TTC After a Loss
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General Rants

Can we just have a rant thread? I'm so pissed and tired of holding it all in so I'll start. 

Today I'm angry that....
Jennifer
Charlotte, NC
«13456

Re: General Rants

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    Yes! I have tried unsubscribing to Huggies like 3 times and I never even requested things from them! I think it's from Motherhood maternity (who thankfully did have an unsubscribe due to loss option) 

    My rant: my mom is absolutely convinced that I need every test and every treatment under the sun to prevent losing another baby. She kept on me to the point of me asking her to leave and warning the nurses about her when I was in hospital bedrest (trying to stay calm in the most stressful situation is impossible when you feel like you're trapped listening to your mom telling you you're not doing everything you can when you know you are). Yesterday we went to see our baby's new gravestone and I sent them a picture because I knew they would want to see it. I had no idea it would open the floodgates of advice again. The crazy thing is I'm actually in the medical field and she is not! I was blessed with the ability to talk with several OBGYNs and high risk doctors whenever I want since I know so many here. Everyone is in agreement but she's not satisfied with that. I don't know how I'll deal if she's like this with future pregnancies. I told her today if she doesn't stop then she can expect not to know next time I get pregnant until 3rd trimester (we lost our little girl at almost 25 weeks) except I know that won't be possible. Advice anyone??? 
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    My mom called me last night to let me know my cousins had their baby...well good for them...Glad they got to have their baby and I didn't....

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    Yeah that's a hard one... My cousin and I were due within a week of each other with our firsts (and she's like 7 years younger than me). I took a Facebook fast and went back on recently to see her big belly (and another friend due 8 weeks before me just had hers, Facebook is just full of triggers!) I know it'll be hard when my cousins baby is born. 
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    I get absolutely furious anytime my sister messages me just to let me know that they'll be doing her mandatory c-section on my due date in February! I was three weeks ahead of her, due February, she was due March, they're doing the c-section because she had a c-section with my nephew. She does this multiple times a week. It also makes me incredibly angry when she tells me that she's going to use either the boy or girl name that I picked for my baby. Plus, I get even more ticked off that she tells people the SCH in her uterus is causing her baby to have down syndrome, because I know it isn't and no one else will listen to me when I tell them that it's common and that's not what causes down syndrome (because I'm not pregnant anymore). She also knows that it doesn't cause down syndrome, and admitted to me her doctor told her it was nothing they were worried about. I know she tells people this because she wants the attention (she doesn't want me in her "lime light" with my miscarriage). And to top it all off, I get extremely irate when she rubs it in my face everyday that she's going to have a baby she doesn't really want. She makes sure to mention that it was unexpected, that she didn't want it, but they'll keep it, obviously.
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    @elm0262148

    Wow, reading that just made mess angry for you! It was so awful that it seems like it couldn't even be REAL that someone could be that insensitive and horrific. I'm seriously so sorry. And why would you need any of that information more than once??? (ie. I can't believe she's texting you weekly). I'd be distancing myself as much as possible. Just brutal.
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    How are people actually that horrible in real life? And it seems to be the type of people that everything happens easy for while the rest of us work and fight. (Not just TTC, but lots of things) 
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    @SoonToBeMommaHowe I pray for her everyday, but I also think about punching her in the face... repeatedly. I pray everyday that she never has to experience the things I've experienced, and she hopes and prays I never get pregnant again - she can't stand the thought of anyone showing me any attention. 

    @SnobunnieMel it's hard to believe that people can be so horrible, it's hard to believe that my own family can be so curel. She's gotten everything she wants her whole life, I've worked my butt off with little to show. She can have a baby at the snap of a finger, it has taken me years, and I lose it. 


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    @elm0262148 Family or not, I'd totally cut someone like that out of my life. Sounds like a toxic influence. I'm sorry your sister treats you like that.

