RE: Changes after baby, I agree that a lot does change, but when I was pregnant with DS1, I was so ridiculously blissfully unaware of how life will be and was the happiest pregnant blissfully ignorant lady ever. I thought everything would remain the same, sunshine and rainbows all the way, and had zero worry the whole pregnancy. I think that attitude did help me when he actually came, though I realized how naive I had been! But changes come naturally and the biggest issue was the sleep deprivation. Everything seems so.much.more.dramatic when you haven't slept for over 48 hours in a row....
I was completely different when pregnant with DS2. He's my rainbow baby, and I had just had a traumatic loss of twins 6 months prior, so I was a neurotic, anxious mess from day 1. And I DREADED the change of going from 1 kid to 2. I found that was actually the hardest, that transition was brutal for us. Baby not sleeping through the night and toddler waking up 6am sharp, bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to take on the world. I didn't sleep for the first 6 months, and I am not exaggerating that. I slept in 10-15 minute increments for 6 months straight. DS2 had really bad silent reflux and screamed all night long. It got so much better after those first 6 months, it was a cake walk after that! But that early stage was brutal for me....and it's why I promised myself I'd never get pregnant again with the toddler in the house!! Lol Both my boys are school aged so I kept my promise to myself!
@supermom83 I had that blissful first pregnancy, too. I want that again, but nope. I am actually comforted by what you said about the toddler and baby. I hate that my kids will be 4 years apart...it seems like they will never be close because of that. But knowing that there is something pleasant about it helps.
@supermom83 I had that blissful first pregnancy, too. I want that again, but nope. I am actually comforted by what you said about the toddler and baby. I hate that my kids will be 4 years apart...it seems like they will never be close because of that. But knowing that there is something pleasant about it helps.
I am not worried at all about the age gap and in my personal opinion, I think larger age gaps can be fantastic! I am the youngest of 5, and the age difference between me and my siblings in order is 16 years, 15, 11 and 5 years. We are all extremely close and I had a very interesting childhood because of my amazing siblings and the age gaps.
My oldest DS will be 8.5yo when baby is born, and DS2 will be exactly 6yo. They are both very aware of what having a new baby means, they're excited to have a sibling, I know they will be genuinely helpful, especially DS1. I am getting such pleasure in seeing my son get excited about taking on the role of a helper and a big kid. He's thrilled we're having a baby and will always remember this, vs when he was 2.5 when his brother was born. It's going to be a different kind of bond, but I have no doubt in my mind that they will all be very close in the end!
I'm sure your kids will also create their own special bond and it will be perfect just the way it is
@stokesm21 I have those moments too, but then I remind myself that a lot of it is how I decide to react to the situations. It also helps to look at other moms around you who are making it work. Like the camping - I camped for the first time at 7 months old. My stepsister just took her 1 year old on a two week road/camping/hiking trip across the west. I know my life will drastically change with a baby, but it won't stop me from doing the things I love, and hopefully instilling that love in a LO!
I guess looking back my life didn't change that much. Just sleep. That is the only thing that changed! I never get to sleep. DH and I were already big homebodies who spoiled our fur baby. I think it just depends on how you live. DH and I enjoy having people over to our house and that didn't change either! Lol I mean, we don't sit at home mom-stop, but anything we do LO fits right into perfectly!
I'm actually more nervous to go from one to two than I was zero to one. I really do not function well on less than 8 hours of sleep (I'm a mouth breather and get poor quality sleep) so I literally slept whenever she slept as a newborn and it was the only thing that saved me. I can't feed the next one at 7a and go back to sleep like I did with her. I see LOTS of coffee in my future! I'm also crazy about schedules as they kept our unpredictable life predictable so that is really hard with two kids! I mean, I can't change it so I have to make do but the logistics of it make me nervous.
TTC: 1/2014
BFP: 9/24
EDD: 6/8/2015
Sorry for the poor man's siggy...ticker won't load regardless of how many tips I read.
@supermom83 I feel for you, not being able to sleep messes with everything. I was lucky to never have issues with sleeping besides a couple nights here and there.
As as for the age gap - I love that my two are only a year apart - they play and fight but they are always together and love it. It's not always smooth especially in the beginning before the younger can really play or interact. I also have a stepson who is 8 and 9 years older than his siblings and absolutely adores them - playing and trying his best to take care of them (insisting he fill up sippy cups etc.). There are awesome benefits and relationships between siblings of all ages
There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture...
