Community› The Bump Month Clubs› October 2016 Moms
October 2016 Moms
New Discussion

Weekly Randoms 9/12

scostel2scostel2 member
in October 2016 Moms


Glad to hear @AllyTheKid is okay and just enjoying a (probably much needed!) vacation! Since she normally handles our randoms thread, I figured I'd get the new one going.
Report Reply to Post
«134567…10

Re: Weekly Randoms 9/12

  • Loading the player...
  • blaf322blaf322 member
    bahahaha @mrszoess ... I'm picturing this scene and it's hilarious. The preggo struggle is real!
    Report Reply
  • LauraPCOSLauraPCOS member
    @mizzkbrat I'm guessing he always envisioned having kids with you and now that he's not, he's realizing how much he fucked up, so it's his way of trying to make things right even if it can never be the way it was (so like your friend said guilt).  Are you guys in a place where you can talk (or is it all fighting)? If you feel you can talk, ask him.  Most likely the bat is something he always thought he'd give you when you guys were together, the owl was something he saw and knew you'd like because of your gramma.  Just tell him thank you, and that the two of you are good (assuming you feel that way, so he knows he doesn't need to hold onto the guilt anymore) and that he doesn't need to buy you more gifts.  This all might be easier said than done, but worth a try.
    Pregnancy Ticker

    Report Reply
  • blaf322blaf322 member
    @mizzkbrat - do you think he's trying to make you miss him? It's just such a strange thing to do for your ex... that you cheated on.
    Report Reply
  • mizzkbratmizzkbrat member
    @annabenanna @LauraPCOS @bnsmith85

    Sorry I edited above, but clearing up that he cheated on me... ANNNNDDDD the girl he cheated on me with (his coworker) they are now in a relationship now. 

    I sent him a text saying thank you and he just replied "yeh, as tough as it is to realize the situation still, I wanted to. You (and she) are welcome."

    I think he's just trying to be nice, we have a long history... but still. I do need to send a text to be like "thanks again, but no more gifts are needed. We are good..but just STOP!" I still have hatred for him for being cheated on, but I"m also a quick forgiver (a huge flaw of mine) and always put peoples feelings ahead of me. (also hence why my demanding mom is in the delivery room with me, a story from another post.) I hate that he was hurt after the divorce, but he made his bed and has to deal with it. But stop triggering my heart strings with gifts that I actually like and let me be happy!
    Report Reply
  • emmaaaemmaaa member
    @mizzkbrat I think it is definitely guilt. Also, he is probably noticing all of the things he missed out on with you because of his mistakes. 
    DH: 29 | Me: 29 
    Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
    TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
    DD: 10/5/16
    TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
    DS: 1/9/19
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • blaf322blaf322 member
    @mizzkbrat - FWIW, I don't think that being quick to forgive is a flaw. I'm super quick to forgive and while it might bite me in the ass here and there, I really like that about myself and think it says something good about me (and you too). 

    But- I agree..  you def need to send a text making it clear that you're appreciative but don't think any more gifts are appropriate because of the situation.
    Report Reply
  • maf9866maf9866 member
    @mizzkbrat it is strange but sometimes it is hard for people who knew/were together for so long to separate emotionally in a final way.

    as an example: before I met my dh, I was engaged to a guy who was my best friend for YEARS before we started dating and then dated for 3 years before being engaged. We were only engaged for like 2 months because of some of the same issues you mentioned (cheating and lying). After we broke up, I met my husband the next month and we've been together ever since. For a while we (ex FI and I) didn't really talk. But then with Facebook blowing up, we became friends on there. He was in the navy during that time so he was traveling overseas but was messaging me because he was in the region of Italy my family was from and wanted to know if there were things I wanted him to get for me. 

    It it was weird but at the same time, he knew me so well after being together and friends for so long. I think he just automatically went to that place when surrounded by stuff that reminded him of me. 

    He he never tried to get back together with me, and after the occasional time like above, even that tapered out. We just will comment here and there on Facebook but that's all. 

    It may or may not be the same with your ex h, but it is sometimes hard to let go completely (even if they were the idiots!!). 
    Report Reply
  • mamabearks1012mamabearks1012 member
    @mizzkbrat that is strange of your ex, I can understand the one gift as a nice best wishes type thing, but two gifts is overboard. 

