UO 3/16

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

@WombThereItIs here ya go

WombThereItIs · March 2017

Thank you!

Nothing too spicy but these popped into my head this AM:

I think essential oils are nonsense. Yes, plants and herbs can have useful properties, the ones that were found to work were tested and confirmed then became medicine. Rubbing some oil on your body isn't going to cure your kid's ear infection, time may though and I think that is where people get confused. That and a placebo effect.

I have zero desire to ever go anywhere tropical. No Hawaii, USVI, etc. Being hot/warm somewhere with nothing to do but booze and sit in the sand sounds absolutely miserable to me. I would rather stay home!

starphish18 · March 2017

@WombThereItIs I agree about essential oils. The only time I would use them is if I were making something like candles or soap, and then it'd just be for scent.

My UO is that I don't like shoulder cut-outs on tops or dresses.

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · March 2017

@WombThereItIs I love you even more for your EO disdain. Right there with you. I would, however, highly recommend Hawaii as a vacation that can be not too hot and involve plenty of fun activities and food.

@starphish18 Cold shoulder tops are stupid. Stitchfix sent me a long sleeved maternity cold shoulder top. I looked ridiculous.

SparkySunDevil · March 2017

@WombThereItIs COMPLETELY AGREE on EO's. I've suffered with migraines this pregnancy and if one more person tries to tell me to use oils, I may lose it. No thanks. Give me pain meds and some sleep!

fbmandy55 · March 2017

@WombThereItIs

My friends are ALL about essential oils and pretty much any kind of MLM product there is. I have a general hate for all MLM. Scentscy, LuLa Roe, Essential oils, Younique makeup, etc. It makes me crazy and in my opinion, who asks their friends to buy overpriced crap so that they can get free shit?

"No, I don't want to pay $50 for an ugly bag with my initials on it when I can buy a way cooler one at Target for half the price."

ShadeofGreen816 · March 2017

@WombThereItIs I more or less agree on essential oils. That being said, I do own a diffuser but appreciate it mostly for aesthetic reasons - makes the room smell nice. Which can be relaxing. And I think that's as far as they go therapy wise.

I love tropical vacations. That's my favorite way to relax - sitting on the edge of a pool with a fruity frozen drink in hand. I love vacations where I sightsee and do things but often find that I'm more tired when I get home.

My UO is maybe more of a FFTC but on the topic of saving me vs saving baby - I first don't think there are nearly any circumstances where that is a true coice to be made. But I often think that I would tell MH to save me. I'm a FTM so no selfless consideration for other children. But I don't know if I'd want to leave MH alone with a helpless newborn he doesn't know yet to grieve the loss of his wife. My judgement might be clouded by the fact that we did not have difficulty getting pregnant so while it would be devastating I would hope we could get pregnant again. Eeeek I sound selfish. Flame away

kat81 · March 2017

ShadeofGreen816 said:
My UO is maybe more of a FFTC but on the topic of saving me vs saving baby - I first don't think there are nearly any circumstances where that is a true coice to be made. But I often think that I would tell MH to save me. I'm a FTM so no selfless consideration for other children. But I don't know if I'd want to leave MH alone with a helpless newborn he doesn't know yet to grieve the loss of his wife. My judgement might be clouded by the fact that we did not have difficulty getting pregnant so while it would be devastating I would hope we could get pregnant again. Eeeek I sound selfish. Flame away

I'm with you, @ShadeofGreen816 . I couldn't believe that a number of people on that thread wanted to save the baby over themselves. DH and I would both definitely want to save me instead of the baby, even when it was our first. My mom said it was the same with her and dad; she said he said something along the lines of, "we can make another baby, but I can't replace you."

And just the other day DH was being annoying and said, "who is the most important person to you?" I was like, "my whole family." Then I was like, "nah, it's you." I love my kids SO much, but DH is still my priority.

starphish18 · March 2017

@ShadeofGreen816 I don't think that sounds selfish at all, and that's also my opinion. At this stage in our lives, if there was some outrageous reason only one of us could be saved and my H has to choose, I'd want him to choose me. The loss of our child would be devastating, but we could still have a family one way or another. I honestly don't see a situation where I'd feel otherwise, unless I had a terminal illness.

