Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM - Page 3 — The Bump
March 2017 Moms

Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM

13

Re: Get the Lowdown: Answers & Advice From STM+ to FTM

  • @gracie4400 I had c-section first then vbac. Vaginal delivery was so much better for me. I was up and about with ease after delivery. I also didn't have any tears so I am not familiar with recovery after needing stitches. 
    gracie4400
  • Ok question: when those of you who have given birth say "I was in labor for X amount of hours" what does that constitute? Is it that you had contractions consistently 4 or less minutes apart? Surely you would never push for like 24 hours right? So when did you start your labor count?
     I counted from when my contractions started and my water broke on its own. It was bearable, the more painful active labour lasted 20 hours. Total of 26 hours labour. The first 6 hours were easier to deal with. I only pushed for about 15 minutes. I was stuck at 9.5 cm for like EVER... And at that point I told the nurse she better call the doctor because I'm pushing.. 
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  • make lactation cookies ahead of time! there are lots of recipes online and a lot of them are really tasty.. Actually, make as many frozen meals as you can.. we had tons of banana bread and zucchini nut muffins, soup, pasta, meatballs etc in the freezer and coasted off them for months ..very helpful when the last thing either of you will want to do is cook
    Schumerator
  • make lactation cookies ahead of time! there are lots of recipes online and a lot of them are really tasty.. Actually, make as many frozen meals as you can.. we had tons of banana bread and zucchini nut muffins, soup, pasta, meatballs etc in the freezer and coasted off them for months ..very helpful when the last thing either of you will want to do is cook
    But don't make chili. I made SO. MUCH. CHILI. and I couldn't eat it while bfing. Fail.
    Married DH 12/31/13
    BFP#1  1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
    BFP#2  7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
    BFP#3  2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
    BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
    hippiemama-2Silverbelle843
  • stephv18 said:
    Id liked to share about my birth! My water broke about 5 pm the night before I ended up having my daughter. It was green, yes green! She had pooped on the inside. So we rush to the hospital, it was supposed to be put last date night because I was getting induced in two days. Turns out baby had other plans! We get settled in and something I did not know was that you will continue to leak until you give birth acter your water breaks, so I couldn't walk around. Had an epidural so I could sleep that night, well epidural only worked on half my body so they redid it and it worked just fine the second go around. I was in labor for almost 24 hours and pushed about 10 min. first baby too! I like to share that because everyone liked to tell me how long I would push and how bad I would hurt, well I didn't hurt, I didn't need ice packs or even pain meds (after birth)! I was scared to death to go into labor but it's not as scary as many will tell. The most amazing feeling of it all is holding that sweet babe on your arms!

    Good luck to all the first time moms!
    I just walked around anyway lol. The nurse or my husband followed me mopping up the floor with their foot. 
    BabyFruit Ticker
    kap1988AverageAshGG620
  • I have a question for moms who have had both a vaginal delivery and a C-section in previous pregnancies - which was a better experience?

    This answer will probably vary by person and experience.  I had a scheduled c section with my first due to breech position and high blood pressure.  I was so out of it after birth and in so much pain.  I really felt like it took the full 6 weeks to even start to feel normal.  The first few weeks the pain and hormones were rough.  With my second I had a vbac with no pain meds.  I did have some pitocin and an episiotomy (without me consent grr) as well as stitches.  The whole experience was amazing and I literally got up and went to the bathroom and felt amazing a few hours later.  It was like night and day! Other than some burning/ slight uncomfortableness in my stitches I seriously felt amazing.  I would pick attempting a vaginal delivery over a c section every time (of course taking in account what's best for me and the baby). 
    gracie4400wintersongbriunit
  • @JessyKV
    may I ask, did you have high blood pressure the second time and if not, did you do anything that helped prevent it? 
    I had high blood pressure with number one and super want to avoid it with this one if possible. 
  • BelcherEarsBelcherEars member
    edited August 2016
    Thank you for this post and all the STMs chiming in on things! 

