Sh*t my SO/ILs/Anyone Says — The Bump
February 2018 Moms

Sh*t my SO/ILs/Anyone Says

We have a "Crappy Advice" thread, but what about just random things you hear from people, whether your SO, or friends, or family, or strangers on the street who feel the need to comment on your life?

E.g., I told my mom I was tired and she asked why, because apparently she doesn't think it's normal to be tired in the first trimester. Then she told me I'm too young to be tired all the time.

I also told her I had no appetite and she said "Well that's different!" What a fun way to kick me while I'm down.
Me: late 30s | H: early 30s
TTC #1 since April 2015
RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
Polyp removed May 2017
FET May 2017 - BFP!
Baby boy born 2/2/18

essentialpeacemamajenna_cnmFireLily0ashhsaalice0218starla
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Re: Sh*t my SO/ILs/Anyone Says

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  • clc515 said:
    So I'm, like, really gassy courtesy of this wee baby. It's turrible and constant, and oh so feminine. DH goes, "I think you're trying to force the burps." Uh no, darling, I don't WANT to do this at all!
    Funny- so when ever DH and I say terrible we say turrible impersonating Charles Barkley.....not sure if that's how you say it. But when I read your post I had to read that word like Charles:)  I laughed. 
    fruitpudding1696
  • Chawk17 said:
    clc515 said:
    So I'm, like, really gassy courtesy of this wee baby. It's turrible and constant, and oh so feminine. DH goes, "I think you're trying to force the burps." Uh no, darling, I don't WANT to do this at all!
    Funny- so when ever DH and I say terrible we say turrible impersonating Charles Barkley.....not sure if that's how you say it. But when I read your post I had to read that word like Charles:)  I laughed. 
    Same!
    Me: late 30s | H: early 30s
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
    IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
    IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
    Polyp removed May 2017
    FET May 2017 - BFP!
    Baby boy born 2/2/18

  • @JandJ62914 That makes me cringe. Years ago my FIL commented on a photo of his granddaughter on FB something about her being "his girl," and the girl's mother (H's brother's wife) goes "Really, John?" and FIL showed me the comment and asked me what the big deal was, and I was like



    I don't think we were married at that point. But it let me know to be on the look out with this kid.
    Me: late 30s | H: early 30s
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
    IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
    IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
    Polyp removed May 2017
    FET May 2017 - BFP!
    Baby boy born 2/2/18

    JandJ62914starla
  • @JandJ62914  My MIL says the same stuff about DS "My sweet boy wanted me to pick him up some cookies" or whatever.  He is always "her" baby.  Umm--no.  For the past year and a half I had to hear about how much DS looks and acts like DH when he was a baby.  I am sure that will start over again with this baby.  
    JandJ62914
  • KLHauck12 said:
    Last night I was laying in bed feeling terrible and complaining to DH about how miserable I've been. He says "it will all be worth it in the end" and keeps going on about how we'll have another wonderful kiddo like we have. It was sweet and he was trying to be supportive (I may have made a comment the night before about needing more sympathy). And its all very true..and I am well aware of it! But in the moment, all I could think of was "you get the reward of the beautiful baby at the end of all this but don't have to go through any of this misery!"
    Omg I said this exact thing to DH when we were fighting about him not understanding what I'm going through. He woke up and realized real quick what empathy was. Plus it doesn't help that his mom is always contradicting everything. telling him how I should be feeling. Hello lady. This is my body, my experience, you had your time.  
    starla
  • Chawk17Chawk17
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    edited July 2017
    I'm nervous about my MIL this will be DHs families first grandbaby.
    My brother had 2 girls -so my mom knows her boundaries as a MIL  ( we will see how she does with her own daughter!) I am terrified of how controlling my mil will be. 
  • My MIL asks me every time I see her when she can tell all her friends about the baby. She did this last pregnancy too. We told them at 6 weeks each time and I explained both times that we told them really early and we would let them know when they could share OUR news. But no, please continue to ask me every single time we talk. Next time I'm considering not saying anything until we're out of the first tri and when she asks why I didn't tell her sooner this will be my reason why. She was lucky enough to find out so early, just leave it at that and let us have our privacy. 

    ***TW***
    With our first baby when she asked why she couldn't tell her friends yet and I explained the risks, she had the audacity to say "oh that doesn't really happen" in reference to miscarriages. I was appalled. I of course explained to her how horribly inappropriate and wrong that was to say and my BIL backed me up, but she just shrugged it off and continued to press the issue. This time she's still pushing "well you heard the heartbeat so it's fine..." ugh.
    eggplantface
  • I feel like DH is not quite as understanding with my feeling like crap as he was with DD. But I feel like an epic pile of crap and it just so happens I am on vacation for the next two weeks so...if I want to watch 17 episodes of Homeland, I'll do just that. 

