*TW* *long ass rambling W*
I know I've heard about gender disappointment. With my first two, I truly did not give a flying f what they were. It happened to be boy, and girl. One of the things that excited me about having a girl was the (lack of) mother-daughter relationship my mother and I had. I wanted the opportunity to do it right. Wellll, Leah passed away unexpectedly when she was a few days old.
I went through about 11.5 months of never wanting children again and about 2 weeks before we got pregnant I realized how desperately I wanted another baby. Lo and behold, we were told it was twins.
It just hit me HOW bad I want one of them to be a girl. I was given the opportunity to raise a girl and foster that relationship that I wanted growing up (I know things don't always follow a plan) and it was taken away from me. I was thinking about it all night and sure enough, I dream about it. I kept having different scenario dreams where we found out we were having two boys. I hate to admit that I was devastated.
I'm sure, regardless of genitalia, I will be thrilled to have the healthy babies.... but shit I'm going to be very disappointed if they tell me there are two boys in there. I know how great raising boys is. My boy is my heartbeat he's the best thing about my world. But fuck, I want a (living)daughter again and two was supposed to be my max for having kids so 3 (4) most definitely puts me at my max. This is stressing me way more than it should. The fact that I know these feelings are unsavoury is also making me feel guilty. Anyway.... rant over.
We have a 3/d ultrasound on the 19th
@syssa-o **TW** I think you are dealing with more than your average disappointed. For your situation, it's more than reasonable to understand why you might want the experience of raising a daughter due to losing one. We all know you will be happy with whoever is born. Be easy on yourself.