So you might poop while giving birth, but does everyone? Does your va-jay-jay change after birth? And will your boobs really start leaking at some point?
Ask us your questions about birth and pregnancy, FTMs!
Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to.
@irishrose54 I doubted I could do it after having a c-section and I was able to. I think I just thought about it too much. My best friend was there and after seeing me give birth she said it looked easy. My daughter was also out in like 5 mins of pushing so that part didn't take long. And surprisingly my vagina was still in tact without a rip or tear.
Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to.
If you've convinced yourself that you won't be able to then you more than likely won't. It really is a mental thing. I ended up getting the epi, but only because I was uber dehydrated and didn't realize it until after I got the epidural. I couldn't figure out why I was so weak and that was mostly the culprit. I was all about going drug free and got the epi at 7cm. Even still, if you do end up getting the drugs, don't beat yourself up. After getting the epi I was able to take a nap and get some much needed rest before pushing. Best decision I ever made.
If you're allowed to eat during labor, even if it's just jello and crackers, make sure you have a barf bucket handy just in case. Puking into your hospital gown because you're tethered to a bed is horrible.
Have barf bags ready even if you dont! Have the nurse show your partner where they are stashed. I vomited several times once transition hit because it was just so intense.
Speaking of nursing. Love it. So much. Still doing it in fact, but guise, it hurts and is NOT as easy as some make it appear in the beginning, so don't think it's just you if you struggle! Hang in there, it's worth the pain, sweat, exhaustion, and tears (seriously).
Really everything that @MK1013 said, but I want to reiterate how breastfeeding is hard. I don't think that is talked about enough and it can be so discouraging! It wasn't easy for me, and most of my friends have all had a hard time with it and it gets so frustrating because you think that it's the one thing that should come naturally to both you and the baby, but it's not always the case. It gets better, but there will be tears when you can't get baby to latch or your milk hasn't come in yet.
Also, if it doesn't work out don't beat yourself up! A fed baby is a happy baby and I have actually seen people borderline starve their kids because they are afraid to supplement with formula. We all want what's best for our kids and as long as they are fed, regardless of source, sheltered, and loved you are doing it right! (Last part is my Peds RN rant)
Be prepared to ice your junk post-partum! Cold packs that go in your freezer work really well. Make sure you have more than one so you can swap them out.
Take the little plastic squirt bottles home from the hospital. Put one in each bathroom for rinsing after you pee or change a pad (you won't be wiping).
March 2017 September Siggy Challenge: Favorite Fall Things
I will third the breastfeeding! It's stressful wondering if you are doing everything your baby needs. It's not like a bottle that you can literally see your child eating. However, don't let the lactation consultations freak you out! Over the 3 days total I was in the hospital with DD I had 4 different consultants come visit and each one told me something different. It made breastfeeding my biggest concern, so much so that I also asked every nurse that came in if I was doing it right. They have great tips but don't feel like you need to take notes when they speak, like I made DH
Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to.
In this day and age, I would be shocked if any woman DIDN'T doubt her ability to do it. It's just not even close to the norm anymore so everyone thinks that it is impossible. I second @kiyamurph that it is a mental thing. 100%. I worried that I wouldn't be able to, and I did. And it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. The funny thing is that I can't believe I got stitched up afterward with no meds! And do not even remember feeling a thing! Do your research and put it in your head that that is how you are going to do it, and I almost guarantee that you will do it. There is nothing wrong with accepting any intervention you feel comfortable with but if you want to experience a med-free birth, you definitely can, you just have to prepare yourself for it.
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
I think the best advice is no one will have the same experience. What was hard for some is not for others. I've never had pain from breastfeeding and had zero issues with my son (a hundred with my daughter), my recovery was easy, etc.
The hardest part for me was admitting that I had post partum anxiety and that I needed to stop trying to control everything.
Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to.
Like PP said--you can't go into it saying "I won't be able to" cuz you've already made the decision..
it's totally a mind game. I like to compare it to running a race and not wanting to walk at all. If you tell yourself you're probably going to walk--you're going to walk. But you don't need to walk, you just are letting your mind get the best of you. Your body is capable of it--the question is: is your mind capable of staying resolved?
i finally caved and asked for an epi... Because I was tired after hours of back labor and thought "this is going to take sooo much longer." And the constant "I can't do this" with each contraction became too overwhelming. The nurse checked me before calling for the meds, and it was time to push!! so I happily went without!
Thank you so much for all of this advice! I am writing things down haha.
