@jstringfellow19 Again I make my point that if you are on assistance of some kind you have NO MONEY. How do you expect them to "put a little effort" in if they can't afford clothes or makeup? #youaremissingthedamnpoint
To many folks to tag, oh well. I'm getting flamed and don't care so I'm going to say this anyways. I guess my post up above was kinda 2 separate ones. No I don't have an issue with pjs/sweat pants or the equivalent. I wear them any time I'm not going to work. I was agreeing about the fact that if you have to go somewhere in public don't literally roll out of bed and head out. My point about the type of people that were at the office this particular AM goes in line with what @kswinger06 said. If you need assistance by all means get it. I'm not judging the people that are on it, but just because you are having a hard time doesn't mean you have to look like it. It was a you had to be there to see it kind of thing. If feeling like you should put a little effort into yourself before going out in public makes me a diva or snob so be it.
Just...WHAT. Have you truly never been in a situation so difficult that it is not relevant or even possible to consider your physical appearance? Like, perhaps even getting out of bed and getting yourself where you need to be constitutes a monumental amount of "putting effort into yourself?" If this sounds truly unfathomable to you, I hope you feel grateful for that.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
Um, I LOVE sweatpants/yoga pants/leggings, and will wear them whenever possible, especially now, when most of my other clothing doesn't fit, or at least not comfortably. I refuse to spend a ton on maternity clothes, especially since this is likely my last baby. And I am gainfully employed full time at a social services nonprofit agency, receiving no assistance of any kind. However, when I had my first son I was on Medicaid and briefly received SNAP because the good old USA doesn't provide any sort of paid leave, and we needed a little help while I was home with the new baby, and my husband made a lot less than he does now, and also pays child support for an older son from a previous relationship. It sucked when I felt the judgey eyes of people like that, when we were doing the best we could to make sure our kids were taken care of. Shaming another mom/family when you really know NOTHING of their situation is pretty shitty.
Ahhh this is why you have to love UO and FFFC. This is an open forum and we all have our own opinions. I get what everyone has said and I would never make a comment to someone in person about their appearance or need for assistance. I didn't sit in the office and side eye people that particular day or anything. I was simply stating my opinion on this board just like everyone else does. I understand the ins and outs of assistance and I also come from an area that deals with lots of abuse of the system. Just going off what I know personally.
In general I do not care what people wear. But I will judge people for what they wear when they go to nice restaurant, it is like part of what we are paying for is a nice atmosphere and when you have a bunch of people in pajamas and sweat pants I may as well have eaten at McDs. I
Anyone who wants to judge my appearance at appointments can fuck off. Some of my appointments have involved hours long sonograms, full days at the hospital, and painful procedures. Sorry my clothes were too "assistance-y" for some of you, because you know no one on assistance has a job or owns nice clothes. Also, I work literally in a warehouse/manufacturing facility even though I have an executive level job. I sometimes wear yoga pants and sneakers to work because I have to be out on the floor or doing things that are physically demanding and I'm not worried about what my hair/makeup looks like when we're back logged with work and I'm building cubicles and moving inventory around.
Ohandplusalso I'm having a hard time emotionally right now, is that ok to look like crap in public because I don't have the poorz? Or are you saying any type of hard time doesn't qualify you to not put 100% effort into your appearance in public all the time?
@cantalopes24 YES. Today I am exhausted and feel like 100% crap. I came to work in a tee shirt, leggings with a rip in them and an old sweater. My hair is in a pony tail and I have on no makeup. No one fucking cares.
Right there with you all. Environmental science=jeans, t-shirt, ponytail, and no point to getting a manicure. I'm supervisor level at a good career position, and I prefer AM appointments. The scale likes me better in the morning.
So my two cents (which no one has asked for, ha) is that I truly believe in making SOME effort -- mostly for the psychological benefits. I remember reading in one of my parenting/pregnancy books when I first found out I was pregnant (I think it was "Bringing Up Bebe"), how making an effort to even throw on some lipstick or mascara or something will do wonders for you psychologically, given how much your body is changing and how that may affect you. I've followed that, and it's worked for me (especially living in Europe where going out in pajamas isn't really a thing. Luckily, neither is being super glam, so my in-between fits in fine).
THAT SAID... 100% agree that if you're on assistance and you're trying to figure out how to pay for groceries or rent, the least of your concerns is whether or not to put on lipstick or skinny jeans and heels or whatever to go to the doctor. And even if you're not on assistance -- if you feel comfortable and confident wearing jeans and a t-shirt and nothing else, go for it. You do you.
