I had an UO one week that I'm not personally offended when strangers touch my pregnant belly... however, I agree with everyone else on this one. No strangers touching my baby! And I don't care if I'm rude about it.
There was one of those touchy-feely stories going around Facebook a couple of weeks ago about a new mother. Supposedly, the baby was fussy, so she went out to get him his bottle, and an employee stepped in and took the baby from her. Long story short, the employee insisted on feeding him, carrying him around the store when mom shopped, and carried him out to the car, despite the mom's protests. The whole thing made me uncomfortable, because it seemed very pushy and bossy and inappropriate. I don't think it was a real story, just one of those made up for shares things, but it irritated me. The icing on the cake, as it were, was that the picture that went along with it was a white employee and a black baby, so all of the comments were about race and 'color-blindness' and stuff. Maybe I was just in a bad mood when I read it, but grr.
I dgaf about germs. Literally zero fucks. DD is a cesspool from daycare and I am from the hospital. We're no worse for the wear besides normal winter colds every few weeks and it's always from daycare.
My child doesn't even know what hand sanitizer is. One of her friends moms carries it everywhere and tries to squirt it on her hands the other day before giving her a snack (and her kid is always sick so it doesn't seem to be helping) and she just looked at me like "wtf is this?"
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
I am the opposite of a germophobe. I don't freak out about public bathrooms (just sit your ass on the toilet. hovering is stupid), I follow the 5 second rule at home, I don't usually wash my hands before I eat, there's probably more examples I just can't think of right now.
OMG me too!!! I didn't know there were other people out there! Maybe it's bc we're both teachers?
Ugh the idea of either of our grandparents putting their fingers in my baby's mouth... oh helllll no. Neither of our parents has good enough hand-washing hygiene to make that okay. I'm really put off by excessive touchy-feely stuff without the parent's permission in general.
I'm also the opposite of a germophobe. I looove baths, but will stand up and hose off afterwards, sometimes.
And my UO: once DS was about a year old (maybe less?), for the most part, I think it's really sweet and cute when strangers have touched him. I've never had a stranger kiss or try to pick him up. Some rub his head, pinch his cheeks, take a toy and give it back to him. I really like it - it makes the world feel smaller and friendlier to me.
@GlitterFish My OB told me to babywear when traveling to keep people from touching/contaminating DS when he was little (first flight at 7 weeks). It's a great tactic, and one I used a lot. Oh but actually, a few people pulled the Moby back and stroked his cheek, come to think of it.
I've never had a stranger try to touch my pregnant belly. Or a family member put their fingers in my baby's mouth or kiss his mouth. I didn't realize how common all these occurrences are, yikes!
Yeah I keep thinking I must have one serious case of resting bitch face because nobody tries to touch my belly and no strangers have made any attempts at ever touching my baby. Yeah I've gotten comments 'oh she's so cute and so little' when I took her out as a newborn but never ever actually tried to touch her, or give me any advice for that matter. And also nobody has tried to kiss on the mouth or put fingers in the mouth. That would really tick me off but I guess all our relatives know better lol. I don't kiss my LO on the mouth either. I don't necessarily find anything wrong with it, just not my thing.
I have to admit that I'm fully in the germaphobe camp. I know germs are good and I don't actually use any sanitizing products on my daughter (just regularly wash or wipe down her hands--with water wipes). I can't really help it though. It just bothers me too much. I also will not sit on a toilet seat outside of my own home without covering it with toilet paper first. Even at other people's homes and not necessarily a public restroom. Again, just can't help it there's some ickiness factor there for me that I'm not really sure where it comes from. I use a cart cover at the grocery store before putting my daughter in and I at least wipe down the handle if I'm shopping alone---then sanitize my hands after I leave the store. Just been doing it so long that I don't know any other way. My daughter has had two colds both this past winter season and she's 20 MO now, both short lived. I rarely get sick. One cold for me in the past maybe 3 years. I don't think it's my being so germaphoby though, maybe hereditary who knows. I always say oh I'm not going to be crazy about the germs because I know she needs to be exposed to them to build a healthy immune system but then I just can't not follow my cleaning hands routines, it would bother me too much.