    I have a question about labor/birth plans and DHs. DH and I are very different on how we think things should go -though it's my body so my plan wins out. He's more of the get an epidural, episiotomy, cut the cord and done, mentality. I want to attempt a medicine free birth, with no episiotomy, and delayed cord clamping with skin to skin bonding. Polar opposites. I've explained to DH that I'm not trying to be brave or prove anything. There are medical/scientific reasons as to why I want to try birthing my way.  

    I think DH's mentality is spurred by the fact that he knows I am going to be in great pain, with a lot of stuff going on down there and he feels helpless. He has actually told me that he would rather just not be in the room when everything is going down, but doesn't want me to feel alone or unsupported (I've told him I would like him there for multiple reasons, but don't necessarily want him staring down my junk when a baby is being pushed out and things are potentially tearing). 

    So, I say all of this to ask -Did any of you have a DH who differed from you on the birthing plan or just generally were psyched out by the idea of labor? Where you able to involve them in the process or were they only physically present on the side lines? Did they ultimately help you try to achieve what you wanted in labor, or did their attitude potentially sabotage your efforts? Should I leave him in the waiting room and just call him when it's over? 

    Me: 27 - DH: 33

    Married: June 2011

    TTC #1: January 2016

    BFP #1: February 22nd 2016  MC w/ Misoprostol: March 21st 2016 -Blighted Ovum

    BFP #2: July 6th 2016  EDD: March 15th 2017



    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers

    M17 October Siggy Challenge: Animals in Costumes


    Schumerator
  • @BelcherEars I think once you do a birthing class your husband will feel more comfortable because he will learn about his role. I'm sure there is a book he can read too that describes whatever birthing method you plan to employ (Hypnobabies, etc), so he can feel better informed about the plan. My husband want against my birthing plan but he also wasn't invested. He was just going with the flow.
    BelcherEarswintersongkiyamurph
  • I'm a bit late to this party! I had a very lax birth plan and was hoping to maybe go med-free but would go with the flow and see how I felt. I did want delayed clamping, skin to skin, etc but that's all standard at my hospital.

    I got to the hospital and they broke my water but found meconium in it so I had to be hooked up to all the monitors in case DS aspirated it. Since I couldn't be mobile anymore I got the epidural.

    I was really surprised at how much I could still feel. I was worried about just being numb and not knowing what was going on, but you still feel everything just without the pain. I still knew intuitively when to push and could tell where he was all the time. I still felt very "connected" to the process which was the only real reason I wanted to avoid the epi in the first place. I had a great experience and will likely do it that way again.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    dubcompanion
  • I'm late too.... but had to weigh in with the one thing no one warned me of.
    Around day 4 pp, I cried ALL day. Happy tears, sad tears, tears just because. It was uncontrollable sobbing. The huge shift in hormones left me an emotional mess. DH was freaked right out, and didn't know what to do with me, and thought something was wrong. It took a couple days, and each day I was more stable than the day before... but it was ridiculous. 


    dubcompanionbriunit
  • I have a question for moms who have had both a vaginal delivery and a C-section in previous pregnancies - which was a better experience?
    My C Section was easy. It was fast, didn't feel a thing, after 30-45 minutes I got to hold my baby (my husband took pictures and held DS hand while they were cleaning and weighing him) and I was out of the hospital on day 2. Getting up and walking around helped me gain my strength. When I got home was when it was hard. I couldn't lay down flat. I was sore, hormonal, and if I moved a certain way, it pulled the staples in my incision.  Four days later though I was feeling much better and I could do whatever I wanted besides lift heavy things. That being said if given the chance to have a vaginal delivery I would have went with that. Its natural, there is a lot of benefits to it, and apart from labor and possibly tearing, you heal much quicker. Having a C section is major surgery. Its not the easy way out by no means!  