    My random for the day is I'm 1 month from EDD and have 3 weeks left in the office, but I'm so mentally checked out already. I'm just sitting here thinking how I should pack my hospital bag (especially with a full moon on Fri), how baby needs to move to head down already, DH still needs his TDAP, hoping baby is healthy, etc etc. I think it's going to be a long 4 weeks! 
    Report Reply
  • annabenannaannabenanna member
    @SpaceBurger, i hope so too!  Keeping my fingers crossed and will update after!  I even got in the cold pool this weekend to try and get him to turn! Also, LOL at nipple cream. :)

    @emmaaa, omg that is awful!  
    Report Reply
  • emmaaaemmaaa member
    @annabenanna It really is. And since she is down here, she didn't have much information yet and I didn't want to ask. I don't if it is a medically induced coma or if something else happened.

    I hate it for their family. They have 4 children (all grown) and are all super sweet. 
    DH: 29 | Me: 29 
    Dating: 10/3/08 | Married: 12/27/14
    TTC #1: August 2015 | BFP: 2/3/16 | EDD: 10/7/16
    DD: 10/5/16
    TTC #2: September 2017 | BFP: 4/28/18 | EDD: 1/7/19
    DS: 1/9/19
    BabyFruit Ticker


    Report Reply
  • annabenannaannabenanna member
    Hope everything turns out okay for her @emmaaa.  I can't even imagine. :(

    Ladies, do you know anyone or does anyone here have experience with Au Pairs?  
    Report Reply
  • LMNOBabyLMNOBaby member
    @annabenanna Fingers crossed for an upside down baby boy! :)

    @mizzkbrat Oh, man, he knows just the right strings to tug!!  I forgive easily too, especially when gestures like that kind of dim all the bad stuff he did in the past and have you feeling bad he's maybe still hurting.  I think you definitely need a firm "Thanks, but no more" discussion between you two.  He's in a new relationship, you're happy with your fiance - there may be a long history between you two, but it's time to close the book and move on and he needs to know that!  Tap into some of that hurt you felt that made you leave after so many years together for some strength.  You don't have to dwell on it, but you're right, he made his bed and now he faces the consequences.  Good luck, lady!!
    Report Reply
  • cbamama641cbamama641 member
    edited September 2016
    @emmaaa Lots of prayers for your coworker..
    @mizzkbrat definitely those gifts are coming from a place of guilt.. that's a hard spot for you to be in also! Hopefully he's done now!
    I had a dream the other night I started painting all the rooms in our house while my husband was at work.. I feel like I want to do this!
    Report Reply
  • cbamama641cbamama641 member
    Stupid app ate half of my post! 
    Report Reply
  • PiperellaPiperella member
    @laurapcos - Just another thing to consider with the TDap... that yes, it is a booster to last every 10 years (for everyone else), but they want women who are pregnant to get it done each pregnancy in the 3rd trimester so that the vaccination gets shared with your LO as they have to wait two months (I think) to start the DTap vaccinations.  That was the other big factor as to why it's pushed here.  They want not only the adults to get immunity, but the baby too before they can get their vaccinations in place.

    @mizzkbrat - I would have thought it a bit creepy at first, but it sounds like your ex is feeling guilty and maybe feeling a bit "mature" and wanted to give a sincere gift.  It's a part of moving on I suppose. :)  Hopefully that will be the end of the gifts though..lol.  I'd hate for it to get creepy or uncomfortable for you or your fiance.
    Report Reply
  • Schell2013Schell2013 member
    bnsmith85 said:
    @mizzkbrat - FWIW, I don't think that being quick to forgive is a flaw. I'm super quick to forgive and while it might bite me in the ass here and there, I really like that about myself and think it says something good about me (and you too). 

