General Rants

Aera11 · September 2016

I just stopped at the store and literally turned down an aisle and there was a girl from high school (we used to be good friends but drifted apart) and there she was with two small kids and very pregnant. She saw me before I could whip my cart around and get the hell out of there. I HATE HATE HATE when people ask how long I've been married (only three years, really not that long) and then ask "you don't want kids?" What an effing rude assumption. I try really hard to not totally hate on all pregnant women, especially if I don't know whether or not they've walked the same journey I am on...but seriously. I hate that then I have to shrug off wanting kids.

chloe97 · September 2016

@Aera11I'm sorry! I hate that too. If anyone asks me that question point blank, I just give them a surprised hurt look and say "well actually I've had 2 miscarriages this year." It usually makes them so uncomfortable and apologetic and most importantly, teaches them a lesson!!!

I'm so over protecting other peoples feelings when they ask me inappropriate questions.

Aera11 · September 2016

Oh I know @chloe97, and thank you. Usually when it is strangers, it is easier for me to tell them the exact truth and put them in their damn place. I probably would have told this girl that I've had two miscarriages but she was so distracted but her not-so-cute children, that she wasn't really even that focused on the answers I was giving to her questions.

yolandamunoz · September 2016

2fitBees said:

Been lurking, my heart goes out to you @RiverSong15 and @stephann85. I hope you both find peace in those inevitable and painful situations.
***TW***
In my case- SIL #2 has a 2 month old, and SIL #1 (who has had 3 abortions, way before SIL #2 or I ever got PG) is due in Jan. SIL #1 is the oldest and is very jealous about not having the first grandbaby in the family, although she could have 3 times over now. She is openly bitter about it, even with my 2 uncontrollable MCs. God Himself has given me strength to control my tongue.
Not necessarily a rant, but does anyone else avoid the September Benched Thread (or any other appropriate month's benched thread) at all costs, to avoid any BFN "vibes"?

Hey @2fitBees I totally get that feeling about the BFN vibes... I just try to check-in with the Benched ladies every now and then, as I was one of them just a couple of weeks ago, and I try to keep updated with what they are going through, hoping for good news and sending hope. I think I get encouraged to keep fighting, when I learn their amazing stories of love and endurance.

And we don't have that many BFN in the benched thread (or any at all), as when we are benched we mostly don't test because we're not even trying!

RiverSong15 · September 2016

@JDW0325 How freaking rude! I can't even believe the gall of people who would send a sonogram photo with NOTHING ELSE when they know how you've struggled. A sonogram photo is just a slap in the face. And really, unless we're *really* close, I don't need to see inside someone's ute (at least, someone I know IRL). I'm so sorry you had to see thatz

@Aera11 Gosh I wish people would mind their own damn business. I get that question a lot whenever people ask how long I've been married, and it just sucks. My family making plans are no ones business but my own. You should say something like "No, no baby-making plans just yet, but DH and I make sure to get lots of practice in every week!" Make them feel how awkward that question is....

Aera11 · September 2016

@RiverSong15 I want to have a shirt made that says, "MIND YOUR OWN OVARIES" and wear it under my clothes for moments like that

that is my new go-to line these days

PabloAndChristine · September 2016

We just moved to a new town and our neighbor is trying to force us to get rid of our 2 adorable dogs :-( Someone keeps calling the police saying they are a public nuisance barking all the time. They did take a little adjustment the first 2 weeks but I'm happy to say they RARELY bark now and when they do it's because people are walking right by our back yard to the park across the street. Nevertheless we bought a bark collar and started crating them at night but this awful neighbor is still complaining. Now we actually have to go to court to show that we are addressing the problem! I also think someone is messing with them-i found a leash hanging from the tree which was not there before we went to work. We even got an anonymous letter in the mail saying they wish our house was still empty and all the neighbors hate us because of our dogs! My husband got one of our dogs the week before we lost the baby and I am not about to cower to their threats!

