Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM — The Bump
March 2017 Moms

Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM

So you might poop while giving birth, but does everyone? Does your va-jay-jay change after birth? And will your boobs really start leaking at some point?

Ask us your questions about birth and pregnancy, FTMs!

hippiemama-2kap1988irishrose54katier29SchumeratorGoldenTMamachrlyrwintersongBluebird2318EnglishTeacherMama[Deleted User]twinklepitsBelcherEarsdubcompanionmrsyimsterMrsNap_515Foersty
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Re: Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM

  • Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to. 


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    briunit
  • @irishrose54 I doubted I could do it after having a c-section and I was able to. I think I just thought about it too much. My best friend was there and after seeing me give birth she said it looked easy. My daughter was also out in like 5 mins of pushing so that part didn't take long. And surprisingly my vagina was still in tact without a rip or tear. 
    JustAnotherUsername16irishrose54Tennis11785
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  • I wasn't sure, but I wanted to try and was able to. 
    JustAnotherUsername16irishrose54
  • If you're allowed to eat during labor, even if it's just jello and crackers, make sure you have a barf bucket handy just in case. Puking into your hospital gown because you're tethered to a bed is horrible. 
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    EnglishTeacherMamabriunitrainafire77
  • edited July 2016
    SEX HURTS for a long time after childbirth. I waited the full 6 weeks and regretted it... We ending waiting longer. Invest in some good lube after
    GG620SchumeratorJparisi926MrsNap_515
  • Be prepared to ice your junk post-partum! Cold packs that go in your freezer work really well. Make sure you have more than one so you can swap them out. 

    Take the little plastic squirt bottles home from the hospital. Put one in each bathroom for rinsing after you pee or change a pad (you won't be wiping).
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    OctoberLove13kiyamurphjoniobrien
  • mrsncmrsnc member
    I will third the breastfeeding! It's stressful wondering if you are doing everything your baby needs. It's not like a bottle that you can literally see your child eating. However, don't let the lactation consultations freak you out! Over the 3 days total I was in the hospital with DD I had 4 different consultants come visit and each one told me something different. It made breastfeeding my biggest concern, so much so that I also asked every nurse that came in if I was doing it right. They have great tips but don't feel like you need to take notes when they speak, like I made DH :open_mouth:
    [Deleted User]kiki75rainafire77
  • Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to. 
    In this day and age, I would be shocked if any woman DIDN'T doubt her ability to do it. It's just not even close to the norm anymore so everyone thinks that it is impossible. I second @kiyamurph that it is a mental thing. 100%. I worried that I wouldn't be able to, and I did. And it wasn't nearly as bad as I expected. The funny thing is that I can't believe I got stitched up afterward with no meds! And do not even remember feeling a thing! Do your research and put it in your head that that is how you are going to do it, and I almost guarantee that you will do it. There is nothing wrong with accepting any intervention you feel comfortable with but if you want to experience a med-free birth, you definitely can, you just have to prepare yourself for it. 


    Me: 36;  DH: 38
    DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
    **TW**
    MMC & D&C Aug 2016
    SchumeratorScarlett830AverageAshwintersong
  • I think the best advice is no one will have the same experience. What was hard for some is not for others. I've never had pain from breastfeeding and had zero issues with my son (a hundred with my daughter), my recovery was easy, etc. 

    The hardest part for me was admitting that I had post partum anxiety and that I needed to stop trying to control everything. 
    howdthathappenScarlett830dubcompanionAverageAsh
  • kjd291kjd291 member
    Has anyone doubted they could do natural birth but ended up doing it anyway? Deep down I really want to try natural birth but I already assume I won't be able to. 
    Like PP said--you can't go into it saying "I won't be able to" cuz you've already made the decision..

    it's totally a mind game.  I like to compare it to running a race and not wanting to walk at all. If you tell yourself you're probably going to walk--you're going to walk.  But you don't need to walk, you just are letting your mind get the best of you. Your body is capable of it--the question is: is your mind capable of staying resolved?

    i finally caved and asked for an epi... Because I was tired after hours of back labor and thought "this is going to take sooo much longer." And the constant  "I can't do this" with each contraction became too overwhelming. The nurse checked me before calling for the meds, and it was time to push!! so I happily went without! 
    JAGinMIdubcompanionAverageAsh
  • GG620GG620 member
    Thank you so much for all of this advice! I am writing things down haha. 

    I do have a quick question - fetal heart monitors during labor - what is the deal? Is it on all the time or only periodically? Were you able to do wireless or were you hooked up to a machine? I foresee myself really wanting to be up and walking around/moving (goal of a natural birth). So just would love a little more insight :smile: 

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  • kjd291kjd291 member
    @GG620. They put a wireless belt on me. Not a big deal at all!! Let me walk around the whole maternity wing, got in the jacuzzi...  Barely noticed it on.  But, I was high risk at labor So normally they don't need to monitor as much, in general it's intermittent unless there is an issue 
  • @GG620 my hospital had a wireless belt, too... it was great.