Just like having shoes on in the home makes my skin crawl. Like you more than likely have fecal matter on the bottom of those shoes and now you're going to walk around your living room and kitchen . I will eat something if I drop it on the floor at home but I would never ever do that if I dropped food in someone's house if they wear shoes inside.
ETA: I also love baths and find them super relaxing but I always take a shower right after...
BFP May 2013 - MMC at 8 weeks BFP September 2013 - MMC at 12 weeks BFP February 2014 - early loss/CP at 4.5 weeks BFP May 2014 - MMC/ complete molar pregnancy at 11 weeks BFP December 2015 - DD born 8/18/2015 BFP November 2016 - pending...
Hand sanitizer is lame - I know it kinda works but I feel like it's just moving most of the germs around. It's a mental thing. And also I don't mind being germy and gross.
And i will murder anyone who touches my child ... though I doubt there will be much from strangers because I'm a mean lady and I have no problem telling people to back tf off. and for sure there will not be non-family kissing her on the face. There will be no mouth smoochies for anyone...I don't think... unless DH gets pushy. I just get a weird vibe from that. Like, when does it stop? Cause my mom still puckers up and comes in hot w me ... at which point I kiss somewhere else on her face. The only people I kiss on the mouth while sober are my husband and my sister. This is gonna be a hard thing for one of my SILs because she is Peruvian (my nephew too) and they do kisses on the mouth for everyone - the waitress, the kid they just met on the playground, etc. they'll probably be offended if I tell them no but whatever. No problem with all family giving kisses on the cheek or head or hands... just don't want them going for the mouth. Similarly I feel very creeped out at the idea that somebody else might give my child a raspberry on their belly. Personal space is obv very important for me. DH ripped into his mother when she touched my belly wo warning so he's got my back
Apparently I have another UO this week: When someone asked to hold DS, I gladly handed him over. I never had a stranger ask, but plenty of family friends and whatnot, some of which I didn't know well, but my in-laws did. I was like, "Sure, here ya go!!" I don't remember anyone putting their hands in his mouth, but definitely they would kiss his head, hands and feet. I loved to show him off and pass him around. Again, not to strangers, but I had no sense of over-protectiveness with him. I also am not bothered by people touching my belly. I have had someone I don't know well do it, and I was pretty surprised, but I didn't feel annoyed or anything. Everyone else just asks. I don't know why it doesn't bother me.
Hand sanitizer is lame - I know it kinda works but I feel like it's just moving most of the germs around. It's a mental thing. And also I don't mind being germy and gross.
And i will murder anyone who touches my child ... though I doubt there will be much from strangers because I'm a mean lady and I have no problem telling people to back tf off. and for sure there will not be non-family kissing her on the face. There will be no mouth smoochies for anyone...I don't think... unless DH gets pushy. I just get a weird vibe from that. Like, when does it stop? Cause my mom still puckers up and comes in hot w me ... at which point I kiss somewhere else on her face. The only people I kiss on the mouth while sober are my husband and my sister. This is gonna be a hard thing for one of my SILs because she is Peruvian (my nephew too) and they do kisses on the mouth for everyone - the waitress, the kid they just met on the playground, etc. they'll probably be offended if I tell them no but whatever. No problem with all family giving kisses on the cheek or head or hands... just don't want them going for the mouth. Similarly I feel very creeped out at the idea that somebody else might give my child a raspberry on their belly. Personal space is obv very important for me. DH ripped into his mother when she touched my belly wo warning so he's got my back
Only one person has ever stuck her finger in DS's mouth for him to suck and I was appalled. She's a young woman who had much younger siblings so I'm sure she did that with them and it was okay... but it is not okay with someone else's baby! DH came and got the pacifier to give her instead. She left than in for a minute and back in the finger went. What makes the least sense to me was that DS was not unhappy/fussy and didn't even use his pacifier often, so the finger thing was not about soothing him. It was about her wanting him to suck on her (dirty!!!) finger. So gross!!
I can't believe so many people stick fingers into baby's mouths. That's so weird.
