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TTC After a Loss
leahcimmichael
member
TTCAL week of 8/28 Check-In
leahcimmichael
member
Good morning, ladies! Hope everyone had a good weekend and none of you were in the path of Hurricane Harvey!
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)
2. Status?
3. Rants/Raves
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)?
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)
2. Status?
3. Rants/Raves
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)?
Re: TTCAL week of 8/28 Check-In
2. TWW. 10dpo. BFN this morning, which burst my bubble a little bit.
3. Not feeling particularly ranty nor ravey today. Just holding my breath hoping AF doesn't show up this time and harsh my mellow.
4. "Stop eating people’s old French fries, pigeon! Have some self respect! Don’t you know you can fly?" -Tracy Jordan, 30 Rock. This quote seems goofy, but it became really meaningful to me at a low point. I spent my 20s settling and when I decided to break free this became my mantra!
2. Status? WTO CD4. Started femara yesterday and will start shots in a couple days. US Saturday and will soon schedule IUI
3. Rants/Raves. Had great wkd celebrating DSs 2nd birthday and spending time with my family in MI
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? I can't think of one at the moment
Puppy is super fiesty this morning trying to chew DDs stuffed animals. She's actually started growling at DD when she goes to pick her up so I guess she's finding her voice. I may be spoiling her too much - literally carry her like a baby and pat her back ha! Dh and I going on a date tonight so that will be fun.
I can't think of a quote yet either - maybe after my coffee
2. Pretty sure today is ovulation...that or late last night. Got a positive OPK yesterday morning.
3. Sorry I didn't contribute last week. DH and I went camping for part of the week last week then I had some time off work. I did check in here and there but didn't post anything. I get so confused with ovulation. I'm not sure why since I've been TTC for 2 years and tracking almost the entire time. For some reason ovulation math gets me every time. I got my positive OPK yesterday morning and I know the LH sirge usually happens 12-24 hours before O. So hopefully I O'd late last night since DH Ana do have BD'd the last 3 nights in a row. I'm not sure we have another one in is tonight. Haha.
4. I have seen a lot of quotes that I really liked but none that really seem to stick with me. There was a pregnancy loss quote that I really liked. It's a tear jerker for me so **TW** "An angel from the Book of Life wrote down my baby's birth and whispered as she closed the book too beautiful for earth."
@leahcimmichael sorry for the BFN. Hopefully it's just too soon.
@Mack2342 I hope the Femara and IUI do the trick for you!
@vlagrl29 my pup is ALWAYS feisty! I keep hoping she will calm down a bit more but she's such a trouble maker!
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new) old. Def old
2. Status? TWW
3. Rants/Raves Too much to do. Too little time. And I'm always a huge grump during this TWW.
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? You're killing me smalls!
@leahcimmichael this TWW is killing me this month. More so than usual. I don't know why!!!! Sorry for the BFN.
@Mack2342 fingers crossed for you this month!! Glad you had a great bday weekend with DS.
@vlagrl29 yay for date nites!
@MooFish2364 beautiful quote
2. Status? Waiting for HcG levels to bottom out from loss. Then we will most likely start trying again. I need to order some OPKs.
3. Rants/Raves: I'm mostly irritated with myself for not going to work today. I had set the arbitrary deadline to go back today, but I'm just crampy, and weepy, and don't want to be around people. I'm going to try and get some work done from home.
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? "If you work really hard, and are kind, amazing things will happen" - Conan O'Brien
@sprkls8506 I'm embarrassed that it's taken me until this year to see that movie, it's so good!
@MooFish2364 My husband and I almost always sheepishly admit when we're not in the mood to BD - when we're on the same page we always sigh with relief and watch something on tv haha
Baby Boy - 3/2015
MC - 8/2017
EDD - 8/2018
Baby Boy - 3/2015
MC - 8/2017
EDD - 8/2018
@strawberryanne sorry you find yourself here. It took me a while before I could handle being around anyone. Give yourself the time you need.
@MooFish2364 I hope you had a good time camping!
@mack234 good luck with IUI this month! I'm rooting for ya.
@leahcimmichael BFNs burst my bubble too- sorry. I'm hoping for your it's just still too early.
1. Not new anymore. Not at all.
2. CD 2. Getting a blood draw Wednesday for testing then scheduling an ultrasound for cd14 ish to check follicules. I'm hoping for some answers.
