TWW Monday 10/31

Meg920 · October 2016

Understood. No need to be hostile though. This isn't my first rodeo, and even though it's my first month here, I've been through this before. I'll say it for the third time, I didn't mean to offend anyone and I will not argue. This is to share your experiences, not to argue with each other. I am sensitive to what you are going through, but please know that every journey starts somewhere.

dragonfly87-2 · October 2016

@adirat: No, I didn't call you an overly sensitive person, so don't put words in my mouth.
Basherbaby : yep, read that. She didn't post a BFP, so it's a moot point.

She learned her lesson, let's move on...and make sure this is a safe and supportive place, for everyone.

Also, you have no idea how long I have been trying. This is my first cycle this time. Given the past and I tried for 8 months with no luck many years ago, I do know how it feels. I am not going to accuse you of assuming too much (given you didn't know that), so maybe you shouldn't do that to me. I don't need a lecture on how difficult this is, been there, done that.

Basherbaby · October 2016

@baileygomez : BFP = Big Fat Positive. The Newbie Guide states that a line is a line = pregnant. I don't understand where the confusion is?

adirat · October 2016

baileygomez said:

@swimsister: I completely understand sensitivity, but I think we have to see it from a realistic perspective and take into account the amount of information shared, the expectations communicated upfront and the intention.

Given it was not malicious (seems like an honest mistake), she already apologized, she didn't post a blaring BFP and there isn't even an expectation communicated (that I could find) that you cannot hint you might have a faint line, then I think you should cut some slack. It's the internet after all and we cannot possible know everyone's triggers.

I fully respect people's sensitivities, but also have to understand that it's a fine line (no pun intended) between blatant intent to offend and people being overly sensitive to information.

Additionally, if it is that bad...then no one should QFP it because that makes it more permanent and could potentially continue to re-offend. It wouldn't be a dirty delete if someone kindly asked her to edit it. I think QFP in this case actually heightens the issue and makes it worse. But that is my opinion.

Now, I don't want this to be a debate overall, so we should probably drop it and move on.

lol ok. We're not overly sensitive. Got it.

dragonfly87-2 · October 2016

@adirat: You can be whatever you want to be. Your choice.

RunRestRepeat · October 2016

Lurking from WTO to give creepy internet hugs to @swimsister. This was posted in WTO this morning as well (she apologized for the accident) but it still hit me like a brick wall. Hugs to you, lady.

realgoodthing · October 2016

Question: I decided to test today (I know it's early and I might get a false negative, but a work thing that was supposed to be today moved to tomorrow and I don't want to be freshly disappointed when I go if it's a BFN). I have FRERs - obvs FMU is out, but how much of a hold do I need?

wabash15 · October 2016

@leilac usually if its not FMU its recommended to do a 4 hour hold

adirat · October 2016

baileygomez said:

@adirat: You can be whatever you want to be. Your choice.

Oh awesome! I choose to be pregnant.

Wait it didn't work.

BertieMeetsGertie · October 2016

@Meg920 I appreciate your apology. I do hope that your stay here is short and that you have a good experience with the forum.

@baileygomez Sorry, but I gotta stick with my girls here (looking at you @swimsister @adirat @wabash15 @Basherbaby). a line is a line = BFP. And I was slightly offended how you stated your opinions and then said we shouldn't turn this into a debate, so we should drop it (after you got the last word). If you state something that others do not agree with, you can't just close off the conversation without at least hearing others out. That's my two cents.

saralee797-2 · October 2016

A line is a line and some people here don't or can't hear about it without spiraling out of control on a bad day. If you thought it MIGHT be a trigger you should have at least put a TW. Sorry if you think we are harping but if we don't remind 1/1s of the rules, it will continue to happen and that is not the culture that has been established here. BFPs go in grad threads. If you have a "questionable" BFP post it on the first tri board to get input. There is a whole thread where you are allowed to post pee sticks. Or, better yet, keep peeing on things until you get a true positive. Posting about it here only leaves open the potential to hurt someone having a tough day. And, if you are unfortunately here long enough where even the mention of a faint line might hurt you, you'll thank us for reminding you of this @baileygomez @Meg920

dragonfly87-2 · October 2016

@BertieMeetsGertie: I didn't close it off, we can still keep discussing, if you think that's productive. I don't agree with how the person handled creating a QFP was a good idea (that would further the sting of it being offensive, correct?), so I stated my opinion. I don't see how that is a problem. We are having discourse and I am being genuinely honest right now and not being argumentative.