    Maybe it's just that our two year old is full of piss and vinegar right now but dude...man up. Mama tired. 
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    DH: 32
    Me: 31
    Baby #1: BFP 1/30/14, EDD 9/28/14, natural MC @ 6 weeks
    Baby #2: BFP 8/1/2014, EDD 4/9/2015, It's a GIRL: Addison Elizabeth!

    image
    eggplantfacemagnolia305hr1116katefb17
  • clc515clc515
    500 Love Its 500 Comments First Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    @Chawk17 and @eggplantface yes! We say turrible just like that lmao. Watched him for years as a player and commentator and things just stick :) 
    eggplantface
  • @awb1216  yes I was totally freaked out. 

    My MIL and BIL had a huge blow out in our front yard with DH when DS was 3mo old. They were accusing us of keeping DS from them on purpose, saying I took DS to nurse and didn't actually nurse him... etc. it was bad.

    None of it was true either. I was actually really struggling with nursing and needed a shield which took wayyyy longer to nurse.  Which they did not know it because it was none of their business. Then he'd fall asleep and sleep for an hour or so. I left him upstairs while he slept bc it was crazy downstairs with so many visitors. So he was only up and not nursing for maybe 30min. 

    And all they they wanted to do is hold him.  They would come over, make a huge mess, and clean up nothing for the first three months of his life. 

    Thankfully DH put them in their place and it was much better with DD. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    BabyFruit Ticker
  • RSainiRSaini
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    @awb1216  yes I was totally freaked out. 

    My MIL and BIL had a huge blow out in our front yard with DH when DS was 3mo old. They were accusing us of keeping DS from them on purpose, saying I took DS to nurse and didn't actually nurse him... etc. it was bad.

    None of it was true either. I was actually really struggling with nursing and needed a shield which took wayyyy longer to nurse.  Which they did not know it because it was none of their business. Then he'd fall asleep and sleep for an hour or so. I left him upstairs while he slept bc it was crazy downstairs with so many visitors. So he was only up and not nursing for maybe 30min. 

    And all they they wanted to do is hold him.  They would come over, make a huge mess, and clean up nothing for the first three months of his life. 

    Thankfully DH put them in their place and it was much better with DD. 
    That sounds like my in-laws. They would come over when DS was born and do nothing to help out. Just came to hold the baby. So freaking annoying. 

    This is from my last pregnancy but my MIL one day during the first trimester wanted to have a "talk" with me about how she noticed I wasn't eating and basically starving my unborn child because I wasn't eating left overs for lunch. I had to explain to her I'm either eating out cause everything in the house is making me nauseous, especially leftovers, or I'm eating at my mom's house. Absolutely ridiculous. I am so happy we moved out before DS was born. 
  • I've had two annoying comments in the last two days. 

    1. We are potentially facing another nonviable pregnancy, will hopefully see a heartbeat and a growing baby today, but I've been doing a good job of keeping my emotions in check and not letting anyone see how nervous and upset I am. I tried to talk to DH about it the other night and his response was "well we have it pretty good..." "everything happens for a reason..." I'm not really sure what point he was making, and I know in his mind he was being supportive, but WTF. Suck it up buttercup is not the response I was looking for. 

    2. DD just turned 18months. She has shown interest in the the potty but no other signals yet and does not try to climb out of her crib. MIL has been pushing to potty train and move her to a different bed for a few months and yesterday made these comments "you know, kevin was fully potty trained by 18 months...and he was already in a youth bed too!" Ok, that's nice. Pretty sure you were home with him full time to potty train and had other young children that needed the crib so it made sense to move him early. Grrrrr. Probably not even that bad I'm just grumpy. 
    Me: 30 DH: 31
    Married: 2012
    BFP #1 Sept 2014, MMC Dec 2014 | BFP #2 May 2015, DD Jan 2016 <3 | BFP #3 May 2017, MC July 2017 | BFP #4 Jan 2018, MC Feb 2018 | BFP #5 July 2018, fingers crossed
    eggplantfacechucksmom15alice0218
  • ashhsaashhsa
    500 Love Its 500 Comments Second Anniversary First Answer
    member
    I've had two annoying comments in the last two days. 