Iwant to echo everything that's been said but also add that feeling like someone isnt dressed well can really contribute to perceived or actual power imbalance. I have mentioned that I'm a social worker and often my clients don't have anything nice or formal to wear to meetings or court. I definitely see it affect the way they are perceived and treated, so I think it's important to be aware of implicit biases we carry.
I have even noticed myself feeling kind of weird talking to doctors and medical professionals now that I'm living in pajamas and sweats. My nice clothes are kind of a suit of armor that I feel vulnerable without and it's indicative of my privilege as a white, middle class person that I can usually choose not to feel that way if I don't want to.
Oh man. This morning's topic has me all in my feelings. Of course, everyone is entitled (possible pun intended) to their feelings, thoughts etc. I'll say that when I get dressed every morning, since Im not currently working my decisions are between sweats, yoga pants or leggings. Everyday. And my appointments are always in the morning. Actually, at my last appointment, my OB suggested I apply for Medicaid because paying monthly premiums and high deductibles is draining my savings as I can't work currently even though I do have a new job lined up for March with a major academic hospital. But I suppose for all intents and purposes, I am or could potentially be that Medicaid-sweat pant wearing-didnt put much effort into my appearance person you are talking about. I grew up poor, stood in line with my grandmother (who pretty much raised me because my parents were addicts) after church for our government cheese and rations and grew up in Oakland aka "The ghetto". I dont regret shit and I'm not ashamed. You know why? Because it's MY story and it made me a compassionate, strong, successful, empathetic person. Character traits I hope to instill in my children. Idgaf who judges me or my current daily appearance because no one is better than anyone and you never know someone's story, glory or struggle.
@jstringfellow19 here's the thing: mislabeling your incorrect believe as your "opinion" doesn't make it any less wrong. There are many and varied reasons why your conclusion that "AM appts are for people who are on Medicaid or other government assistance or young and pregnant" is incorrect. You trying to support your incorrect assumption with ignorant conjecture is not helping your case at all. You have absolutely no idea what anyone around you is going through at any given time - least of all, in a freaking doctor's office waiting room, where the person sitting next to you might be so busy worrying about whether she's, I don't know, infertile? miscarrying? dying? to think about how she is dressed.
Iwant to echo everything that's been said but also add that feeling like someone isnt dressed well can really contribute to perceived or actual power imbalance. I have mentioned that I'm a social worker and often my clients don't have anything nice or formal to wear to meetings or court. I definitely see it affect the way they are perceived and treated, so I think it's important to be aware of implicit biases we carry.
I have even noticed myself feeling kind of weird talking to doctors and medical professionals now that I'm living in pajamas and sweats. My nice clothes are kind of a suit of armor that I feel vulnerable without and it's indicative of my privilege as a white, middle class person that I can usually choose not to feel that way if I don't want to.
This is a great point, and I also want to make a pitch for the organizations in the US that accept nice/formal clothing donations for these kinds of situations which are worth donating to if you can/want to/etc. Dress for Success is one that comes to mind, but I think there are a lot of local organizations as well. I always thought those were really smart organizations because of exactly that problem (in bold).
I will say this though.. I SUPER hate when people wear jeans to things like the opera or musicals. manbitch no one needs to see your tevas while appreciating the arts.
@PerraSucia that's a whole different kettle of fish. I will judge the shit out of a bitch who shows up dressed inappropriately to a fancy event. Even if your ripped jeans cost $900, ain't nobody want to see your gnarly-ass kneecaps at the THEATAH. You want to play fancypants, you dress the part.
I will say this though.. I SUPER hate when people wear jeans to things like the opera or musicals. manbitch no one needs to see your tevas while appreciating the arts.
@PerraSucia I think that makes sense. It's a dress code thing. I wore sweatpants to work the other day because I felt like crap but managed to scrape together enough spoons to wear heels that night because it was prime rib buffet night at my country club. I hope they don't cancel my membership if they find out I own sweatpants.
Iwant to echo everything that's been said but also add that feeling like someone isnt dressed well can really contribute to perceived or actual power imbalance. I have mentioned that I'm a social worker and often my clients don't have anything nice or formal to wear to meetings or court. I definitely see it affect the way they are perceived and treated, so I think it's important to be aware of implicit biases we carry.
