 11/13/14 (Found in ER with ruptured cyst) Diagnosed MC 11/15/14
BFP #4 4/2015 MC 7/1/15
BFP #5 10/21/15 EDD 7/3/16 Praying for our rainbow!
At this point, I am noticeably and undeniably pregnant. I’m at the Endochrinologist now for my the 2nd time this trimester. After weighing me, the nurse checking me in asked when was my last period. I pointed at my stomach and said, “6 mos ago?” She looked at me, surprised, and said, “Oh!” Smh.
My mom gave my kids coffee starting around age 2. Well, now DD1 says grandma says it was actually when we were 1. What's next, mom? Alcohol and cigarettes? She snuck around behind my ex and my backs. I know SO is going to be watching her like a hawk.
Why. In the hell. Would your mom want caffeinated children around? I picture a nightmare of energy and destruction.
My kids have ADHD. I describe them as those little bouncy balls you get out of the quarter machines. And that's not sugared and caffeinated. I think she enjoys her grandma prerogative to spoil her grandkids. When she gets them even more wound up than normal, I tell her how exhausted I am and I go take a nap. Have fun grandma.
@olitwinturbosnprincess Doesn't coffee taste gross to kids? Or did she load it with sugar and cream so the taste was less bitter? I would think soda would be more of a "spoiling the kids" beverage. But hey, if she wants to wind them up and deal with the fall out, you're right to let her!
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
I just have to say, I totally let my kids have coffee as toddlers. Normally decaf if I say yes, so I don't view it any differently than any other drink. My coffee has a little bit of creamer, but isn't very sweet and they love it.
My mom did the same with us and would fill the little half and half thimble cups for us. It's one of my warm & fuzzy childhood memories.
My parents were over the other night and we started talking about Thanksgiving plans. My dad commented that in another month I may not feel up to doing all of the cooking like I normally do and to let my mom pitch in and help. (I don't usually have patience for anyone else in my kitchen.) He then reminded me that from here my belly will start growing more rapidly and said we'd have to 'put runway lights on that thing' before too much longer.
I laughed b/c I know my dad's sense of humor and learned to let stuff like that roll of my back years ago. I hear my mom gave him quite an earful on the way home though. The look of horror on my husband's face was priceless too. I'm sure he expected me have a tearful melt down at any moment.
@eggplantface I never acquired the taste for coffee, so I'm not sure why they like it! My mom uses a decent amount of creamer and sugar in hers and would let them have some of that. Now I have a 14 year old that makes her own at home and has a Starbucks habit.
@3plus1equals4 I will let my kids get some of the decaf at church. They are old enough to fix their own now. Otherwise it's pretty much a grandma thing for my twins who are my super-ADHD kids.
My mum is planning baby shower for beginning of December. We live 3 hours away from all family so this works for us for not being too close to Christmas or me being too too uncomfortably pregnant to travel. We mentioned the date to MIL so she could put it in her calendar and she told us that she doesn’t have any weekends free until after the baby is born so she can’t come. She’s retired. And makes and sells chocolates as a hobby. And apparently has non negotiable craft sales every weekend until February.....
when we asked her about this she said that she had assumed the baby shower would be right after the baby was born so that everyone could meet her. And I’m like wait. You expected me to drive 6 hours round trip right after giving birth to my first child so that everyone could meet her....it’s not even the driving part that boggles my mind (even though it’s crazy) it’s that she expected me to do it for the sake of everyone else.....
My mum is planning baby shower for beginning of December. We live 3 hours away from all family so this works for us for not being too close to Christmas or me being too too uncomfortably pregnant to travel. We mentioned the date to MIL so she could put it in her calendar and she told us that she doesn’t have any weekends free until after the baby is born so she can’t come. She’s retired. And makes and sells chocolates as a hobby. And apparently has non negotiable craft sales every weekend until February.....
As a person who works at farmers markets and craft fairs, November - December weekends are prime weekends for sales of food gifts. It takes many years to get into better locations, and if you don't show you are done at that show for good, so i understand where she is coming from.
I wouldn't stress about it, it's a choice she had to make. Enjoy your parry with out her.
My mum is planning baby shower for beginning of December. We live 3 hours away from all family so this works for us for not being too close to Christmas or me being too too uncomfortably pregnant to travel. We mentioned the date to MIL so she could put it in her calendar and she told us that she doesn’t have any weekends free until after the baby is born so she can’t come. She’s retired. And makes and sells chocolates as a hobby. And apparently has non negotiable craft sales every weekend until February.....
