I love inspiring different reactions! I often have to stop myself from saying to baby and toddler girls how pretty they are. I don't have an issue with an attractive appearance. I think being attractive/well dressed is a plus for both sexes. But for little girls I don't want it to be the first thing they hear. I want to tell them they are cool, smart, funny, creative, and oh yeah you are also pretty. Too often women and girls hear it the opposite way
I mean..I'm pretty hardcore feminist, but why does it matter what order a little girl hears those things? I see a problem arising if ALL she ever hears is that she's pretty or maybe she's never told she's pretty. I was a "big girl" growing up and if the first thing I heard from someone was that I was still a pretty little girl, and not just a compliment on my "personality", it may have helped with some self-confidence issues early on. Because in society, whether we like it or not, looks are "important". What you mentioned in your first post on this topic about Trump and him degrading women and only talking about looks..that's pretty far off from complimenting young women and hopefully empowering their self-esteem. Of course, looks aren't everything, and telling them all that other stuff is well and good too, I just don't see the need to over-analyze how I'm going to talk to my daughter. If I tell her she's beautiful and also smart, but I don't make a huge deal about either compliment, she won't make a big deal of it either.
Edit: just re-read everything I typed and nothing really came out right.
Idk abt others here but I for sure had a convo with my husband re: his comments and how he treats our future daughter. I'm sure I will again.
My dad was great and loved to joke with us and say the stereotypical "dad" stuff. I knew he respected me and my choices. He drove me to planned parenthood to get birth control ffs.
That being said, part of protecting my kid is letting her know that she will be judged differently than men.
I think there's a huge difference between parents not wanting their 6 year old daughter wearing a micro mini skirt with tube top and telling them they're pretty and having that snowball into self esteem issues later on.
Also, FWIW, it's not at all uncommon for a parent to be hesitant or make jokes about not wanting their child to date. It is not automatically a precursor to them growing up thinking someone else is in charge of their bodies. Damn straight I'm going to watch out for my kids as minors!
Anyways- I'm going to try my damndest to not have my child base their self esteem on mere compliments, regardless if it's complimenting their creativity, intellect, or looks. Hopefully that will teach them to be less sensitive to such things than I was growing up. I do not think the order of compliments is my biggest concern, teaching a child their innate value and that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses....is.
For me - also a hardcore feminist - the issue is the different messages girls vs boys hear while growing up, and I think this comparison illustrates it nicely:
I think there's a huge difference between parents not wanting their 6 year old daughter wearing a micro mini skirt with tube top and telling them they're pretty and having that snowball into self esteem issues later on.
I'm going to try my damndest to not have my child base their self esteem on any compliment, whether it's complimenting their creativity, intellect, or looks. Hopefully that will teach them to be less sensitive to such things than I was growing up.
Never thought of that actually... I did base a lot of my self-esteem on how my family looked at me or how other kids at school did. But I really like your view better on how you're going to raise your child
@srscott3 you are probably right, the order likely doesn't matter. i am probably overly conscious about messaging sent to young girls. and i know that most people aren't due to societal norms. so i probably over compensate. that said i agree compliments can go along way to building self-esteem that will surely come in handy later on
Me: 36, H: 37 FTM, 2 Furbabies married 03/17/07 lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC due: 2/15/17
For me - also a hardcore feminist - the issue is the different messages girls vs boys hear while growing up, and I think this comparison illustrates it nicely:
Hardcore feminist here too, but I think this messaging begins at home. I never thought I couldn't be what I wanted but I had 2 parents that believed in me and strong female role models. My kids will too.
ETA to add: hearing messages abt women in a negative light just made me more determined. I was told so many times to "get back in the kitchen" and "make me a sandwich" it inspired my tattoo-- a pinup drinking a beer and eating a sandwich on a pile of dirty dishes. It was my way of making sure i remembered why I care so much about social justice.
@kswiger06 I'm not sure. I like to think they actually do. Although, on the one today, there was a lady complaining that she won in July but hasn't received anything, yet.
Actually for some reason I don't ever picture anyone with tattoos besides @GlitterDragon and I'm pretty sure she's never posted any pics lol... I'm always like oh they have a tattoo when I see them in the pics and I didn't imagine @Gretchypoo with one. Maybe we could do a tattoo AW thread! (I'll have to get one of my kids little water stick on ones )
@Gretchypoo Ummm, we're going to need to see pics of that tat.
I totally agree with @krob and the conversations being had here. I know it's totally normal to crack jokes about kiddos and their future plans, but I am planning on really heavily resisting that with my own little boy-tot. One of the main reasons is that my baby bro was constantly told he was gonna be such a little lady killer with his deep blue eyes, blond hair. And now, at 27, he's a broad chested, strapping young man with piercing blue eyes who slays all the men in the gay bar when he walks in. He was a super angry little dude as a kid, and I think that had something to do with it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I'm going to be the super debbie downer who comes down hard on my in-laws when they make those cracks.
And I think that's something we have to keep in mind with a lot of the conversations about our kids and who and how they're gonna date.
