TTC After a Loss

General Rants

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Re: General Rants

  • I hate how tv shows and movies portray pregnancy...so unrealistic.  I watch the tv show misresses and in that show 4 women who should be in their late 30s even early 40s all ended up getting accidentally pg around the same time. 1 in 4 pg end in mc so the fact that they would all go on to have healthy pg esp at an older age is so unrealistic. 
  • @TScalei I agree. And I can usually tell when the "pregnancy plot line" is coming in most tv shows now and find it somewhat annoying. On American Gothic Garret had sex once with this woman and boom she was KU. I know it technically only takes one time but ....barf. When I was watching Scrubs from start to finish recently there were three women pregnant at the same time and I almost stopped watching. Then one of them LIED about having a miscarriage (tried to hide her pregnancy) which pissed me off even more. Rant rant rant lol
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  • @chloe97 I loved the first one and the book, but I agree, don't care for the message of the movie.  Why can't someone make a movie about real-life pregnancy/infertility/loss?  So not realistic, but if I see it, I will let y'all know how annoying the story is :) and @yolandamunoz I couldn't agree more.  Although, I guess I never thought accidental pregnancies were funny, I just never really thought much about them.  

    @TScalei I also hate how the media makes it look like it's totally normal for all these celebrities to be having babies into their mid-forties.  I love the ones that step up and acknowledge they've struggled, they've lost, whatever the case may be.  
  • Meredith has a miscarriage in Greys Anatomy. Very dramatic of course, but I appreciated how they showed how much it affected her. 
  • @aera11- oh yes I hate that too! But I also hate it when celebrities say they eat whatever they want and don't exercise - it's like you're 45 and have a six pack!

    I think if mc was portayed more on tv shows it would help normalize it some more. I feel like people either get accidentally or easily pg or just can't have kids (chandler and Monica from friends). There is rarely ever in between which is probably were most people are.
  • I remember Mark Zuckerberg and Priscilla Chan "came out" about struggling with infertility and miscarriage, but just after they had their baby. Anyway it was a big deal to have this topics addressed by a big famous influential person.
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • The universe hates me. My phone died so I'm waiting a week to get a replacement. Since I am phoneless, I missed the call warning me that my credit card has been compromised and should be cancelled. I have an expensive dentist appointment I was hoping to pay for with it so now I have to move money around which is a bit of a pain.

    I have my follow up w my family doctor tomorrow almost three weeks post d&c. I'm still spotting and really frustrated by my daily reminder. I'm hoping for good news but I don't know what I'm expecting really.

    I saw saw an old friend for the first time since my MC and decided to tell her. She said sorry and then that she thought she was pregnant because her period was a few days late so she gets it then moved on to talk about something else. I find that people who haven't had it don't get how devastating it is. I find I don't bring it up because people don't think it's a big deal. It would definitely help if there was more awareness about how common it is but also how deeply it can affect those it happens to.


    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • @TScalei there was an episode of King of Queens where Carrie has a miscarriage. I think it's the only one Ive seen.

    Sorry about your coworkers @chloe97 its hard. one of mine showed up with her newborn at work the day before my edd. I said hi and then basically walked away and cried in private. No one understands.
    @MyNamesTaken sorry about insensitive friends. It really sucks. At least we have each other! Hope your phone/ credit card issues get better soon and that universe turns around for you!
    Me:35, DH 37  ~ Married July 2014
    ttc July 2015 ~ bfp Nov 2015 (cp)
    bfp Dec 2015 ~ (tfmr 17wk, March 2016, genetic disease)
    ttcal May 2016
  • Any time they show miscarriage in tv shows it's typically one episode and never spoken of again. Charlotte had one in Sex and the City, too. They did display her infertility a little bit. I think it's just hard to portray what it's actually like in a weekly television program or even a movie. They rarely do it "justice". Lagatha has multiple on Vikings. It was touched on in Season 1 and the current season of American Horror Story. It was in Marley & Me. It's not like it doesn't come up; I just feel like it often gets glossed over. 
  • I also don't know that I've seen anything other than natural miscarriages portrayed and even with natural miscarriages, nothing lasting more than one day. I don't recall seeing mmc or D&Cs or anything like that on tv shows. (Private Practice is the only show I remember doing a good job of covering something along these lines but it's graphic and I won't go into the details.)
  • @MyNamesTaken I'm sorry to hear what your friend said. I've never had a friend come to me and say they've had a loss and honestly, I don't know what I would have said. It sucks because unless it happens to you, you never will truly understand or know what to say/do. While I'm sure none of us here would wish this on anyone, I also wish it wasn't such a lonely place. 