I do have a quick question - fetal heart monitors during labor - what is the deal? Is it on all the time or only periodically? Were you able to do wireless or were you hooked up to a machine? I foresee myself really wanting to be up and walking around/moving (goal of a natural birth). So just would love a little more insight
When I was expecting my daughter, I asked a friend (Who has 6 kids) for some advice. I figured having done it 6 times, she'd have some good tips.
She said to avoid ruining your underwear/towels/bedding during your postpartum bleeding to use Depends with a big maxi pad. I NEVER had a leak, and I'm an exceptionally heavy bleeder. I recommend this to all my friends that are expecting and they have all been super grateful when the time came.
Also, after you have baby, if you feel unhappy or hopeless, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Postpartum depression/anxiety is not something to screw around with. I had a very severe case of it. Also, once you're given medication, if it doesn't help within a few days, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Incorrect dosing or medication can cause dangerous thoughts, and some people get suicidal. DO NOT HESITATE TO GET HELP. This is something that isn't discussed enough. You are NOT weak for needing help. You are a better mother for seeking it out instead of letting it eat away at your life.
Not everyone can nurse. I have PCOS and had an emergency csection. As a result, it took 12 days for my milk to come in. My daughter had to eat, so we supplemented. It took so long that she refused the breast by the time it came in. If it comes down to it, don't be afraid of formula, and don't feel guilty.
Lastly, do whatever works for YOU AND YOUR BABY. I had so much conflicting advice coming at me from all sides that I was constantly questioning EVERYTHING for the first 10 months. It was awful. I finally said screw it and did whatever felt right.
Good luck FTM's!
ME: 26 | DH: 33
Dating: March 17, 2008
Married: May 18, 2013
BFP: August 16, 2014
Our rainbow baby after two losses. Rest sweetly, my angels.
IT'S A GIRL!EDD: April 10, 2015 (Formerly known as amandastewart51813)
@GG620. They put a wireless belt on me. Not a big deal at all!! Let me walk around the whole maternity wing, got in the jacuzzi... Barely noticed it on. But, I was high risk at labor So normally they don't need to monitor as much, in general it's intermittent unless there is an issue
@GG620 my hospital had a wireless belt, too... it was great.
Also to everyone else, breastfeeding is best if you can do it, but I agree with a fed baby is a happy baby! I can't BF due to medicine I take for a chronic condition when I'm not pregnant. I still feel guilt over that sometimes, especially when I had nurses trying to convince me not to take my medicine just so I could breastfeed. To me, being able to use my hands to take care of my baby was more important. Do what works best for you and your family!
Alex married to M since 6.13.09 T - 3.3.14 A - 2.24.17
- I had a c-section because DS was breech. Not ideal, but it's really not the end of the world. If you end up having one, never let anyone make you feel badly about that. You didn't "fail" at child birth. Your experience was just different. It's not inherently a "bad" thing. Obviously some women have a different experience, but my recovery wasn't bad at all.
-Breastfeeding. I had problems with this from the beginning because (i) DS was in the NICU, so we didn't establish nursing immediately and he had to have formula to try to get his blood sugar up and (ii) my supply sucked. There are any number of reasons that breastfeeding may not work for you in the long (or short) run. Again, you did not fail. Some things are beyond your control. I pumped and pumped with little results for a month and then I switched to formula. As long as you are feeding your baby and doing the best that you can for him/her, you are a good mom. I'm going to try again with this one, but I'm fully prepared to be okay with it not working out.
-Birth plans. Birth plans are great. But sometimes babies have other plans. Don't get fixated on your plan.
-Everyone is going to give you advice. Take it or don't. Just try different stuff and do what works for you and your baby.
My advice: Don't be upset if your "Birth Plan" doesn't play out. In all honesty, it usually never goes according to plan. I planned on having a vaginal delivery, breast feeding right after, going home the next day. HAHAHA... yeah... I ended up having a C section and breast feeding was so frustrating to me I eventually started to feed formula. Its ok if that happens to you. Go in with the mindset of what you want, but also be expectant that it may not happen that way.
Breastfeeding is great. It comes with a lot of benefits for mom and baby. I recommend reading up on it as much as you can. I could've breastfed my son, but I had so many people telling me this, that, and the other that I didn't know if I was doing it right. They kept telling me to not give up and to keep going. It was my motherly duty. If I was half of the woman I am today, I would have slapped that stupid lactation nurse. It's ok if breast feeding doesn't work out for you. You are not a horrible, crappy mom. Your motherly duty is to feed the baby and to make sure it is loved and taken care of. You also have to take care of yourself too.