    wintersonggracie4400
  • @BelcherEars start watching birth documentaries with him, hire a doula, get a copy of The Birth Partner. It is so important that he knows WHY you want what you want. 
    Married DH 12/31/13
    BFP#1  1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
    BFP#2  7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
    BFP#3  2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
    BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
    BelcherEarsshines721
  • mrsnc said:
    I will third the breastfeeding! It's stressful wondering if you are doing everything your baby needs. It's not like a bottle that you can literally see your child eating. However, don't let the lactation consultations freak you out! Over the 3 days total I was in the hospital with DD I had 4 different consultants come visit and each one told me something different. It made breastfeeding my biggest concern, so much so that I also asked every nurse that came in if I was doing it right. They have great tips but don't feel like you need to take notes when they speak, like I made DH :open_mouth:
    OMG those frakking lactation consultants! Those bitches practically accused me of not caring about my baby or I would be trying harder. That it was my fault I wasn't making my body produce milk. They had me in tears! And a few nurses didn't help by refusing to provide formula (I was in for a week after an emergency c-section and subsequent infection) even though I asked them. Finally one older night nurse brought me a couple of bottles and told me that my milk not coming in was not my fault.
    @rainafire77 I'm sorry you had a negative experience, but I take offense to you calling lactation consultants bitches. As someone who is halfway done the course, I don't think it's fair for you to generalize. I am assuming you are talking about the consultants that helped you, but I don't want FTM to think most are like this. The majority of them are amazing and will do all they can to help you breastfeed. Of course a lactation consultant will try to do all they can to help breastfeed,  you can't fault them for doing what they are trained to do. Choosing to formula feed or being required to is absolutely fine, but working with a lactation consultant to be able to breastfeed is equally fine.
    AverageAshwintersong
  • @NurseMama. agreed! Lactation consultants are Gods gift to woman-they're worth their weight in gold! And so sadly under utilized!
    AverageAshnursemama-2MrsNap_515
  • @JessyKV
    may I ask, did you have high blood pressure the second time and if not, did you do anything that helped prevent it? 
    I had high blood pressure with number one and super want to avoid it with this one if possible. 
    I did not have high blood pressure the second time thankfully! My doctor put me on baby aspirin to help prevent it again.  I can't remember what weeks I was supposed to take it but it was just for part of the pregnancy. I haven't talked to my new doctor yet to see if she wants me to do it again for this pregnancy.  My last doctor said it was common to have high blood pressure the first pregnancy and no issues with recurring pregnancies so I hope that stays true for me! 
    @julievdm12
  • JessyKV said:
    @JessyKV
    may I ask, did you have high blood pressure the second time and if not, did you do anything that helped prevent it? 
    I had high blood pressure with number one and super want to avoid it with this one if possible. 
    I did not have high blood pressure the second time thankfully! My doctor put me on baby aspirin to help prevent it again.  I can't remember what weeks I was supposed to take it but it was just for part of the pregnancy. I haven't talked to my new doctor yet to see if she wants me to do it again for this pregnancy.  My last doctor said it was common to have high blood pressure the first pregnancy and no issues with recurring pregnancies so I hope that stays true for me! 
    @julievdm12
    Awesome! Thanks for letting me know! I'm going to talk to my doctor next time I see her about that, or my midwife. (Haven't gotten assigned to one yet) 
    heres to hoping we are blessed with healthy normal blood pressure pregnancies! :) 
    JessyKV
  • What happens when you get home and you're still struggling with BF? Who can you call for extra support and guidance? Is it a doula or bust? Are there other people who can come to your house and assist? Sorry if this is a dumb question, I would just like to be prepared! 

    Pregnancy Ticker

  • @EALasagna45. Lactation consultant from the hospita are awesome!! And, there are home visit nurses. I think mine was a state level thing, the hospital said they always assign first time moms one to call and/or come visit.  I had one assigned to me, but ended up telling her she didn't need to come because all was going really well, but I still had her number incase 
    MrsNap_515EALasagna45
  • @EALasagna45 My pediatrician's office has a lactation consultant that practices out of their office. When you start looking at pediatrician's, it may be a good question to ask if they have a recommended one. 