  • **lurking**

    I recently saw the movie The Light between Oceans and I think it was a very good movie, I had read the book too and portrays miscarriage well. I even read an article about the movie bringing the subject of miscarriage into the media again after it came out which is good to get people talking about it.

    One of my friends saw it after I did and she said the movie was "too graphic" during those scenes- I told her, well that is the reality of how it is- I appreciated it being real and not just glossed over/sugar coated like a lot of movies/TV shows do- you could really feel the pain and anguish, sorrow for this woman both physically and emotionally. Again if someone hasn't lived through that like others have said, they aren't going to understand and obviously it made her feel uncomfortable to watch. 
  • @rainbowturtles - I forgot about SATC! Yes I guess a tv show would not want to dedicate the time to showing people ttgp, suffering a mc ( and the depression and everything that comes after) and then ttcal. And then maybe the whole process all over again.

    @mynamesitaken _ Im sorry about your phone problems - what a pain! When you are going though this it can just seem like nothing is going your way. Im sorry about your friends reaction ( I mean that is the time she thinks to tell you that she might be pg??). I have been disappointed by my friends reactions too. I can see that unless you have been through it you do now know how to react. But I do think human decency comes into play here - a simple im sorry how have you been doing?
  • Thanks ladies. I just got back from my family dr for my post d&c appointment. Apparently checking a chart is too hard and the receptionist set me up for a prenatal appointment and asked for a sample. Then the dr told me my MC isn't the end of the world because I can get pregnant again. Um thanks? 

    Sorry ladies, I'm not usually this much of a whiner!
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • You guys.... We invited our friend out for drinks tonight at a brewery that also happens to be dog- and family-friendly. She's the one who works with my H and is also in my book club. She's friends with the woman who had her baby 2 weeks before my EDD... And she just invited this woman and her baby out with us. WTAF. We can't say "no" without looking totally weird and bitchy. We know this woman (kind of) and we're always a "more the merrier" type of couple. It'd be weird to draw the line here. But still WTF.
  • OMG @RiverSong15 I'm so sorry, can you maybe be super direct and tell her: "I am going through grief after my MC, and I am very much affected by pregnant ladies and babies. Do you mind??????"

    some people just won't take a hint...

    i I hope you can fix things and remember to take care of yourself first!
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • @MyNamesTaken - I can't believe your doctor said that. How insensitive! I am sorry you had to hear that. 
    **TW - Loss & Child mentioned**
    Me: 40  DH: 47
    Married: 10/2015
    DSD: 17
    BFP #1: 6/2/15, ectopic, metho 7/15
    BFP #2: 12/4/15, cp 12/7/15
    BFP #3: 8/5/16, MMC discovered 9/1, Misoprostol 9/19
    BFP #4: 5/10/17, EDD 1/20/2018
    Baby boy born January 12, 2018, 6 lbs 3.3 oz, 20.5 in.

  • I am so sorry @MyNamesTaken it is so awful when health care providers treat us like this... So little empathy and even disrespectful!

    I had that with my OBGYN too and I changed to another doctor. I needed to feel validated in my worries and suffering. Hugs to you.
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited September 2016
    @yolandamunoz - she doesn't know about the MCs. And since she works with H, H doesn't want her to know. She likely couldn't keep it secret at work and H (understandably) doesn't want everyone he works with knowing about the MCs. He hates it when he feels like people are pitying us. I feel like I'm between a rock and a hard place. This outing was our idea, so we can't even back out last minute.