Also, I need to say, totally my bad about thinking we already had a birth plans thread. I've just retroactively assumed that I've been a part of this board all along, and I totally confused the J17 birth plans thread with one that apparently never happened here...
Also, unrelated to everything else that's been happening on here so far, I have two randoms to share:
First, I just came back from my glucose test. That was possibly the grossest thing about pregnancy so far. And I am including my toxic pregnancy farts.
Second, just wanted to say you ladies are all hitting the point where, in my pregnancy, I legitimately thought I was going to die. Felt exhausted all the time, like I was constantly wading through molasses to get anything done. Was wondering how to go about transitioning out of my job 3 months early exhausted.
Whoops, anemia crept up on me, even though my iron levels kicked ass at my 9 week blood draw. So I'm just tossing that out there in case any of your are starting to feel like utter ass. I've been on iron supplements for 2.5 weeks and I feel human again. Not great, but human.
@poetryandoceans do you mind sharing what the poetry is? Or it might be too personal...
I always wanted a tattoo, but never got one and my husband wants a specific tattoo I'm not thrilled about so I try to use it to my advantage... when he starts talking about that tattoo he wants, I just say oh yeah I want one too... he immediately drops the conversation lol
H and I have matching tattoos (yes we're those gross people) -- trinity knot with our rings and wedding date. I want to get baby's footprints on my left shoulderblade and a couple other things. Waiting for some extra spending money though!
I'll go on the opposite end. My entire life I've been complimented on my intelligence. Even now, in training for a new position, I was told "you're such a fast learner that we probably won't go that in depth with you." Then on my first day on the floor while the other newbies had people sitting with them, I got completely overwhelmed and spent the whole week crying as soon as I got into my car. I'm finally getting the hang of it, and it did take me less time than most, but it was unnecessary. I feel like I can't say that I need help because people have driven it into my head that I am too smart to need help and it really brings me down when I do need it.
I do use it as a crutch though. I am very socially awkward. Even online. Most people just write it off as being a "nerd" and not being able to talk about anything unless it holds scientific value. In reality, 99% of the time I just don't know what the eff to say because I've been put in this box for so long. I've been so careful not to overly praise my son for his intelligence. I make sure to tell him how funny he is and how much I like being around him. Some stuff he may not understand now, but I make sure that he knows it's everything about him that I love. Not just when he succeeds like I was raised.
@Spicyweiner the one on your shoulder! Is that your only 1?
@MrsLittleMac my fil and his 2nd wife had gotten matching tattoos when they got married. They had eagles on their forearms.
@afkash good question!! I'm a baby when it comes to needles, and labor has been one of the worst physical pains I've ever experienced... yet I'm doing it again lol
Folks, it is super hard to take a picture of your back... also, yes, I just got 1/2 naked for you all to take this pic ;-) Tat us unfinished. The plates will be white with red accents (like a diner) and the bubbles will be pink and blue. This was 5 hours of work.
Late to the party but when my dad first met my H he told him he had a gun and would hurt him if he hurt me. He said it to break the ice but H knew how much I meant to my dad. My dad raised us to stand up for ourselves but I think it's still just a protective part in them that wants the guys to know shit won't fly. I never felt like my dad didn't think I could take care of myself. No matter how we want to believe our daughters won't be treated bad at times I just can't have that mindset. Ffs look at the standford rapist.
Also on team ink! Wrist-dove, right ribs- cross, anchor, heart combo & below it Irish proverb written in Gaelic, left ribs- compass with arrow through it, left hip bone- heart shaped from treble clef & bass clef
Wow! It's been crickets on this board for the last few hours! Where is everybody? I guess you all had some cool Friday night plans while I stayed in bed.
@scifichick09 my husband is obsessed with all things starwars & would love your tattoos! Its his birthday in a few weeks time & im currently searching the internet for more stat wars tat for him!
@Gretchypoo i love your tattoo & what it stands for!
i have never been brave enough to go through with getting a tattoo but have thought about it & enquired about it a few times.
Re: Weekly Randoms (9/26)
I mean..I'm pretty hardcore feminist, but why does it matter what order a little girl hears those things?
I see a problem arising if ALL she ever hears is that she's pretty or maybe she's never told she's pretty. I was a "big girl" growing up and if the first thing I heard from someone was that I was still a pretty little girl, and not just a compliment on my "personality", it may have helped with some self-confidence issues early on. Because in society, whether we like it or not, looks are "important".
What you mentioned in your first post on this topic about Trump and him degrading women and only talking about looks..that's pretty far off from complimenting young women and hopefully empowering their self-esteem. Of course, looks aren't everything, and telling them all that other stuff is well and good too, I just don't see the need to over-analyze how I'm going to talk to my daughter. If I tell her she's beautiful and also smart, but I don't make a huge deal about either compliment, she won't make a big deal of it either.
Edit: just re-read everything I typed and nothing really came out right.
My dad was great and loved to joke with us and say the stereotypical "dad" stuff. I knew he respected me and my choices. He drove me to planned parenthood to get birth control ffs.