I wouldn't even put my own finger in my own baby's mouth deliberately (unless he wants to chew on my hand, I want to check if everything's okay inside ... well then I have no choice lol) +1 on hand sanitizer being lame.
I've had kind of an opposite problem - my friends' baby will grab my fingers and shove them in her mouth to suck on. Her parents (my friends) are like "oh it's fine, she likes to do that." Meanwhile I start strategizing on how and when I can go wash all the drool off my hands, especially if we're eating soon.
Ew why would anyone put their fingers in anyone else's mouth ever? DD likes to put her fingers in my mouth but she's a baby and she's fascinated by teeth and giggles when I bite her, and of course we wipe her hands after.
I hate hand sanitizer! Washing your hands is much much more healthy. Hand sanitizer is really when you have no choice, like I was on a plane and the water in the bathroom was out, so sanitized that time. Even though it kills germs, it doesn't kill all of them, and it leaves the dirt and food that is going to attract more germs. Washing your hands removed everything so you're actually clean.
Guys, this is the UO. Someine is supposed to disagree with me and say hovering is essential and hand sanitizer saves lives! Where are the hoverers??? I know you're out there somewhere!!
I think we might be in a period of backlash against hovering? I will say that as a FTM, I didn't really appreciate STMs mocking the modest hovering I did. When my son was first walking (and thus very wobbly and prone to falling), I went to the park with my SIL and her friend, who both have two kids. They kept laughing whenever I would keep close tabs on my son and chalk it up to being a first time mom. Umm I understand that you get a little more hands off with subsequent kids, but sorry not sorry for following my 9 month old around a cement lot.
eta serious comprehension fail! And the sorry not sorry was directed at my sils annoying friend.
I'm a select germaphobe. I will generally sit of a public toilet (it's better for your pelvic floor than squatting) and am used to port-a-potties, since I run a lot of races. I don't obsessively wash my hands, and don't see a point in hand sanitizer. But, I have my limits. My house is clean, I hate bugs, and I'd freak if someone put their hand in my baby's mouth!!!!
I hover. DD is 19 months old and she runs like crazy but falls on her face all the time, and she's bled from her mouth before. I think it's a little dangerous to let her totally free when she's not totally in control of her body and the environment. She jumps on the sofa. I don't want her to slip and hit the coffee table and the floor. So yeah I watch over, and I've caught her mid air before. I let her learn but I am close by watching. Is that bad?
When it comes to parental "hovering" or helicoptering I'm totally guilty. My 3yo is a master escape artist. If I take my eyes off him for a second, he might make a break for it. He does it at daycare too. His teacher got fired when he was around 15 months old because he managed to slip through a gate into the big kid side of the playground while they were outside.
ETA I don't want anyone to think I'm judging you for supervising your children! LOL
I think there is a big difference in parental hovering so your kid doesn't get majorly injured, and helicopter parenting. I am much more laid back, and generally let my kid learn on his own that if you do x it will lead to y. However, that does not mean I'm about to put my kid's real safety at risk. I believe in moderation.
@Potterphile I also just laughed that you described your mom as "comes in hot" to kiss you! Hahaha.
I never had an issue with anyone touching DD when she was a newborn. I think it was because, like @yellow1daisy I have RBF (resting b**** face) and so no one ever tried to touch her.
@AdaByron I will admit that when DD was born, DH and I put bottles of hand santizer in every room of our house for people to use. I think we were trying to be hooverers! They are all still sitting in the rooms... DD will be 2 in July.
This is probably an UO. I don't know if it's because I grew up without grandparents around, but it irks me when I hear people who are grandparents say "Oh I get to do x and y with the kids even if the mom/dad doesn't like it because it's my right as a grandparent to spoil my grandbabies."
I think it's disrespectful to the parents. And I don't agree that the grandparents have a "right" to just undermine the parents.
@Twinkiedoll it really depends on what the grandparents are doing. My husband is like you, he's already getting bossy about that stuff and I have to tell him to get over it, children should experience different things and after all they are the grandparents you know? Kids need good/funny memories too.