ShadeofGreen816 · March 2017

@kat81 @starphish18 I'm glad to hear that. I was feeling very selfish reading that other thread. As much as I know I'm going to love and adore this babe I still don't know her - she's still a stranger. I have a life here on earth to preserve.

kat81 · March 2017

My UO is actually DH's. We were talking about this after the big east coast snowstorm that just hit: I don't think that SUVs are necessarily better for snow than are regular, smaller sedans. Of course while there is active snow that hasn't been cleared and you need to drive, an SUV is better. But once the snow is cleared and it's sitting there in icy masses making streets narrower, parking spots smaller, etc., having a big car is an impediment. We are happy we have a sedan in the current weather situation. DH dropped of DD at daycare yesterday when he came to this revelation. Everyone at her daycare has an SUV and he said the drivers were having a lot of trouble getting around and parking because though things were clear, there was just a bit less space due to the snow piles. Meanwhile, he easily zipped in and out.

Disclaimer -- we are already people who don't like SUVs in general. But this was a new one, because the assumption is always that they're better for things like snow.

BeachMommy2B · March 2017

@WombThereItIs literally the only reason I use EO is during hot yoga classes to mask the smell of everyone else that smells like hot broccoli farts!

I love hot yoga... but I hate the au naturale smell of some people. It should be illegal to take a 100+ degree yoga class without deodorant of some sort!

@ShadeofGreen816 I also would want my Fiance to choose myself. Now because I have a DD, but when I was pregnant the first time I felt the same way.

champhe · March 2017

Jumping in on EOs. We use them as medicine for some things that have worked for us. Specifically, EOs have saved my child many nights from not being able to sleep due to congestion. Diffusing fir needle has been pure magic for that many nights. I believe many oils have healing properties based on my own experiences. With that said I don't use YL or any MLM products and many of the YL claims are bogus and downright dangerous. If you choose to use them I suggest doing your own thorough research, especially before using anything while you're pregnant or around your children.

My UO is going to see a movie "for your birthday" and inviting all your friends is dumb. Maybe this isn't actually a UO. My friend wants to go see Beauty and the Beast on the pretense this is how she wants to celebrate her birthday. I don't really want to see it. Many of our friends are taking their daughters and DS isn't old enough for that movie. It's annoying.

onebadmotha · March 2017

@WombThereItIs - I completely agree about EOs being ridiculous. I got lavender oil to put on my pillow during labor last time at the urging of a mom friend. I ended up throwing that pillow across the room and demanding they remove the smell. Apparently in-labor me does not enjoy strong smells.

On the other hand, I could not disagree more strongly with your stance on tropical vacations. In my current, snow-covered, toddler-wrangling, non-booze drinking state, a sitting on a warm beach with a pina colada with nothing to do sounds about perfect right now.

@starphish18 - Agree re: shoulder cut outs. I generally disagree with purposeful holes in clothing.

@ShadeofGreen816 - I think the first time around, I would've been more torn about who to save. I'm still not sure which way I would have decided. This time around, however, thinking about my son, I would definitely want to be saved. As selfish as I feel saying that, I can't imagine my son growing up without me. I can't think too much about this topic though, as I'll end up a big teary puddle on my desk.

@champhe - That is a pretty lame birthday celebration (although I'm pumped to see Beauty and the Beast). Seeing a movie is fun, but not interactive at all. I'd much rather have a house party or go to dinner or bowling or something where company is actually interacting with each other.

I can't think of my own UO at the moment, but I'll be back.

psherman42wwsa · March 2017

I don't typically use EO's in place of medication but I do like to dab some peppermint oil on my forehead when I have a headache because I like the cooling sensation. It either really does help the headache or the cooling sensation distracts me from the pain.

I love tropical vacations! Especially the kind at an all inclusive resort. My days basically revolve around eating when I go on vacation... like what is the earliest I can eat dinner that way I can make reservations and go to 2 dinners.