I can't offer much advice about vaginal delivery. I can offer advice on C sections... When you are in the operating room, close your eyes and take deep breaths. Request that you or your spouse gets skin to skin with the baby (otherwise they will just wheel the baby on down to the nursery), Bring comfy pjs that you don't care about ruining and a robe (you have to do a lot of walking), wear granny panties and make sure they are super loose, drink a lot of water, and take the stool softners and pain pills they give you. That first poop... omg... bring a magazine in the bathroom with you. You might be there awhile! Get up and walk as much as you can. It really helps with pain and it helps you gain your strength to be able to go home. When you are home do not just sit. Continue to walk. No sudden movements, no laughing (ouch), and remember by day 4 you will feel like you never had surgery
I pooped on the table a lot while giving birth but it really is not as big of a deal as it seems! I thought I would be so embarrassed but I really could care less now. I had a great nurse which helped a lot.
i also did not expect how bad baby blues would be afterwards. For a week I would get soo sad for no reason between 5pm-7pm. After a week it vanished completely.
"We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love."
-Dr. Seuss
I'm so glad to see positive stories - childbirth not being a total horror and some positive stories about bf. I feel like I hear all the negative stories (the tears, the worst case scenarios, the pushing for hours) but no one goes around bragging about how easy it was.
Not that it's easy. But hopefully you get what I mean.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32 TTC Since 11/2015 #1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
Hi Ladies! I love reading these posts. And thank you for answering my question about natural birth. I have to apologize because I posted and then didn't reply. My app would not (still won't) let me post so I had to wait to get to work to post. That totally made me realize how much I love this board. I was legit excited to come and reply to everyone after I read the posts. That is saying something!!
I totally have heard it is a mental thing so I have some time to reframe my thoughts about it, luckily. I was reading passages from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I honestly wish I hadn't started it. I was mentally all set that I could do a natural birth and then I read the stories and I am TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. The women talk about the pain and made it sound absolutely terrifying!! I mean it is good to know what you're getting yourself into but omg are they for realz!? I know first time labor ends up longer than subsequent deliveries but I guess I will have to hope it goes fast if I hope to do it naturally.
Did anyone labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital? My hope is to be able to do that so I don't have to spend as much time actually at the hospital. In my mind the longer you are there the more quickly they jump to interventions, and I really don't want to get pressured into something I don't want to do. Obviously if it is life threatening I will have a c section and do whatever possible to make sure everything is ok, but I just hear a lot of stories about doctors being c-happy and I want to avoid that if at all possible. I've heard of some people taking a long shower when they feel labor starting and that that helped them. Any other suggestions?
Did anyone labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital? My hope is to be able to do that so I don't have to spend as much time actually at the hospital. In my mind the longer you are there the more quickly they jump to interventions, and I really don't want to get pressured into something I don't want to do. Obviously if it is life threatening I will have a c section and do whatever possible to make sure everything is ok, but I just hear a lot of stories about doctors being c-happy and I want to avoid that if at all possible. I've heard of some people taking a long shower when they feel labor starting and that that helped them. Any other suggestions?
No I labour too quickly. That said, staying at home as long as possible usually helps you avoid the cascade of interventions
@GG620 my hospital had a wireless belt as well, but after my initial exam I was allowed to roam the halls and sit in the shower for as long as I wanted. I would be periodically checked but they didn't insist on constant fetal monitoring until after I had the epi and my water broken.
@Schumerator I labored at home for an entire day, then went to the hospital for a few hours. I didn't budge past 1CM so they sent me home, and I sat on an exercise ball in my shower with warm water running over my belly. It was the only thing that even came close to relieving the pain and the spasms I was getting.
We went back later that evening when it became apparent that my contractions were getting erratic, and the midwife told me I could either get an epi and have my water broken or go home again. I didn't trust that things were going smoothly so I got the epi just to stay at the hospital. I ended up having an emergency c-section because DS's heart rate was decelerating after contractions. I also never even got to 4CM despite an entire weekend of labor, and wasn't considered to be in "active" labor because my contractions were never evenly spaced. I would have 5 minutes between two, and then have four back to back. Trust your instincts, and advocate for yourself.