We had a fussy, high needs baby with severe reflux related to food allergies (through breastmilk), and dysphagia that nursed every 2 hours until 13 months old and didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time that first year. I lost my miiind!!!! He grunted all the time and was impossible to soothe though not colicky. I completely was not prepared for the stress on our marriage that would result from having a fussy baby with issues and not getting any sleep. We are still recovering from that first year.... Things are much calmer now but he still doesn't sleep through the night - if he wakes only twice that's a win! It can be hard to balance all the load sharing so it is viewed as fair by both especially if you don't get one of those unicorn babies. We did not have that problem before we had our son. Ultimately, resentment was built up (if you don't somehow sort it out at the time or go to therapy it happens easily) and we still need to sort it all out. Things are much better now, though we almost never go out.
Thank heavens I got married at 37 - as of right now I don't know when I will be able to travel and roam around Europe and the Caribbean like I used to again! Uhm, I love my husband and baby - but that carefree life is gone gone gone. Perhaps when I get to sleep again I can get some balance back in my life lol. Right now I'm just surviving.
@supermom83 you just scared all of us about to have 2 under 2. I'm going to go cry in a corner now.
There is a reason sleep deprivation is used as a form of torture...
We had a fussy, high needs baby with severe reflux related to food allergies (through breastmilk), and dysphagia that nursed every 2 hours until 13 months old and didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time that first year. I lost my miiind!!!! He grunted all the time and was impossible to soothe though not colicky. I completely was not prepared for the stress on our marriage that would result from having a fussy baby with issues and not getting any sleep. We are still recovering from that first year.... Things are much calmer now but he still doesn't sleep through the night - if he wakes only twice that's a win! It can be hard to balance all the load sharing so it is viewed as fair by both especially if you don't get one of those unicorn babies. We did not have that problem before we had our son. Ultimately, resentment was built up (if you don't somehow sort it out at the time or go to therapy it happens easily) and we still need to sort it all out. Things are much better now, though we almost never go out.
Thank heavens I got married at 37 - as of right now I don't know when I will be able to travel and roam around Europe and the Caribbean like I used to again! Uhm, I love my husband and baby - but that carefree life is gone gone gone. Perhaps when I get to sleep again I can get some balance back in my life lol. Right now I'm just surviving.
@supermom83 you just scared all of us about to have 2 under 2. I'm going to go cry in a corner now.
I don't remember being this nervous for number one. Everyone says going from one to two is the hardest. I'm terrified. And yeah...2 under 2 seemed like a great idea and I love that they'll be so close in age. Super terrified.
DD had horrible colic for almost 4 months. It really sucked but eventually, they outgrow those really crappy phases and things get SO MUCH BETTER.
For a while after she was born, it was really hard to connect with my mom friends who didn't go through colic ("they just don't get it!"). I realized after the fact that they went through their own struggles that I didn't have to deal with at all. Im so glad I could be there for them and that they could be there for me- you need a mom tribe (like the ladies on here!).
My first meeting of the day on my work "mamamoon" was cancelled...so I have two hours to spend at the breakfast All You Can Eat Buffet. Woot woooooot!!
DH is texting that he misses me. Um, yeah, me too, sweetie...this giant bed and no one waking me at night, and this pool and buffet...would really rather be home.
@supermom83 I had that blissful first pregnancy, too. I want that again, but nope. I am actually comforted by what you said about the toddler and baby. I hate that my kids will be 4 years apart...it seems like they will never be close because of that. But knowing that there is something pleasant about it helps.
If it makes you feel better, my SS is at least 4 years older than his first sibling and a whole 9/10 years older than his youngest. He will be 13 years older than our first child. He is great with his younger siblings. Sure, he's getting to an age where they will become more annoying to him haha! But they are all really close. He's always been so good with my nephew (4) as well because he has younger siblings at home.
@stokesm21 In fairness I deal with anxiety, so every change is kind of stressful and weird for me, but I'm terrified too. I think I'm going to be a good mom, but this pregnancy is still not entirely real to me. No matter how sick I've been, and now with the bump out loud and proud, it still hasn't really sunk in that I'm going to have a whole human being to be responsible for. I'm still prepping and thinking about it and planning but it isn't real to me yet. I even fell totally in love with my baby at the NT scan, but I'm more attached to the photos than I am to my bump where the baby actually IS! I don't think it will be real until the baby is in my arms, and maybe not even then. It's such a huge and unplanned early change for us, and I'm just taking it one day at a time. That will probably be my mama mantra. One day at a time. Otherwise I'll go nuts.