As a person who works at farmers markets and craft fairs, November - December weekends are prime weekends for sales of food gifts. It takes many years to get into better locations, and if you don't show you are done at that show for good, so i understand where she is coming from.
I wouldn't stress about it, it's a choice she had to make. Enjoy your parry with out her.
I do get it for sure. I guess I’m just annoyed because she told us this summer she was getting out of doing it. And then when we mentioned over a month ago the shower would probably be in December she didn’t say anything. And now only says something when my mom has planned a date. Sigh. But not like I can do anything about it. I’m not having the shower after the baby is born so this is the best option. I guess I just feel bad that she can’t come and am annoyed that I feel bad when she’s the one who made it impossible to have it when she come.
If the date wasn't set literally a year in advance, she probably had the dates committed, although that doesn't make you feel any better I'm sure, and she probably also feels pretty bummed she can't make it.
If one more co-worker tells me, "You're starting to get that waddle," I'm going to cry. It's too early to waddle. Perhaps you just want me to be waddling, or maybe I walked this way before and you just never cared to notice.
ETA: What I want to say in response is: "Am I? Well, I'm over 6 mos pregnant. What's your excuse?"
What I want to say in response is: "Am I? Well, I'm over 6 mos pregnant. What's your excuse?"
I fully support saying this to anyone who tells you that you’re waddling. That’s extremelh not cool and even if you were... what is the point of mentioning it? I’m not sure why people feel comfortable saying these kinds of things but maybe you could also let them know what kinds of things are “inside thoughts” and what kinds of things are “outside thoughts” like they do with small children.
@babybro218 Yeah, why are they even mentioning it? Is it a bad thing? A good thing? Does it matter at all? Just let me walk and leave me alone.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
My MIL is always asking how much weight I’ve gained. I just say I don’t weigh myself... how rude! But if I asked her how much weight she’s gained in the past 6 months it would probably not go over to well.
My MIL is always asking how much weight I’ve gained. I just say I don’t weigh myself... how rude! But if I asked her how much weight she’s gained in the past 6 months it would probably not go over to well.
My MIL asked me this with DS1. My response- “my Dr is not worried. Are you?” With an angry tone and mean face lol. She got the point lol
My MIL is always asking how much weight I’ve gained. I just say I don’t weigh myself... how rude! But if I asked her how much weight she’s gained in the past 6 months it would probably not go over to well.
My MIL asked me this with DS1. My response- “my Dr is not worried. Are you?” With an angry tone and mean face lol. She got the point lol
No one has ever asked me this question...but... I feel like my automatic sarcastic bitch defense mechanism would be triggered and before I could stop myself, I'd probably say something like "It's likely not as much as you've gained in the last six months"
My MIL is always asking how much weight I’ve gained. I just say I don’t weigh myself... how rude! But if I asked her how much weight she’s gained in the past 6 months it would probably not go over to well.
Oh man! Now I kind of want my own MIL to ask me this, just so I can take out some aggression on her.
Someone at work said I was waddling. I may have told her I could kick her in the vag repeatedly if she’d like to she how much pain I am in these days. Needless to say she was shocked at my response and didn’t know what to say.
My MIL is always asking how much weight I’ve gained. I just say I don’t weigh myself... how rude! But if I asked her how much weight she’s gained in the past 6 months it would probably not go over to well.
Oh man! Now I kind of want my own MIL to ask me this, just so I can take out some aggression on her.
Saaaaaame! (Not specific to my MIL, but to anyone else that asks me that.)
My mother keeps telling me I'm fat. Not pregnant looking, but fat. She is just such a pleasant positive person to be around right now (not!)
Yikes. This reminded me... when someone says something negative to my husband he always responds with: I learned it from you. So like an example if you tell him he’s doing something particular that is annoying, he’ll say well, I learned it from you. Maybe if she calls you fat again... haha I don’t know how badly this would play but I’m guessing she wouldn’t say it again (probably cause she wouldn’t be speaking to you)
My mother keeps telling me I'm fat. Not pregnant looking, but fat. She is just such a pleasant positive person to be around right now (not!)
A couple weeks ago my MIL gave me a weight watchers cookbook as a "gift". I've decided since people can say mean things since I'm pregnant I can do the same.