My second labor was very fast but one of my prominent memories is while I was still laboring at home, which only lasted for about 3 hours and was only intense for the last hour, I was having unreal diarrhea! It felt like my body was completely cleaning itself out to the point where I was on the toilet and having my husband come in during contractions to bear his fist down into my lower back to help make the contractions bearable - but also not able to get off the toilet! I was so worried that the pooping was not going to stop! I was SO embarrassed to have him come in there with the stink and the possibility of me going more while he was in there, it was crazy. I was apologizing over and over (to which he told me to stop and he was totally fine with it). When we left for the hospital my biggest concern was that I would poop myself in the car, lol! But I did not so I guess it all cleared out by then because I also didn't go at the hospital at all, either. I had heard that in a completely unassisted intervention-free labor the body will clean itself out and I definitely experienced that!
Me: 36; DH: 38 DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17! **TW** MMC & D&C Aug 2016
1) Get educated about the during and after care of you and your baby. For instance, delayed cord clamping and eye drops. We opted for no eye drops for my son since it began as a standard for parents with an STD (https://evidencebasedbirth.com/is-erythromycin-eye-ointment-always-necessary-for-newborns/). You can also request to have your baby on you when they receive the vitamin K and hep B.
2) Take as much home as the hospital gives you.
3) Make time to do the sitz bath and also make witch hazel pads beforehand... Buy maxi pads & witch hazel, open them up partially, pour 1/4c of witch hazel on each pad, fold back up and put in a ziploc in your freezer. LIFESAVERS after a nice warm shower.
4) Stool softeners!
5) Nursing is hard... give it at least a month to feel ok and to get the hang of it. Try to prepare your partner to be supportive of this. My husband would help me get set up and comfortable with pillows around me and such.
6) If you are planning on a pain-med free birth, take a class. I found one offered through a yoga center. I'm not a yogi by any means, but it was informational and talked about finding your breath during labor and remaining steady. We also learned about partner massage and different ways that your partner can support you during the process. It is totally a mindset.
7) Birth plans should be birth preferences.
8) Your contractions may never be the classic 1 contraction for 1 minute every 5 minutes.. listen to your body!
For this child I prayed, and the Lord has granted me my petition that I made to him. 1 Samuel 1:27 ------------------------------------------------------------------------------ ------------------------------------------------------------------------------
For me, sex did not hurt and I think I could have had it sooner if I wasn't bleeding for so long afterwards. I also didn't tear at all so I think that is part of the reason why.
My obgyn practice said it typically takes them 2 weeks to get blood test results back from their lab. They call if something's off, but otherwise they review them at the next visit. Does that sound normal?
Also - is it normal to have ultrasounds done after you see your doctor?
I also didn't tear at all, was ready for sex at 6weeks when I was cleared and it felt fine!
@MixedBerries88 & @RunBooRun TOTALLY NORMAL. My entire first tri was spent anxious, sick, scared and feeling more pissed at the thing sucking the life out of me than happy and in love with this little thing taking over my body.
Finding out the sex was a big step toward joy and connecting with the idea it was an actual child... Calling it a "her" instead of an it, and starting to feel kicking and movement. I didn't feel very pregnant otherwise, was mostly in denial that the day was approaching, and wasn't super excited because honestly as a FTM you've never had a kid before, so how are you supposed to know how great it's going to be or how in love you will be with this little one.
So even if you don't feel overwhelming bliss like some moms say they do-don't be hard on yourselves! It's a lot to process, pregnancy is hard-not just a glowing experience, and you won't feel the true happiness and joy till the very end of the process
1) Get educated about the during and after care of you and your baby. For instance, delayed cord clamping and eye drops. We opted for no eye drops for my son since it began as a standard for parents with an STD (https://evidencebasedbirth.com/is-erythromycin-eye-ointment-always-necessary-for-newborns/). You can also request to have your baby on you when they receive the vitamin K and hep B.
2) Take as much home as the hospital gives you.
3) Make time to do the sitz bath and also make witch hazel pads beforehand... Buy maxi pads & witch hazel, open them up partially, pour 1/4c of witch hazel on each pad, fold back up and put in a ziploc in your freezer. LIFESAVERS after a nice warm shower.
4) Stool softeners!
5) Nursing is hard... give it at least a month to feel ok and to get the hang of it. Try to prepare your partner to be supportive of this. My husband would help me get set up and comfortable with pillows around me and such.
6) If you are planning on a pain-med free birth, take a class. I found one offered through a yoga center. I'm not a yogi by any means, but it was informational and talked about finding your breath during labor and remaining steady. We also learned about partner massage and different ways that your partner can support you during the process. It is totally a mindset.
7) Birth plans should be birth preferences.
8) Your contractions may never be the classic 1 contraction for 1 minute every 5 minutes.. listen to your body!