Kipperoo · March 2017

@wombthereitis, I totally agree that EO's are BS. I like things that smell good, but I don't believe that they have any kind of health benefit. I think it's largely (if not entirely) a placebo effect.

I love tropical vacations but used to really dislike them. Now, I've come to appreciate time to do absolutely nothing but sit by the water, read a book, and drink copious cocktails. But I don't think they'd be as relaxing with DS in tow and I don't like super hot weather.

@ShadeofGreen816 , I would definitely tell my husband to save me, which I guess makes me seem selfish. DH and I generally agree on 99% of things and I mentioned to him that we've never talked about it, but I'm curious what he would do. He told me it was a completely ridiculous question and that he would, of course, save me because we have a life together. I was glad to hear we were on the same page, but did feel just a little guilty about it. I can't imagine DS growing up without me...it breaks my heart.

Today's UO brought to you by 2 of my direct reports who frequently use the kid card to explain absences or abbreviated work days that greatly exceed company policy (and apparently, pregnancy hormones draining me of all empathy)...I don't think that people who have children should get special concessions at work. If you want to be hired without your family status weighing into the decision of your employment, then you should only accept a job if you are pretty sure that you can reasonably manage your family obligations and job responsibilities within the confines of the company policy. Yes, there will always be crazy things that pop up that employees have to deal with (for those with or without children), but if you know, for example, that your daycare closes all of the time due to even the slightest issue, then you should probably find a job with a lot of sick and personal days or figure out some kind of backup care plan.

thistlenweeds · March 2017

Started reading Ina May's guide to childbirth and the skeptic in me is like "This sounds like a sect or something! What a load of fluff!". #lackinganOpenMindiguess

@kat81 in Russia the benefit would be the amount of space between the car bottom and the road because we do get fairly large heaps of snow every now and then and people drive through them and then you have two low tire-made paths and the middle with a bunch of snow and you can get caught on your car belly trying to get out.

But that's really it. If it's an AWD and you have good tires the size doesn't matter in any other regard.

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

I love tropical vacations! I love day drinking at the pool or beach, but I'm not sure I'd want to bring younger children.

I am a skeptic on EO, I think they smell good and can be relaxing when you smell them but I don't believe they have healing powers.

I have no UO of my own right now...

nda_roxybabe · March 2017

I guess my UO is that I like essential oils. I don't think they're magical cure alls, however I I find some benefit from them. In a pinch, peppermint oil has helped my headaches (still, no replacement for actual medicine). We like to diffuse at night, mostly because it smells nice. The breathe oil I absolutely do believe. I think it opens up the airways or something, because both H and I notice we can breathe easier with it. That's about it. The rest I use for smells

hp_momma · March 2017

I see no benefits to EOs and hate that people believe they cure all. My cousin asked last night what she should pack in her hospital bag and one of her friends would not stop harping on "bring an oil diffuser and all these oils" It was like that was the most important aspect of a hospital bag.

@WombThereItIs Your nuts, tropical vacations are amazing and I would take them all the time! Sitting on a beach with a frozen adult beverage, people watching or reading a book?? Not a single thing in that sentence is wrong!

@ShadeofGreen816 Not selfish at all. I can't imagine leaving my two girls without a mother, so I would have DH choose me as well.

@kat81 I think people just assume SUVs and trucks are better in snow, but most of them time they don't realize it has to do with 4wd, the types of tires you have, and how good/bad of a driver you are! My husbands truck is not 4wd and it does awful in the snow/ice! My SUV is 4wd and it does much much better.

I have no UO of my own, yet!

schnitz9 · March 2017

Not sure if this is a UO but it is something that has been bothering me and just showed up on my FB today with someone mentioning. Hope no one is offended.

I can't stand when FTM who are pregnant and not working call themselves a SAHM! I'm sorry you're not a SAHM if you don't have any kids that stay at home with you. Let's be honest here, until you give birth you're UNEMPLOYED!!!!!