3. No rants or raves. I'm just tired.
4. "Your work is to discover your work and then with all your heart to give yourself to it" Buddha.
@Mack2342 best of luck with IUI!
@strawberryanne I'm sorry for your loss, but welcome to TTCAL-the most bada$$ girls around
@vlagrl29 I'm a little petrified to read ISWTG since others have said it freaks them out so much, let us know
@MooFish2364 beautiful quote.
1. Not new.
2. WTO CD 12. BD tonight but we can't do EOD like you luckies (performance issues during FW).
3. I turn 39 on Wed. Not sure if this is a rant or a rave--or maybe I just don't care anymore. I do like the #9 better than 8, that's a positive, right?
4. "Leap and the net will appear"--?
CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
AFM..
2. Status? Still waiting on my first post D&C AF. It's almost 4 weeks now, so I'm hoping that it will come soon so that we can start TTC again. I haven't POAS since before I went on vacation, so I'm hoping that next time I do, it will be negative so I'll know all the HCG is out of my system. Still can't get over the fact that I'm hoping for a negative...
3. Rants/Raves:
Rave - We just got back from a 5 day vacation at the coast, and it was glorious. I took the time to really disconnect and relax, and it was just what I needed.
Rant - Mondays after vacation suck even more than normal Mondays. I just want to be back at the coast and not at work.
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? I know I have some, but I can't think of them right now...
2. Status? Still waiting for my body to figure out what the hell is going on and impatiently awaiting AF.
3. Rants/Raves? My reception was Friday...*sigh* it went ok. It was a whopping 62* and complete cloud cover with drizzle. Sunshine and 75* Thurs and since (thanks MN). Many people who RSVP'd as attending did not show due to craptastic weather. My mother, after a fit was thrown over the idea of not having a cake got her way. I got two large (of 6) cakes mixed and in my oven and that was the precise moment my oven died...completely. I had a total of four relatives from either side of my family make the effort to attend. Of them, my aunt walked up to me immediately after arriving and made a comment about my loss and continued on the conversation with the traditional "Well, at least you have..." and I was immediately furious with my mother for having told her. I did not tell my aunt anything about the pregnancy or the loss, so clearly my mother felt it was her right to share that news with our family. In the end it was fine, I'm glad it's over and we can continue on with our regularly scheduled programming. Small silver lining, I asked my step-dad if he would do the father-daughter dance with me and he burst into tears. It was seriously touching. Plus my DH showed up Saturday morning with a new stove by surprise.
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? "Okay, let's look at the logic. You create man. Man suffers enormous amounts of pain. Man dies. Maybe you should have had just a few more brainstorming sessions prior to creation. You rested on the seventh day. Maybe you should've spent that day on compassion." - Patch Adams
@strawberryanne I'm sorry you're here, but you're in good company. My loss and D&C was almost exactly a month ago now and I still periodically burst into tears at my desk and have no door either. Only one person in my office knows what happened, so the rest of my co-workers officially think I'm crazy. Lately I just embrace it and log on to see what these wonderful ladies have going on. It makes me feel just a little less alone, and hopefully it helps you too.
@leahcimmichael I'm still rooting for your BFP. We need more to celebrate, and there's still time. FX for you!
jchpg I love your R/R, I feel you! I'm just tired in general.
@vlagrl29 The dog that I had named Lucky ate a comforter once. Sounds like your Lucky is cut from the same cloth! Lol... hopefully some of that puppy energy will settle down before you have to replace too many stuffed animals!
@MooFish2364 Sounds like your timing was good! I read somewhere that the day before O is actually better timing than O day, because depending on sperm health it can take 2-10 hours to reach the Fallopian tube. So BDing on O day might actually get there too late.
@sprkls8506 Yes! I say that quote to DH all the time! I feel like TWW are like childhood, short in retrospect, but endless at the time!!!
@strawberryanne That quote is sweet! I was in the mental health field too, but working with adults. I have my MSW. Funny how we can know about psychology and self-care, but can still struggle to apply those principles to our own lives. Be as kind and understanding with yourself as you are with others.
@jchpg Is the Ultrasound to check follicles in preparation for a treatment? Or is it testing to rule out any IF problems? Love your quote too! Definitely speaks to my life right now!