You are not alone! I have generalized anxiety disorder although I have actually been good since getting pregnant. I had minor setbacks in the beginning which I think was just all the hormones messing up my system. This baby was very planned so my anxiety is at a minimum. I also decided to stay on my meds. It's real but not for me as well but I'm a bit of the opposite. I'm always rubbing my belly, talking about him/her with DH and rarely looking at the pics. I think those first kicks will be my "this is real" moment. I understand where you're coming from though. Picture is proof while when you can't feel them move, it's hard to think they're actually IN there. It will get better and if "one day at a time" is how you make it through then all the power to ya!
Re: Weekend Randoms 1/21
I was completely different when pregnant with DS2. He's my rainbow baby, and I had just had a traumatic loss of twins 6 months prior, so I was a neurotic, anxious mess from day 1. And I DREADED the change of going from 1 kid to 2. I found that was actually the hardest, that transition was brutal for us. Baby not sleeping through the night and toddler waking up 6am sharp, bright eyed and bushy tailed and ready to take on the world. I didn't sleep for the first 6 months, and I am not exaggerating that. I slept in 10-15 minute increments for 6 months straight. DS2 had really bad silent reflux and screamed all night long. It got so much better after those first 6 months, it was a cake walk after that! But that early stage was brutal for me....and it's why I promised myself I'd never get pregnant again with the toddler in the house!! Lol Both my boys are school aged so I kept my promise to myself!
My oldest DS will be 8.5yo when baby is born, and DS2 will be exactly 6yo. They are both very aware of what having a new baby means, they're excited to have a sibling, I know they will be genuinely helpful, especially DS1. I am getting such pleasure in seeing my son get excited about taking on the role of a helper and a big kid. He's thrilled we're having a baby and will always remember this, vs when he was 2.5 when his brother was born. It's going to be a different kind of bond, but I have no doubt in my mind that they will all be very close in the end!
I'm sure your kids will also create their own special bond and it will be perfect just the way it is
Dating: 12/21/2001
Married: 09/08/2012
BFP: 11/16/2016 EDD: 07/27/2017
Baby Fish born: 08/01/2017
As as for the age gap - I love that my two are only a year apart - they play and fight but they are always together and love it. It's not always smooth especially in the beginning before the younger can really play or interact. I also have a stepson who is 8 and 9 years older than his siblings and absolutely adores them - playing and trying his best to take care of them (insisting he fill up sippy cups etc.). There are awesome benefits and relationships between siblings of all ages
We had a fussy, high needs baby with severe reflux related to food allergies (through breastmilk), and dysphagia that nursed every 2 hours until 13 months old and didn't sleep for more than 20 minutes at a time that first year. I lost my miiind!!!! He grunted all the time and was impossible to soothe though not colicky. I completely was not prepared for the stress on our marriage that would result from having a fussy baby with issues and not getting any sleep. We are still recovering from that first year.... Things are much calmer now but he still doesn't sleep through the night - if he wakes only twice that's a win! It can be hard to balance all the load sharing so it is viewed as fair by both especially if you don't get one of those unicorn babies. We did not have that problem before we had our son. Ultimately, resentment was built up (if you don't somehow sort it out at the time or go to therapy it happens easily) and we still need to sort it all out. Things are much better now, though we almost never go out.
Thank heavens I got married at 37 - as of right now I don't know when I will be able to travel and roam around Europe and the Caribbean like I used to again! Uhm, I love my husband and baby - but that carefree life is gone gone gone. Perhaps when I get to sleep again I can get some balance back in my life lol. Right now I'm just surviving.
@supermom83 you just scared all of us about to have 2 under 2. I'm going to go cry in a corner now.
For a while after she was born, it was really hard to connect with my mom friends who didn't go through colic ("they just don't get it!"). I realized after the fact that they went through their own struggles that I didn't have to deal with at all. Im so glad I could be there for them and that they could be there for me- you need a mom tribe (like the ladies on here!).
DH is texting that he misses me. Um, yeah, me too, sweetie...this giant bed and no one waking me at night, and this pool and buffet...would really rather be home.
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie
Met: 08/2001 ~ Dating: 07/2004 ~ Engaged: 11/2009 ~ Married: 06/2011
TTC: Since 09/16 ~ BFP 10/28/16 ~ EDD 7/5/17
Team Pink * Canadian Bumpie