WombThereItIs · March 2017

To clarify on my UO maybe I should add I don't like cocktails! Beaches aren't really a great climate and place for whisky drinking

Kipperoo · March 2017

@WombThereItIs , what about a whisky cocktail?? An Old Fashioned or a Manhattan (or both) at sunset on the beach? Pure heaven.

hp_momma · March 2017

WombThereItIs said:

To clarify on my UO maybe I should add I don't like cocktails! Beaches aren't really a great climate and place for whisky drinking

This should be a whole separate UO!
I could really go for a frozen margarita right about now...

thistlenweeds · March 2017

WombThereItIs said:

To clarify on my UO maybe I should add I don't like cocktails! Beaches aren't really a great climate and place for whisky drinking

How about a nice refreshing mojito though?

PghMom412 · March 2017

@ShadeofGreen816 I had a very dramatic moment in my pregnancy with DD that I begged DH to choose me... think Greys Anatomy style "choose me, pick me" with some sappy music in the background and people moving in slow motion. I still feel the same way and as selfish as it may be DH would save me should something happen. My FIL said the same thing as @kat81 parents which was so reassuring that I wasn't an over dramatic looney.

My UO is ridiculously silly: I don't really trust my glucometer. I'm a strong believer of modern medicine, however a few times my meter had had a higher normal reading and when I tested again with the same finger prick I get something much lower using my dads meter. They are different brands and have both been calibrated. It's puzzling.

fbmandy55 · March 2017

schnitz9 said:

Not sure if this is a UO but it is something that has been bothering me and just showed up on my FB today with someone mentioning. Hope no one is offended.
I can't stand when FTM who are pregnant and not working call themselves a SAHM! I'm sorry you're not a SAHM if you don't have any kids that stay at home with you. Let's be honest here, until you give birth you're UNEMPLOYED!!!!!

Ok, I'm going to take this to the next level... My UO is that if you are a SAHM mom, you don't need to list that as your job on facebook. My sister in law is a SAHM mom of twins and is constantly posting crap about her "job" is being a SAHM and how she does so much "work". She literally lays in bed with the twins all day or puts them in a playpen. She doesn't cook or clean. My brother who works 60 hours a week does the cooking and cleaning.

ETA: I don't think of all SAHM mom's this way. I know there are many who do A LOT.

Squirtgun · March 2017

Essential oils can smell nice, but a lot of times it's like someone else's perfume in a small room- it may have a nice scent, but there's way too much of it and you can't get away from the smell! I'd rather just have some plain old lavender lotion!

Saving me or baby- I've literally never thought about it before it came up yesterday! I was giving myself a panic attack thinking about it when I saw that, and have just decided that if it were to come up, husband would make the choice that was best for our family based on the doctor's advice, and I don't have to think about it ever again, or make any kind of decision about it.

My UO- I really don't understand why so many people who are super anti-religion celebrate so many Christian holidays. St. Patrick's day, Easter, Christmas, St. Valentine's Day. I'm not upset by it, or offended by it by any means, I just don't get it. You don't see staunch atheists showing their Purim dinner photos on FB! Maybe this is a my region kind of thing, though, I don't know.

WombThereItIs · March 2017

schnitz9 said:

I can't stand when FTM who are pregnant and not working call themselves a SAHM! I'm sorry you're not a SAHM if you don't have any kids that stay at home with you. Let's be honest here, until you give birth you're UNEMPLOYED!!!!!

The economist in me would like to point out that person would be considered out of the labor force and not unemployed. To be unemployed you must be out of work and seeking employment. Unemployment rate = unemployed persons / (employed persons + unemployed persons)

NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot · March 2017

I cannot remember who to tag but I have a lot of thoughts.

1. I think SUVs are critical in certain parts of the country. I grew up in a part of the midwest that has bad roads most of the winter. Especially in a small town where the plows are limited, or where people commute on dirt roads or 2 lane state highways, 4 wheel drive is critical.