@Twinkiedoll If that's an UO then I don't want to play anymore. My MIL gave DS chocolate at a ridiculously young age, and didn't stop. She's a chocoholic, and so is DH, so she thought it was ok for DS, too...before he was even a year old. I would comment things like, "maybe after dinner," and whatnot to try to drop a hint. Finally I started teaching DS that chocolate isn't healthy and was only for special occasions. The look on MIL's face the firs time DS said, "But grandma, chocolate isn't healthy!!" was priceless (he was maybe 2.5 at the time). In general I'm pretty laid back about a lot, but I try to teach him healthy vs. not. It's really helped teach the grandparents, too. I do allow certain things at their houses (like juice and late bedtimes) that I wouldn't at my own. It lets them feel like they're spoiling him, and doesn't make a huge impact on him, since he doesn't expect those things at home, too. IDK if it's all dumb luck, but I like to think that I give in a little bit, and it helps me hold my main ground.
Guilty of hovering over my 3yo at the park. The one time I stayed back, a big kid (probably 11yo) came flying down the slide, kicked her in the face and knocked her down pretty hard. Judge me all you want, but I'll continue to helicopter if it means I can save my DD from something stupid like that happening again. People don't teach their older children to look out for the little ones like they used to.
@chiquita928 Maybe it's the lawyer in me too, but grandparents have no custodial or visitation rights under the law. So any access to the grandkids they do have is at the discretion of the parents.
And I absolutely plan to exercise that discretion judiciously.
@Twinkiedoll - it's not the lawyer in me (I don't think?), it's more the "you had your chance" sort of thing. Kinda like anything beyond what you had with your own kids is a bonus. If you didn't SPOIL me then why would u spoil your grandkids? Because you don't have to worry about the pesky mess of having to discipline them or teach lessons....?
I hover or put toilet paper down. My co-worker just told me that the seat covers in public restrooms aren't effective at protecting your skin from germs! I just imagine the seats have remnants of bodily fluids on them and are really dirty.
I'm a selective germ-phone and teacher. I have to wash my hands before eating and preparing foods, and when I'm at work, my hands feel dirty to me. I work with kinders and they are so gross. I make them cough into their chicken wing, and cringe at people who cough into their hands or don't cover their mouths at all. Especially old people. Their coughs always sound so bad! I have an awesome immune system, and rarely get sick. I figure I'm exposed to a ton of germs at my job, and it's okay to play a little defense.
Re: Unpopular Opinions May 4
My child doesn't even know what hand sanitizer is. One of her friends moms carries it everywhere and tries to squirt it on her hands the other day before giving her a snack (and her kid is always sick so it doesn't seem to be helping) and she just looked at me like "wtf is this?"
my happy boy
And my UO: once DS was about a year old (maybe less?), for the most part, I think it's really sweet and cute when strangers have touched him. I've never had a stranger kiss or try to pick him up. Some rub his head, pinch his cheeks, take a toy and give it back to him. I really like it - it makes the world feel smaller and friendlier to me.
@GlitterFish My OB told me to babywear when traveling to keep people from touching/contaminating DS when he was little (first flight at 7 weeks). It's a great tactic, and one I used a lot. Oh but actually, a few people pulled the Moby back and stroked his cheek, come to think of it.
I've never had a stranger try to touch my pregnant belly. Or a family member put their fingers in my baby's mouth or kiss his mouth. I didn't realize how common all these occurrences are, yikes!
I don't kiss my LO on the mouth either. I don't necessarily find anything wrong with it, just not my thing.
I have to admit that I'm fully in the germaphobe camp. I know germs are good and I don't actually use any sanitizing products on my daughter (just regularly wash or wipe down her hands--with water wipes). I can't really help it though. It just bothers me too much. I also will not sit on a toilet seat outside of my own home without covering it with toilet paper first. Even at other people's homes and not necessarily a public restroom. Again, just can't help it there's some ickiness factor there for me that I'm not really sure where it comes from. I use a cart cover at the grocery store before putting my daughter in and I at least wipe down the handle if I'm shopping alone---then sanitize my hands after I leave the store. Just been doing it so long that I don't know any other way. My daughter has had two colds both this past winter season and she's 20 MO now, both short lived. I rarely get sick. One cold for me in the past maybe 3 years. I don't think it's my being so germaphoby though, maybe hereditary who knows. I always say oh I'm not going to be crazy about the germs because I know she needs to be exposed to them to build a healthy immune system but then I just can't not follow my cleaning hands routines, it would bother me too much.
