Sorry late to the party. I'm still so close to my grandparents and they still spoil me and my kids. I desperately needed that relationship growing up as mine with my own parents was, um, strained. I'm so grateful that my parents were hands off. That said there was never a question that I was physically safe. And honestly that's my only requirement for my kids- don't do anything dangerous and be nice to them. I might feel differently if someone other than me spent significant amounts of time with them, but I'd love for someone to come spoil them and give me a little break once in a while.
DH always says, "The more people who think of our son as their own, the richer his life and better off he will be." Sure, there are moments when I'd like to shake my mother, but overall, I like DH's point and try to remember it when I'm mad at her.
@plumpous Yikes! That'd warrant a conversation for me but I have an honest enough relationship with my parents that they wouldn't be offended if I corrected them. I hope you were able to talk to your dad about it without it being uncomfortable! We love our parents so much but having some space isn't a bad thing, sometimes!
I had a similar situation with my mom. I felt awful yet it was necessary because my child's life was at stake. Story: we went to dinner and we met at their home. She loaded my LO up in my car, then we drove separate. My husband and I didn't check the straps because I didn't realize I needed to. My fault! We got to the restaurant and my 17 month old was basically just sitting in the car seat. The straps that go over him were draped all over and so loose we got him out of the car seat without undoing the clips and snaps?!?!?! My DH was furious. I was appalled but shes never had him driving around, but she had my sisters kids nonstop. So, the next time I saw her I gave her a quick lesson on exactly how to work it. She claimed she didn't need the lesson and I actually brought up the one time she did it, if we would have crashed he would have just flown out of the car seat. She almost cried. I was like I'm not lecturing but this is very important!! So, now when we go to visit, she straps him in then asks me to check. After about 3 times it's perfect now! I'm so thankful I didn't shy away from mentioning it.
DH always says, "The more people who think of our son as their own, the richer his life and better off he will be." Sure, there are moments when I'd like to shake my mother, but overall, I like DH's point and try to remember it when I'm mad at her.
Such a great thing to remember. I like that perspective and I'm going to try and remind myself of that when I want to strangle MIL!
As for the issue with grandparents and candy or allowing stuff, I remember as a kid knowing that going to visit them meant looking in the snack drawer. I never expected to get those treats at home. Kids naturally know to associate things and places. Although I do have to say my kid is still young so I might eat my words in a few years.
about the family members spoiling kids comments, I don’t
mind my 2 year old having sweets, chips or lollipops every once in a while, she
took a needle last week and a bag of chips was very quick to calm her down
right after. The issue is that my FIL over does it! He buys her a bag of chips
every single day while I’m at work! She has a caregiver staying with her and I told
her to only put 3-4 pieces of it in a bowl and hide the rest from her. Ideally
she would only get a treat once a week and it would be with me but I decided it
that it’s not worth upsetting my FIL over it since I can arrange for her not to
eat the whole thing.
What I REALLY hate though is my brother in law buying her
affection with treats and not making any other efforts to bond with her! She associates
him with junk. If you’re not bothered enough to try and have a relationship
with your niece then just don’t! She might be young enough to be fooled into
loving him for the junk he gives her but once she’s too old for that she’ll
have no relationship with him just like his older nieces and nephews don’t.
Re: Unpopular Opinions May 4
about the family members spoiling kids comments, I don’t mind my 2 year old having sweets, chips or lollipops every once in a while, she took a needle last week and a bag of chips was very quick to calm her down right after. The issue is that my FIL over does it! He buys her a bag of chips every single day while I’m at work! She has a caregiver staying with her and I told her to only put 3-4 pieces of it in a bowl and hide the rest from her. Ideally she would only get a treat once a week and it would be with me but I decided it that it’s not worth upsetting my FIL over it since I can arrange for her not to eat the whole thing.
What I REALLY hate though is my brother in law buying her affection with treats and not making any other efforts to bond with her! She associates him with junk. If you’re not bothered enough to try and have a relationship with your niece then just don’t! She might be young enough to be fooled into loving him for the junk he gives her but once she’s too old for that she’ll have no relationship with him just like his older nieces and nephews don’t.