2. My UO, I still cannot think of a single instance in which a spouse has to pick between the mother and the child. I think forcing yourself or your SO to consider that scenario is unnecessarily stressful. I suspect it's tied to the thought that woman shouldn't have an abortion unless the health of the mother is in jeopardy, which is incredibly rare. Plus, I assume if mom and baby were struggling, there'd be doctors advocating for the mom and other doctors advocating for the baby.

3. I would rather work 10 hours day than be a SAHM because I do think it's hard, even when the kids are younger and don't do much. 12 weeks of maternity leave fried my brain last time. This time, I have 18 weeks and I'm so worried about it that I'm trying to schedule weekly coffee dates and keep DD home from preschool one day a week so that I don't go nuts.

4. As an atheist, I think I'm entitled to celebrate whatever holiday I want. For me, it's based on family tradition and absolutely nothing spiritual. I adore Christmas and our traditions. I love going to Hanakuah parties and eating the amazing Jewish food. I like to do easter egg hunts. I love green beer. Just because I'm an athiest doesn't mean that I have to miss out on social traditions or even that I hate/boycott religions. Let's just all have a great time for any holiday.

Squirtgun · March 2017

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot I guess I'm thinking of a couple of very specific people when I stated my UO. There are people who on FB go out of their way to knock and belittle anything slightly religious, and question my intelligence for having a religion. And then turn around a post pics of their kids in Easter dresses and such. I think just the complete lack of awareness rubs me the wrong way. Like, cool, make fun of my religion every chance you get, but when it's convenient for you then celebrate it. So, if you're not anti-religion, then my post isn't about you? I know not all atheists are anti-religion, maybe my phrasing was a little off.

kat81 · March 2017

Squirtgun said:

My UO- I really don't understand why so many people who are super anti-religion celebrate so many Christian holidays. St. Patrick's day, Easter, Christmas, St. Valentine's Day. I'm not upset by it, or offended by it by any means, I just don't get it. You don't see staunch atheists showing their Purim dinner photos on FB! Maybe this is a my region kind of thing, though, I don't know.

I realize this is probably a rhetorical question, but my answer to it is because these are highly commercialized & cultural holidays that are quite easy to "celebrate" without including any of the religious/Christian trappings. They are so ubiquitous in our culture that people just celebrate them as it is something to do. Regardless of their origins, many of these holidays have morphed into more than the religion. Valentine's Day is a celebration of romance and/or friendship--everyone knows this, and probably very few people (including Christians!) know the origin.

Purim, on the other hand, is decidedly NOT commercialized. It IS, however, cultural, and atheist Jews may celebrate it. I know it sounds like an oxymoron to say "atheist Jew" but what I mean are people who are culturally Jewish but who don't happen to believe in God...which is I think equivalent to the culturally Christian people who celebrate the holidays you mention. Relatedly, I would also challenge the perspective that someone who is an atheist is "anti-religion," though maybe that's not what you were saying (I'm just extrapolating it from the Purim example.) I think a lot of atheists would say, "I definitely don't believe in God, but that's cool that you do and I'd be happy to join you for your Easter dinner and help prepare some of the food, sing along, etc." But even if they are actually anti-religion, I think that some of the holidays you've mentioned (like V-day and St Patrick's Day) are so far removed from religion in how they are practiced here in the USA that even someone who is anti-religion can celebrate them while still being anti-religious, given that so many of the celebrations are just pure commercialism.

kat81 · March 2017

fbmandy55 said:

schnitz9 said:

Not sure if this is a UO but it is something that has been bothering me and just showed up on my FB today with someone mentioning. Hope no one is offended.
I can't stand when FTM who are pregnant and not working call themselves a SAHM! I'm sorry you're not a SAHM if you don't have any kids that stay at home with you. Let's be honest here, until you give birth you're UNEMPLOYED!!!!!

Ok, I'm going to take this to the next level... My UO is that if you are a SAHM mom, you don't need to list that as your job on facebook. My sister in law is a SAHM mom of twins and is constantly posting crap about her "job" is being a SAHM and how she does so much "work". She literally lays in bed with the twins all day or puts them in a playpen. She doesn't cook or clean. My brother who works 60 hours a week does the cooking and cleaning.

