I just shared this thread with my H, FWIW. His response : "C'mon, suck it up. You're not the one having the baby. SUck it up and deal with it." He added: "Remember our vows? There for each other through everything."
So, yeah, if you can't be sexually attracted to your wife after labor, you're not valuing your partner for everything she is.
To (sort of?) change the subject... what was the most helpful and wonderful thing your SO did during your labor/recovery? I know some women have posted about their person being really great, but I think it would be cool for us FTM's to get a sense of the most helpful thing they did.
I needed DH to be as close to a mind reader as possible
But seriously, just being there and supporting me both emotionally and physically. I had a 36 hour labor with DS, just at the hospital. I remember being really annoyed with DH because he went to sleep while I was still laboring at home. I was up pacing the hallway and cursing his name. Hindsight, I am SUPER glad he did that because it was what he needed to do so that we could get through the next day and a half together. At the hospital we walked the hallways together to get things moving and I would was leaning on him completely to get through them. Every time I changed my mind or wanted to try something else he was ready and willing to give it a go too. Anything I wanted he supported. I spent 2 hours kneeling in the birthing tub with my face buried in a towel, completely zoned out and not making a peep, DH just knew not to say a word to me, not to break my zen lol. He anticipated my needs as well. When I finally lifted my head from the towel he whispered, "epidural?" and all I could do was nod, but somehow he knew it was what we both needed. I just cannot imagine him not being there for me.
To (sort of?) change the subject... what was the most helpful and wonderful thing your SO did during your labor/recovery? I know some women have posted about their person being really great, but I think it would be cool for us FTM's to get a sense of the most helpful thing they did.
Like @jenl1681 said, support was needed most. DH did so much, especially the first few days. DS was breech, so after I went into labor, I ended up with a c section. While I was in labor, he cleaned amniotic fluid off of our floor, coached me through contractions, massaged by back, and got my wedding rings off (they fit last time until I was pumped with IV fluids). After DS was born, initially I couldn't even walk well by myself or get out of bed without some help. I didn't have the strength to drive for a few weeks and was supposed to not lift anything heavier than DS. Bending over to pick things up was basically impossible initially because of the lack of abs, the incision, and bruising around my incision (I bruise easily, so being cut open was a big invitation for my body to overreact in that area). The spinal made me nauseated so he held both DS skin to skin and a puke bucket for me when I couldn't. He helped me with breastfeeding positions, kept me hydrated, helped me clean up my incision when I pushed too hard and popped a part of it open a few weeks in, and helped me clean underneath when I couldn't properly reach or see what I was doing. He made sure that I didn't forget to eat-- the main blessing of the freezer meals I prepped was that he could take on some meal duties (he doesn't really cook) so that we stayed fed. He drove me back to the hospital when I had an bad optical-aura migraine the day after getting home from the hospital because I couldn't see for a few hours; he took care of DS and helped me pump during that ER visit.
Emotionally, he helped me to feel reassured while I was in surgery and I was feeling anxious because I couldn't feel anything, and stayed upbeat even though he confessed later that basically seeing my guts laid out on top of my stomach made him think Oh my God, how is she alive like this? Please, please, let her stay alive. He never let on though that he was that worried until after a year later. (ETA: All of this calm confidence from the man who pukes or nearly pukes at the sight of DS's vomit.) At the time, he was telling me that he could see me breathing when I couldn't even feel myself breathing and was telling me what was basically happening because he knows that I like to know the details of things. He stayed upbeat, and made me laugh through it. In recovery and breastfeeding struggles, he reminded me that I'm strong when I felt weak, reminded me that I'm beautiful when I felt destroyed, and held my hand through the first night in the hospital when I felt alone and still because I was so used to having life inside of me and I couldn't sleep because of it. There's more that I could write, but this is already going to look like a novel for those on mobile especially (sorry!) and now I'm crying just remembering these things and how amazing he can be. Thanks, pregnancy hormones.
To (sort of?) change the subject... what was the most helpful and wonderful thing your SO did during your labor/recovery? I know some women have posted about their person being really great, but I think it would be cool for us FTM's to get a sense of the most helpful thing they did.
This is a fantastic question. Why don't you start a new thread so people can respond and we don't thread Jack this post any further.