That being said, part of protecting my kid is letting her know that she will be judged differently than men.
Also, FWIW, it's not at all uncommon for a parent to be hesitant or make jokes about not wanting their child to date. It is not automatically a precursor to them growing up thinking someone else is in charge of their bodies. Damn straight I'm going to watch out for my kids as minors!
Anyways- I'm going to try my damndest to not have my child base their self esteem on mere compliments, regardless if it's complimenting their creativity, intellect, or looks. Hopefully that will teach them to be less sensitive to such things than I was growing up. I do not think the order of compliments is my biggest concern, teaching a child their innate value and that everyone has different strengths and weaknesses....is.
https://www.today.com/parents/girls-life-vs-boys-life-cover-comparison-leaves-us-shaking-t103112
I did base a lot of my self-esteem on how my family looked at me or how other kids at school did. But I really like your view better on how you're going to raise your child
FTM, 2 Furbabies
married 03/17/07
lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC
due: 2/15/17
FTM, 2 Furbabies
married 03/17/07
lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC
due: 2/15/17
ETA to add: hearing messages abt women in a negative light just made me more determined. I was told so many times to "get back in the kitchen" and "make me a sandwich" it inspired my tattoo-- a pinup drinking a beer and eating a sandwich on a pile of dirty dishes. It was my way of making sure i remembered why I care so much about social justice.
FTM, 2 Furbabies
married 03/17/07
lived in Houston, Austin, Los Angeles and NYC
due: 2/15/17
Actually for some reason I don't ever picture anyone with tattoos besides @GlitterDragon and I'm pretty sure she's never posted any pics lol... I'm always like oh they have a tattoo when I see them in the pics and I didn't imagine @Gretchypoo with one. Maybe we could do a tattoo AW thread! (I'll have to get one of my kids little water stick on ones
I totally agree with @krob and the conversations being had here. I know it's totally normal to crack jokes about kiddos and their future plans, but I am planning on really heavily resisting that with my own little boy-tot. One of the main reasons is that my baby bro was constantly told he was gonna be such a little lady killer with his deep blue eyes, blond hair. And now, at 27, he's a broad chested, strapping young man with piercing blue eyes who slays all the men in the gay bar when he walks in. He was a super angry little dude as a kid, and I think that had something to do with it. Maybe I'm reading too much into it, but I'm going to be the super debbie downer who comes down hard on my in-laws when they make those cracks.
And I think that's something we have to keep in mind with a lot of the conversations about our kids and who and how they're gonna date.
Also, I need to say, totally my bad about thinking we already had a birth plans thread. I've just retroactively assumed that I've been a part of this board all along, and I totally confused the J17 birth plans thread with one that apparently never happened here...
First, I just came back from my glucose test. That was possibly the grossest thing about pregnancy so far. And I am including my toxic pregnancy farts.
Second, just wanted to say you ladies are all hitting the point where, in my pregnancy, I legitimately thought I was going to die. Felt exhausted all the time, like I was constantly wading through molasses to get anything done. Was wondering how to go about transitioning out of my job 3 months early exhausted.
Whoops, anemia crept up on me, even though my iron levels kicked ass at my 9 week blood draw. So I'm just tossing that out there in case any of your are starting to feel like utter ass. I've been on iron supplements for 2.5 weeks and I feel human again. Not great, but human.
Also, related, I haven't pooed in like 2 weeks.
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
Also, that probably just doxxed me to anyone who knows me IRL. Whoops. Oh well.
Looking back I could have gone without but whatever! It was fun and they are both cute.
Also, I rarely got compliments as a kid and so I compliment the shit out of mine and will continue to do so.
I always wanted a tattoo, but never got one and my husband wants a specific tattoo I'm not thrilled about so I try to use it to my advantage... when he starts talking about that tattoo he wants, I just say oh yeah I want one too... he immediately drops the conversation lol
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
I do use it as a crutch though. I am very socially awkward. Even online. Most people just write it off as being a "nerd" and not being able to talk about anything unless it holds scientific value. In reality, 99% of the time I just don't know what the eff to say because I've been put in this box for so long. I've been so careful not to overly praise my son for his intelligence. I make sure to tell him how funny he is and how much I like being around him. Some stuff he may not understand now, but I make sure that he knows it's everything about him that I love. Not just when he succeeds like I was raised.
@MrsLittleMac my fil and his 2nd wife had gotten matching tattoos when they got married. They had eagles on their forearms.
@afkash good question!! I'm a baby when it comes to needles, and labor has been one of the worst physical pains I've ever experienced... yet I'm doing it again lol
And am on team "dad's talking about owning guns because they have daughters" is sexist.
@kswiger06 they were much sexier pre baby tummy lol
ME: 25, DH: 27
TTC #1 since 09/2015
Miscarriage @ 10 wks 02/28/2016
BFP 05/28/2016!
@Gretchypoo i love your tattoo & what it stands for!
i have never been brave enough to go through with getting a tattoo but have thought about it & enquired about it a few times.