I have even noticed myself feeling kind of weird talking to doctors and medical professionals now that I'm living in pajamas and sweats. My nice clothes are kind of a suit of armor that I feel vulnerable without and it's indicative of my privilege as a white, middle class person that I can usually choose not to feel that way if I don't want to.
This is a great point, and I also want to make a pitch for the organizations in the US that accept nice/formal clothing donations for these kinds of situations which are worth donating to if you can/want to/etc. Dress for Success is one that comes to mind, but I think there are a lot of local organizations as well. I always thought those were really smart organizations because of exactly that problem (in bold).
+1 to this going to add: local domestic violence shelters and your local court especially if they have a victim's services unit. I worked for orgs like these and our ladies were THRILLED when they could get outfits to wear to court or to an interview.
I will say this though.. I SUPER hate when people wear jeans to things like the opera or musicals. manbitch no one needs to see your tevas while appreciating the arts.
I admit that I usually tell DH to wear jeans and a blazer to shows. That usually puts him right about in the middle of the dressy scale in our city. I dress up a bit more myself, only because I have very few opportunities to do so.
My husband doesn't like dressing up at all. To him putting on his non work jeans and a company t-shirt are dressing up. We never look balanced because I tend to put more effort than him, so instead of him dressing nicer, he asks why I always make him look bad haha
I was JUST super making fun of my friend and her husband in their x-mas party photos.. she looked like she was going clubbing and he looked like he was going to a business casual meeting.
@PerraSucia Pretty sure that's me and my H most of the time, except a rung down on the fancy level. I look like I'm going to a business casual event, and he looks like he's going to...the backyard.
Me: 34 Husband: 35 Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17 BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
I will say this though.. I SUPER hate when people wear jeans to things like the opera or musicals. manbitch no one needs to see your tevas while appreciating the arts.
I admit that I usually tell DH to wear jeans and a blazer to shows. That usually puts him right about in the middle of the dressy scale in our city. I dress up a bit more myself, only because I have very few opportunities to do so.
I will say this though.. I SUPER hate when people wear jeans to things like the opera or musicals. manbitch no one needs to see your tevas while appreciating the arts.
I admit that I usually tell DH to wear jeans and a blazer to shows. That usually puts him right about in the middle of the dressy scale in our city. I dress up a bit more myself, only because I have very few opportunities to do so.
But does he wear jeans, a blazer and Tevas?
This is him before our last outing... I made him take off the flannel and put on a blazer with elbow patches. (Are Tevas still a thing?)
Edited to say that this is definitely not my DH... Although he DOES rock some strong facial hair.
I feel like its a double edged sword- if someone is on Medicaid, Gov Assistance, or is low income and they're dressed well with perfect makeup they're inevitably going to get comments that their priorities are skewed. As if someone who is poor should have to LOOK poor to fit the stereotype. But now then theyre get judged for not putting as much effort in.
Meanwhile people are just trying to live their lives, and God forbid they get prenatal care while pregnant... which every woman, no matter her age, income level, or pants caste is entitled to by law.
I know everyone's jumping on one person, and I do feel bad adding to that. It just chaps my pregnant ass when someone is anti- pantite and assumes other people should always be up to their perceived level. (Yes, I had to throw in a Seinfeld pun to keep with the other theme of this thread)
To lighten the mood- my UO is that I watch Elf year round, and the fact that Christmas vomited all over my house makes me innately happy. These decorations will be staying up until well after I give birth because it makes me smile and makes me feel all toasty inside
@jstringfellow19 people that judge other solely based on appearance is why unless I am running to the corner store or actually running you will never catch me in sweats outside my house.
It's because as a black woman I have been taught since a very early age that people are judging me and making assumptions about me based solely on my skin color. Therefore I need to do all I can to ensure I am not judged or treated poorly as a result.
Thank you for continuing stereotypes and proving my parents right. The world continues to be a shitty place.
Side note: All you other ladies have redeemed yourself in my eyes after yesterday's blasphemous Seinfeld talk. I am back to thinking highly of you
Me: 36, H: 37 FTM, 2 Furbabies married 03/17/07 lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC due: 2/15/17
I used to always want morning appointments because the doctor isn't backed up at that point. Now, my OB is like 45 minutes south of work and 20 minutes from home, so I do later to justify working from home after
And I have never looked at a person's clothing and thought if they were on public assistance or not. Like never entered my mind. But, dressed nice or dressed sloppy, welfare or not, do whatever the hell you want!
And @krob I like Seinfeld too! It's usually on at 7 when I'm making dinner and makes great background noise!