    Also to everyone else, breastfeeding is best if you can do it, but I agree with a fed baby is a happy baby! I can't BF due to medicine I take for a chronic condition when I'm not pregnant. I still feel guilt over that sometimes, especially when I had nurses trying to convince me not to take my medicine just so I could breastfeed. To me, being able to use my hands to take care of my baby was more important. Do what works best for you and your family!
    Alex
    married to M since 6.13.09
    T - 3.3.14
    A - 2.24.17
    briunit
  • It is normal to be totally terrified? I feel like I should be more excited by now. It doesn't feel real at all yet.

    EDD for #1: 3/19/17
    OctoberLove13briunitkatier29
  • My advice: Don't be upset if your "Birth Plan" doesn't play out. In all honesty, it usually never goes according to plan. I planned on having a vaginal delivery, breast feeding right after, going home the next day. HAHAHA... yeah... I ended up having a C section and breast feeding was so frustrating to me I eventually started to feed formula. Its ok if that happens to you. Go in with the mindset of what you want, but also be expectant that it may not happen that way. 

    Breastfeeding is great. It comes with a lot of benefits for mom and baby. I recommend reading up on it as much as you can. I could've breastfed my son, but I had so many people telling me this, that, and the other that I didn't know if I was doing it right. They kept telling me to not give up and to keep going. It was my motherly duty. If I was half of the woman I am today, I would have slapped that stupid lactation nurse. It's ok if breast feeding doesn't work out for you. You are not a horrible, crappy mom. Your motherly duty is to feed the baby and to make sure it is loved and taken care of. You also have to take care of yourself too.

    I can't offer much advice about vaginal delivery. I can offer advice on C sections... When you are in the operating room, close your eyes and take deep breaths. Request that you or your spouse gets skin to skin with the baby (otherwise they will just wheel the baby on down to the nursery), Bring comfy pjs that you don't care about ruining and a robe (you have to do a lot of walking), wear granny panties and make sure they are super loose, drink a lot of water, and take the stool softners and pain pills they give you. That first poop... omg... bring a magazine in the bathroom with you. You might be there awhile! Get up and walk as much as you can. It really helps with pain and it helps you gain your strength to be able to go home. When you are home do not just sit. Continue to walk. No sudden movements, no laughing (ouch), and remember by day 4 you will feel like you never had surgery :)


    rainafire77MrsNap_515
  • I agree with @MixedBerries88

    It just doesn't feel real yet. I'm trying to be excited, but I just don't right now. Is that normal?
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    MixedBerries88briunitmrsyimster
  • I pooped on the table a lot while giving birth but it really is not as big of a deal as it seems! I thought I would be so embarrassed but I really could care less now. I had a great nurse which helped a lot.

    i also did not expect how bad baby blues would be afterwards. For a week I would get soo sad for no reason between 5pm-7pm. After a week it vanished completely. 

    "We are all a little weird and life's a little weird, and when we find someone whose weirdness is compatible with ours, we join up with them and fall in mutual weirdness and call it love." -Dr. Seuss
  • I'm so glad to see positive stories - childbirth not being a total horror and some positive stories about bf.  I feel like I hear all the negative stories (the tears, the worst case scenarios, the pushing for hours) but no one goes around bragging about how easy it was.  

    Not that it's easy.  But hopefully you get what I mean.  

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    Me: 31+ H: 32
    TTC Since 11/2015
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    Schumeratorjoniobrien
  • Hi Ladies! I love reading these posts. And thank you for answering my question about natural birth. I have to apologize because I posted and then didn't reply. My app would not (still won't) let me post so I had to wait to get to work to post. That totally made me realize how much I love this board. I was legit excited to come and reply to everyone after I read the posts. That is saying something!! 

    I totally have heard it is a mental thing so I have some time to reframe my thoughts about it, luckily. I was reading passages from Ina May's Guide to Childbirth. I honestly wish I hadn't started it. I was mentally all set that I could do a natural birth and then I read the stories and I am TOTALLY FREAKED OUT. The women talk about the pain and made it sound absolutely terrifying!! I mean it is good to know what you're getting yourself into but omg are they for realz!? I know first time labor ends up longer than subsequent deliveries but I guess I will have to hope it goes fast if I hope to do it naturally. 


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    SchumeratorScarlett830ihateusernames*mtmama2
  • Did anyone labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital? My hope is to be able to do that so I don't have to spend as much time actually at the hospital. In my mind the longer you are there the more quickly they jump to interventions, and I really don't want to get pressured into something I don't want to do. Obviously if it is life threatening I will have a c section and do whatever possible to make sure everything is ok, but I just hear a lot of stories about doctors being c-happy and I want to avoid that if at all possible. I've heard of some people taking a long shower when they feel labor starting and that that helped them. Any other suggestions?