ETA: I don't think of all SAHM mom's this way. I know there are many who do A LOT.

I would agree with @schnitz9 on this in that you can't be a SAHM before you're a mom. But you can be a homemaker. I just think that SAHM does require having children you're caring for.

As for @fbmandy55 , I think that even if your SIL is a lazy mom, looking after twins is still quite a lot of work. I certainly don't envy her or other SAHMs!

Kipperoo · March 2017

Agreed with @kat81 and @NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot . They said it far more eloquently than my fried brain will allow me to. I am an atheist with strong opinions about components of all religions, but we still celebrate the commercial aspect of the big social holidays. There is absolutely no religious component to any of our celebrations (or life choices, for that matter), but I wouldn't belittle someone for having a religious component to their celebration. I also would never attack someone on Facebook for their religion--I think it's a totally personal decision, but if someone wants to ask me why I don't believe in God, baptize my children, teach them about prayer, etc they should be prepared for the conversation to inevitably turn back to their beliefs and why I question them.

BeachMommy2B · March 2017

@Squirtgun I think the difference is that most holidays and traditions although based on a religious event, don't hold that true meaning to a lot of people anymore. Christmas is about gifts and trees the focus is not on the birth of Jesus, Easter is about bunnies and easter eggs, not the Resurrection of the lord.

I consider myself a christian and we make sure to incorporate the religious aspects into holidays, but still do all the other non christian traditions too. Christmas with all the lights and decorations is my favorite! I am not offended in the least if someone who is an atheist celebrates these holidays. In reality they are just celebrating the corporate aspect of it.

schnitz9 · March 2017

Just thought of another one (although with the current audience I think it would be more of a popular opinion).

People need to stop comparing getting a puppy to having a child. I was on the phone with my BFF who I adore the other day. She is single with no kids. She was telling me about the guys she's been dating getting a puppy recently and how busy he has been. She made the excuse of him being so busy with the puppy by say "yes I know how hard it is to have a puppy its like having a child." Had to correct her that it is totally different. Last I checked when I got a puppy 10 years ago and I needed to go to the grocery store I could leave the puppy at home. Can't really do that with my 2 year old. I hate when people compare the 2. Um no having a pet is NOTHING like having a child.

Jens_Hoes · March 2017

@schnitz9
While I disagree with the statement your friend made making them seem like the same level of hardness. I do think there are some similarities. I obviously say this as a FTM.
But going from it being just me and my husband to having a puppy it definitely changed our lives. We actually talked last night about how much love we have for him and how we didn't understand the love we could have felt for an animal. It has also made us communicate more as we talk about how long he's in the crate, etc. I also believe that it has made my husband much more responsible. He is now responsible for a life, and has obviously stepped up to the game.
I am NOT saying a pet is the same as a child, but I do think it can be a good step towards being a FTParent.

kat81 · March 2017

@schnitz9 @Jens_Hoes

I also agree that having a pet is not the same thing as having a child. But I'm not in the least offended when people make the analogy or consider their pets to be family members, etc. And this is coming from someone who is NOT a pet person. Just from what I've heard they are so much work! Some people think we're crazy to have a 3rd kid but at least we have ZERO pets and that helps us put our time into the kids.

fbmandy55 · March 2017

@kat81 I don't disagree that being a SAHM is lots of work. Plus you don't get any time to yourself. I do envy them as I would rather be a workaholic at home for my family than for someone else!

.

Squirtgun · March 2017

@kat81 it honestly wasn't a rhetorical question. I didn't understand it. I guess I didn't grow up with the commercial aspects of the holidays? Like, we didn't do Easter eggs, Santa, green beer, etc.
So, your explaination of commercial aspects of the holidays making them more of a cultural than religious thing for people does make sense.

@NotAPlaya-JustCrushAlot, @Kipperoo, I honestly didn't mean to offend anyone (and I'm on mobile, so sorry if I missed tagging anyone) , and I'm sorry that I did!

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