@amberruka Happy Early Birthday!!! Not sure why you'll be trapped on a container ship that day...?! But, however you choose to celebrate is your business
@pumpkinpancake There is something that feels so wrong about wanting HCG to go down. Just another way that MC is a mindf***
@ELeighMay Yay! You survived your reception! Sounds like that moment with your stepdad almost made all the headache worth it. And your DH surprising you with a new oven
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new)
Hi everyone, I'm new, though I have been lurking for a few weeks now. Coming over from the Jan 18 board. At my 16 week appointment there was no heartbeat, and we found out our baby boy passed when I was about 15 weeks along. Just completed a post mortem and concluded he most likely passed because of a combination of a down syndrome diagnosis and a cystic hygromia. Couldn't get anymore specific than that. I've had a really hard time. I had already had 3 ultrasounds where I saw my squirmy baby moving all around. I had announced to many family and friends since I thought I was safe after 12 weeks. This just sucks beyond words. I have a 19 month old daughter, and she was going to be exactly 2yo when baby boy was due, which I wanted.
2. Status?
My D&E was on August 4th. Bleeding has stopped and I have just decided to start trying again. I'm just waiting for my period and body to get back to "normal". Dr said to wait TTC until after I get my period, but we are NTNP for now.
3. Rants/Raves
Rave: I finally stopped looking pregnant. My belly had started to show when I was about 12 weeks pg. Ugh.
Rant: Figuring out where I'm at in my cycle post MC sucks.
Question: I took a home pregnancy test and it was a super faint line. Does the first ovulation post MC usually happen after HCG levels are 0 or can ovulation still happen if I get a faint line? Or once I don't get a line, does that mean my period is going to come soon? I'm just trying to figure out what's going on with my body.
3. Rants/Raves I'm struggling because DH and I seem to have different libidos (we never have before). I'm sure it's just stress at work on his part, but I'm much more interested than him (not just because we are TTC). I hope that we resolves this soon, because this mama has needs! Other than that I'm doing pretty good!
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? "It does not do to dwell on dreams and forget to live" ~ Dumbledore (It was hard to pick just 1, but I have this tattooed on my back, so it won)
***TW Living child and loss mentioned***
13 March 2017: Loss at 4+6
1. Introduce yourself (if you're new) no longer new! Mid-term loss due to PPROM 6/20/17
2. Status? WTO CD6
3. Rants/Raves had a follow up ultrasound to investigate and rule out any abnormalities that might've caused PPROM rant- really nerve wracking, I made myself sick thinking I had something horribly wrong with me as the ultrasound took a long time, rave- everything looked ok PHEW
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)? Still thinking...
2. About 11dpo. BFN this morning. Think I'm accepting that I'm probably out this cycle.
3. DH will be away in Japan from 9/13 until 9/20. My next O will be around 9/17. It may be a little quiet on my end this coming month.
4. Here's one by poet W.B. Yeats:
Let us go forth, the tellers of tales, and seize whatever prey the heart longs for, and have no fear. Everything exists, everything is true, and the earth is only a little dust under our feet.
@mack2342 Good luck on your IUI this cycle. I added in Gonal F last cycle and it was easy peasy. Hope it's the same for you!
@vlagrl29 I have a Frenchie and he also has "Small Dog Syndrome". The sounds he makes when he sees another dog (especially a big dog) are out of this world. So embarrassing.
@strawberryanne I felt the same way about going back to work after my loss. *stranger hugs*
@ELeighMay I'm sorry your reception didn't go exactly as planned. That's so sweet about your step-dad, though!!! And props to DH for showing up with a new oven!
@fishee333 I'm so sorry for your loss. I ovulated and got my next period before my HCG went down to zero. At the time of my loss it was 100,000 so it definitely took a while to come down, but my cycles resumed pretty regularly well before it was back at 0.
@silvergreen Ugh I'm sorry the stars aren't aligning for FW. That's really frustrating. Here's to hoping you O a couple of days early and get some BDing in before DH leaves.
AFM:
2. Status
Waiting for AF. Can't remember if I updated that my IUI was cancelled this month due to a premature O (Gonal F reeeaaallly sped up my cycle and I O'd on day 9). Was supposed to start IVF next cycle but will be doing another IUI.