    @BelcherEars In my experience, husbands are surprisingly adaptable to the whole process. DH and all other fathers in my extended family have been extremely supportive when in the room even though after the fact they say they felt out of control. Focus on the relationship that you have with each other and I'm sure all will be fine. (Not that research and classes could hurt)
    BelcherEarswintersongEALasagna45briunit
  • What happens when you get home and you're still struggling with BF? Who can you call for extra support and guidance? Is it a doula or bust? Are there other people who can come to your house and assist? Sorry if this is a dumb question, I would just like to be prepared! 
    You can still call the hospital lactating consultant. Yiu can also hook up with a local la leche league group...in fact., you can go to events and stuff now to get to know people and learn and see people nurse.
    BabyFruit Ticker
    EALasagna45
  • LC's are amazing, I am so thankful for my experience, at first, you don't have milk, just colostrum, so it's normal for your milk not to come in while in the hospital, mine didn't come in until I was home, the colostrum is all they need in the beginning, it's liquid gold, so don't worry if you don't see milk at first, it takes time, if you want to nurse, then work with your LC's, I had hormonal issues, so I had a supply issue, but I worked with an LC privately after I left the hospital and she helped with my production.  It's an amazing resource, and don't hesitate to call your hospital or pediatrician for more information on where to find one
    **~*Noelle*~**
    Happily Wed DH in May 2010
    June 2012: DD#1 born after countless fertility cycles, our 4 year old miracle 
    TTC #2: current cycle: 225iu Menopur for 4 weeks, Ovidrel Trigger= BFP! Beta #1; 333, Beta #2 713! 1st u/s showed TWINS (7/18)
    BabyFruit Ticker

    Pregnancy Ticker
    EALasagna45
  • This is solid advice and suggestions, thank you all so much for chiming in! @kjd291 @mrsnc @longliveregina @MrsNap_515 I really want to try to exclusively breastfeed but I read over and over again just how hard it is. It makes me so nervous and scared but it sounds like there's a ton of resources available. I feel like I can take a small sigh of relief..... for now.  ;)

    Pregnancy Ticker

    wintersongSchumerator
  • Our city has a free drop in program where you can take babies and ask any questions about anything. They are run by public health nurses and there's always one there who specializes in breastfeeding. We went a few days after DS was born and they helped us with positioning and latch. It was amazing.

    Also, when your milk comes in, it comes hard and can be painful. Have a pump ready to take the edge off (even a cheap hand pump). It really helps in the first few days when your boobs turn into rocks.
    Lilypie Maternity tickers
    EALasagna45briunit
  • @EALasagna45 Don't feel scared!! It's obviously good for you to be prepared, but there isn't anything you can really practice or prepare for now.  remember it's also 50% baby's job to learn what to do!  You'll figure it all out with him/her when (s)he gets here!!  I didn't do a thing to prep for nursing... Books, classes, research, etc. (not to discourage you from doing so)) but I felt like once baby was here was when I knew exactly what worked for us, what didn't, and when to seek help.  You're gonna do great!! 
    AverageAshEALasagna45briunit
  • @EALasagna45 you are going to be just fine! You will have a wealth of knowledge to draw from here also:)
    Married DH 12/31/13
    BFP#1  1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
    BFP#2  7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
    BFP#3  2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
    BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
    EALasagna45
  • I didn't poop with my first but my sister did, I have heard it's extremely common.. Fingers crossed that it doesn't happen this time.. Your V will change a little yes, mine felt "looser" to me for about a year after at least my hubby said he couldn't tell but I could feel it.. After 3.5 since my first I think it's gone back to being tighter again. Just in time to have #2 lol! Another unpleasant side affect (my not happen to everyone) I had a vaginal birth and had to have an episiotomy since little man wasn't coming out because the cord was around his neck so after 3 hours of pushing they decided to cut me.. my V swelled SO bad I couldn't even tell what it was for like 2 weeks it was unlike anything I've ever seen lol... It'll be messy and tender for weeks but should start to feel better... Breasts leaked so bad after pregnancy our bed would be covered in milk every night despite wearing numerous pads. 
  • You ladies freaking rule. End story. Thank you so much for all of your help and positive vibes! I'm feeling more confident that I can actually do this! 