    But- I agree..  you def need to send a text making it clear that you're appreciative but don't think any more gifts are appropriate because of the situation.
    I wish I had that trait for forgive easy. I don't and it's actually something that bites me in the ass more times than not. Probably the main reason I haven't even so much as spoken or even waved when I see her uptown to my one SIL in over 2 months. Cause I hold a grudge like no other. 
    as for the gift @mizzkbrat I agree it's probably out of guilt, but I wouldn't worry much about it honestly as long as he knows your staying with this guy and he isn't getting you back or something. 
    Warning No formatter is installed for the format bbhtml
    Report Reply
  • mrszoessmrszoess member
    @mizzkbrat my ex bf and my husband are now best friendsish and my husband is in his wedding. 

    strange shit happens in life. my ex also lives around the corner from us now...but yeah, it sounds like yours is definitely having the remorse, because mine had it for a long time until we got to this point. it's really weird still having him talk to my stomach...
    Report Reply
  • CopperBoom86CopperBoom86 member
    @mizzkbrat - So strange. I wonder if his girlfriend knows he's showering his ex-wife with baby gifts. Also, it's so soon! I could see sending a baby gift to an ex years after a divorce, but 9 months after?? Nope. :#
    Pregnancy Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • KarenBM13KarenBM13 member
    @annabenanna, I had au pairs growing up and we looked into it a little for this baby. Maybe I can help?
    Report Reply
  • annabenannaannabenanna member
    Thanks @KarenBM13! DH and I already have a daycare lined up, but then we have been toying with idea of going the au pair route. We would have to move to get extra room etc, but it seems like a great experience. 

    How does it go? Has your experience been positive? Both as a child and now looking for one? 
    Report Reply
  • KarenBM13KarenBM13 member
    I LOVED my au pairs as a child. My parents liked that they were only there for a year, so each year they got to reevaluate what worked and when they decided they didn't need one anymore, they didn't have to fire someone who had been with the family for years. 

    We decided that we will probably switch over to au pairs for baby #2. They are surprisingly cheap (about $350-$450/week) but we are in the same boat as you that we would have to move to have room so we decided that was more than we wanted to take on right now. The other problem with an au pair is that they are strictly limited in how many hours a day and week they can work (I believe it was 45 hours with most companies). That may not be an issue for you but we need more childcare hours than that. It is definitely a great option for the price though!
    Report Reply
  • annabenannaannabenanna member
    Thanks @KarenBM13! I think the 45 hours a week can work for us, and it's such an attractive price! Just not having to drive baby to daycare, go to work, drive back to daycare then drive home reduces my stress level by 50%. Lol. 
    Report Reply
  • LauraPCOSLauraPCOS member
    @Piperella ya I thought of that too.  I have my doctor appt for next Wednesday and I told them I want the booster shot so they will hopefully have it ready for me when I get there.

    Pregnancy Ticker

    Report Reply
  • F47F47 member
    @annabenanna & @KarenBM13 where do you find an au pair? It's funny you bring it up because DH has been joking for months he wants one vs. a nanny. But, assumed it was much more a European thing (he's from the UK, but likes to think he's "European."). 

    Probably not an option in my city, anyway, but just curious. We do have two spare rooms...

    Also, tho, isn't it weird having people in your house permanently...?  :#
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
  • KarenBM13KarenBM13 member
    @F47 There are tons of agencies. Mine growing up were all European but they could be from anywhere. It's usually girls in their early 20s either taking a gap year or just finishing school. I think they will go basically anywhere. It's an easy way to live abroad for a year. Also, because they work through an agency, the agency can help if there is an issue.

     I think it's a little less weird with an au pair living with you because they are normally only staying a year. The nanny my dad grew up with lived with my grandparents for over 30 years because they just couldn't 'evict' her after she'd been part of the family for so long. 
    Report Reply
  • booksandicecreambooksandicecream member
    @KarenBM13 @F47 @annabenanna

    I had au pairs growing up and I LOVED it. Now I have a unique case because I had zero relationship with my parents, so to me they were my true mothers, but I knew a ton of other families with au pairs who also had great experiences. The hardest part for our family was adjusting to cultural differences. Most au pairs are 18-20 and, especially if they're European, have had a LOT of freedom. My parents gave them curfews, forbade them to meet up with guys and forced them to go to church. They put up varying levels of resistance, but they all worked out in the end. All of my au pairs were at my wedding  <3
    DS#1 born 05 October 2016
    DS#2  due 25 April 2019
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"