    My rant is much more petty. I'm really annoyed at Aldi. For awhile now they have "announced" and have been "expecting" with all these cutouts and floor stickers their new baby line of products. And now it "has arrived". I'm not sure I will ever find stuff like that cute anymore.
    -----
    TW: Loss
    EDD: 1/14/2017 : Blighted Ovum : D&C @ 10w6d


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    @elm0262148 I am so sorry. That is awful. When my mom gets crazy I put her texts on "do not disturb" mode (iPhone). Not sure if that might help. I also have a few phrases I repeat, but in general try to just not respond to her messages. With a lot of people any response is positive reinforcement of a bad behavior. If I say something I say "this is not an appropriate conversation. I will be happy to talk with you when you're ready to talk about something else". It works decently well-she doesn't always stop, but I know I have a respectful "out" and helps me not get sucked in as much emotionally. 
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    @elm0262148 I honestly have no words for your sister. That's really disturbing. Regarding the whole c-section thing, she could easily do a day before or a day after, you know, if she was a nice person.
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    Wow. That sucks. I am so sorry   That makes me so angry for you 
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    You guys would be surprised. She does it out of hate. I don't know why she is this way, we were ok before I got pregnant. You think she would change now that I've lost my baby, but she's still awful. I'm to the point now where I don't reply. And I've decided, my next pregnancy, during labor, she's not allowed to see me or my baby. I can't handle her fake happiness. 

    @mjolk I don't go to Aldi because it makes me sick to hear They're "expecting" baby products.
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    I really do appreciate that you guys are supporting me, and being kind. Most people avoid me. But it's mostly my fault, I know I emanate depression, and lots of people don't know how to react to stuff like that. It's like when someone cries, and you do the really know them, or it's unexpected. 
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    @elm0262148 I'm glad you're feeling supported. Unfortunately, we all share an incredibly depressing and tragic experience and while no two losses are the same and I can't claim to know exactly how anyone else is feeling, I do find we have a common understanding <3 I hate that miscarriage is something that is shamed or blamed or is not to be talked about. I'm very thankful for these ladies and this space to talk about it openly <3
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    @elm0262148 Your situation makes me so angry. I'm gonna rant about that for a second. People are just shit sometimes but you really don't deserve that. You deserve to be happy and to have your baby with the name you picked on your due date. That sucks really bad. I'm so sorry. 
    Jennifer
    Charlotte, NC
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    Thanks guys. I'm sorry that you guys had to end up here. But I have faith you'll get your babies. I pray we all get our babies! 

    On a separate note, a rant really. I hate when you're watching tv and it has the pop up bubbles with little facts or comments, but half of the bubble or words are cut off. Example, I'm watching Impractical Jokers: Inside Jokes, and half of the pop up bubbles with facts about the show are cut off. 
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    @elm0262148
    Reading your store made me so sad for you. I feel sorry for your sister too, she sounds like she has some real mental issues. Family or not, I would probably stop talking to her after that! 

    Glad I found this thread though because I really need to rant! I am so tired of dreaming about babies. I hate waking up after dreaming about having a baby in my arms. I was dreaming that someone gave us a 3 month old little girl (like left on our doorstep). I woke up after dreaming I was holding this little baby only to be reminded with the fact I won't have my own baby in my arms anytime soon. I can't even talk to MH about it because he 'doesn't' dream and doesn't understand why a dream would bother me. And it's been every night I'm having these damn baby dreams. 
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    Thanks for this thread, because it's totally validating that my anger is normal, given the situation...

    so so angry that my family is already talking about how to "handle" the thanksgiving plans being that I can't be around my pregnant SIL without hysterically crying.

    so pissed off that my due date is less than a month away and I'm not pregnant again.

    still pissed that I couldn't lose the ten pounds I gained when I was.

    Thanks for listening ya'll! Also @elm1032004 I'm angry for you, please rant to us any time! I absolutely thought about punching my SIL
    Me:35, DH 37  ~ Married July 2014
    ttc July 2015 ~ bfp Nov 2015 (cp)
    bfp Dec 2015 ~ (tfmr 17wk, March 2016, genetic disease)
    ttcal May 2016
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    OMG thank you for this post!

    I really feel so sorry and sad. How can people be so cruel to you (to us) and even more, people from your own family!!! I would seriously consider cutting them off completely. It is you first! Your peace of mind, your mental health. Please take care @elm0262148 !!!