    Pregnancy Ticker

    SKJmtmama2briunit
  • SKJSKJ member
    edited August 2016
    I'm basically just seconding PPs statements and advice but I just want to share:

    Before I got pregnant with my DS, I wanted to be put in a medically induced coma for labour/delivery and woke up when the baby was out.

    A friend gave me Ina May Gaskin's book 'Guide to Childbirth' when she learned I was expecting and it completely changed my mind. The birth stories (albeit a little -- okay, a lot -- 'crunchy' to me) were so different from anything else I'd ever heard or saw about labour & delivery. The stories (and the other information in the book) totally put my mind at ease and made me feel so confident in my body's natural abilities.

    I actually ended up getting a midwife and having a homebirth after educating myself (and my husband) more on what exactly goes on in most hospital births and why. I think empowering yourself by learning what a human body (not necessarily every human body -- I'm well aware of that and I hold no judgement against hospital births/epidurals/c-sections/etc) is capable of is SO important.

    My labour ended up being SUPER fast (3cm dilated to birth was under 2hrs), I had no tearing at all and I definitely think part of that can be attributed to a positive/optimistic mindset and the things I learned about dealing with contractions and birthing positions from Ina May's book.

    ETA: My 1st PP poop was honestly NBD. I LOVED my mesh underwear. I also had horrendous PP night sweats that nobody ever warned me about. 

    Also, I want to add that having colostrum does NOT mean your milk has come in and you might want to sleep on a towel until it does come in. 
    AverageAshFrancesGrace630Schumerator
  • NurseMama said:
    @rainafire77 I'm sorry you had a negative experience, but I take offense to you calling lactation consultants bitches. As someone who is halfway done the course, I don't think it's fair for you to generalize. I am assuming you are talking about the consultants that helped you, but I don't want FTM to think most are like this. The majority of them are amazing and will do all they can to help you breastfeed. Of course a lactation consultant will try to do all they can to help breastfeed,  you can't fault them for doing what they are trained to do. Choosing to formula feed or being required to is absolutely fine, but working with a lactation consultant to be able to breastfeed is equally fine.
    Yes I was talking about the ones in my hospital, not all of them. The ones I dealt with were not encouraging, were downright rude and not helpful. Since I'll be at the same hospital and I already know that at least two of the same women are still there, I will NOT be using one this time due to the way I was treated before. Those women, three different ones, completely ruined the impression of lactation consultants for me. I thought they were supposed to be encouraging, helpful and supportive. You do not call a woman who is recovering from major surgery lazy for not trying hard enough to produce milk and you do not tell a FTM that if you don't breastfeed, there will be a ton of problems with their kid. Maybe it's just the ones at our hospital because I'm not the only one in my area that left with this same impression, even from friends who recently had kids. Glad you're learning to do it the right way but I'll never put myself through that treatment ever again.


    ****TW Signature****
    BabyFruit Ticker
    DD born 04/28/2002
    Married DH 03/25/2017
    1st MMC 08/13/2016 2nd MMC 02/14/2017
    BFP 06/16/17 Rainbow DS Born 02/05/2018