Also, I just got the invite to the hospitals day of rememberance for babies (we had a stillborn) and it's on her due date. I really don't know how to feel about that.

RiverSong15 · September 2016

@PabloAndChristine That is so incredibly shitty of your neighbors! Have you thought about putting up video cameras to record how often your dogs bark and also find out if someone is messing with your dogs to MAKE them bark? That is so awful and I'm sorry you're dealing with that!

Aera11 · September 2016

Omg @PabloAndChristine that's frickin' horrible. I am with PP, cameras for sure.

yolandamunoz · September 2016

I am so sorry @PabloAndChristine !! people can be so awful! It would be great to have video cameras to see if your dogs are being provoked. I surely hope this can get better soon and you find a way to be in peace.

Hugs!
Y.

TScalei · September 2016

@aera11 - I hate it when you're stigmatized for being married and not having kids. I think its really getting to me and makes me feel like a failure and almost embarrassed for not having kids yet. Then it makes me mad because why should I feel this way for waiting until i was in a good relationship and financially ready to have a child and people who get accidentally pg and have no business having kids don't have to feel this way.

Taggarab · September 2016

Totally not TTC related, but I am going to lose it with my ILs. MIL had the radiator explode on her car last night. She is supposed to be driving to our house today so we can go on vacation Friday. She and FIL are in a pissing match about her car and she refuses to ask him to drive her to our house. End result...DH is driving 14 hrs round trip to get her before we drive 8 1/2 hrs for vacation tomorrow. Why can't people just be normal!?!?

TScalei · September 2016

Ugh @taggarab- that's totally annoying!

SoonToBeMommaHowe · September 2016

@Taggarab kudos to you for not losing it on them already. What did DH say to them??

NewMommyCoop · September 2016

@Taggarab That's a lot of driving. It doesn't sound like it's starting well, but I hope you have a fantastic vacation!

RiverSong15 · September 2016

@Taggarab That sounds awful! Hopefully your vacation only gets better and better from here on out!

Taggarab · September 2016

@SoonToBeMommaHowe He hasn't really said anything because there isn't much point. Unfortunately his parents are miserable together and enjoy making everything else miserable too.

SoonToBeMommaHowe · September 2016

Ugh @Taggarab that stinks that he can't even say anything to them! And who is so stubborn that they make their son drive 14 hours to pick them up?! If she's trying to get at her husband why do something that negatively effects her son? Im not super close with my in-laws but I can't even imagine having yours, sorry they're so tough

Hope you enjoy your vacation!!

yolandamunoz · September 2016

I'm very sorry @Taggarab that is just crazy! I hope you can put this behind and enjoy your vacation.

Redpuma119 · September 2016

*kindve lurking* (I've been on this and ttgp since May.)

I'm not sure if any of you have read Preventing Miscarriage or not, but it is a great read. It obviously talks about reasons miscarriages can happen, but it also talks about how to deal in every day situations following a loss. The first part of the book talks about how the chemicals in our bodies during early losses mirror pp from a full term birth exactly. Even though WE all know the anxiety and depression that follows it is comforting to have science back it up.

chloe97 · September 2016

@Redpuma119 Really? I had never heard that. It explains why I feel like I'm going losing my mind now that I'm 4 months past my loss. It's PPD setting in.

Redpuma119 · September 2016

@chloe97 I feel the same way. About a week after my last loss I had the worst anxiety. If this makes sense, I almost felt ashamed for having a mc. And then I felt stupid for having those feelings. And I felt like even though friends were asking how I was doing I felt like a boob telling them.. They don't know what I'm going through and it sounds like I'm a big baby. That book helped so much!
I needed to take a break from TB for a while and take care of me, but coming back and reading everyone's posts I realized that this really is such a strong support group.