    @MyNamesTaken I can't even believe your doctor said that. WTF! There is no excuse for that. I'd be looking for a new doctor. I hate how people seem to think pregnancies are replaceable and interchangeable.
  • Ugh that sucks @RiverSong15 - hopefully you can duck out early and it won't be too bad.
  • Ugh, I am sorry @RiverSong15, that would be so annoying. Hopefully tonight goes ok.
  • Thanks @TScalei, @Aera11, and @yolandamunoz. Thank goodness it's at a brewery where I can have a drink. H is trying to get other friends to come out so I have other people to talk to and can hopefully avoid the baby. We're also taking our puppy so that I can "take the dog for a bathroom break" if I feel the need to get away for a bit.
  • How come after receiving not so great news regarding TTC is everyone you see super pregnant?
    After finding out that I was benched for yet another cycle everyone I saw was super noticeably pregnant, even the hospital staff. All I have to say is this really sucks!
    *** TW ***
    Me 31, DH 30
    Married: 07/2014, TTC since 12/2015
    BFP #1: 1/1/16, MC 1/14/16 (6 weeks), D&C 2/5/16 (9 weeks)
    BFP #2: 5/25/16, MC 6/23/16 (8 weeks), D&C 6/24/16, 2nd D&C for retained tissue and fibroid removal 9/1/16
    BFP #3: 12/24/16  EDD 09/04/2017
    Pregnancy Ticker
  • TScaleiTScalei member
    edited September 2016
    @stephann85 - I noticed that after my first mc. Everywhere I went there were pg people! Sorry for your bad news today.
  • @RiverSong15 That just sucks. When does this get easier? Let us know how it goes.

    @stephann85 I hear you about everyone being pregnant. 2 of the 4 nurses at my RE clinic are super pregnant. The first time I showed up there I glared at them and sighed loudly. (Mature, I know). It is so painful though to find your triggers in your safe place. Now I just feel sorry for them because thet get that sort of treatment all day long for no reason than just doing what all of us are doing- trying to start a family. Hopefully, we will all the subjects of others disdain soon enough.

    DH has the flu and I realized that I definitely am coming down with it at while work today. It seriously crossed my mind to offer my pregnant coworker some of popcorn today at work. Not that I want too see her sick or to threaten her pregnancy. I just want her to know what it's like to be scared of losing her baby. Totally sick and of course I did nothing of the kind, but just some of the fun TTCAL thoughts that I had today.
  • RiverSong15RiverSong15 member
    edited September 2016
    Thanks for the support yesterday, all. @chloe97 It ended up going OK. I sat on the far end of the table and basically ignored her. That's a little weird at a table with five adults, but whatever. She also kept the baby in his carrier the whole time, so I didn't really have to see him. I felt really bitter though, more so than at book club last week. I think I felt more bitter because this was sprung on me - I expect to see her at book club and can emotionally prepare myself ahead of time.

    H did OK too, thankfully. I know it was hard for him too. He kept talking in the car on the way home, though, that he knows we'll have a kid someday. That broke my heart because there's no way he or I can guarantee that. It just makes me feel broken.   :(
  • I'm sorry you had to go through that @RiverSong15 but I'm glad it went a little better than you expected. 

    @chloe97 is DH feeling any better? 
    DH - 34, Me - 32
    Married 7/13
    TTC #1 since 10/13
    BFP 2/4/15, MC twin boys at 18w3d 5/15
    IUI #1 2/25/16

  • Sorry you had to go through that @RiverSong15. So hard when you can't prepare
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
  • I'm sorry @RiverSong15 I'm glad you survived! I know how heartbreaking it is to hear our DH say such things, I've been there. I just try to take it as a sign of hope from him, and that I might try to hang from there as well. Trying to build up my own hope.

    hugs!
    -Y
    Married 06.21.14 / TTC since 11.15 /
    BFP 01.03.2016 / MMC 6w5d D&C 02.2016 // BFP 05.06.16 / natural MC 05.12.16
    Benched 06.2016-08.2016 / TTC again 09.2016! On a diet. Cranky.
    BFP 10.02.2016 / NT scan at 12w looked normal / Anatomy scan at 20w everything ok
    Team blue! / EDD June 11th 2017
    DAVID ROGER was born on May 23rd at 37 weeks.

    Architect, Peruvian living in Chile. I love art, opera and good chocolate.
    Started PhD studies in Architecture on 2017.
    Fur mom of a rescued miniature poodle called Luke Skywalker.


    Lilypie First Birthday tickers
  • Been lurking, my heart goes out to you @RiverSong15 and @stephann85. I hope you both find peace in those inevitable and painful situations.