    1. We are potentially facing another nonviable pregnancy, will hopefully see a heartbeat and a growing baby today, but I've been doing a good job of keeping my emotions in check and not letting anyone see how nervous and upset I am. I tried to talk to DH about it the other night and his response was "well we have it pretty good..." "everything happens for a reason..." I'm not really sure what point he was making, and I know in his mind he was being supportive, but WTF. Suck it up buttercup is not the response I was looking for. 

    2. DD just turned 18months. She has shown interest in the the potty but no other signals yet and does not try to climb out of her crib. MIL has been pushing to potty train and move her to a different bed for a few months and yesterday made these comments "you know, kevin was fully potty trained by 18 months...and he was already in a youth bed too!" Ok, that's nice. Pretty sure you were home with him full time to potty train and had other young children that needed the crib so it made sense to move him early. Grrrrr. Probably not even that bad I'm just grumpy. 
    Oh Hun, I'm sorry you are going thought this- men are often hopeless at expressing their feelings- he is probably struggling too and is trying to be strong and optimistic for your sake- though I agree it is a pretty insensitive thing to say. I have had innfertillity problems and I have an 18 month old also and when we were trying and failing this time around my husband would say very similar things. "We have dd- that's all that matters" like he really thought that would cheer me up, he didn't understand that made me feel guilty too! It's so complicated! really hoping this pregnancy sticks for you! X
    neener*neener*magnolia305mamakate1616
  • RSainiRSaini
    250 Love Its 100 Comments Second Anniversary Name Dropper
    member
    I've had two annoying comments in the last two days. 

    1. We are potentially facing another nonviable pregnancy, will hopefully see a heartbeat and a growing baby today, but I've been doing a good job of keeping my emotions in check and not letting anyone see how nervous and upset I am. I tried to talk to DH about it the other night and his response was "well we have it pretty good..." "everything happens for a reason..." I'm not really sure what point he was making, and I know in his mind he was being supportive, but WTF. Suck it up buttercup is not the response I was looking for. 

    2. DD just turned 18months. She has shown interest in the the potty but no other signals yet and does not try to climb out of her crib. MIL has been pushing to potty train and move her to a different bed for a few months and yesterday made these comments "you know, kevin was fully potty trained by 18 months...and he was already in a youth bed too!" Ok, that's nice. Pretty sure you were home with him full time to potty train and had other young children that needed the crib so it made sense to move him early. Grrrrr. Probably not even that bad I'm just grumpy. 
    @littletrollmama I am so sorry you're going through this right now. I am wishing you all the best and keeping you in my thoughts. I hope you get some good news.

    I agree with you on your MIL. Mine is the same and I am so close to saying something to her too. I don't think it's just you being grumpy. They don't realize times have changed and not all kids are the same. 
    mamakate1616SquirrelsRWatching

  • 2. DD just turned 18months. She has shown interest in the the potty but no other signals yet and does not try to climb out of her crib. MIL has been pushing to potty train and move her to a different bed for a few months and yesterday made these comments "you know, kevin was fully potty trained by 18 months...and he was already in a youth bed too!" Ok, that's nice. Pretty sure you were home with him full time to potty train and had other young children that needed the crib so it made sense to move him early. Grrrrr. Probably not even that bad I'm just grumpy. 
    Kids aren't (generally) able to be potty trained until 2. Age 3 is normal. My co workers daughter is just over 2 and is potty training, but she showed complete interest in the potty and basically refuses her diapers. 
    My son is almost 2.5, and he shows no interest in the potty at all. 

    Married 1/09/10

    BFP 6/10/14
    EDD 2/17/15
    DS 2/17/15

    BFP 6/12/17
    EDD 2/18/17
    Deja vu??



    neener*neener*essentialpeace

  • 2. DD just turned 18months. She has shown interest in the the potty but no other signals yet and does not try to climb out of her crib. MIL has been pushing to potty train and move her to a different bed for a few months and yesterday made these comments "you know, kevin was fully potty trained by 18 months...and he was already in a youth bed too!" Ok, that's nice. Pretty sure you were home with him full time to potty train and had other young children that needed the crib so it made sense to move him early. Grrrrr. Probably not even that bad I'm just grumpy. 
    Kids aren't (generally) able to be potty trained until 2. Age 3 is normal. My co workers daughter is just over 2 and is potty training, but she showed complete interest in the potty and basically refuses her diapers. 
    My son is almost 2.5, and he shows no interest in the potty at all. 
    Exactly. My MIL keeps saying how "All my kids were potty trained by age 1." No, you were trained. They weren't. 
    mamakate1616mpp06farmrose
  • @TattoosandLace what do you mean your MIL was trained? 
  • mblomq2 said:
    @TattoosandLace what do you mean your MIL was trained? 
    I assumed she means that MIL was trained to take him to the toilet every hour or two as opposed to the child figuring out for themselves when they have to go and just going