    Something awful happened to me some days ago. I saw my awful ex at the theatre the other day. He was there with the girl he cheated on me with. This girl was my friend, our moms were friends and she was married to someone else when they cheated (we were engaged). And she was freaking pregnant!!!! 

    I couldn't believe it when I saw her with her pregnant belly. I was freaking out and making all sorts of efforts not to cry. I had to hide and wait for them to leave before I could leave. My ex was waiting for her at the bathroom door and I had to go past them to exit. Impossible!!!! My husband was at the pit so I had to wait a bit and call him to come all the way to the 3rd floor balcony, because I needed help walking. 

    These are two of the worst people I know, who hurt me, my family and their families so much!! and they deserve to be Pregnant? WTF universe? God, seriously??! I felt this was a mockery to my suffering and my efforts... DH was so very supporting and comforting though, I am so thankful for him. 

    I know I have to stop thinking about this, but I needed to rant about this with people who can actually understand.


    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    Oh No @yolandamunoz !! I'm so sorry that happened. It's not fair, plain and simple... I hope you can bounce back from this soon, although I know how hard it is. You don't deserve this, but hopefully the universe is sending you something positive soon!
    Be strong! At least you don't have to have him ( a cheater) in your life anymore.
    Me:35, DH 37  ~ Married July 2014
    ttc July 2015 ~ bfp Nov 2015 (cp)
    bfp Dec 2015 ~ (tfmr 17wk, March 2016, genetic disease)
    ttcal May 2016
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    @yolandamunoz I am so sorry this happened to you, and it's totally not fair at all. Hugs to you.
    Me: 39 DH: 39
    CP 1/25/16 4.5 weeks, developed Graves' disease
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    @yolandamunoz I am so sorry. Not fair at all! 

    My new rant: like everyone else here I get so frustrated sometimes seeing other who are pregnant who don't "deserve it". I'm very grateful I'm able to be happy for my SIL who just found out she's pregnant, even though we figured out she conceived within a week of us losing our baby girl. I really am very happy for her. What I have a hard time with are the girls like this one I saw today who isn't old enough to drink, has had drugs and been in jail recently, already has several kids at home, and is due any day with a flawless pregnancy. I am trying to trust God, but it is so hard to understand why He allows things to happen the way they do. 
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    @yolandmunoz - Im sorry - that must have been so tough.

    I agree sometimes it just seems that the people who least deserve it get pregnant sooo easily and people who would make great parents really have to struggle for it. It just doesn't seem fair. I know life isn't fair but it just seems like it couldn't be a little fairer?
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    I'm going to rant today about a story that I saw in the news. TRIGGER WARNING - child abuse.

    A 4 year old girl was found with various bruises, scars, and ligature marks on her body. When the police asked what her name was, she replied "Idiot". These POS parents literally had abused her baby and convinced her that her name was idiot. I want to hurt them. Really badly. It's so unfair that any of us would have given her all the love in the world and yet she's had to endure nothing but heartache. 
    Jennifer
    Charlotte, NC
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    Thank you for your support!

    it was really tough to go through this but my husband was there for me and we managed to survive this ordeal.

    I've had some good test results so that helped me to feel better about our chances for future pregnancies.

    i really believe that this difficult situations are meant to make us stronger.

    hugs!!
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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    @elm0262148 no offense, but I really want to punch your sister in the face for you!

    My little sister told me other day that I shouldn't give advice, and "act" like I am a mom (I was telling my niece not to do something, and she is pretty much my world and I am her god mother) because I am really not a mom, so how can I know anything about being one. This is not the mother of my niece, who came to my defense. I hate when people think, because I don't have children that I am clueless, even though I work with them! Needless to say I was angry and then cried in the bathroom.

    Side rant: my mom insinuated that my 7 losses where because I was trying to hard and the stress made me miscarry.

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    roper2617roper2617 member
    edited August 2016
    @Cmckenzie The worst when people blame you for the miscarriages!

     Also, I tell people if that logic were true, that I should shouldn't stress and should "stop trying", I would've been pregnant 2+ years ago. I don't understand why some people can't quite grasp that sometimes there is a legit medical reason people don't get pregnant, or have a harder time. I find comments like that to be so sexist, nobody ever tells a man to relax and stop worrying or trying so hard. 