@adirat: I genuinely hope that happens for you and soon. I have no idea how long you have been trying, but I hope you do not have to go through the long journey I have gone through myself. Best of luck.

saralee797-2 · October 2016

The reason for the QFP is so OP can't delete. Otherwise no one would learn from other's mistakes.

dragonfly87-2 · October 2016

@sarahlee797: I understand the point of a QFP....but if that will cause more people to get upset by actually seeing it...then it doesn't really make sense to QFP it. You can still tell her not to do it and she can learn from the mistake.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

baileygomez said:

(snipped)
Now, I don't want this to be a debate overall, so we should probably drop it and move on.

baileygomez said:

(snipped)
She learned her lesson, let's move on...and make sure this is a safe and supportive place, for everyone.
(snipped)

@BertieMeetsGertie: I didn't close it off, we can still keep discussing. I don't agree with how the person handled creating a QFP, so I stated my opinion. So is that a problem? I am being genuinely honest right now and not being argumentative.
(Snipped)

@baileygomez - It seems (to me anyway) that you did try to close it off based on the bold parts of what you said.

Meg920 said:

Understood. No need to be hostile though. This isn't my first rodeo, and even though it's my first month here, I've been through this before. I'll say it for the third time, I didn't mean to offend anyone and I will not argue. This is to share your experiences, not to argue with each other. I am sensitive to what you are going through, but please know that every journey starts somewhere.

@Meg920 - No one is being hostile. They are reminding you about the culture of this board. A line is a line and a line = BFP. I am pretty sure that I speak for most if not all the ladies here when I say that we'd be thrilled to have even a faint line instead of no lines with each passing cycle. Next time put TW if it's something that can be a possible trigger. Better safe than sorry. Thanks for the apology though!

Hugs to my ladies who didn't need this today! @adirat @swimsister @wabash15 @Basherbaby and those I forgot to tag.

Edited: wording

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

baileygomez said:

@sarahlee797: I understand the point of a QFP....but if that will cause more people to get upset by actually seeing it...then it doesn't really make sense to QFP it. You can still tell her not to do it and she can learn from the mistake.

@baileygomez

We don't get upset by the QFP. It's the original post. A QFP is so that if the OP does delete the post, others who are lurking can see the mistake and learn from it so (hopefully) the same thing does not happen in the future.

Meg920 · October 2016

I'm sending hugs to everyone I offended. I'm sincerely sorry and I won't be posting anything of that nature again. As noted multiple other times, I was sorry. You can QFP me or whatever you want to do to prove the point. I obviously already got the point and if you truly thing it's going to help others, then fine.

Thank you for accepting my apologies and moving on. I'm not here to upset anyone and I'm truly regretful to those of you that I hurt.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

Now on to what I was going to post:

@beachbunnyxo123 - What costume are you wearing?
@mrs35 - Hope your class isn't too sugar high
@FLAshley - Enjoy your day with DH
@BertieMeetsGertie - Those sound yummy! Mind sharing the recipe?
@rainbowturtles - OUCH! Glad you're okay.
@lmmtravels - FX you are actually 12 DPO not 5 so your timing will be good
@abjm0325 - I am sing the same song about testing haha. So far we're doing good. We can hold out!
@Pinky917 - So does my DH haha
@baileygomez - Sorry your friend doesn't seem to get it. I have 1 like that and it can be frustrating.
@Nelbetron - Glad you had a good day!
@lboalboh - My cats did the same thing until I got some cat trees and small scratchers for them
@littlebug2010 - Hold out! You can do it!
@wabash15 - I color code things too!
@CrystalPDX - Hahaha
@swimsister - Sorry for the BFN. Your convo with DH made me laugh
@hellohello570 - Have fun with the trick or treaters
@alysapuggles - Sorry you're still sick. Feel better!
@MrsN092714 - My aunt does the same thing!
@BMPNAB - Sorry for the BFNs

dragonfly87-2 · October 2016

@SaphireSweetie88 : I don't want to argue about it, but I wouldn't consider suggesting we move on as "closing it off." I didn't say "end of conversation," I just didn't think it was significant enough to beat the topic to death. But it doesn't really matter, I am fine discussing it others think it is necessary.

I understand the QFP to "teach others" to an extent, but I also think that if it is truly is as offensive as people claim...I would equate it with rubbing salt in the wound. So QFPing is drawing more attention to an offensive post...thus making it more offensive. That's my logic at least.

swimsister · October 2016

@Meg920 I'm back after cooling off. Like I said in my post I was already triggered when I opened this thread and I reacted. I should know better than that. I appreciate the grace with which you've handled everyone's responses (including mine).