ME: 35 DH: 39
Married July 2011
DD Born 8/12
TTC #2 since 11/13
ME: Submucosal Fibroid Surgery Date APRIL 14th 2015 -Left Tube is blocked by Fibroid~Surgeon removed 26 Fibroids from my Ute and Unblocked my Tube
DH:Azoospermia...Thank God we have 12 vials of frozen swimmers
To (sort of?) change the subject... what was the most helpful and wonderful thing your SO did during your labor/recovery? I know some women have posted about their person being really great, but I think it would be cool for us FTM's to get a sense of the most helpful thing they did.
Was there during my labor and c section as well as supported and accommodated me while BFing.
Been married since 2009. Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter) Several MCs DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
Everyone is entitled to their own opinion and beliefs, 100%.
I just can't wrap my head around anyone being ok with only being seen by their partner as a sexual being. I'm a lot of things, not just a sexual being. I'm grateful that my husband and I are like minded and that he sees me as more than just his wife and sexual partner.
And for someone to refuse to support me during something that is literally a direct result of me being a sexual being is completely mind blowing.
Amen! Couldn't agree with you more. Whether or not you have biblical beliefs, we were created in part to procreate...
When I was having issues getting DD to latch on one side - all the damn time just the one side. Left fine, right hell no. He was the one to watch and point out that I needed to shift her more to the side because she wasn't quite lined up. Never had an issue again.
DH = lactation consultant!
Angel baby June 2013, DD born 22 April 2014, BFP 10 Sept 2015 - Due 22 May 2016
Re: Husband doesn't want to be part of delivery
But seriously, just being there and supporting me both emotionally and physically. I had a 36 hour labor with DS, just at the hospital. I remember being really annoyed with DH because he went to sleep while I was still laboring at home. I was up pacing the hallway and cursing his name. Hindsight, I am SUPER glad he did that because it was what he needed to do so that we could get through the next day and a half together. At the hospital we walked the hallways together to get things moving and I would was leaning on him completely to get through them. Every time I changed my mind or wanted to try something else he was ready and willing to give it a go too. Anything I wanted he supported. I spent 2 hours kneeling in the birthing tub with my face buried in a towel, completely zoned out and not making a peep, DH just knew not to say a word to me, not to break my zen lol. He anticipated my needs as well. When I finally lifted my head from the towel he whispered, "epidural?" and all I could do was nod, but somehow he knew it was what we both needed. I just cannot imagine him not being there for me.
Emotionally, he helped me to feel reassured while I was in surgery and I was feeling anxious because I couldn't feel anything, and stayed upbeat even though he confessed later that basically seeing my guts laid out on top of my stomach made him think Oh my God, how is she alive like this? Please, please, let her stay alive. He never let on though that he was that worried until after a year later. (ETA: All of this calm confidence from the man who pukes or nearly pukes at the sight of DS's vomit.) At the time, he was telling me that he could see me breathing when I couldn't even feel myself breathing and was telling me what was basically happening because he knows that I like to know the details of things. He stayed upbeat, and made me laugh through it. In recovery and breastfeeding struggles, he reminded me that I'm strong when I felt weak, reminded me that I'm beautiful when I felt destroyed, and held my hand through the first night in the hospital when I felt alone and still because I was so used to having life inside of me and I couldn't sleep because of it. There's more that I could write, but this is already going to look like a novel for those on mobile especially (sorry!) and now I'm crying just remembering these things and how amazing he can be. Thanks, pregnancy hormones.
ME: 35 DH: 39
Married July 2011
DD Born 8/12
TTC #2 since 11/13
ME: Submucosal Fibroid Surgery Date APRIL 14th 2015 -Left Tube is blocked by Fibroid~Surgeon removed 26 Fibroids from my Ute and Unblocked my Tube
DH:Azoospermia...Thank God we have 12 vials of frozen swimmers
July 15-Check to see if Ute is all healed
IUI #1 8/3/15...BFN
IUI #2 9/5/15...BFP on 9/17/15
Beta #1-344
Beta #2-809
Beta #3 8,390
1st u/s 8/8/15 1 bean HB 135 @ 6w5d
Been married since 2009.
Unicornuate Uterus (yes I menstruate glitter)
Several MCs
DD born 2013 (our miracle "you can't have babies" baby!)
DH = lactation consultant!