    Edit:words 
    ------------------------------------------------------------
    Me: 26 DH: 28  
    TTC #1 since 06/2014
    BFP #1 09/23/15. MMC discovered 11/24/2015
    BFP #2 08/24/16 EDD 05/08/17


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    People are so stupid!
    my rant of the day: when your Facebook is blown up by pregnant announcements and baby shower pictures
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    So sorry @carterh33! I quit Facebook for many months after my first loss and found that I was happier because of it. I've started occasionally checking Facebook again recently, and it still stings to see pregnancy announcements. 
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    Are we allowed to revive this whenever? It's just something that DH said one of his coworkers said and it's annoying me in my head so I thought maybe writing it out could help.

    When he told her about our loss she told him to tell me not to worry, that "every single one of her girlfriends who got pregnant in their 30s had a miscarriage"

    Now, I'm not sure what upsets me most about it but I think it's a lot to do with feeling like it's invalidating my feelings and fears. Plus also, my first loss was at age 24 so I've had two, only one was "in my 30s". And not all women who get pregnant in their 30s have losses, and I'm not even sure what the stats are or if I care. I don't know, it's just making me super cranky. Thanks for reading <3
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    @RiverSong15 You said it perfectly. That's exactly the problem with that statement. Just because it is common doesn't mean it's justifiable. 

    @rainbowturtles I've had conversations about this with a group of women who have all suffered losses before. Our common agreement was that the only thing that is really ok to say after a loss is "Are you ok, and is there anything you need / I can do?" Anything beyond that gets hairy. It's human nature to want to 'explain' what happened. They feel if they can justify it you will feel better. But that's just not how it works. And for some horrible reason, people don't treat miscarriage like they do other losses.
    Me: 28 DH: 26
    Married: November 2015  3 
    TTC#1: January 2016
    BFP #1: 5/02/16 - MC: 5/27/16
    BFP #2: 10/06/16: 6 - EDD: 06/20/17
    DD Born 06/23/17 3
    TFAS: April 2018
    BFP #3: 03/21/18 - CP
    BFP #4: 04/23/18 - EDD 01/04/19


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    @RiverSong15 and @BitterBetty12 YES!!!! Oh wow thank you so much, that helped a lot with how that comment made me feel. You hit the nail right on the head. You would NEVER say something like that about other losses. Thank you. At least I'll be prepared if I hear something like that again but even just having that in my head has validated my feelings and lessened the ragey-ness. <3 you ladies are the best <3
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    ceclarlinetloceclarlinetlo member
    edited August 2016
    @rainbowturtles oh wow. I will use the "miscarriage is common" type line but more to get across the sense of "you are not alone" or "it's not your fault" I would never use that as a way to dismiss another persons grief. What a turd! 

    Edit: to add lurking - I didn't realize what board I was on! Sorry ladies! 
    TW: MMC
    BFP1 12/24/14 - EDD 09/07/15 (D/C 8w1d)
    BFP2 6/12/15 - EDD 2/22/16 (D/C 10w3d)
    ———
    Diagnoses and Treatments
    PCOS (myo-inositol, excercize)
    Indeterminant levels of APS IgM antibodies (baby aspirin)
    Sub-septate uterus (hysteroscopic septoplasty 12/18/15)
    ———
    BFP3 05/02/16 EDD 01/09/17 DS born 01/05/17
    BFP4 01/28/19 EDD 10/?/19 🤞🙏

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    @rainbowturtles - I definitely would have been upset by that comment too.I don't really have anything different to add that @BitterBetty12 and @riversong15 haven't already perfectly said. But I do hate it when people brining age into ttc. I'm 32 and I just always feel sensitive to comments people make about age and having babies. So much of when we actually have a baby is out of our hands and people are aware of their age - why make them feel bad? 
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    Oh dear @rainbowturtles I'm so sorry! People are just rude and they just insist wanting to "explain" why MC happen or giving you "advice" (like just relax pfffff!).

    and @RiverSong15 you said it! No one ever says such things like that regarding other losses. Thank you for setting a perfect example. Makes good comeback and I would be happy to use it to explain my grief to people who dismiss it.

    this is helpful ladies, bring it back up whenever you need!
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
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