You are wrong in that the eye drops are given for STDs. I sadly believed the same and didn't have one of my kids get the drops. They ended up getting an eye infection from just normal bacteria that can live in the vaginal tract and needed the eye drops for a lot longer of a time period. The reason hospitals and doctors make these decisions is because they are health providers who have studied and trained for years in this field and aren't making these decisions just to upset parents or because they think everyone has STDs.
@Schumerator I labored at home and all over town. I even went to the hospital, found out I was a 5, and went back home to labor more. It was way better to be home, free to roam and eat, be distracted etc. I loved it and plan to do the same this time.
The best advice I can give is two fold: first, get rooted in some sort of bfing group if that is your long term plan. There are groups in person and on fb. The wealth of knowledge and experiences is invaluable. Nothing you ask will ever be considered silly or anything, slightly more experienced moms will love to wrap you up and help carry you through tough times.
Second, literally everyone is going to have some kind of opinion about what you are doing and how it SHOULD be done. Accept the advice that helps you and let the rest roll off. You are MEANT to parent your baby. You will have your own style and it will be just fine. Have faith in yourself, you can do this.
Married DH 12/31/13 BFP#1 1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14 BFP#2 7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15 BFP#3 2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016 BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
Also, if you think about murdering your (well intentioned) SO, just take a breather. It's totally natural. If you can, try to let them parent their way. Eventually you won't care that his/her diaper changing style is slightly different than yours, you will just be thankful to not be changing the stinky butt. Remember, the fourth trimester is basically survival mode for everyone in the family.
Married DH 12/31/13 BFP#1 1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14 BFP#2 7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15 BFP#3 2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016 BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
My obgyn practice said it typically takes them 2 weeks to get blood test results back from their lab. They call if something's off, but otherwise they review them at the next visit. Does that sound normal?
Also - is it normal to have ultrasounds done after you see your doctor?
I don't know about the ultrasounds, usually things get scheduled as they get scheduled, and unless you are high risk you generally get the 1st trimester and the totally awesome one around 20 weeks. But as far as test results, generally no news is good news.
I thought of some more sage wisdom:
Literally everything in the hospital room that isn't tacked down is yours and you pay for insurance-wise. Clear out that bassinet the baby is rolled in and out of your room in. The diapers and such are a great start, and even those weird blue pads are great to sit on when you're bleeding heavily and are afraid to sit on your brand new nursery glider. Speaking of bleeding heavily, childbirth was nothing compared to when the nurse comes in to massage your stomach afterward. Ugh...
Boob pains sucks now, it is way worse afterward when milk comes in. They're like boulders. Warm showers help and cold compresses. So does pumping.
We did a combo of nursing and formula so I honestly have no reason to judge either way. That being said, take what the lactation consultant in the hospital tells you with a grain of salt. I was told to just let the baby fall off when she's ready and then switch sides. Well what if she never falls off? 45 minutes later, now I have to switch sides? This happens every 2-3 hours? Basically when a feeding was over, it was almost time to start one again. What ended up happening is my poor little girl was getting a Thanksgiving meal 10 times/day, didn't sleep for weeks, and screamed about 23 hours of the day. Her stomach hurt so badly and I didn't even know it. At this point, I understood why they have shaken baby hotlines. It was a nightmare. At her 1 month appointment we realized she gained 3 POUNDS. She was supposed to gain 1. The ped told us our feeding system is ridiculous, it should be 10 minutes one side, break the latch, 10 minutes on the other. I credit her with saving our lives. You will read books about schedules and books about letting the baby demand feedings. Do a combination of that and you're golden. There is no right answer. My sister had a similar situation with a lactation consultant at a completely different hospital.
Lastly, I never had that movie perfect moment where I fell in love at first sight. It was a growing process. I do remember a moment of sheer panic and terror, once when they laid her on my chest and again when we put her in the car to drive home. I can't keep plants alive but they're giving me a person to keep for 18 years??? It's okay and don't feel guilty. You're tired and scared after childbirth and for weeks to come. It is all worth it in the end
One thing I'd like to add is to be prepared for the mystery between you and your husband to completely vanish! For real, they will see it all. The good, the bad, the horrific. It does make for an incredible bonding experience though.
@kiyamurph I completely second that! I seriously have no shame now in front of my husband. Last night we had a discussion regarding my bowel movements, I figure he's gone through this with me once already, I really don't have anything more to hide.