My MIL is always asking how much weight I’ve gained. I just say I don’t weigh myself... how rude! But if I asked her how much weight she’s gained in the past 6 months it would probably not go over to well.
My own mom asks me this every time I see her. I made the mistake of saying a month or two ago thay I'd only gained 2 lbs and she goes, okay so how much then? Now I just say that the doctors say I'm right on track and change the subject. And then she talks about how much she currently weighs (shes always been very slim unlike me.) Sigh. I feel your pain.
@clc515 Your mom sounds like my mom. My mom is obsessed with weight and being "thin." She hasn't asked me about weight gain yet, but I'm dreading when she does, which I think she will do in the coming months as I grow much bigger. I have the same answer as you, "My doc isn't concerned."
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
So i got the watermelon comment yesterday which was whatever. Today I am hurting pretty bad and was huffing my way to the bathroom at Home Depot. Some guy was like "you gonna make it hahaha". I just said YEP and kept going but I really wanted to snap his head off. I'm clearly struggling dude eff you.
@SarahFoley725 Thanks! I'd read about what a huge difference it makes in the restraints, but hadn't seen pictures. That's crazy! And you are too kind to people... I'd have punched someone by now if I were you!
All the weight comments just shock me! I can’t believe anyone would tell anyone else, especially a pregnant woman, she’s gained weight or asked how much!! It doesn’t bother me about waddling, and I’m def at that point. So sore some days.
This happened a week ago and to my friend, but it's noteworthy:
I was at my friend's mom's house to see my friend's 10-week-old baby (she was in town for my baby shower), and the mom poked my friend in her post-partum belly and said "This has to go back in." My friend got really upset and ran from the room, shouting back "I just had a baby, mom, what's your excuse?" And the mom looked at me with this shit-eating grin and I said "[Name], you can't say things like that, it's really unfair and hurtful." But the mom really doesn't care. She's been commenting on her daughters' weights since they were kids, which explains their obsession with their weight and disordered eating. And no, mom is not svelte, she's always been overweight while her daughters are a healthy weight (if not under sometimes). I told my mom if she ever mentions my stomach to me after birth I will kill her.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s TTC #1 since April 2015 RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016 IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal Polyp removed May 2017 FET May 2017 - BFP! Baby boy born 2/2/18
This happened a week ago and to my friend, but it's noteworthy:
I was at my friend's mom's house to see my friend's 10-week-old baby (she was in town for my baby shower), and the mom poked my friend in her post-partum belly and said "This has to go back in." My friend got really upset and ran from the room, shouting back "I just had a baby, mom, what's your excuse?" And the mom looked at me with this shit-eating grin and I said "[Name], you can't say things like that, it's really unfair and hurtful." But the mom really doesn't care. She's been commenting on her daughters' weights since they were kids, which explains their obsession with their weight and disordered eating. And no, mom is not svelte, she's always been overweight while her daughters are a healthy weight (if not under sometimes). I told my mom if she ever mentions my stomach to me after birth I will kill her.
WOW! Of all the horrible things that have been recounted in this thread... I think this one takes the cake. This makes me both rage-y and want to cry on behalf of this poor woman.
@eggplantface That's awful!!! And it was her own mother who said that? That makes it even worse.
My MIL just posted a link to an anit-vaccine propoganda article on my facebook. She and I have already discussed our different opinions on this, and I've made it very clear to her in the past that we fully vaccinate and it's not something we're going to discuss anymore. We haven't talked about it in months, so I'm not sure why she out-of-the-blue posted this. I'm also pretty upset that instead of sending it to me in a private message, she put publicly on my page. Feels like she is calling me out in front of a bunch of people instead of raising a concern. However, she's also only been on facebook (actually the internet period) for about a year and I know she still gets confused about how to do things on there... so there is a legitimate possibility that she meant to just send it to me and didn't realize she'd put it on my page.
In any case, this has been established as a non-conversation topic for her and whether or not it was an accident she needs to be told that it was completely inappropriate to post that publicly on my page. I feel like I've already talked about this with her, so maybe I'll have DH do it... but then again I don't know if it's right to put him in the middle. But it is his mother. I need to sit on it a while before I say anything to anyone because if I try to tell her or him about it now it'll probably just come out in angry screams. I just deleted it when I saw it for now.
Also, I'm annoyed that my life has been reduced to facebook drama today.