2fitBees · September 2016

@yolandamunoz YESSS! I have learned so much from many people here. So much endurance and support is amazing I do visit Benched when I definitely know I'm past any chances of being PG, but in that TWW it's like I don't even want to breathe wrong, as if it will affect my odds any better haha

@JDW0325 that is like a slap in the face... I'm so sorry. It's so tough when people don't understand, especially when it's someone we are/were close to. When I was finally able to pull myself together to call and tell my Grandma about our last one (she was waiting eagerly as she knew we should have heard the heartbeat that visit) she told me along with some encouraging words that she didn't want to say anything but she just had a feeling that this time still wasn't our time yet. I know she didn't mean any harm in it, but it made me reconsider who I will be telling about the next one. I don't need any doubt in my life during that time. People who haven't been through PG loss don't understand that its not something that just happens one day, and you heal afterwards- like a scrape on your knee. Yes you heal physically, and hopefully emotionally, but its something you live with for the rest of your life.

For some dumb reason I didn't realize how much of a trigger a sonogram could be for me until I was invited to one of my SIL's. It was bittersweet- I was glad to be able to see my niece before she was born, but at the same time I was asking myself why I even decided to go.

@PabloAndChristine good luck with your neighbor situation- I know how crappy they can be! I was invited to be a part of a local support group when my last MC was confirmed. While that may help some, I feel like it would be difficult for me, like reopening a wound.

2fitBees · September 2016

@RedPuma119 I felt the exact same way! I didn't want to talk to anyone because I felt like a big baby, and then I felt bad for being so "weak", then felt bad for criticizing myself. Hormones are great, aren't they!

rainafire77 · September 2016

So a friend who was 3 weeks further than I was when I lost my baby just posted her gender reveal on FB. I'm happy for her but at the same time I'm angry that her baby is fine and growing and mine didn't. It's so not fair. And the reminder that someone who I talked to about how funny it would be that our kids would be the same age etc got to keep her baby but I didn't. I hope she doesn't post her sonogram pic because that may be too much.

Oh and going through all my old Gmail to clean it out and found all the Baby Center & Ovia announcements from after my baby stopped growing but before I found out just broke my heart all over again. Because my baby never made it to 7, 8, 9 weeks. It's so hard.

2fitBees · September 2016

@rainafire77 I know its hard, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. You may have to unfollow her for a while, for your own peace. I can definitely relate to your feelings of anger. One of my SILs terminated 3 pregnancies a few years ago, simply because a baby would not be convenient for her at the time. She was openly jealous each time I got PG, because she is the oldest of her siblings and she feels she should have the first grandbaby. She could have had the first three grandbabies. Mind you, she had these same feelings even after I miscarried our first and got PG again. I cannot understand such selfishness. She is now in her third trimester. I thought that once she felt this baby move that she might remember and regret her feelings of hostility, and maybe even apologize. It's probably the furthest thing from her mind.

Whenever I start to feel jealous/angry about other pregnancies going great (especially despite stupid choices/habits), I remember how it felt when someone else was jealous/angry about my pregnancy, and how during their jealousy/anger, they didn't stop to think of what the alternative would be- me losing my baby. It helps me reign myself in and realize that although my feelings of frustration and anger are valid, but I never want anyone else to have to experience that loss.

Redpuma119 · September 2016

@2fitbees They are the worst!

Aera11 · September 2016

The exact opposite of what I want to be happening right now, is happening. I had mentioned in the TWW forum that I was thinking about taking a break from work or quitting all together. I got offered a great job and am so torn. It will literally be way more hours, nights, weekends, a longer commute. I just don't think it is worth my sanity but part of me thinks if I take it, maybe I'll get pregnant (I know, insert BSC). I only told DH and my parents I have an interview, so I could act like I didn't get the job but I hate lying and feel like that isn't good karma... I am going to see my therapist in the next week and will run this all by her.

chloe97 · September 2016

@Aera11 I'm sorry you're struggling. I'm not sure what I would do in your situation. I've justbeen coasting along in my job for years because of the IF coverage and 16 weeks paid maternity leave policy. I made the decision years ago to stay out bc I knew I'd get married late in life and that this would happen. It sucks when people ask me if I'm looking to get promoted or for a new job and I have to say "not until I'm done having kids". It does make me feel unambitious.