I had my DD in August 2015 .I had a vaginal birth and 2nd degree tear and episiotomy. I have to agree with the other girls here that tucks and icepacks were my life saver . The nurse showed me to lay the tucks pads on an ice pack and it was truly the only thing that relieved the pain. I only wish someone warned me that your hormones will crash after child birth and the baby blues are a real thing . I felt totally sideswiped by that and I think I could have handled better if I saw it coming . Also don't be afraid to say no to a million visitors at home after baby . It honestlymade my depression so much worse and I I'll have no problem saying no this time around till I get my feet on the ground again and feel settled . Lastly breastfeeding. Be patient with yourself . I had to use a nipple shield and supplement with formula for 3 wks and guess what after that my DD was exclusively breastfed until 9 months so do not give up ..just give your body time. I'm ll about letting my mind and body heal and being patient with myself this time around instead of trying to rush and make everything perfect.
Re: Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM
Also, if it doesn't work out don't beat yourself up! A fed baby is a happy baby and I have actually seen people borderline starve their kids because they are afraid to supplement with formula. We all want what's best for our kids and as long as they are fed, regardless of source, sheltered, and loved you are doing it right! (Last part is my Peds RN rant)
Take the little plastic squirt bottles home from the hospital. Put one in each bathroom for rinsing after you pee or change a pad (you won't be wiping).
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
The hardest part for me was admitting that I had post partum anxiety and that I needed to stop trying to control everything.
it's totally a mind game. I like to compare it to running a race and not wanting to walk at all. If you tell yourself you're probably going to walk--you're going to walk. But you don't need to walk, you just are letting your mind get the best of you. Your body is capable of it--the question is: is your mind capable of staying resolved?
i finally caved and asked for an epi... Because I was tired after hours of back labor and thought "this is going to take sooo much longer." And the constant "I can't do this" with each contraction became too overwhelming. The nurse checked me before calling for the meds, and it was time to push!! so I happily went without!
I do have a quick question - fetal heart monitors during labor - what is the deal? Is it on all the time or only periodically? Were you able to do wireless or were you hooked up to a machine? I foresee myself really wanting to be up and walking around/moving (goal of a natural birth). So just would love a little more insight
[spoiler]
Me: 28 Him: 30
Married: 11/15/14
TTC: 02/2016
IF DX: MFI (low count & morphology) & mild PCOS
June 2016 BFP - MC @8w2d
August 2016 BFP - MC @6w1d
June 2017 - 50 mg Clomid + Ovidrel + IUI = BFP 7/6/17!!
Beta #1 = 422 (14dpo), Beta #2 = 810, prog - 12.3 (16dpo), Beta #3 = 5023, prog - 18.9 (20dpo)
[/spoiler]
She said to avoid ruining your underwear/towels/bedding during your postpartum bleeding to use Depends with a big maxi pad. I NEVER had a leak, and I'm an exceptionally heavy bleeder. I recommend this to all my friends that are expecting and they have all been super grateful when the time came.
Also, after you have baby, if you feel unhappy or hopeless, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Postpartum depression/anxiety is not something to screw around with. I had a very severe case of it. Also, once you're given medication, if it doesn't help within a few days, TALK TO YOUR DOCTOR. Incorrect dosing or medication can cause dangerous thoughts, and some people get suicidal. DO NOT HESITATE TO GET HELP. This is something that isn't discussed enough. You are NOT weak for needing help. You are a better mother for seeking it out instead of letting it eat away at your life.
Not everyone can nurse. I have PCOS and had an emergency csection. As a result, it took 12 days for my milk to come in. My daughter had to eat, so we supplemented. It took so long that she refused the breast by the time it came in. If it comes down to it, don't be afraid of formula, and don't feel guilty.
Lastly, do whatever works for YOU AND YOUR BABY. I had so much conflicting advice coming at me from all sides that I was constantly questioning EVERYTHING for the first 10 months. It was awful. I finally said screw it and did whatever felt right.
Good luck FTM's!
(Formerly known as amandastewart51813)
Also to everyone else, breastfeeding is best if you can do it, but I agree with a fed baby is a happy baby! I can't BF due to medicine I take for a chronic condition when I'm not pregnant. I still feel guilt over that sometimes, especially when I had nurses trying to convince me not to take my medicine just so I could breastfeed. To me, being able to use my hands to take care of my baby was more important. Do what works best for you and your family!
married to M since 6.13.09
T - 3.3.14
A - 2.24.17
- I had a c-section because DS was breech. Not ideal, but it's really not the end of the world. If you end up having one, never let anyone make you feel badly about that. You didn't "fail" at child birth. Your experience was just different. It's not inherently a "bad" thing. Obviously some women have a different experience, but my recovery wasn't bad at all.