    briunit
  • Did anyone mention the first poop? Because that is the real deal. I wish I could have kept my epidural for that. I think I screamed more during that than the actual birth. Oof. Take some stool softeners a few weeks before delivery. Your bottom will thank you. Get a sitz bath and use that hushpuppy! And the squatty potty. I love me my squatty potty. Oh and Epidurals are the most wonderful things in the world. And yes, so much post partum crying. Just crying. 
    kap1988MyNamesTakenrainafire77
  • Did anyone mention the first poop? Because that is the real deal. I wish I could have kept my epidural for that. I think I screamed more during that than the actual birth. Oof. Take some stool softeners a few weeks before delivery. Your bottom will thank you. Get a sitz bath and use that hushpuppy! And the squatty potty. I love me my squatty potty. Oh and Epidurals are the most wonderful things in the world. And yes, so much post partum crying. Just crying. 
    The squatty potty rocks for labor too!
    Married DH 12/31/13
    BFP#1  1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
    BFP#2  7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
    BFP#3  2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
    BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
  • I think I was one of the few that was blessed with an easy first poop. I didn't tear though so maybe thats why? And yes the post partum crying...GAH! DH must have thought I was nuts lol
  • ShaunaT25 said:
    I'm late too.... but had to weigh in with the one thing no one warned me of.
    Around day 4 pp, I cried ALL day. Happy tears, sad tears, tears just because. It was uncontrollable sobbing. The huge shift in hormones left me an emotional mess. DH was freaked right out, and didn't know what to do with me, and thought something was wrong. It took a couple days, and each day I was more stable than the day before... but it was ridiculous. 
    This! It was our first day home from the hospital and the feeling of finally not having a billion people around me made reality set in. I had to explain that I didn't know why I was crying so much but I was so happy and scared to have this tiny little human in my house. I just couldn't control it, then I was laughing from crying so much for no reason, it was all kinds of mixed emotions from the hormonal changes. 
    AverageAshdubcompanionwintersong
  • I had an inside and outside set of stitches and the first poop was actually not bad at all. I fully credit the stool softener for my experience. I took them for at least a week post baby. Also just taking my time on the toilet helped a lot. 
    I feel for all the moms who had a tough time though.... :( not nice. 
  • @SKJ what do you think contributed to your first PP poop being NBD? I'd like that course! lol

    Seriously furiously taking notes in my phone over here so I don't forget all these things... and writing down questions to ask my doctor at my next appointment about their hospital policies! I feel bothersome bombarding people with all these questions but as a FTM, I guess I better get used to it!


    ME: 26 DH: 26
    BFP: 07/05/16! EDD: 03/21/17
    DS #1: Born 03/21/17 


    briunit
  • SKJSKJ member
    @schumerator I've learned a TON about pelvic floors and the whole pistoning system that makes up our core (as a pre/post-natal personal trainer) so this is going to long-winded but TBH, as crazy as this might sound, I think NOT pushing made a huge difference in my delivery (and PP recovery including the first BM). My labour actually happened so fast that I delivered my son in our shower by myself (my DH was downstairs filling the birthing tub and the midwife was still on her way!) so I was NOT about to try and push him out faster. My body/contractions totally took over to push him out though and I just sort of went with it (it was similar for my first PP BM because I had heard so many awful things about it that I didn't want to put any extra pressure down there so I just waited and relaxed and it was fine).

    Again, I know that probably sounds insane, but it's true. From what I now know about all that sort of stuff, it makes a lot of sense too. Our pelvic floor is meant to open and relax upon inhale so trying to actively push a baby (or poop) out while holding our breath/exhaling can lead to lots of struggles/issues. Lying on your back actually forces you to work against gravity and puts a lot of unnecessary pressure on the core system too so if it's at all possible, squat (during BMs AND delivery, if possible -- all fours is an optimal birthing position as well for the Mum but it's not necessary optimal for an OB which is why lying on your back is so common and squatting/all fours positions aren't common practise).  

    A lot of women (myself included before learning about this stuff) are worried about trying to tighten up their pelvic floor after having a baby but learning to relax your pelvic floor is just as important.
    SchumeratorbriunitFrancesGrace630vino831
  • @skj that is my dream delivery!! Way to go, mama!
    Married DH 12/31/13
    BFP#1  1/21/14 ended in loss DNC 3/5/14
    BFP#2  7/2014 Baby Girl born 4/15/15
    BFP#3  2/10/2016 natural mc 2/27/2016
    BFP#4 6/25/2016 Due 3/2/2017
    Schumeratorbriunit
  • @skj you are a warrior!!!!!!!!!


    Schumeratorbriunit
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