Just like having shoes on in the home makes my skin crawl. Like you more than likely have fecal matter on the bottom of those shoes and now you're going to walk around your living room and kitchen
ETA: I also love baths and find them super relaxing but I always take a shower right after...
BFP September 2013 - MMC at 12 weeks
BFP February 2014 - early loss/CP at 4.5 weeks
BFP May 2014 - MMC/ complete molar pregnancy at 11 weeks
BFP December 2015 - DD born 8/18/2015
BFP November 2016 - pending...
And i will murder anyone who touches my child ... though I doubt there will be much from strangers because I'm a mean lady and I have no problem telling people to back tf off.
and for sure there will not be non-family kissing her on the face. There will be no mouth smoochies for anyone...I don't think... unless DH gets pushy. I just get a weird vibe from that. Like, when does it stop? Cause my mom still puckers up and comes in hot w me ... at which point I kiss somewhere else on her face. The only people I kiss on the mouth while sober are my husband and my sister. This is gonna be a hard thing for one of my SILs because she is Peruvian (my nephew too) and they do kisses on the mouth for everyone - the waitress, the kid they just met on the playground, etc. they'll probably be offended if I tell them no but whatever. No problem with all family giving kisses on the cheek or head or hands... just don't want them going for the mouth. Similarly I feel very creeped out at the idea that somebody else might give my child a raspberry on their belly. Personal space is obv very important for me. DH ripped into his mother when she touched my belly wo warning so he's got my back
I wouldn't even put my own finger in my own baby's mouth deliberately (unless he wants to chew on my hand, I want to check if everything's okay inside ... well then I have no choice lol)
+1 on hand sanitizer being lame.
DD likes to put her fingers in my mouth but she's a baby and she's fascinated by teeth and giggles when I bite her, and of course we wipe her hands after.
I hate hand sanitizer! Washing your hands is much much more healthy. Hand sanitizer is really when you have no choice, like I was on a plane and the water in the bathroom was out, so sanitized that time. Even though it kills germs, it doesn't kill all of them, and it leaves the dirt and food that is going to attract more germs. Washing your hands removed everything so you're actually clean.
eta serious comprehension fail! And the sorry not sorry was directed at my sils annoying friend.
eta: I just saw @chiquita928's comment on hovering. That use of the word hovering makes a lot more sense in this conversation. Carry on...
Didnt mean for my response to be defensive! I just got annoyed at the memory.
ETA I don't want anyone to think I'm judging you for supervising your children! LOL
I never had an issue with anyone touching DD when she was a newborn. I think it was because, like @yellow1daisy I have RBF (resting b**** face) and so no one ever tried to touch her.
@AdaByron I will admit that when DD was born, DH and I put bottles of hand santizer in every room of our house for people to use. I think we were trying to be hooverers! They are all still sitting in the rooms... DD will be 2 in July.
I think it's disrespectful to the parents. And I don't agree that the grandparents have a "right" to just undermine the parents.
Married: 6/2016
TTC:6/2016
BFP: 11/22/2016 | EDD: 7/29/2017
my happy boy
And I absolutely plan to exercise that discretion judiciously.
I'm a selective germ-phone and teacher. I have to wash my hands before eating and preparing foods, and when I'm at work, my hands feel dirty to me. I work with kinders and they are so gross. I make them cough into their chicken wing, and cringe at people who cough into their hands or don't cover their mouths at all. Especially old people. Their coughs always sound so bad! I have an awesome immune system, and rarely get sick. I figure I'm exposed to a ton of germs at my job, and it's okay to play a little defense.
A waste of a good cake is ice-cream cake! That's my UO.