-Breastfeeding. I had problems with this from the beginning because (i) DS was in the NICU, so we didn't establish nursing immediately and he had to have formula to try to get his blood sugar up and (ii) my supply sucked. There are any number of reasons that breastfeeding may not work for you in the long (or short) run. Again, you did not fail. Some things are beyond your control. I pumped and pumped with little results for a month and then I switched to formula. As long as you are feeding your baby and doing the best that you can for him/her, you are a good mom. I'm going to try again with this one, but I'm fully prepared to be okay with it not working out.
-Birth plans. Birth plans are great. But sometimes babies have other plans. Don't get fixated on your plan.
-Everyone is going to give you advice. Take it or don't. Just try different stuff and do what works for you and your baby.
EDD for #1: 3/19/17
Breastfeeding is great. It comes with a lot of benefits for mom and baby. I recommend reading up on it as much as you can. I could've breastfed my son, but I had so many people telling me this, that, and the other that I didn't know if I was doing it right. They kept telling me to not give up and to keep going. It was my motherly duty. If I was half of the woman I am today, I would have slapped that stupid lactation nurse. It's ok if breast feeding doesn't work out for you. You are not a horrible, crappy mom. Your motherly duty is to feed the baby and to make sure it is loved and taken care of. You also have to take care of yourself too.
I can't offer much advice about vaginal delivery. I can offer advice on C sections... When you are in the operating room, close your eyes and take deep breaths. Request that you or your spouse gets skin to skin with the baby (otherwise they will just wheel the baby on down to the nursery), Bring comfy pjs that you don't care about ruining and a robe (you have to do a lot of walking), wear granny panties and make sure they are super loose, drink a lot of water, and take the stool softners and pain pills they give you. That first poop... omg... bring a magazine in the bathroom with you. You might be there awhile! Get up and walk as much as you can. It really helps with pain and it helps you gain your strength to be able to go home. When you are home do not just sit. Continue to walk. No sudden movements, no laughing (ouch), and remember by day 4 you will feel like you never had surgery
It just doesn't feel real yet. I'm trying to be excited, but I just don't right now. Is that normal?
Samantha - 4/5/2017
i also did not expect how bad baby blues would be afterwards. For a week I would get soo sad for no reason between 5pm-7pm. After a week it vanished completely.
Not that it's easy. But hopefully you get what I mean.
** December BMB Siggy Challenge - Animals in Pools **
Me: 31+ H: 32
TTC Since 11/2015
#1 - MMC 6.5 weeks (2/16); #2 - MC due to cystic hygroma at 20 weeks (10/16); #3 CP (2/17); #4 - Due 12.16.17
I totally have heard it is a mental thing so I have some time to reframe my thoughts about it, luckily. I was reading passages from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I honestly wish I hadn't started it. I was mentally all set that I could do a natural birth and then I read the stories and I am TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. The women talk about the pain and made it sound absolutely terrifying!! I mean it is good to know what you're getting yourself into but omg are they for realz!? I know first time labor ends up longer than subsequent deliveries but I guess I will have to hope it goes fast if I hope to do it naturally.
@Schumerator I labored at home for an entire day, then went to the hospital for a few hours. I didn't budge past 1CM so they sent me home, and I sat on an exercise ball in my shower with warm water running over my belly. It was the only thing that even came close to relieving the pain and the spasms I was getting.
We went back later that evening when it became apparent that my contractions were getting erratic, and the midwife told me I could either get an epi and have my water broken or go home again. I didn't trust that things were going smoothly so I got the epi just to stay at the hospital. I ended up having an emergency c-section because DS's heart rate was decelerating after contractions. I also never even got to 4CM despite an entire weekend of labor, and wasn't considered to be in "active" labor because my contractions were never evenly spaced. I would have 5 minutes between two, and then have four back to back. Trust your instincts, and advocate for yourself.
Me: 36; DH: 38
DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
**TW**
MMC & D&C Aug 2016
1) Get educated about the during and after care of you and your baby. For instance, delayed cord clamping and eye drops. We opted for no eye drops for my son since it began as a standard for parents with an STD (https://evidencebasedbirth.com/is-erythromycin-eye-ointment-always-necessary-for-newborns/). You can also request to have your baby on you when they receive the vitamin K and hep B.
2) Take as much home as the hospital gives you.