That being said, I have friends who have put
career advancement first and things have worked out. Maybe focusing on something else would help distract from TTCAL?

MimoCa · September 2016

@Aera11 congrats on the job offer but I know it's a hard decision. It's like if you focus on work maybe you'll end up pregnant because you arent stressing about it, but in the other hand, what if all that work takes away from TTC. I think it's hard to choose. Pity you can't do a "trial run" with the new job and see how it affects your personal life and happiness.

2fitBees · September 2016

Congrats on the job offer @Aera11! The distraction is nice, but do what gives you peace. Your loved ones should respect that.

@Chloe97 I'm kind of sticking my current position out for the same reason. I don't think it makes you unambitious, sometimes security is priceless.

Aera11 · September 2016

@chloe97 I would do the same thing you're doing if I had IF coverage and 16 weeks paid maternity leave. I think being busier would help distract from TTCAL for sure. I just don't know how much flexibility there is with this job and I am so spoiled with my current situation. I can do a 2pm ultrasound on a Wednesday no big deal. I am mostly not looking forward to commuting in the winter when the farmers almanac is saying it's supposed to be a bad one.

@MimoCa I am going to go in for an 'interview' Monday morning, so I guess I can get more info then and decide if it's worth it.

NewMommyCoop · September 2016

@aera11 Best of luck with your decision.

TScalei · September 2016

Congrats on the job offer @aera11 - even though it is tough decision.

Yup, Im the same way I've been sticking with my current position because of the good maternity policy and the act that they are flexible with drs appts and such. Its hard though because I feel like everything is on hold until I have a baby - both personally and professionally. Even with planning little trips, vacations, concerts etc I feel like i can only do it a few months out bec what if Im pg. I know its small stuff compared to everything we else we are dealing with but Im truly going to look forward to the day I can plan things a year in advance.

MimoCa · September 2016

@Aera11 let's hope that will help with your decision. Goodluck Monday then!
@TScalei I know how you feel about finally wanting to be able to plan a year on advance. I wish I was organized like that and I can barely plan 2 hours into my day lol!

2fitBees · September 2016

@TScalei I am an avid planner and faced similar circumstances, however I did the opposite and put off TTC. I know now I was mostly just afraid of another MC. While I am very happy with where I am emotionally/physically after my last MC, each month that passed I wondered if that could have been my month. I've decided it's totally worth it to just take the plunge and instead of planning months in advance, to take it day by day. After all, if I do have a diagnosable issue with TTC, I'd rather find out sooner than later. Time is so precious!

AnonymousMom · September 2016

@Aera11 Congratulations on being selected whatever you decide. For some people having something else to focus on can be helpful. I guess the only drawback would be if the hours and increased responsibility make it harder TTC because of difficulty in getting to appointments, procedure, coordinating BD etc.

AnonymousMom · September 2016

Ok--I actually have my own sort of rant. We are so physician short staffed at work right now so we're trying to work it out with everyone picking up extra days so somehow I'm going to end up working five of the next six days. That may not sound so bad but we already work 12 hour shifts and since our service is over capacity (and then some) we're really doing more like 16-18 hour shifts so yeah it's going to be grand I'm sure! To make this even more fun (and somewhat relevant to this board) I'll either get AF in the middle of this whole nightmare or I guess perhaps a BFP could be the reward at the end of the tunnel. Wish me luck!

NewMommyCoop · September 2016

@AnonymousMom Yuck! That is a lot of hours. FX for a BFP.

Aera11 · September 2016

Thanks for the support everyone! I am going in Monday morning to get the details but I am feeling like regardless of what is offered, etc. I am not most likely not taking the job. Even though being busier would be a great distraction from TTCAL, I think the added stress outweighs that. And we all know, none of us need more stress. I found out today that I have two cysts and am sitting this cycle out (insert huge sigh)... if nothing happens this next cycle, I am asking for an IVF consult. Enough of this crap.

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