    ***TW***

    In my case- SIL #2 has a 2 month old, and SIL #1 (who has had 3 abortions, way before SIL #2 or I ever got PG) is due in Jan. SIL #1 is the oldest and is very jealous about not having the first grandbaby in the family, although she could have 3 times over now. She is openly bitter about it, even with my 2 uncontrollable MCs. God Himself has given me strength to control my tongue.

    Not necessarily a rant, but does anyone else avoid the September Benched Thread (or any other appropriate month's benched thread) at all costs, to avoid any BFN "vibes"?

    I am so blessed to have the love of my life, my DH, est. November 2008.

    BFP#1 Nov 2014, Missed MC at 11w, D&C on 01/06/2015

    BFP#2 Sept 2015, Missed MC at 6w, Methotrexate injection 3/25/16, released from Doc 5/17/16

    BFP#3 Oct 2016, Chemical

  • @RiverSong15 I'm sorry, these things are so hard. ♡hugs♡
  • @RiverSong15 even if it's a little weird, who cares.  I feel like if we're here in this group, every day/situation is about self-preservation.  You have to take care of yourself :) 
  • @RiverSong15 I'm glad to hear that it all went okay. I've completely ignored pregnant people/ recent moms and I know how weird it feels. Like you all have told me many times, you gotta do what works best for you.

    @SoonToBeMommaHowe DH is feeling better, but I'm going down. I came home early from work feeling like death, but now I'm better. It's coming and going. I'm very hopeful that my body is just fighting off whatever this is. And I won't get the full blown flu.

    Rjght now I'm drafting an email to my best friend who found out her IVF+PGS pregnancy ended yesterday at her 7 week ultrasound. She has an 18 month old son who was also conceived with IVF+PGS and even though she had multiple surgeries to remove polyps and then scarring, her 2nd pregnancy and last embryo failed. She knew she had 2 embryos for 3 years and planned a life in her head being a mom to a boy and a girl. I can't even imagine what that's like going through a year of multiple surgeries, have a successful transfer, only to miscarry. Not to mention the financial costs which have all been out of pocket. They can't afford to do anymore, so they've decided that this is it. I'm just so sad for her right now. Finding the right words to say is really hard. 
  • Oh @chloe97, I am so sorry for your friend.  That is heartbreaking.  She is lucky to have a friend in you.  
    Hope you're bout with the flu is brief! 
  • @PleaseSendPicklesNow
    I'm sorry that I am late ready this but I wanted to say I am so sorry you are going through all this. 


  • JDW0325JDW0325 member
    edited September 2016
    My rant today.....

    My best friend just sent me a text out of the blue. Somehow without even looking I knew what it was. What I wasn't expecting was the complete disregard for my feelings.
    It was literally just a picture of her sono, no words. 
    I am more than sad. I'm hurt.  But most of all I am so disappointed. I feel like she should have handled it differently. Said SOMETHING to acknowledge what I am going through. I am just so very very deeply hurt. 

    I don't know what to do. I don't want to talk to her. She had already made a comment that was hurtful right after my D&C and now this. Literally just a pic of a sono.....when 2 months ago I was looking at my own. How could you do that to someone who was supposedly your best friend? 

    Edit- words. 
  • @Riversong15 - I know it does feel weird and out of character for me to kind of ignore pg people or people with babies but you have to take care of yourself too. Im glad everything went ok though.

    @chloe97 - Im glad your DH is feeling better but Im sorry you got it. ): And  oh my goodness my hear breaks for your friend -she is lucky to have you though.

    @JDW0325 - Im so sorry that is awful. I would have been a wreck after getting that. Hugs!
  • @chloe97
    I agree with Tscalei. She is lucky to have a friend like you. As we all know here, support from friends really really helps. Whether we reject it at first or welcome it, it is so important! Also, Hope you feel better soon. 
  • @JDW0325 I don't think people realized how triggering sonograms can be for those of us us who have been through a loss, but to announce a pregnancy that way is just awful. She should've sent you an email acknowledging your pain in hearing the news. People just don't get it. 

    Before her bad ultrasound on Monday, my best friend told me that she would send me the ultrasound picture after her appointment. She'd already been through so much, I didn't have the heart to tell how painful they were for me. I wish I had something to say to you to make the pain go away, but I don't. All I can say is I'm sorry and I understand how tough it is. We are all here for you. Vent away! 
  • @JDW0325 how insensitive. Sorry you had to deal with that, especially from someone who knows what you're going through.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
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