3) Make time to do the sitz bath and also make witch hazel pads beforehand... Buy maxi pads & witch hazel, open them up partially, pour 1/4c of witch hazel on each pad, fold back up and put in a ziploc in your freezer. LIFESAVERS after a nice warm shower.
4) Stool softeners!
5) Nursing is hard... give it at least a month to feel ok and to get the hang of it. Try to prepare your partner to be supportive of this. My husband would help me get set up and comfortable with pillows around me and such.
6) If you are planning on a pain-med free birth, take a class. I found one offered through a yoga center. I'm not a yogi by any means, but it was informational and talked about finding your breath during labor and remaining steady. We also learned about partner massage and different ways that your partner can support you during the process. It is totally a mindset.
7) Birth plans should be birth preferences.
8) Your contractions may never be the classic 1 contraction for 1 minute every 5 minutes.. listen to your body!
1 Samuel 1:27
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My obgyn practice said it typically takes them 2 weeks to get blood test results back from their lab. They call if something's off, but otherwise they review them at the next visit. Does that sound normal?
Also - is it normal to have ultrasounds done after you see your doctor?
@MixedBerries88 & @RunBooRun TOTALLY NORMAL. My entire first tri was spent anxious, sick, scared and feeling more pissed at the thing sucking the life out of me than happy and in love with this little thing taking over my body.
Finding out the sex was a big step toward joy and connecting with the idea it was an actual child... Calling it a "her" instead of an it, and starting to feel kicking and movement. I didn't feel very pregnant otherwise, was mostly in denial that the day was approaching, and wasn't super excited because honestly as a FTM you've never had a kid before, so how are you supposed to know how great it's going to be or how in love you will be with this little one.
So even if you don't feel overwhelming bliss like some moms say they do-don't be hard on yourselves! It's a lot to process, pregnancy is hard-not just a glowing experience, and you won't feel the true happiness and joy till the very end of the process
The best advice I can give is two fold: first, get rooted in some sort of bfing group if that is your long term plan. There are groups in person and on fb. The wealth of knowledge and experiences is invaluable. Nothing you ask will ever be considered silly or anything, slightly more experienced moms will love to wrap you up and help carry you through tough times.
Second, literally everyone is going to have some kind of opinion about what you are doing and how it SHOULD be done. Accept the advice that helps you and let the rest roll off. You are MEANT to parent your baby. You will have your own style and it will be just fine. Have faith in yourself, you can do this.
BFP#1 1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
BFP#2 7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
BFP#3 2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
BFP#1 1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
BFP#2 7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
BFP#3 2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
I thought of some more sage wisdom:
Literally everything in the hospital room that isn't tacked down is yours and you pay for insurance-wise. Clear out that bassinet the baby is rolled in and out of your room in. The diapers and such are a great start, and even those weird blue pads are great to sit on when you're bleeding heavily and are afraid to sit on your brand new nursery glider. Speaking of bleeding heavily, childbirth was nothing compared to when the nurse comes in to massage your stomach afterward. Ugh...
Boob pains sucks now, it is way worse afterward when milk comes in. They're like boulders. Warm showers help and cold compresses. So does pumping.
We did a combo of nursing and formula so I honestly have no reason to judge either way. That being said, take what the lactation consultant in the hospital tells you with a grain of salt. I was told to just let the baby fall off when she's ready and then switch sides. Well what if she never falls off? 45 minutes later, now I have to switch sides? This happens every 2-3 hours? Basically when a feeding was over, it was almost time to start one again. What ended up happening is my poor little girl was getting a Thanksgiving meal 10 times/day, didn't sleep for weeks, and screamed about 23 hours of the day. Her stomach hurt so badly and I didn't even know it. At this point, I understood why they have shaken baby hotlines. It was a nightmare. At her 1 month appointment we realized she gained 3 POUNDS. She was supposed to gain 1. The ped told us our feeding system is ridiculous, it should be 10 minutes one side, break the latch, 10 minutes on the other. I credit her with saving our lives. You will read books about schedules and books about letting the baby demand feedings. Do a combination of that and you're golden. There is no right answer. My sister had a similar situation with a lactation consultant at a completely different hospital.
Lastly, I never had that movie perfect moment where I fell in love at first sight. It was a growing process. I do remember a moment of sheer panic and terror, once when they laid her on my chest and again when we put her in the car to drive home. I can't keep plants alive but they're giving me a person to keep for 18 years??? It's okay and don't feel guilty. You're tired and scared after childbirth and for weeks to come. It is all worth it in the end