     DD born Oct 2011 - DS#1 born Jan 2014 - DS#2 born Apr 2015 - DS#3 born Sept 2016 - LO#5 due Feb 7, 2018

    ashhsa
  • @rainafire77 That's the perfect gif for that!
    Me: late 30s | H: early 30s
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
    IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
    IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
    Polyp removed May 2017
    FET May 2017 - BFP!
    Baby boy born 2/2/18

    rainafire77katefb17
  • I love that my parents are excited, but... I'm am 11w4d and in the last couple weeks, my mother has already given me "advice" on baby furniture and limiting LO's screen time.  She went to the Dr. last week for her annual exam and made sure to tell me that she got all of her vaccines, because she's "ready to hold that baby!"  Meanwhile, I'm over here trying to get through the first trimester without losing my mind...
    neener*neener*
  • hr1116hr1116
    100 Love Its 10 Comments Name Dropper Photogenic
    member
    My husbands step mum thinks I am faking, just to not visit them. "Pregnancy doesn't make you tired"
    gtfo 
    manniebeth
  • hr1116 said:
    My husbands step mum thinks I am faking, just to not visit them. "Pregnancy doesn't make you tired"
    gtfo 
    My mom has been making comments like that, not that I'm faking but that I'm exaggerating. Like "Oh, I don't remember feeling like that..." Well yeah, mom, it was 38 years ago, I doubt you remember exactly how you felt. But how about you trust me, k?
    Me: late 30s | H: early 30s
    TTC #1 since April 2015
    RE Dx: Fibroids, surgery Jan 2016
    IUI #1 and #2, Nov/Dec 2016, BFN
    IVF March 2017: ER - 5R/3M/3F, 1 PGS normal
    Polyp removed May 2017
    FET May 2017 - BFP!
    Baby boy born 2/2/18

    manniebeth
  • hr1116 said:
    My husbands step mum thinks I am faking, just to not visit them. "Pregnancy doesn't make you tired"
    gtfo 
    What a lovely person. :-/

    ****TW Signature****
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DD born 04/28/2002
    Married DH 03/25/2017
    1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
    BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018


    hr1116julievdm12
  • hr1116 said:
    My husbands step mum thinks I am faking, just to not visit them. "Pregnancy doesn't make you tired"
    gtfo 
    My mom has been making comments like that, not that I'm faking but that I'm exaggerating. Like "Oh, I don't remember feeling like that..." Well yeah, mom, it was 38 years ago, I doubt you remember exactly how you felt. But how about you trust me, k?
    Ugh that's annoying. My mom is the opposite with me this pregnancy. She keeps telling me I need to rest more. Ok, with a toddler at home, sure mom I will rest more. 
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



    eggplantfacestarlamanniebeth
  • hr1116 said:
    My husbands step mum thinks I am faking, just to not visit them. "Pregnancy doesn't make you tired"
    gtfo 
    My mom has been making comments like that, not that I'm faking but that I'm exaggerating. Like "Oh, I don't remember feeling like that..." Well yeah, mom, it was 38 years ago, I doubt you remember exactly how you felt. But how about you trust me, k?
    This all day.  If my mom says I don't remember having that or I don't remember that being an issue one more time!!  I am having bad RLP and her response was I never had that.  Ummmmm I'm pretty sure your uterus still had to stretch out 36 years ago!!!
    eggplantfacemanniebethmsunshine123katefb17
  • Then there's the category of person who needs a name, like the "Schadenfreuders" or "Just you waiters," who when you tell them you're actually feeling kind of OK for a minute go "oh but just you wait, your feet will swell and you'll get hemorrhoids!" Like, why are you so gleeful at the thought of my suffering?
    I don't mind the "just you waiters" unless they initiate the converstion and ask how you are feeling. It's like, well if you didn't really want to know, don't ask me. *eyeroll*
    *TW* Spoiler
    Me: 33 DH:30
    DD: Aug '16
    10/2017: Twins confirmed with TTTS at 22 weeks.
    10/10/17 Twin B passed after in utero surgery
    11/2/17 Twin A & B born 
    11/26/17: Twin A passed after 24 days fighting in the NICU
    Benched 6 months 
    BFP: 6/28/18 MC:7/16/18  BO
    BFP: 10/2/18 EDD 6/15/18



    eggplantfacerainafire77
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