ColoradoHiker · October 2016

Month/Cycle: 1/1

CD/DPO: 19/3

Timing: +1

Testing: Nope

R/R: This is my first month back TTC after having DS in N15. My cycle has been a bit irregular (28 days in August, 35 in September), probably due to weaning, so I based timing on EWCM rather than FF's prediction this month.

CS/Q: none

GTKY: What is a unique or quirky habit you have? I'm sure I have them, but I'm blanking at the moment.

lboalboh · October 2016

baileygomez said:
@adirat: You can be whatever you want to be. Your choice.

"Oh awesome! I choose to be pregnant."

@adirat A few weeks ago, my therapist told me to "choose to be pregnant" and stop worrying about charting, temping, CM, CP and all of that "nonsense." It will all just happen magically. Maybe this is a new trend...

(Also, quote function wouldn't work today. Sorry.)

AtlasJae · October 2016

Gosh, first time on this thread and I feel like I'm on an episode of Oprah. You get raging hormones, you get raging hormones, EVERYBODY GETS RAGING HORMONES!!! All of you ladies are beautiful and no matter where you are in you ttc journey we should all be supportive of each other. Nobody here would ever do anything to upset another intentionally. Some people try for 1 month some people try for 2 years. I understand that rules are rules but you can't avoid the word PREGNANT forever just because it hasn't happened for you yet. It's just a part of life and it's not always fair. Let's all just spread positive vibes, love and baby dust.

Month/Cycle: 3/2

CD/DPO: 21/7

Timing: -5 -4 -3 -2 -1 0 +1 +2 ...all the BD'ing S.O and I live 2 hours from each other so it's important that we BD as much as possible when we are together.

Testing: Today BFN

GTKY: What is a unique or quirky habit you have? Sometimes I like to smell my own farts.... haha j/k I like to sleep at a diagonal or when I lay on the couch I like to lay with my legs up high on the back of the couch. I also make jokes at the most inopportune times mostly because I'm nervous or uncomfortable. It's how I cope

lboalboh · October 2016

@alysapuggles I tried double-sided tape last month. It didn't work.
@SaphireSweetie88 We have two scratchers (each are 2 feet tall). I am thinking about trying cat trees next. I read something about spraying a mixture of orange oil, eucalyptus oil, and water on furniture. I may try that out too.

lboalboh · October 2016

@AtlasJae
I am going to jump in and tell you that you probably need to lurk more and reread the Newbie guide. The term "baby dust" is not accepted here.

doula-mama · October 2016

@AtlasJae Make sure you check out the stickied guide at the top of the page - https://forums.thebump.com/discussion/12685680/the-ultimate-ttgp-guide-newbies-read-this-first/p1

We don't use the term 'baby dust' as a lot of people find it deeply offensive:

Things to Avoid
1) Do not dirty delete. If you get flamed, please do not delete your post (you most likely have already been quoted anyways). Future lurkers/posters can and may learn from the experience.
2) The term baby dust is not accepted here. The term is particularly offensive and hurtful to those who have unfortunately had to cremate their baby. Please be considerate to those TTC After Loss.

CrystalPDX · October 2016

@AtlasJae the term "baby dust" is not okay here, this is in the guide as well.

BertieMeetsGertie · October 2016

AtlasJae said:

Gosh, first time on this thread and I feel like I'm on an episode of Oprah. You get raging hormones, you get raging hormones, EVERYBODY GETS RAGING HORMONES!!! All of you ladies are beautiful and no matter where you are in you ttc journey we should all be supportive of each other. Nobody here would ever do anything to upset another intentionally. Some people try for 1 month some people try for 2 years. I understand that rules are rules but you can't avoid the word PREGNANT forever just because it hasn't happened for you yet. It's just a part of life and it's not always fair. Let's all just spread positive vibes, love and baby dust

Just an FYI that we don't use the highlighted words here because it is disrespectful to those that have had to cremate their children.

sorry about your BFN.

eggplantface · October 2016

I missed the drama (in training all day) but everyone already said what I'd say.

Month/Cycle: 4/4 post-myomectomy

CD/DPO: 25/11

Timing: -2, IUI on O

Testing: Friday before betas

R/R: As I said, I was in training all day, but different topics that happened to be spaced out so I couldn't claim a conflict and skip any

So freaking boring. And in the last one the trainer was clueless so we're going to have some issues in the future. In a rave, I get to go to Costco tonight to buy candy and I'm portioning off some for myself!

CS/Q:

GTKY: What is a unique or quirky habit you have?
My husband could probably answer this better than I because I can't think of a damn thing. I twirl my curls around my finger? Is that one?

lboalboh · October 2016

@AtlasJae

"Nobody here would ever do anything to upset another intentionally."
Okay, but reading the newbie guide and understanding the culture of the board can prevent a lot of hurt.