Re: UO Thursday, 12/8
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
Um, I LOVE sweatpants/yoga pants/leggings, and will wear them whenever possible, especially now, when most of my other clothing doesn't fit, or at least not comfortably. I refuse to spend a ton on maternity clothes, especially since this is likely my last baby. And I am gainfully employed full time at a social services nonprofit agency, receiving no assistance of any kind. However, when I had my first son I was on Medicaid and briefly received SNAP because the good old USA doesn't provide any sort of paid leave, and we needed a little help while I was home with the new baby, and my husband made a lot less than he does now, and also pays child support for an older son from a previous relationship. It sucked when I felt the judgey eyes of people like that, when we were doing the best we could to make sure our kids were taken care of. Shaming another mom/family when you really know NOTHING of their situation is pretty shitty.
Married to my Soul Mate since 09/06/09
It was TOTES embarrassing.
brb about to run to the store.
JUDGE ME
THAT SAID... 100% agree that if you're on assistance and you're trying to figure out how to pay for groceries or rent, the least of your concerns is whether or not to put on lipstick or skinny jeans and heels or whatever to go to the doctor. And even if you're not on assistance -- if you feel comfortable and confident wearing jeans and a t-shirt and nothing else, go for it. You do you.
I have even noticed myself feeling kind of weird talking to doctors and medical professionals now that I'm living in pajamas and sweats. My nice clothes are kind of a suit of armor that I feel vulnerable without and it's indicative of my privilege as a white, middle class person that I can usually choose not to feel that way if I don't want to.
I'll say that when I get dressed every morning, since Im not currently working my decisions are between sweats, yoga pants or leggings. Everyday. And my appointments are always in the morning. Actually, at my last appointment, my OB suggested I apply for Medicaid because paying monthly premiums and high deductibles is draining my savings as I can't work currently even though I do have a new job lined up for March with a major academic hospital.
But I suppose for all intents and purposes, I am or could potentially be that Medicaid-sweat pant wearing-didnt put much effort into my appearance person you are talking about. I grew up poor, stood in line with my grandmother (who pretty much raised me because my parents were addicts) after church for our government cheese and rations and grew up in Oakland aka "The ghetto". I dont regret shit and I'm not ashamed. You know why? Because it's MY story and it made me a compassionate, strong, successful, empathetic person. Character traits I hope to instill in my children. Idgaf who judges me or my current daily appearance because no one is better than anyone and you never know someone's story, glory or struggle.
Your opinion can be wrong. Your opinion can also make you kind of a jerk.
TTC since January 2016
BFP - 3/12/16 - MC 4/5/16
BFP - 6/11/16
and do both dr appt and work that day.
Husband: 35
Married: June 2007
Son Max born 1/10/17
BFP #2: 10/5/17; EDD: 6/11/18
(Are Tevas still a thing?)
Edited to say that this is definitely not my DH... Although he DOES rock some strong facial hair.
Meanwhile people are just trying to live their lives, and God forbid they get prenatal care while pregnant... which every woman, no matter her age, income level, or pants caste is entitled to by law.
I know everyone's jumping on one person, and I do feel bad adding to that. It just chaps my pregnant ass when someone is anti- pantite and assumes other people should always be up to their perceived level. (Yes, I had to throw in a Seinfeld pun to keep with the other theme of this thread)
To lighten the mood- my UO is that I watch Elf year round, and the fact that Christmas vomited all over my house makes me innately happy. These decorations will be staying up until well after I give birth because it makes me smile and makes me feel all toasty inside
It's because as a black woman I have been taught since a very early age that people are judging me and making assumptions about me based solely on my skin color. Therefore I need to do all I can to ensure I am not judged or treated poorly as a result.
Thank you for continuing stereotypes and proving my parents right. The world continues to be a shitty place.
Side note: All you other ladies have redeemed yourself in my eyes after yesterday's blasphemous Seinfeld talk. I am back to thinking highly of you
FTM, 2 Furbabies
married 03/17/07
lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC
due: 2/15/17
I used to always want morning appointments because the doctor isn't backed up at that point. Now, my OB is like 45 minutes south of work and 20 minutes from home, so I do later to justify working from home after
And I have never looked at a person's clothing and thought if they were on public assistance or not. Like never entered my mind. But, dressed nice or dressed sloppy, welfare or not, do whatever the hell you want!
And @krob I like Seinfeld too! It's usually on at 7 when I'm making dinner and makes great background noise!