    ME: 26 DH: 26
    BFP: 07/05/16! EDD: 03/21/17
    DS #1: Born 03/21/17 


  • Did anyone labor at home as long as possible before going to the hospital? My hope is to be able to do that so I don't have to spend as much time actually at the hospital. In my mind the longer you are there the more quickly they jump to interventions, and I really don't want to get pressured into something I don't want to do. Obviously if it is life threatening I will have a c section and do whatever possible to make sure everything is ok, but I just hear a lot of stories about doctors being c-happy and I want to avoid that if at all possible. I've heard of some people taking a long shower when they feel labor starting and that that helped them. Any other suggestions?
    No I labour too quickly. That said, staying at home as long as possible usually helps you avoid the cascade of interventions 
    Schumerator
  • @GG620 my hospital had a wireless belt as well, but after my initial exam I was allowed to roam the halls and sit in the shower for as long as I wanted. I would be periodically checked but they didn't insist on constant fetal monitoring until after I had the epi and my water broken.

    @Schumerator I labored at home for an entire day, then went to the hospital for a few hours. I didn't budge past 1CM so they sent me home, and I sat on an exercise ball in my shower with warm water running over my belly. It was the only thing that even came close to relieving the pain and the spasms I was getting.

    We went back later that evening when it became apparent that my contractions were getting erratic, and the midwife told me I could either get an epi and have my water broken or go home again. I didn't trust that things were going smoothly so I got the epi just to stay at the hospital. I ended up having an emergency c-section because DS's heart rate was decelerating after contractions. I also never even got to 4CM despite an entire weekend of labor, and wasn't considered to be in "active" labor because my contractions were never evenly spaced. I would have 5 minutes between two, and then have four back to back. Trust your instincts, and advocate for yourself.
    SchumeratorGG620
  • My second labor was very fast but one of my prominent memories is while I was still laboring at home, which only lasted for about 3 hours and was only intense for the last hour, I was having unreal diarrhea! It felt like my body was completely cleaning itself out to the point where I was on the toilet and having my husband come in during contractions to bear his fist down into my lower back to help make the contractions bearable - but also not able to get off the toilet! I was so worried that the pooping was not going to stop! I was SO embarrassed to have him come in there with the stink and the possibility of me going more while he was in there, it was crazy. I was apologizing over and over (to which he told me to stop and he was totally fine with it). When we left for the hospital my biggest concern was that I would poop myself in the car, lol! But I did not so I guess it all cleared out by then because I also didn't go at the hospital at all, either. I had heard that in a completely unassisted intervention-free labor the body will clean itself out and I definitely experienced that!


    Me: 36;  DH: 38
    DD: 7; DS1: 4; DS2 due 6-21-17!
    **TW**
    MMC & D&C Aug 2016
  • SEX HURTS for a long time after childbirth. I waited the full 6 weeks and regretted it... We ending waiting longer. Invest in some good lube after
    I second this, and especially if you are nursing. It takes every bit of liquid out of you so things can be very dry no matter how much you want it.
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    ihateusernames*
  • For me, sex did not hurt and I think I could have had it sooner if I wasn't bleeding for so long afterwards. I also didn't tear at all so I think that is part of the reason why. 
    ihateusernames*
  • Thanks for this thread! 

    My obgyn practice said it typically takes them 2 weeks to get blood test results back from their lab. They call if something's off, but otherwise they review them at the next visit. Does that sound normal? 

    Also - is it normal to have ultrasounds done after you see your doctor? 
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  • @Schumerator I labored at home and all over town. I even went to the hospital, found out I was a 5, and went back home to labor more. It was way better to be home, free to roam and eat, be distracted etc. I loved it and plan to do the same this time. 

    The best advice I can give is two fold: first, get rooted in some sort of bfing group if that is your long term plan. There are groups in person and on fb. The wealth of knowledge and experiences is invaluable. Nothing you ask will ever be considered silly or anything, slightly more experienced moms will love to wrap you up and help carry you through tough times. 

    Second, literally everyone is going to have some kind of opinion about what you are doing and how it SHOULD be done. Accept the advice that helps you and let the rest roll off. You are MEANT to parent your baby. You will have your own style and it will be just fine. Have faith in yourself, you can do this. 
    Married DH 12/31/13
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    BFP#2  7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
    BFP#3  2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
    BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
    Scarlett830Schumeratormtmama2
  • @kiyamurph I completely second that! I seriously have no shame now in front of my husband. Last night we had a discussion regarding my bowel movements, I figure he's gone through this with me once already, I really don't have anything more to hide. 
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    kiyamurph
  • I had my DD in August 2015 .I had a vaginal birth and 2nd degree tear and episiotomy. I have to agree with the other girls here that tucks and icepacks were my life saver . The nurse showed me to lay the tucks pads on an ice pack and it was truly the only thing that relieved the pain. I only wish someone warned me that your hormones will crash after child birth and the baby blues are a real thing . I felt totally sideswiped by that and I think I could have handled better if I saw it coming . Also don't be afraid to say no to a million visitors at home after baby . It honestlymade my depression so much worse and I I'll have no problem saying no this time around till I get my feet on the ground again and feel settled . Lastly breastfeeding. Be patient with yourself . I had to use a nipple shield and supplement with formula for 3 wks and guess what after that my DD was exclusively breastfed until 9 months so do not give up ..just give your body time. I'm ll about letting my mind and body heal and being patient with myself this time around instead of trying to rush and make everything perfect. 

    [Deleted User]GG620GoldenTMama
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