3. Rants/Raves
I have had a really hard week. My sister had her 3rd baby a few days ago which she accidentally got pregnant with a month after I had my first loss. I sent a "congrats" message on a group chat but have not spoken with her directly and have no intentions of visiting any time soon. I feel like such a bad person but I am so jealous and sad for me that I cannot mentally handle it right now. I'm sure I will be hearing from my mother (who has no idea of our fertility struggles or either of our losses) soon about how terrible I am. I was also informed this morning by insurance that they denied my IVF claim. I was supposed to go in this morning for my medication demonstration and start my Estrace for my cycle prep but I obviously didn't go. I will be appealing the decision (my benefits cover IVF but they want me to undergo another procedure first which has a 2 year wait list before they'll approve my claim) but I am TIRED of having to fight. I want to quit and not quit at the same time. Also, I think I have a UTI. Just waiting for the doctor to call back and confirm. Blech.
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)?
I was listening to the podcast "Terrible, Thanks for Asking" and the host/creator of the podcast (who lost her husband to cancer and has had a miscarriage) said something that really resonated with me. It's become one of my new favourites:
"Grief was my constant companion. And I didn't totally hate it, either. I still don't. It's a bruise I get to push, a pain that reminds me that what I had and what I lost is real."
On a lighter note, my life is pretty much a regurgitation of Dumb and Dumber quotes.....
*TW loss and children mentioned*
Apr 17: IUI #1 = BFN
May 17: IUI #2 = BFN
Jun 17: IUI #3 = Late BFP (18 DPO) | NMC 17Jul17 @ ~6w
Aug 17: IUI #4 = Cancelled due to premature ovulation | TI = BFN
Sep 17: IUI #5 = Cancelled due to overstimulation (10+ follies)
Nov 17: IVF #1 = Cancelled due to non-IF related health issue | TI = BFN
Dec 17: IVF #1 = Puregon 200, Menopur 75, Orgalutran, Suprefact trigger due to OHSS risk | 22R, 18M, 16F, 10B frozen
Feb 18: FET #1 (medicated) = BFN
Mar 18: FET #2 (natural cycle) = CP (beta 1: 54; beta 2: 0)
EDD: 07Jan2019 Team Green
My Rainbow Baby Boy born 03Jan2019
@strawberryanne I'm so sorry for your loss. Take the time you need and don't expect to feel better right away, although time does help.
1. Introduce yourself 35 and TTC#1 since March, mmc in mid-June, CP in August.
2. Status? WTO. We are ttc this cycle and then (barring a magical sticky bean) are headed to an RE consult on 9/13.
3. Rants/Raves It's really nice outside. MH is going to be gone this weekend (I will be with him just part of the time) and I'm looking forward to some relaxing alone time. I'm getting my oil changed right now which is something that was really overdue!
4. GYKY. What is your favorite quote (or song lyric)?
“If you look for perfection, you'll never be content.” Leo Tolstoy
@Mack2342 Good luck this cycle!
@vlagrl29 Yay for date night and another student!
@strawberryanne It's okay to not be feeling ready to go back to work. ::hugs::
@ELeighMay Sorry you had bad weather for your reception
@fishee333 So sorry for your loss! And yes you can ovulate while HCG is still in your system.
@silvergreen You aren't out yet! FX!
@tosh24 That would be really difficult. Don't feel bad about not being excited for your sister! And boo about the insurance denial.
I feel ya' on the not wanting to visit your sister's new baby. I can hang out with my older nieces and nephews all day long, but the one that was born about a month after my EDD is tough. Hits too close to home. I hoped so much I'd be KU before he was born, but alas. Set your boundaries and give yourself space if you need it.
@zamora_spin I'll cross my fingers for a magical sticky bean for you! But it's good you have an RE appointment just in case. I've felt more calm about TTC since I started testing. Makes me feel like I'm giving it maximum effort. Your quote reminds me of the Paradox of Choice. It's a great book and I believe there's a good TED Talk by the guy who wrote it. Essentially, the endless possibilities we have makes us feel like there's a "perfect choice" out there and decreases our satisfaction with what we have.
@robyn2201 I skipped temping for a month thinking it would help me to relax. I was the OPPOSITE of relaxed, because I had no flippin' idea what my body was doing!!!
My my insurance covers zero fertility so we decided clomid is the furthest we'd do with this with monitoring from an RE