Also, dismissing people's feelings as "raging hormones" is incredibly hurtful and insensitive, especially because of the (often painful) journeys that people on this board have experienced.

Pinky917 · October 2016

Come on people...lurk, lurk, lurk!!

sheknows6 · October 2016

Pinky917 said:

Come on people...lurk, lurk, lurk!!

I literally can't help myself at this point:

AtlasJae · October 2016

My apologies about the baby dust, seriously. I didn't know and that was insensitive. I'll carefully go back through the guide to re-read what I might have missed. Again I sincerely apologize about that part. It wont happen again.

I wont apologize about the raging hormones joke because it's funny. Did you ever think that maybe I've been through my own painful journey? Well I have and still am. Doesn't mean I can't joke about having hormones. There is an entire thread called Monday Bitchfest....but you're offended by "raging hormones"....Sure...Makes sense. We are women....We ALLLLL have raging hormones EVERY.MONTH.... Just saying

Anyway HUGS to anyone I may have offended...I'm off to go lurk some more before I get into anymore trouble. Ciao!

wabash15 · October 2016

@atlasjae WOW, So not cool. way to start something up that had already been dealt with, apologies given and accepted. Clearly you did not learn anything from those interactions, the key take home message is LURK and learn the board culture. We understand that everyone's journey is different but comparing someone who has tried for one month to someone who has tried for 2 years ridiculous. We are here to support no matter where you are in your journey but we also demand that you respect the others here and where they are in their journeys. We believe in science here and not rainbows and unicorn farts, if that's what your looking for Glow or Babycenter might be a better choice for you. As a point in fact we have had active members who have had to have their babies cremated, for that reason we do not use the term baby dust. Lurk more, read the room and spend some time getting to know these lovely ladies before you spew statements that dismiss someones feelings or trigger someone.

AtlasJae · October 2016

You're absolutely right and I was in the wrong. Wont happen again and I really am sorry about all of that. I was just trying to lighten the mood and all I did was make it worse. Seriously I will thread more carefully next time.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

AtlasJae said:

My apologies about the baby dust, seriously. I didn't know and that was insensitive. I'll carefully go back through the guide to re-read what I might have missed. Again I sincerely apologize about that part. It wont happen again.
I wont apologize about the raging hormones joke because it's funny. Did you ever think that maybe I've been through my own painful journey? Well I have and still am. Doesn't mean I can't joke about having hormones. There is an entire thread called Monday Bitchfest....but you're offended by "raging hormones"....Sure...Makes sense. We are women....We ALLLLL have raging hormones EVERY.MONTH.... Just saying
Anyway HUGS to anyone I may have offended...I'm off to go lurk some more before I get into anymore trouble. Ciao!

@AtlasJae - Not funny because of when you used it / when you said it. You saying you apologize for 1 thing that upset people but not the other kind of (in my opinion) undermines your 1st apology and almost makes me feel like you're not really sorry. I'm not saying your not but that's just how I interpreted it..

wabash15 said:

@atlasjae WOW, So not cool. way to start something up that had already been dealt with, apologies given and accepted. Clearly you did not learn anything from those interactions, the key take home message is LURK and learn the board culture. We understand that everyone's journey is different but comparing someone who has tried for one month to someone who has tried for 2 years ridiculous. We are here to support no matter where you are in your journey but we also demand that you respect the others here and where they are in their journeys. We believe in science here and not rainbows and unicorn farts, if that's what your looking for Glow or Babycenter might be a better choice for you. As a point in fact we have had active members who have had to have their babies cremated, for that reason we do not use the term baby dust. Lurk more, read the room and spend some time getting to know these lovely ladies before you spew statements that dismiss someones feelings or trigger someone.

^^^^^^^^^^^^ THIS. 100% Thanks @wabash15

saralee797-2 · October 2016

seriously I just can't today. Every time I come back to post I end up pissed off.

I'm going to go eat Halloween candy and wait for adorable little nuggets to show up.

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

@Saralee797 - take me with you? Lol. We live near a pretty busy street so there really aren't any kids that come buy. We get a couple groups but that's about it.

saralee797-2 · October 2016

@SaphireSweetie88 haha yea you could use a break too. This is the first Halloween I'm actually home to hand out candy so I don't know what to expect but I'm excited. I even made up my face like a cat!! Lol hope they actually come!

SaphireSweetie88 · October 2016

@Saralee797- I hope they do! If not, at least you have a pretty sweet cat face lol

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