Re: Sh*t my SO/ILs/Anyone Says
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
But they have been surprisingly respectful of my ‘mom authority’ from the beginning which I really thought would be a fight, especially with my mom who can be a bit of a know it all and she is very confident in her mom skills so I thought she would be much harder to deal with. My dad on the other hand, I don’t know if I’ll ever be comfortable letting him watch DS or DD alone, he’s just soooo risk oblivious and drives like a maniac and I’m pretty sure he owns a gun but I don’t know where it is in the house and I doubt it’s safely locked away, so yeah that’s going to be a hard no for a looooong time. He’s a great guy, just totally oblivious.
I’m kind of considering not letting anyone wait in the waiting room this time at delivery. Last time the whole family was there and I really didn’t mind them all coming in to meet DS right away (they had to wait an hour, that was my only rule). But DS was born in the summer and not near flu season, plus my parents were still married so there weren’t super awkward family dynamics to deal with. And I just KNOW my dad will try to bring his new gf which is absolutely not happening because I hardly know her. So I don’t know what I’m going to make ‘the rule’ but I need to figure that out.
Not sure how that turned into a lengthy rant...whoops
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
My mom did the same with us and would fill the little half and half thimble cups for us. It's one of my warm & fuzzy childhood memories.
I laughed b/c I know my dad's sense of humor and learned to let stuff like that roll of my back years ago. I hear my mom gave him quite an earful on the way home though.
@3plus1equals4 I will let my kids get some of the decaf at church. They are old enough to fix their own now. Otherwise it's pretty much a grandma thing for my twins who are my super-ADHD kids.
when we asked her about this she said that she had assumed the baby shower would be right after the baby was born so that everyone could meet her. And I’m like wait. You expected me to drive 6 hours round trip right after giving birth to my first child so that everyone could meet her....it’s not even the driving part that boggles my mind (even though it’s crazy) it’s that she expected me to do it for the sake of everyone else.....
I wouldn't stress about it, it's a choice she had to make. Enjoy your parry with out her.
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
ETA: What I want to say in response is: "Am I? Well, I'm over 6 mos pregnant. What's your excuse?"
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
older siblings: ds 16 dd 14 ds 13 dd 11 dd 7
this would play but I’m guessing she wouldn’t say it again (probably cause she wouldn’t be speaking to you)
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
So i got the watermelon comment yesterday which was whatever. Today I am hurting pretty bad and was huffing my way to the bathroom at Home Depot. Some guy was like "you gonna make it hahaha". I just said YEP and kept going but I really wanted to snap his head off. I'm clearly struggling dude eff you.
I was at my friend's mom's house to see my friend's 10-week-old baby (she was in town for my baby shower), and the mom poked my friend in her post-partum belly and said "This has to go back in." My friend got really upset and ran from the room, shouting back "I just had a baby, mom, what's your excuse?" And the mom looked at me with this shit-eating grin and I said "[Name], you can't say things like that, it's really unfair and hurtful." But the mom really doesn't care. She's been commenting on her daughters' weights since they were kids, which explains their obsession with their weight and disordered eating. And no, mom is not svelte, she's always been overweight while her daughters are a healthy weight (if not under sometimes). I told my mom if she ever mentions my stomach to me after birth I will kill her.
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18
My MIL just posted a link to an anit-vaccine propoganda article on my facebook. She and I have already discussed our different opinions on this, and I've made it very clear to her in the past that we fully vaccinate and it's not something we're going to discuss anymore. We haven't talked about it in months, so I'm not sure why she out-of-the-blue posted this. I'm also pretty upset that instead of sending it to me in a private message, she put publicly on my page. Feels like she is calling me out in front of a bunch of people instead of raising a concern. However, she's also only been on facebook (actually the internet period) for about a year and I know she still gets confused about how to do things on there... so there is a legitimate possibility that she meant to just send it to me and didn't realize she'd put it on my page.
In any case, this has been established as a non-conversation topic for her and whether or not it was an accident she needs to be told that it was completely inappropriate to post that publicly on my page. I feel like I've already talked about this with her, so maybe I'll have DH do it... but then again I don't know if it's right to put him in the middle. But it is his mother. I need to sit on it a while before I say anything to anyone because if I try to tell her or him about it now it'll probably just come out in angry screams. I just deleted it when I saw it for now.
Also, I'm annoyed that my life has been reduced to facebook drama today.